Saturday, August 1, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Excerpts from Bible Rewritten by Eleven Year Old


This Tumblr user found an interesting gem, the forgotten writing project of their eleven year old self trying to give a crack at rewriting the Bible. For some more religion themed Tumblr posts, here are some Tumblr holy water loopholesas well as one Tumblr user's annual tradition of the moving of the Jesus.

1.

Text - punkfaery going through my microsoft word archives is great fun because i always find the wildest shit in there and by "the wildest shit" i mean the time i tried to rewrite the entire bible from scratch at the age of eleven and a half punkfaery "And so Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden, and Eve turned to Adam and said, 'Nice going, loser."

2.

Text - "Eve," said God in a terible voice, "hast thou eaten from the Tree of Knowledge?" "The snake told me to do it!" cried Eve, and pointed to the snake, which was starting to look as though it would rather be somewhere else. God said, "Cain! What hast thou done? Thou hast slain thy beloved brother!" And Cain replied with dignity, "He is resting." And God said to Cain, "You are cursed among mankind! Begone!" And Cain did go away, and God also went away, and Abel remained where he was and attra

3.

Text - Lucifer-Evil and Loving It "Oh Lord!" cried the people of the earth as the water rose higher. "Why hast thou sent this flood to kill us?" And God said, "Because you suck." And the people of the earth said, "Do we?" And God said, "Yes." whilst you were listening to avril lavigne, i learned the way of the Lord

4.

Text - thebibliosphere I would read this in its entirety. katsudonski what do you mean this isn't the original draft of the bible

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