Monday, June 22, 2020

Funny Tweets That Hit The Spot


Every now and again Twitter is a place where actual funny observations and fails are shared, and it's not just a continuous stream of news headlines. In this case we have a fresh batch of Twitter funnies that we certainly got a kick out of. 

1.

Text - deanprincesster: one time this guy was hitting on me and he said "I'm loving the whole blonde hair, blue eyes thing" and I said "so did hitler" I literally said that to a person s deanprincesster 547,294 notes May 3rd, 2017 ...

2.

Text - David Payne Follow @littlechief1982 Just tried a coat on in TK Maxx. It was the coat of a customer trying on another coat. I can never leave the house again. 11:10 AM - 19 Nov 2016 6 17 531 947

3.

Text - Kelly B @GotCookies Follow @TheBloggess A friend went placed her order at drivethru. She then heard "Could you drive up to the speaker you're talking to the trash can" 11:08 PM - 1 Nov 2015 6 17 428 762

4.

Text - Sarah C Follow @whatbuiltme @TheBloggess I went to a friend's house, not knowing she had just moved. I walked right in, surprising the new tenants mid-coitus. 11:37 PM - 1 Nov 2015 6 17 35 V 258

5.

Text - AJ Mendez Brooks Follow @AJBrooks Just bumped into a mannequin & said "sorry". Then said "Oh I thought you were a person". Then realized I was still talking to a mannequin. 12:44 AM - 24 Jan 2013 6 17 1,556 v 1,388

6.

Text - lucysplaining Follow @lucyundersnowe @TheBloggess mistook the man limping towards me for someone i knew. "my god! what happened to you?" "i had polio as a child." i ran away. 11:53 PM - 1 Nov 2015 6 17 229 575

7.

Text - Jessica White Follow @JE551CAW @TheBloggess We have a Texas sage plant that flowers before rain. When asked if it would rain today I said "Not according to my bush." 12:10 AM - 2 Nov 2015 6 17 214 618

8.

Text - Chez McCorvey Follow @CelebrityChez In retrospect, "so I guess we would all look the same if we were made into sausage" was probably weird small talk for a funeral. 3:34 AM - 10 Dec 2015 6 17 133 v 255

9.

Text - tara shoe Follow @tarashoe accidentally texted "i love you" to the wrong person & avoided practically minutes of confrontation by simply starting a new life with them 4:51 AM - 30 May 2014 6 17 635 1,671

10.

Text - EmmySuhWeeks Follow @emmysuhweeks @TheBloggess Had my laptop hooked up to a projector for a work meeting w/ execs, received an email from a friend: "WHAT THE FUCK IS RHUBARB" 1:18 AM - 2 Nov 2015 6 17 239 726

11.

Text - tanya phillips @tanyaphillips18 Follow @TheBloggess noticed the blind man approaching me wasn't sure where I was so called out 'on your right', I was on his left. He corrected me. 10:30 PM - 1 Nov 2015 6 17 110 V 389

12.

Text - Glenna Ranieri Follow @glenha @TheBloggess nanny job interview, told job would involve light housekeeping replied "I've never kept a Lighthouse before but willing to try" 1:35 AM - 2 Nov 2015 6 17 484 v 918

13.

Text - Seabow Follow @CristySeabow @jimmyfallon #igotcaught when my boss caught me dozing off at my desk,l raised my head slowly&said "Amen". 11:39 PM - 15 Feb 2017 6 17 6 V 32

14.

Text - Bonnie Beyea @SkimbleCat Follow @TheBloggess Pulled in to gas station & was on wrong side of the pump for my gas cap. Drove around to other side & did it again. Drove away 11:32 PM - 1 Nov 2015 6 7 291 798 V

15.

Text - Amanda Follow @parentlikeadad @TheBloggess Got into the passenger seat of the wrong car outside of starbucks. The driver waited until I finished my phone call to tell me. 11:21 PM - 1 Nov 2015 6 17 128 502

16.

Text - Kibblesmith Follow @kibblesmith Once when I was five, I asked for a just mayonnaise sandwich at a friend's house and his mom called my mom to ask if I was okay up there 12:06 AM - 22 May 2016 6 17 27 ♥ 107

17.

Text - the carie Follow @thecarie @TheBloggess sent the following text (about my Hispanic landlord) to NOT my roommate:"Jesus is coming at 10am. Be awake and have clothes on" 1:02 AM - 2 Nov 2015 6 17 312 v 717

18.

Text - Rustymarble @Rustymarble Follow @TheBloggess I kept saying Merry Christmas to the Trick or Treaters last night. Now we have to move again. 9:21 PM - 1 Nov 2015 6 17 96 V 305

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