"Not My Job" Moments That Left The Hard Stuff To Someone Else

A group of philosophers once said "Late night, come home, work sucks, I know." And in that vein, we shan't be asked to go above and beyond for any reason. If it's not in the job description, it's by default, someone else's job. Want road lines painted? Sure thing, but don't expect them to be straight. That would require a "paint line straightener" position. Want a toilet installed? Can do all day every day. Just don't expect it to be connected to any plumbing. Congratulations on your new fashionable white chair that, by god, you better tell people isn't connected to plumbing before it's too late.

It's not that we're vindictive, horrible people. Well we are. We don't really like anything, we're petty, and we need to take a bath. But it's not like that's the prime motivation for misspelling stop signs and painting over light bulbs. It's just not my job, man.

For some more times workers lost the motivation to go above and beyond the barest of minimums, here are some more unprofessional "not my job" moments of failure.

Mean Girl Kicks Girl Out of Her Birthday Party, Stellar Mother Irate, Takes Back Presents

An important part of being a kid is learning that your actions have consequences. When you behave or treat someone poorly, poor things will happen to you. 

These lessons classically condition us to behave well and treat others with the respect they are warranted. Hopefully, they will also teach us to respect ourselves and the way that others treat us too. 

This was an important lesson that this girl hopefully learned when u/WovenAesthetic's mother took back their gift. Although, maybe that's optimistic and this birthday brat is still a mean girl to this day. 

It all happened u/WovenAesthetic was invited to a birthday party for one of the girls who lived on her street. u/WovenAesthetic was a military child and moved around a lot so her parents thought that it would be important for her to keep in contact with other kids. 

When u/WovenAesthetic was kicked out of the party by the birthday brat herself she went home confused and upset. That's when mom stepped in and marched over to the girl's house, taking back the gift that had been given.

___

For more childhood birthday drama check out these crazy in-laws who didn't want to attend a child's vegan birthday.

Baby Boomer Coworker Quits After One Shift at Food Service Job, Shocked at the Low Pay for "All That Work"

They say that the only way to truly understand someone is to walk a mile in their shoes. I subscribe wholly to that. It is our duty to each other to seek to understand our differences in experience and consciousness. That understanding, however, is an asymptote that we will be infinitely approaching. We will never truly be cognizant of another's experience, for even should slip on their shoes and take a walk we shall never be able to fully embody them. 

That walk, even if taken with the best of approaches and intentions, still takes place with our feet in their shoes. It doesn't teach us what their foot feels inside of that same shoe. How could we possibly know how that feels? Adding to that, how could we possibly know how they interpret that feeling?

The apparent futility of the exercise, when shone in the light of the inability to fully embody another, does not mean that it is one that is not worth undertaking. When we take that journey we expand ourselves and achieve a new perspective of understanding. Bettering ourselves through our attempts to empathize with another. Growing ever closer to the unachievable.

There are those around you who haven't once considered undertaking this process of understanding. The thought hasn't occurred to them. Chances are that they are uncomfortable with being confronted with the reality that is their small part in the larger puzzle of coalescence. They prefer to keep within the limitations of discernment that their blinders offer, comforted by the obstruction of their conscious isolation. 

When someone is forced to take a walk in someone else's shoes for the first time, as this coworker was. They are often astounded by what they find. Sometimes the perspective that is thrust upon you is so jarring and brutal that the dissonance is too much to handle. Oftentimes people will choose to ignore and suppress the experience or find some other way of discrediting it in order to save their psyche. 

In the coworker's case, at least it seems as if she has gained a new understanding. 

Dude Ditches Wife In Economy Class, Wonders Why She's Mad

This guy and his wife scheduled a month long trip. While booking the tickets, he realized he could upgrade his seat to business class, get some extra legroom and have a peaceful 12 hour flight. What he failed to realize was that this is an excellent way of displaying to your wife that you'd jump at the first chance to not spend time with her on your vacation.

From the outside looking in, it's obviously not a terrific move. And from the inside looking in, it should have been pretty straightforward too. It took the moral philosophers and common-sense-havers of the internet to tell this dude exactly why his wife might be just a little upset about his escape attempt. 

But most importantly, what made this guy think that it's a good idea to start off a vacation by pissing off his wife?

For another fun story of marital bliss, here's the tired dad who got caught eating cake in his car so he didn't have to share it with his family.

Tinder Lady Demands Dinner Date And Gets Hostile, Guy Dodges Bullet

Online dating is a by default a weird thing. Up until only very recently were so many people all expected to get along with complete strangers. And honestly, this exchange is in its own way, successful. These people both realized that they probably wouldn't get along in real life. So in a sense, it's a huge time saver for one person to go totally crazy before ever having to see them in person. And from her side of things, she doesn't have to see "the guy who insulted her IQ and didn't even offer dinner."

On a more fundamental note, it's important to understand that not everyone knows what you're thinking all the time. Everyone has slightly different expectations when it comes to dating, and it's important to acknowledge that if things don't go the way you expect them to, it's likely because the other person has a different idea of what constitutes proper etiquette. If you go around thinking that people's opinions, ideas and quirks are an assault on your character, you're going to spend a lot of time being upset. Like this person.

Boy is it nice that this kind of behavior isn't standard? Here are some glaring red flags that made people dip out of relationships.

Construction Workers Are Showing Off Their Fake "Skills" and "Pro Tips" On TikTok Right Now, Going Hilariously Viral

They take pride in their work! But also, after working such a physically and mentally demanding job, you need some time to joke around with some people who really get it. 

The Dumbest Things People Heard Out Of Another Person's Mouth

None of us can say that we're always at our best. We've all had idiotic moments where we say something like "I have a million dollar idea, they should put wheels on garbage cans." But those moments are usually met with ridicule by our peers and the understanding that our brain just slipped on a mental banana peel. And that's fine.

Then there are the moments we have with people who are so reliably dumb, it makes us wonder if we're taking crazy pills. There are people on this planet who will look at you in the eyes and insist that turtles are just lizards that found a shell, like a hermit crab.

"Nah man, they're a whole different species," you say, trying to clarify.

"But you can't prove that it's not true" they say, completely missing the fact that you actually can.

It's hard to live in a world where people can say some of the dumbest things you've ever heard, but at the end of the day, at least we can ridicule their incompetence. It doesn't make them less stupid, but at least it gives us a sense of control over our own lives.

Twitter Thread Uncovers Insane Viral TikTok Subculture of Indian Farmers Pimping Out Their Tractors, Even Though the App Is Banned In India

Tractors covered in speakers, some running on solar energy, killer paint jobs, flashing lights, popping wheelies—like, whoa. These farmers are hella cool. Looks like India could ban the app, but couldn't ban tractor modifications' viral-worthiness. 

People Share Blindly Obvious Signs They Missed That Someone Was Into Them

We've probably all had these moments of missed hints, overlooked cues, complete obliviousness. These things come hand in hand with the coy games of courtship that take place when you're just starting to feel all of "it" out.

And feeling "it" out? That's certainly a universal part of the human experience and the outré affair that is adolescence.

There's always that lingering doubt of "will they or won't they" and the wont to hide one's true desires in order to save face should they not return your favor.

Amidst all of that inexorable certainty; Feeling accepted, wanted, and loved is a universal desideratum for all of us.

___

When comedian David Drake took to Twitter to tackle this trending topic, the response was overwhelming. His tweet has received an unbelievable number of replies and almost 100k likes since it was posted. 

There's a high amount of commiseration happening here amongst all of the stories of missed chances and detached connections. The years may go by but these experiences are clearly still keeping people up at night.

 

Flower Shop Reneges on Promised Funeral Arangements, Daughter's Boyfriend's Revenge Saves the Day

When OhThatAngela's friend's mother died they began making funeral arrangements. 

They ordered flowers from the store recommended by the funeral home and ordered $1,400 worth of flowers from them. 

Things went sideways when a big snowstorm hit. The funeral home said that all weekend deliveries would be pushed to Sunday. Except they didn't deliver Sunday, so the delivery was going to have to be on Monday instead. 

Which meant no delivery in time for the funeral. 

I have to say, this part is understandable. There were extenuating circumstances that forced the non-delivery. 

The trouble really started when the friend called the flower delivery company back and asked if they could have their order refunded. They were told that, yes, they could get a refund. So the friend went and got flowers from another place. 

That's when the store called her back and told her that they were going back on the offer for a refund and the daughter's boyfriend stepped in to save the day.

Irremediable Schism Forms as Dad Gives Grandma's House to Step-Son While She's Still Breathing, She Disinherits Him

An estranged father. A grandmother whose home had been wrongfully gifted. These two pieces set the stage for u/Broad_Mulberry6823's story regarding an irremediable schism within their family. 

u/Broad_Mulberry6823 explains that they have been estranged from their absentee father since they were 15 years old, maintaining a relationship only with their fraternal grandmother on that side of the family. 

u/Broad_Mulberry6823 would soon learn that their grandmother's house had been "gifted" by their father to the father's step-son. Effectively removing u/Broad_Mulberry6823 from any inheritance in favor of their stepchild. 

The jig wasn't up yet. The grandmother, who was still sound of mind and very much alive, had cards yet to play. When she passed it was revealed that she had disinherited her son and left the house to u/Broad_Mulberry6823.

The step-brother had been undertaking renovations on a house that wasn't even legally theirs and was shocked to find themselves ousted from their new home.

u/Broad_Mulberry6823 is worried that they have done something wrong here but from where we're sitting they are in the clear. They have just fairly found their way into a freshly renovated house. Sucks for the stepbrother but that's up to the dad to rectify. 

There are a few major miscalculations that stand out here. But none of them are on u/Broad_Mulberry6823's part. Why on earth would you "gift" a house to your stepson that you hadn't even inherited yet? And why on earth would you renovate and pour money into a property that you didn't own? 

These two actions make utterly no sense to me. They owe any financial losses to their own poor decision-making.

___

It's always a shame to see rifts between family members but if you enjoyed this check out this guy who disowned his twin sister after she chose to remain friends with his cheating ex. 

Dude Turns Terrible Neighbor's Own Games Against Them, Takes Them On in All-Out Warfare

This neighborly relationship really devolved into a no-holds-barred border battle in a hurry. What's that old saying… "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." What's closer than next door? The only thing left to do is invite them in and give them the spare room to sleep in at night. 

When u/ChickenFashionShow and his partner moved into a new neighborhood, they were immediately introduced to the "block captain" and his wife. They immediately got really bad vibes from the couple and noticed a few red flags in the stories they told.

Sure enough, it didn't take long for the new neighbors to start making absurd demands and insane threats should those demands not be met. u/ChickenFashionShow made every attempt to ignore their behavior but the neighbors would soon make that impossible.

As the conflict began to escalate the warfare began to take on a different shape. Trees weren't safe or sacred. Colonies of feral cats were the ultimate weapon. Soon restraining orders would be filed and code violations would be issued. 

Dumb Times Kids Proved That They're Strange Creatures

People say "the children are our future" as if it's a profound statement. But if you don't think the children are our future, all you're demonstrating is a complete lack of understanding of the basics of linear time. Of course the children are the future. How old do you think people get? So yes, obviously the children are our future. And if we keep filling their heads with meaningless and obvious platitudes like "the children are our future" then hoo boy they're not gonna be a very good future. We gotta teach these kids some math or something. As a species we've been trying to learn up the next generation as good as we can, but that doesn't happen overnight, and it comes with a lot of bumps in the road.

Without some guidance, these people would just sit there and eat coins until they couldn't move. They'd climb to the tops of radio towers and jump off while yelling "Fortnite!" They'd bother the rest of us on airplanes and they'd draw all over their faces with markers. Okay, they already do those things, but with some help they could stand to do it a little less. Here's some more proof that kids are basically another species.

Selfless Times People Took One For The Team

In these modern times of ours, it's really easy to assume that everyone is out for themselves. Probably the biggest reason to believe that is that some people clearly are out for themselves. Being the kind of person who will act selflessly actively puts you at a disadvantage when you know that insanely selfish people exist in your same social sphere. The thing is, that still doesn't stop people from acting selflessly. Most people will still take responsibility and help people who are in a jam because honestly, it makes people feel bad when they know they're doing the wrong thing and good when they know they're doing the right thing. It sounds dumb but in a lot of cases it's just as simple as that. We're creatures who understand the value of being there for the group, and that compulsion to do social good is often too strong to resist. I mean, unless you're an entitled person.

But still, we often find our friends, peers and even complete strangers in need of aid and more often than not we choose to help. Does that make us debt-seeking virtue hounds? Possibly sometimes. But it's more likely that it just makes us people. For some more wholesome tales of selflessness, here are wholesome things people did for the love of the game.

Bad Two Sentence Horror Stories That Are Chillingly Stupid

We all want to think we're clever. And we all get a few opportunities to do so. Every person gets maybe one or two good ones in every day, and we should be happy for that. Should everyone be a spooky two-sentence story writer? You be the judge.

For the most part, two sentence horror stories are a very cool writing exercise. A real good one can have an actually creepy surprise twist to it, and they're fun to read. And the bad ones? The bad ones are also fun to read, but more because you get to ask questions like "how in the world did the person writing this think it would be taken seriously?" or "What does this person think 'the hallway man' is?" Not sure if the authors are drunk, tired, or children, but there is some quality crap over at @bad2sentence, a twitter account created to document the most heinously, egregiously bad examples of two sentence horror. We all wish we could be authors, but hey, sometimes you just end up writing stuff for a viral internet culture company. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Here are some more actually clever and creepy two sentence horror stories for those who got intrigued.

Safety Failures That OSHA Would Prefer Not Be A Thing

There are times when circumstances force us into making less-than-safe decisions. That said, a lot of times those circumstances are "my boss doesn't want to have to pay me overtime to finish this job correctly" or "my boss doesn't want to spend a hundred bucks to buy the right tool" or "my boss hurt his back and says I should go in the pipe. I asked him how he hurt his back and he said going in the pipe."

We won't deny, there is a mysterious satisfaction many of us get by completing a task in an unsafe way. It makes you feel more rugged. The inherent danger makes you feel tough and fearless rather than the reality, which is just "lucky." That feeling combined with a lack of proper tools and a boss calling you a diva for wanting safety gloves and you've got a wonderful opportunity to lose a finger.

And then there are the decisions that are straight up dumb. Like having exposed wires all over the place or not tying down a ton of loose crap on a flatbed before hitting the freeway. If you're gonna endanger someone, at least make that person yourself. Here are some misguided safety failures that OSHA would disapprove of.

HR Downgrades Performance Review, Employee Threatens Performance Downgrade, VP Intervenes

When u/MoreGunsThanHands's manager received a performance review that he had submitted for MoreGunsThanHands he was surprised to find that the review had been downgraded to a 4/5 overall instead of a 5/5 that he, the manager, had submitted himself.

When the manager asked the HR department about the change in the score he was sent an email explaining that "nobody can have a 5/5 in all categories two years in a row, mark him as a 4/5."

MoreGunsThanHands asked his manager to send him the email and started preparing his revenge on HR.

The performance review was accompanied by salary and bonus projections for the next year. So when it all came through MoreGunsThanHands found that his increases were lower than they otherwise should have been.

The report gave the impression that his performance had been lacking (it hadn't) and that he wasn't meeting all of his KPIs (he was). So he decided to take the issue head on.

He drafted an email and sent it off to all the heads of the company in order to force them to make a move and awaited their response. 

Insane Sister-In-Law Goes Full Karen, Wants to Assess Boat Pre-Purchase For Her Own Personal Use

Devoid of all reason this Karen decided to text her brother-in-law, after hearing from her sister that he was going to buy a boat.

"Of course!" She thought to herself as she wrote the message. "Just what John and I have been needing! A boat to take the kids out on! I'll make sure that BIL knows to get one that the kids can fit on!"

When her BIL responded that she was "Never going to be borrowing the boat." Karen was confused and hurt.

Somewhere in her entitled mind, the cogs started whirring. "If boat?... Why no borrow?.... If my sister's boat? Is not my boat too?"

Upon realizing that her BIL actually might have a valid point about the usage of his boat she decided to pull out the Karen trump card.

"But we're family."

Gotta love it. Entitled family members never change.

Just imagine the insane audacity that is required to lodge a request like this with someone, even a family member. When this guy got the first text his eyes must have rolled all the way back into his skull because you know he could see this coming.

This sister-in-law is the kind of person that makes you want to skip family events altogether. Having someone this entitled and toxic around just makes everything sour. 

A bad apple, after all, does spoil the bunch. 

Insecure Husband Seething, Supermarket Employee Sacked, Wife's Wishes Rebuffed

You have to appreciate the bullish intentions of this young fella here, blatantly hitting on someone's wife right in front of them. 

It's really hard to imagine what angle he was hoping for and his approach just seems to be generally misguided. Maybe he thought that she was shopping with her older brother or that the pair of them would be into that kind of thing. 

Whatever the plan was... It has backfired on him horribly this time. Hopefully, he takes away the lesson that hitting on customers is never a good idea. 

But... "'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. -Wayne Gretzky' -Michael Scott"

___

This story kicks off with u/Fotress-3575 shopping with his wife at the supermarket. u/Fotress-3575 notices that a young (21-22) worker is following his wife around.

He specifically notes at this point that he was annoyed with the fact that the guy was 10 years younger than him. Which is a little weird and just soaks itself in insecurity. 

He notes that his wife is a regular shopper here and that the staff likely know that it's her car. This is possible but, having worked retail in the past, I could not have pointed out specific customer's cars to you. Even if they were our most common regulars. 

I'd like to point out that, if her car is known well enough because she is the target of attention then it's very unlikely that she has not noticed this attention. Whether or not she has enjoyed it is beside the point and doesn't matter. She is not bothered by the attention, she is not concerned by it, she still continues to shop there. 

Had she been upset about the note or felt targeted or uncomfortable in some way then it would be appropriate to address the issue with the lad's manager.

But since this is not the case everything that follows is a complete overreaction on u/Fotress-3575's part.

As commenters have pointed out, it is concerning that he tells the story as if he has been wronged here in some way. The story is written as his wife is his property that another man has tried to take, which is way off the mark in 2022.

He should have listened to his wife's wishes instead of thinking of his own insecurity and ego and flying off the handle. 

 

For that reason alone u/Fotress-3575 is the a-hole here. 

The worker is an a-hole for making a move on a customer, but will hopefully learn that lesson. 

Rule of thumb people... Don't hit on people at their place of work. Don't hit on customers while you're at work. The former puts people in an uncomfortable situation where they feel bad saying no to you since it could offend you and affect their business. The latter puts people in an uncomfortable situation because they're receiving unwanted attention while just trying to enjoy your services.

The wife is an a-hole only if she was entertaining cheating on her husband. But there's not enough here to substantiate that she is doing or has done anything wrong. 

 

Dumb Ways People Got Falsely Accused Of Cheating

Let there be no bones about it, getting cheated on absolutely sucks. Not only is it a complete breach of trust, it can make you feel inadequate as a person and just plain old dumb for not seeing the signs. Maybe one of the better pieces of advice for maintaining your sanity in those situations is that if you get cheated on; "it's not about you, it's about them." And if you have a partner who insinuates that it's your fault that they cheated on you, they've just done a wonderful job of proving to you exactly why you don't need to be in a relationship with them anymore. Consider it time saved. What a bargain.

At the same time, constantly looking for signs that your significant other is cheating isn't exactly a stress-free way to live your life. Being incapable of trusting the person you spend a lot of your time with is a phenomenal way to feel uncomfortable all the time.

And then there are the projectors. There are folks out there who will constantly think you're cheating because in fact, they are the ones doing the cheating. It's the height of hypocrisy and it's surprisingly common. Aren't people just awesome? Maybe it's the right time to read up on some glaring red flags that made people dip out of past relationships.

Here are some times when someone was put in the awkward position of having to defend their loyalty based on slippery evidence, jealous misgivings, and straight up psycho garbage.

Or if you are in fact evil, you could see these as tips and tricks to successfully get away with cheating on someone, you compassionless sack of deceit.

Absurd Times The Universe Messed With One Person Exclusively

There are times when it feels like the world is out to get us. You get back to your car to discover you've accidentally parked in a super-handicap space and now your car has been towed. Your internet service provider tells you that service has been knocked out in only your home, but the rest of the block is doing fine so it's a low priority and they won't be coming to fix it for at least a month. You leave your boots outside to air out and all the neighborhood cats get excited that they've discovered a handsome new toilet.

Life has a certain way of making us feel singled out and isolated. Most of the time it's just coincidence. But sometimes? Sometimes it's because you're Greg. And no one likes Greg. Get outta here, Greg. If you're Greg, stop reading this, go back to your 300 square foot studio apartment and stare at all your Mythbusters posters, Greg. Sure the Mythbusters were cool but you're a 35-year-old insurance adjuster, Greg. Greg Davis of Tulsa. With your tan car.

Anyway, here are some more humorously absurd times people and things got singled out.

Aunt Defends Mooch Brother, He Gets Dumped On Her Porch

Anyone who's lived closely with an inconsiderate person knows the hell they'll put you through. It's a true slap in the face to come home from work just to find your food has been eaten by a mooch who won't even do the dishes they ate your very food on. Having a feckless non-person whose only dysfunction is inconsiderate laziness stink up your house for half a year might as well be a figurative dump that's just been taken on your life, but it's not something that's quite so apparent outside looking in. This aunt thought she'd bring up family responsibility and junk, but guess what lady? If you talk the talk, you gotta walk that walk. Sounds like you're a new host for this parasite to sink his fangs into. That tune is about to change faster than a scratched NSYNC CD in an off-road vehicle.

Maybe a better way to look at this is "be the change you want to see in the world." The Aunt thought people shouldn't be so hard on the guy (after 6 months of laying around a house for free) so she was given the opportunity to take him in. What a nice lady. What a gem. What a shining example of charitable living. If you keep scolding other people but offer no solutions yourself, don't be surprised when you come home and the problem is on your very doorstep.

For some more shining examples of people who didn't understand that they were the problem, here are some entitled people who made the world their big stupid oyster.

Insolent-Idiot Neighbor Tries to Mess With the HOA, Loses His Parking Spot Permanently

u/rashmisalvi's neighbor was approached with a request to move his car by their residential complex's 'housing society', which u/rashmisalvi explains is his country equivalent of an HOA.

The neighbor could not have reacted in a worse way and tried to stonewall the ceremony as to not have to move their car. The thing is, the neighbor had claimed a highly sought-after spot. A spot that wasn't necessarily his but one that everyone else left to him anyways out of force of habit. 

The neighbor thought that, if he moved his car, someone else might try to take the spot. So he was determined not to move it.

It's worth noting here that the only other spot in this location was used by the elderly neighbor whom everyone was eager to accommodate. These parking spaces were so much closer than any others that people had unofficially declared the other spot to be his. 

When the insolent neighbor finally relented and moved his car for the ceremony. The HOA declared that his spot was no longer going to exist and they would be taking applications to park in the elderly gentleman's spot. Which, of course, the elderly gentleman won. 

It's hard to believe that we're cheering for and HOA but it is amazing to see someone like this getting put in their place. Kudos to the HOA for sorting this a-hole out.

Husband Insists Wife Loses Weight, Lets His Friend Gives Unsolicited Advice, Tells Her She's the Jerk

The 'Husband of the Year Award' for 2022 has already been claimed and it's going to be this lovely piece of work. 

u/PartReal8256 shared her recent experience with her husband to the r/AmItheA--Hole subreddit today.

She describes that she has gained about 4 kg (10 lbs. for you Americans) over the course of the last few years. As a result, her husband has been telling her that he "finds [her] legs too thick". Which is something I just can't imagine ever saying to my partner.

I understand that everyone has different relationships but I just can not imagine ever saying that to my partner. I also can't imagine still having a partner after saying that to my partner and allowing my friend to comment on her weight.

I'd tend to agree with the commenters here... She should commence her weight-loss journey by ditching the 100 kg sack of crap she has been dragging around.

Untouchable and Unqualified Political Appointee Successfully Fires Herself, Regrets Immediately

This week on r/MaliciousCompliance, u/WritesForDough42, shared the story of their terrible, politically appointed, boss, who successfully managed to remove themselves from their position when no one else was able to.

Shannon is the kind of person who thinks that she is transcendent because of their parent's political connection. She lives her life in a way that only such entitlement would allow. Never taking responsibility for her lack of contribution to anything significant. 

In u/WritesForDough42's words, "She was a bully and a tyrant." though she "wasn't a micromanager because she was never around enough to actually micromanage anything."

What do you do about someone who is incapable of being removed from their office but is absolutely useless? 

Get them to remove themselves.

Thankfully that chance would soon present itself when Tricia, the new assistant director, arrived. 

Freaky Double Take Moments That Had Our Eyes Thoroughly Tricked

As amazing as the human eye is, it's remarkable how easy it is to trick. Millions of years of evolution would have you thinking that you have this amazing tool that can perfectly detect an astonishing amount of information at a rapid rate. But guess what, if someone's pants are the same color as the grass, your first thought is "whoa that guy learned how to levitate, that's crazy." 99 percent of the time our eyes and brain come to terrifically reasonable conclusions, but that last one percent has us actually thinking "isn't it interesting that that man has the face of a horse."

It doesn't even take a whole lot to sway our sense of reality. One well-placed shadow or warped perspective and we're baffled for half a minute. One upside-down dog's face and we think we've discovered a new species. If someone puts Bugles on their fingers, there's a very small fraction of a second where we seriously have to consider whether or not witches exist. It makes sense that our brains default to alarm. If in fact there was a possibility that we lived in a world filled with levitating trash cans and dogs with human butts, it would be better that our mind can first detect it as a supernatural threat. But that's not the case, so instead we just see things the wrong way and our friends point out to us that we are dumb all the time.

Heartless New Neighbor Ignites Driveway Feud, Loses and Ends Up With Tiny Driveway

When u/VeterinarianWhole250 and their significant other moved into their house 20 years ago they had a long period of peace with their elderly neighbors and they "got along with [them] very well." 

But when those neighbors, sadly, passed away and the house was sold it fell into Mike's meaty claws. 

Now Mike is one of those people. One of those people who have no regard for where they hang in the karmic balance of the world or for how their actions affect others. 

All people like Mike see are dollar signs and personal gain. 

Our protagonist couple had been sharing a driveway with the old neighbors for the duration of their time living next to each other. The driveway was partially on one side of the property line and partially on the other. 

So, when Mike decided that he was going to abolish that tarmac treaty, his ugly mug wasn't ready for what he was about to do.

_

For more neighbor drama, check out this guy who had had enough with his neighbor's barking dogs and decided to interrupt their movie night with his leaf blower.

Lord Of The Rings Memes To Help One Simply Walk Into Mordor

These movies have been around for almost 20 years, but like the proverbial eye of Sauron, they just keep finding us no matter how hard we try to stay away. And no, we don't try to stay away from Lord of The Rings memes, but they just have a habit of making their way into our lives. We get constant flashbacks to Denethor eating that cherry tomato, that one orc with the torch that blows up in the Helm's Deep sewer, and during lulls in the day our internal monologue just goes "AND MY AXE." No birthday, baby shower, Christmas or Friday is complete without a viewing of the extended edition. 

This preoccupation with Lord of The Rings moments would be a problem if it were almost any other franchise, but hey we're here to enjoy the time we have, and any time spent watching Sam and Frodo onscreen is impossible to consider wasted time. Okay, The Hobbit movies might be not as completely perfect, but they're fine to throw on during an airplane ride or something.

Barista Posts TikTok Degrading Guy's Mother, She Gets Fired When He Shows Her Manager After She Refuses to Take it Down

U/aitacoffeeserver left his mother at home alone when she visited them for the first time from Korea. 

When he got home from work he realized that he forgot to instruct his mother on the tipping customs in the United States. The thing was, she had already gone to aitacoffeeserver's local cafe to get a coffee while he was at work. Putting two and two together, he realizes that she must not have tipped the barista.

He went immediately the next day to see the barista, "Jane". Jane is noticeably upset about not being tipped but aitacoffeeserver explains the situation to her and leaves a 70% tip. 

Thinking it is all now behind him aitacoffeeserver returns to his business... Until he is sent a TikTok by a coworker. 

Jane has made a TikTok about getting stiffed on tips by people from '"f--k knows" followed by a discriminatory phrase that leads aitacoffeeserver to believe that it is referring to his mother. 

aitacoffeeserver went back to the cafe and asked Jane to take the video down. 

When she refused. He escalated. 

Good on him for taking this idiot down. People need to remember that actions on social media can have real-world consequences. I

Insane Lies People Heard From Compulsive Liars

It's always interesting to slowly realize that you're talking to a pathological liar. Usually it starts with an intriguing hook. "Oh man, I can't eat Oreos," says a strange gentleman at the Jimmy Buffet themed bar you always seem to find yourself in on Thursdays.

"Really man? It is because of the sugar? Sometimes too much sugar gives me a stomach ache" you say, trying to make friendly conversation.

"Yeah, it could be that," he says, being reasonable enough to keep you involved. "But they have a chemical in there that stains your teeth."

"Oh really? I guess the chocolate parts of it do kind of get stuck in my teeth a lot. It's like spinach, haha" you say, because you are very good at conversation. You're terrific.

"No," he continues. "It's a tracking device. See I used to work for the CIA. Psy ops. I worked in Brazil in the 70's. I was the front man for a rock group that was really popular there. We sang in Portuguese, so you haven't heard any of our songs. Anyway, Mondelez foods, the owner of Oreos, is a front for the CIA, and my rock group was sponsored by Oreos so that we could install tracking devices into all the mouths of the royal family there. But then our cover was blown. My bassist was a double agent. Turns out the Oreos were being used to track US. And that's why I'm off the grid. Can't touch an Oreo or else I'll be extradited to Sao Paulo and charged for my crimes." He takes a sip of Bud and looks at you with wide eyes, waiting, expecting, demanding that you believe him. It's the only thing he wants in this whole world.

"Oh. That's really interesting, man. I have to go."

Some people lie as an excuse, and others lie because they're deeply insecure and want to impress people. But the most interesting liars are the ones who lie for no conceivable reason, like these absurd lies people's parents told them as kids.