Funny Tweets to Push Back Boredom With a Broom

Our lives aren't very exciting. We get a few wild escapades here and there, but for the most part a lot of the days are pretty similar. It's not every day that you get to see a guy walk onto the bus wearing ninety hats, then run down the aisle grabbing everyone's hat off their heads before running off the bus, then stop and wait for the next bus. But thanks to the internet, every day we can learn about someone having their weirdest day. Twitter can sometimes be a blender that liquifies misinformation into a nice thick smoothie of bad takes, but sometimes it's a person describing their recent experience of finding a family of raccoons living in their couch. And who doesn't want the details on that episode of "life on earth?" That plus a smattering of the most terrifically weird thoughts someone had that day, and you've got yourself a recipe for not being bored.

Here are more funny tweets to decimate that clawing boredom.

25 Scary Signs That Mean Business

It's extremely important to learn from your own mistakes. But what's even better than that is learning from someone else's. Why go through the trouble of falling into an open mineshaft yourself when you could just as easily read a sign that says "hey idiot, stay away from this open mine shaft." The same goes for airplane propellers, falling snakes, bees, poison gas, bright red explosive barrels, and banana peels thrown from car windows.

Even though it's a shock and a bummer to see signs everywhere that say "drowning risk" and "tick area" these signs are doing us a favor every time we read them. Boy it's nice to have someone else looking out for you, if only just because they don't want to deal with the hassle of locating your remains.

Here are some creepy signs that make their message clear.

Company Demands Employee Take Shorter Route To Save Five Dollars, Tolls Cost Hundreds

For a year, everything was going fine. This employee was taking the smartest route between work offices, only going out of their way by a little bit to avoid any extra expenses to the company. Then along came a new bookkeeper who assumed the best way to save the company a bundle would be to flag perceived "unnecessary expenses" and bill their employees the difference. Her solution was to change the route. Since it was her idea, it's not in her best interest to admit the mistake, so the extra costs are just piling and piling and piling. But it's not like this employee can really do much about it. He was ordered to do this because it was the "smarter" option. One has to love the accountability.

For another tale of diverted routes, here's the time a broken elevator was deemed a non-priority, so one employee broke out the stink-chariot.

30+ Reasons Why Being an Adult Sucks

Let's face it. You spend your youth and teenage years just waiting for the freedom you associate with being an adult… Doing whatever you want, eating ice cream whenever you want, buying as many packs of Pokemon cards as you wish. But when you get there, it doesn't live up to the paradise you dreamt it would be. Food is expensive, work sucks, half your paycheck goes to taxes, and whatever is left then goes to rent. And that's just scraping the surface. There's no wonder that we suddenly see things through our parent's eyes once we cross the divide and start having to fend for ourselves. It's a cruel and unforgiving world out there, and all too often, you're just one wrong decision or mistake away from being homeless. 

Redditors gathered on this classic Askreddit thread to collate a comprehensive list of all of the things that make being an adult not all it's cracked up to be. 

HOA Karen Illegally Fines Homeowner, Gets Taken Down in Court

We've heard plenty of tales of the authoritarian tendencies of nightmare HOA members who will threaten their own neighbors with fines over the color of their recycling bin. It's not a big secret that people who crave authority but lack a sound mind flock to HOA boards and middle management, simply because it gives them a feeling of control that they could never cultivate on their own. These are broken people, and they need to make you feel small because they lack the capacity to better themselves.

Anyway, this person was getting fined for trivial junk by their HOA. Turns out they never had the authority to do that, so they might as well have been pulling notices out of their ass and signing them with diarrhea ink. They lawyered up and watched the show. Of course this isn't legal advice, this is just something a complete stranger wrote on the internet.

For a real nice one, here's the belligerent HOA Karen who complained about guide dog training.

Insanely Incompetent Interviewers Fired When Candidate Exposes Them

This insurance guy was approached by a recruiter for an insurance sales position at a company. Despite his repeated protests that he was overqualified for the role they were hiring for, they refused to take no for an answer and aggressively entered him into the interview process. 

As the interview progressed, it became increasingly clear that the hiring managers had no idea what they were on about. They repeatedly handed him wrong information and asked him to do things that he knew were completely out of line for the profession. This would lead him, the interviewee, to explain to the interviewers how their jobs should work in a professional insurance company. Thankfully, his complete over-qualification for the role allowed him to see through all of this. 

When the cards were laid out, the interviewing team had deemed him unworthy of the position. But it was they who were soon to be discovered to be unworthy of their own. 

 

Big Bold Failures of the English Language

English is a tough language. To the point that not many native English speakers are masters of the language they are supposedly fluent in. It's kind of freaky how often you'll see a sign on a door that says "we are closed today, sorry for the incontinence." At least we can have fun with it and imagine they can't get to the door because they're pooping so much that at this very moment they're trying to slam their toilet lid closed like a frustrated vacationer jumping up and down on their overstuffed suitcase.

Anyway, even though English is one of the most widely used languages on the planet, almost no one is that good at it. And all we can say about that is "fantastic. Show me every time someone screwed this up and made a funny."

For some more times people didn't do this right, here are some blunderous foibles of the English language.

25 Times Old People Tried Their Best With Technology

Texting and social media aren't very intuitive for people who grew up in a time when it was considered safe to breath in leaded gas fumes. But they're trying their best to use the internet to follow their interests and keep up with their families. And we should definitely give them credit for trying. We should also point and laugh when they mistake their personal Facebook profile for a search bar and end up posting the phrase "naked beautiful women" over and over again to their wall. That's simply poetry.

Laugh now, but when Gertrude Wilkerson is 40 years dead and now you're struggling to figure out how to use your brain chip to sign onto the mega-net without posting memories of your own genitals, maybe you'll remember this. You probably won't, but at least this block of text will be here having said "I told you so."

Here are some more times old people struggled to master social media.

People Discuss Wild High School Rumors That Actually Turned Out True

High schools are a breeding ground for rumors, and that's not really surprising. Think about it: by the time high school students reach their senior year, plenty of them have been going to school together for 12 years. That's plenty of time for people to learn about each other, develop rivalries, resentments, ever-changing social scenes, and create a weird little ecosystem that — like it or not — follows them for the rest of their lives. You sure remember weird rumors from your high school days, but did you find out later on that any of them turned out to be true?

Redditor u/Sam_21000 took to the popular community r/AskReddit to ask that people share stories of the wildest rumors they heard back in high school that turned out to be true stories. From students getting pregnant multiple times way too young to gym teachers who allegedly broke a pool diving board every year (it was one time), these stories will likely remind you a little bit of your high school years. Hopefully not too much, though: some of these are pretty messed up. Best years of our lives… pshhh.

For more from r/AskReddit, check out people's worst stories of conflict with their neighbors.

Tips For Escaping Your Workplace... Brought to You By the Internet

Want to sell the appearance that you're walking to the conference room for an important meeting and definitely not slipping out the backdoor to go home at 2 pm? Well, keep reading, because this thread is for you. 

This self-report from a worker on how they manage to slip in and out of the office with ease has been circulating the internet and, of course, others have shared their own tips, tricks, and accounts in the comments.

The original poster reported that they used to bring a backpack into the office but found that this made it too easy for people to recognize when they arrived and left work. This resulted in unnecessary judgments being made that didn't necessarily have any bearing on their actual performance. They solved this issue by only bringing their laptop to and from the office. That way, if they got up to leave their station it was impossible to tell if they were going to a meeting or leaving the building altogether.

The original post made its way around Twitter before being eventually crossposted to Reddit's r/antiwork subreddit. There others shared their similar stories, which shows just how surprisingly pervasive techniques like this are amongst workers. 

 

 

'Heather' Wears a Wedding Dress to Half-Sister's Engagement Party, Changes Theme to Suit

There are certain people out there who just have to hog all of the attention. No matter what the situation is they need to be in the spotlight and have all eyes turned on them. These 'Heathers' of the world are the sort of person who will try to upstage you at your own wedding by getting engaged at your reception. They'll somehow make your birthday party about themselves and before the candles are blown out on the cake they'll be starting some sort of drama to make sure people are paying attention to them instead. 

It's important to make sure that you put 'Heather' back in her place and let her know that this behavior is not acceptable, otherwise, it will continue at every single event. 

Well, that's exactly what u/obsnotmain decided to do when they learned that their 'Heather' was plotting to wear a wedding dress to their engagement part. They changed the theme of the party to be a costume party, ensuring that Heather's dress would be drowned out in a sea of ridiculous costumes. 

Company Decides Cheap Airport is in Walking Distance, Taxis to Expensive Airport Instead

This worker liked to catch their flights from a smaller satellite airport because it was closer to their office building and this allowed them to reduce their travel time and still squeeze in more work on days they had to travel. An added bonus for the company, or so they thought, was that the flights were cheaper too.

The bean counters didn't see these reasons as enough to justify the exorbitant cost of the $12 Uber ride that the worker took to the airport. They determined that the airport was too close to Uber and refused to accept any justification for the cost of Ubering there. 

The worker was left with two options: Walk or take flights from another airport instead.

In typical malicious compliance fashion, this ridiculous decision would cost the company far more than a $12 Uber. Before they reversed their decision, this would cost them thousands of dollars.

Mom Blames Major Family Blowout On Daughter's Cat, Gets Obliterated In Comments

You see a lot of people who seem to lack some level of self-awareness even while searching for advice on the internet, but some are nearly beyond words. This post by Redditor u/aitasilentdaughter to the popular moral judgment community r/AmITheAsshole is one of the best examples of this phenomenon you'll ever see. The user detailed a major family argument that started between her two teenage daughters and the youngest daughter's cat; it ends, however, with OP's husband helping their middle daughter move out to go stay with her oldest sibling who mysteriously doesn't speak to the family often. What's going on here?

Redditors in the comments were incredibly quick to point out how much detail OP left out of that post; as one said, the argument isn't about the cat at all, but appears to be something that's been brewing for a long time if one argument was enough to make a middle child leave the home and go stay with a sibling (who, again, apparently doesn't speak to her mother often). A lot of people speculated that OP shows serious favoritism toward the youngest child and that everyone else in the home has suffered as a result. Hopefully OP can get her family in order, because it sounds like they're in dire straits.

For more wild stories, check out the trashy neighbor who would throw trash into their neighbor's yard and eventually got evicted. 

25 People Share How They Figured Out They Were Being Cheated On

It's a bit of a double edged sword, to have your suspicions confirmed about a cheating partner. On one hand, you get to think "Ha! I knew it!" And on the other hand, your social reality crumbles around you. You realize that the time, effort and trust you put into this person wasn't worth it to them. So, y'know, bittersweet.

Maybe one of the good things about people showing you exactly how they are is that it's a terrific indicator of their true personality, and that you don't need to waste any more time on them. So that's good. But the process of figuring out you're getting run around on is never fun. In fact it can be pretty agonizing, especially when your doctor tells you that the chlamydia must have come from somewhere.

For some more striking tales of infidelity, here are 30 people who shared the dumbest excuses cheaters gave them.

Entitled Neighbors Are Taking Over Your Driveways, Here Are Three Top Stories

Neighbors and driveways, what's that all about? 

Jerry Seinfeld pauses for the laugh track

Seriously though, there must be something primal about the urge to take over someone else's driveway. A nice piece of pavement stretching off the road towards your neighbor's house just triggers something in the monkey part of our brains that makes us want to start all-out territorial warfare.

It's such a common problem that maybe we would have been better off if it had been written into the Ten Commandments. Maybe it's time we make an amendment to 'Thou Shall Not Covet' to include 'Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's driveway.' We could just sneak it on in somewhere in between the part about your neighbor's wife and neighbor's donkey. 

Here are three top stories that have made waves online over the past wee while. We've made posts about each of these in the past that just don't seem to die since this is such an ongoing hot topic in all of our lives.

Have you ever had a neighborly dispute over a driveway? We'd love to hear your stories, drop them to us in the comments at the end of this post.

Scumbag Repeatedly Parks in Disabled Spots, Mocks Disabled Woman, Gets Thousands of Dollars in Fines

Some people are irredeemable pieces of trash, and you certainly see your fill of them when you work in retail. Day in and day out, these human garbage heaps roll in the door, abusing you and other customers daily. Of course, there's nothing you can do about it but wear your best retail smile, as any correction of their behavior, would likely cost you your job (at the worst) or give you front row tickets to a red-faced vein-bursting screaming outburst (at best.) So, better to say nothing, wear your smile and keep your head down. 

Of course, once in a while, the opportunity presents itself for you to execute some fantastic malicious compliance or exact a little bit of revenge to help even out the onslaught of abuse you receive. 

This retail worker, Redditor u/Sc2SuperJack, had exactly that chance when it came to one of their scummy regulars who liked to park in disabled spots and ridicule disabled people. When the chance presented itself finally to nail them with thousands of dollars in parking fines, you bet they weren't going to pass up the opportunity. 

 

Karen Turns Her Evil Powers on Her Male-Karen Husband and Actually Serves Justice to the Situation

We weren't sure in the beginning, but she had us in the end. 

Internet Users Are Applauding This Worker's Story About Finding a New Role

This viral thread saw readers voicing their support for this worker who managed to find themselves a new role that offered a 30% increase in pay. Their decision to make a change came after their coworkers made clear to them just how valuable of an asset they were to the company. 

This thread was shared on Reddit's r/antiwork subreddit by Redditor u/lolwutRNB. They posted the thread with the title "My employer has been undervaluing me for years and I finally got to see them sweat after putting my resignation in."

They explain in their story that they have been working for the same employer for 8.5 years and in that time they have developed an extraordinarily broad set of skills that spans multiple departments and management roles. They explain that for 5 years of that time they have stood nothing to gain in terms of benefits, as they have maxed out from what their employer is willing to offer.

When their coworker told them "Why do you still work here? You are extremely knowledgeable and you are the backbone of the whole shop." they decided it was time to look for other work.

When the new job offer came through their employer would suddenly realize just how valuable they were. 

Readers voiced their support and applauded the worker's move commenting that they were proud of the worker for putting themselves out there. 

Read the post and comments below.

 

 

Parent Stands Ground When Son's Ex-Girlfriend Reveals She's Pregnant, Demands Paternity Test

What's a parent to do when their son's ex-girlfriend who cheated on him suddenly shows up and says she's eight months pregnant with the son's child? Well, in this case, Redditor u/Bluetooth888's first instinct was to demand her son take a paternity test before anything else happens. 

This user posted to the popular moral judgment community r/AmITheAssholeto ask whether they were in the wrong for asking for a paternity test to be taken; it seems the situation is complicated by the fact that OP's elder daughter is friends with the expecting mother. Neither OP nor their son had heard about the ex being pregnant until really late in the game, even though the daughter seems to have known the whole time, so the situation is a little bit shady. 

It seems the people of Reddit have elected that OP isn't in the wrong at all here — it makes sense to get a paternity test done if there is any doubt of who the father may be. While the son's ex-girlfriend seems upset that they "always assume the worst" of her, she did apparently cheat on him

For another story about a wild ex-significant other, check out the woman who outed a guy bragging about cheating on his girlfriend on Twitter.

Rude Woman Shoves Keys at Hospital Patient, They Dump Them in the Trash

There's something about being down and out that just makes the world want to keep kicking and kicking you. Only on your worst day would something like this happen. 

One this is for certain, they certainly found a great way of dealing with the situation. A pushy woman shoves her keys at you? What better place for them to go than in the garbage. Garbage, meet keys. Keys, garbage. Enjoy each other's company. Maybe the only thing you could add to that delicious revenge would be moving her car to a different spot so that she thought it had been taken entirely. I'd say why not just take the car itself but that's too easy of a way to get two stars. 

It's fun to imagine that she's still there, stuck a the hospital, searching for the mysterious valet guy who took her keys. 

Scroll on for this quick and dirty tale of revenge and reactions below. 

Corporate Demands 10 Cents for Call Fee, Employee Ensures Processing Is More Expensive Than Actual Payment

In life, we often find ourselves jumping through arbitrary hoops, especially when it comes to the rigidity of corporate billing. Even when the solution is as simple as walking from A to B, corporate life will tell you that you "just can't do that" and in fact you must first walk to Z, fill out form C, and have it approved by soulless bureaucrats F through M. And then, following a probationary period of X days, you will receive a voucher, which you can redeem for P points. And then, once you accrue enough P points, your superior is to be made aware that you have obtained B level clearance. Also, half of this has to be done by email, and the other half on a video conferencing service that your company overpays for, and that your boss does not know how to use. Also half of these people are on vacation. Swear to god it's like these people want to make life like Legend of Zelda.

Anyway, here's a person who was billed 10 cents for BS and decided to use the company's inconvenience against them.

Bookstore Employee Shows What It's Like to Use the "Gentle Parenting" Technique on Entitled Customers

Karens gonna act like a child, so they're gonna get treated like one. 

Toxic Ex-Husband Dognaps Ex-Wife's Dog from the Groomers to Try and Get Her New Address, Dog Shelter Shuts Him Down

"This is why we never give out any of the owner's info to anyone, no matter who they say they are or what they claim they need."

Terrifically Creepy Designs That We Hope Weren't Intentional

Sometimes designers, much like scientists in horror/thriller movies, get a lot more caught up with if they could create something without thinking if they should. Just because it's possible to fill a stuffed toy's mouth with human teeth does not mean that it's going to be a terrific mascot for your dental office. You might just be freaking people out.

For some reason, people are under the impression that giving something a human-like face is a recipe for warmth and positivity when in actuality it can just make a seesaw look like it's under a tremendous amount of stress. And no one really wants to walk around in a world were we feel like we have to apologize to the inanimate objects around us. But that doesn't stop anyone from trying.

For some more weird junk that maybe shouldn't be, here are some cursed, creepy and weird images from the abyss.

25 Creative Mailboxes That Would Look Good Stuffed With Bills

What does anyone really receive in the mail anymore except a Christmas card from your most try-hard of cousins and paper copies of bills that you already paid online?

Okay, fine, mail is still necessary. But like anything, it's not free from the looming tide of people's creative expression, and there are some of us who get extremely creative with their mailboxes. What do mail carriers think of these things? Does it brighten their day to cram brochures and medical bills into a ceramic fish's ass, or do they resent the people who think that it's fun to make them do that? Maybe they have more important things to worry about.

Either way, people aren't going to stop doing this, and good on them for it. We need more weird stuff that makes people think and/or recoil.

For some more creativity, here are some more impressive creations of weird taste.

Guy Leaves Scathing 1-Star Review For Useless Pizza Place, Costs Manager Job

This hungry dude ordered a pizza to an unorthodox address and some serious communication issues between the workers led to an incomplete delivery. When he called the pizza place and tried to sort out what had happened to his pizza the manager bluntly told him that he needed to provide a better address and to "Call corporate and take the issue up with them." That's all he needed to hear, so call corporate he did. 

We're not really sure how we feel about this one. Usually, these stories involve someone obviously "Karen-ing" and abusing the service staff so it's easy to take the worker's side. It's not completely out of possibility that that's what's happening here either, it could have easily been company policy that things need to escalate to corporate before a refund is able to be issued. Now, corporate has just found an excuse to pin policy back onto a manager who they were probably looking for some excuse to fire anyways. 

It could just have easily been that this manager was utterly useless and got what they deserved. We'll let you decide.

Employer Tells New Mother to Submit Her Resignation, She's Not Going Anywhere

A lot changed in 2020. We collectively learned as a society that many of our jobs could be done from the comfort of our homes. This meant no more commuting an hour in each direction, either inching forwards in rush hour traffic or wedged in next to a smelly dude on public transportation. All of our lives were better without that commute and the stuffy air of office politics, and it seemed that amidst great global panic, we had at least managed to take a step forward as a society. 

Fast forward to 2022, and for many places of work, that might as well have never happened. All of these lessons that we thought we had learned have folded under the weight of the corporate desire to maintain dominion over its subjects. After all, how else are middle managers supposed to justify their salary?

Comfort and convenience are once again out the window for a long list of outdated values, with more and more companies insisting that workers return to the office. There have been multiple high-profile instances of this over the last several months, such as Elon Must telling Tesla workers that they needed to return to the office or tender their resignation.

This new mother was facing exactly this scenario when her company folded on its promise for remote work but she's decided to take the fight to them. "Fire me," she has challenged otherwise she isn't going anywhere.

The internet has taken her side and is condemning the company for its actions and broken promises.

Scroll on for the story and reactions below. 

Times People Said "Screw This, I'm Out"

It's important to know when to quit. Of course things get difficult. That's just part of being in a job or a relationship. But sometimes you reach a point when you might realize that you're doing something difficult or painful with no reward at the end.

When you're being manipulated by a toxic manager or partner, it's not in their best interest to validate your suspicions that you're being manipulated, because they're terrified that you'll find out and move on to something better. They'll call you a quitter and they'll tell you that you're lazy. They'll ask why you're doing this to them. And they'll do it all while they're taking advantage of you. 

In moments like these, it's important to know what your value is so that you stop sticking your neck out for people who would step on it for a dollar. And it's good to know when to say "screw this, I'm out."

Coffee Shop Customer Doesn't Understand That Employees Don't Work At Every Franchise

In a world filled with franchised restaurants, coffee shops, supermarkets, and more, you'd think that most everyone would understand that inevitably someone who works at one chain coffee shop location could quite possibly wind up visiting another one as a customer when they're off work and free to enjoy the world as they see fit. Some people — namely, the Karens who walk among us — get confused when this happens, but rather than admit to making a mistake, they just double down.

Redditor u/flamealee posted to the popular subreddit r/IDontWorkHereLady to share a story from their days working at a popular Canadian coffee shop franchise as a teenager. When OP said they once visited a different franchise location while waiting for their grandfather at a doctor's appointment, a customer who recognized OP from the actual coffee shop location they work at entered and attempted to get OP's attention, figuring they must also work there, too. Things got intense as the wicked customer apparently slapped OP's drink out of their hand and yelled at them to help her, only for the store's actual employees to tell her off.

A few days later, OP says they were working at their actual job when this very same customer showed up. This time, OP's manager was there to tell the customer off — Karen walked out empty-handed that day.

For more weird customers harassing people who are not employees, check out the priest who was assaulted in a liquor store.

"You Had One Job" Moments That Didn't Get Things Quite Right

Most of us identify ourselves by our occupations. "What do you do for a living" is the first question most of us think of while making terrible small talk with a friend-of-a-friend as your mutual actual friend goes to the bathroom. In like a separate room. If it was right in front of you, then you would actually have something interesting to talk about.

Anyway, for most intents and purposes, you are your occupation until you reveal some kind of major personality defect that supersedes your job title. You stop being "Jim the electrician" and start being "Jim the guy who I saw eat a coaster thinking it was a cookie and who also says he's an electrician."

Even if we don't respect someone on personal grounds, we still assume that they're doing their job correctly. And based on images like these, it turns out that's too strong of an assumption to make.

Here are some "not my job" moments of unprofessional absurdity.