Thursday, December 3, 2020

Work Memes To Get Through The Day


The problem with having to feed yourself is that it costs money, and people only give you money for doing stuff they don't want to do themselves. Even if you like your job, it gets tiring. That's why it's at least nice to know that it's a feeling everyone has, and a handy dose of work memes can deliver a shot of catharsis in an otherwise cumbersome situation.

1.

Audio equipment - You ever get so bored at work that you actually start doing your job INSERICANE

2.

Cheek - Pro tip: You can't have a bad day at work if you don't bother to go in... THE DAILY *Knowledge is power* LAUGHS

3.

Chin - When you thought you ran over an animal but it was just one of your Coworkers

4.

Nose - No bond is stronger than two co-workers who hate the same person...

5.

Lip - STAY AN HOUR LATE, NOBODY BATS AN EYE WALK IN 5 MIN LATE & EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MIND

6.

Cheek - That overly cheerful coworker waiting for you every morning: Otalentesejbs

7.

Audio equipment - Me: *sends draft* The partner: attormey.memes Okay, let's try that again, but this time good.

8.

Organism - when I show up for work and the building is still standing

9.

Human - Priv @privilegelog Partner: "Hey there! Sorry to bother on a Friday afternoon but could you Me:

10.

Text - If this isn't me I can only be contacted by telephone call I can only be contacted by text message (SMS) Explain why you cannot be contacted by telephone call I don't like it 485 characters remaining of 500 characters

11.

Text - 10:30 am calls are the sweet spot A Associate Attomey posted in the Law Memes Bowl in Fishbowl Scheduling a teleconference be like.. 7AM Psyching myseilf up for teleconterence with client SAM AM 10 AM Teleconference with elient 1 AM Recovering from teleconterence Noon with cient 1PM Ojuniorattorney

12.

Text - Today's mood A CANDLE FOR IT'S ONLY FRICKIN' TUESDAY SMELLS LIKE SLOWLY DYING There's no way in hell l'm going to make it to Friday, people. @TaterThOtz

13.

Text - BOSS: Why are you late? ME: There was a technological malfunction that yielded an unforseen surplus of unconsciousness. BOSS: You overslept? ME: I overslept

14.

Product - My boss: You are fired Me: *pauses The Sims Why?

15.

Cheek - I've only been at work for an hour and this is already me Sweet Jesus, grant me the power to deal with this bullshit oriet-l

16.

Human - When employers want you to have 10 years of work experience before the age of 22

17.

Text - BBB @cloud_surferr Me getting dressed to go to work when there's an 8 year old YouTuber that made $26 million this year

18.

Dress shirt - encouraging email made up of 98% buzzwords and no real strategy When the CEO sends an Let's empower our employees, leverage our core competencies, and implement scalable solutions to drive results.

19.

Dog breed - When there's a deep rage burning inside you but you gotta act nice cause you're at work OLELIFE

20.

Text - Me: This show is boring. Boss: Again, this is a Zoom conference.

21.

Outerwear - YOU'RE ASKINGA PRETTY HIGH SALARY FOR SOMEONE WITH NO EXPERIENCE I WELL, THIS JOB IS GOING TO BE SUPER HARD SINCE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. imgflip.com

22.

Organism - Companies: Our employees are just fine. Employees:

23.

Human - Me: i cant wait for my day off Me on my day off:

24.

Text - jojosbizarreexistentialcrisis When you fuck something up first thing in the morning wakey wakey big mistakey Source: jojosbizarreexistentialcrisis 660,255 notes >

25.

Text - Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years? Me: l'd say my biggest weakness is listening. GEVIMemeGuy

26.

Product - Interviewer: how would you describe yourself? Me: verbally, but l've also prepared a dance

27.

Iris - *skips dialogue and starts fighting the boss* Everyone else at the staff meeting: -Shadow Angel F6.com/OurAnimeSociety

28.

Face - late night come home Say WORK SOCKS I know

29.

Formal wear - YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK EXPERIENCE, BUT WHAT ARE YOUR DEGREES IN? WELL, I'M FROM CANADA SO CELSIUS.

30.

Text - When I first started my job: what needs to be done? What else can I do to help? Me now: fire me I dare u

31.

Product - How I really be feeling in the mornings when my alarm goes off.. | JUST CAN'T.

32.

Finger - I DONT WANNA GET THIS BREAD ANYMORE IM TIRED

Submitted by:

Choosing Beggar Needs $50, Hilarity Ensues


We'll never cease to be amazed by the audacity of these choosing beggars. They continue to spring forward with irrational and ridiculous demands. 

1.

Text - 4:01 ll 5G E 1/9 11 TUE 1:39 AM Wassup bro Not a whole lot. Self isolating rn. Just got a positive test for covid. How you been? to you > Not a whole lot. Self isolating rn. Just got a positive test for covid. Damn

2.

Blue - I'm good can't complain Yeah, the whole fam got it. It's no joke. So far so good tho Baby boy is handling it well I hope you all get wellA

3.

Text - 2/9 Thankfully none of us are high risk. Key is now hoping no one got it from us. Exactly I was gonna ask you if you could help me with some $, I'm gonna return it Thursday

4.

Blue - Just changed banks and set up a new direct deposit. I get my last unemployment check then but not sure when it'|l clear. I'm hoping it'll be in today/ tomorrow or Thursday. How much you need? 50

5.

Text - If it happens to clear, I got you. Otherwise I got 87 cents in my old bank account. I actually need it later today

6.

Blue - I figured as much. I'm broke until my money hits unfortunately. Thought you said you got 87 in your old bank 87 cents

7.

Text - 4/9 1:49 all 5GE Accounts Dashboard Products O New scams could be targeting customers like you. Stop Scams Now Bank of America Life Plan® Set + track goals with personalized guidance My Rewards

8.

Text - Bank of America Adv Plus Banking - 4971 VIEW $0.83 OPEN NEW ACCOUNT Open a savings account Get started 83 cents, I stand corrected Just set up my direct deposit yesterday and no idea if it'll clear on time for my shit either.

9.

Blue - Why did you change bank tho TUE 3:57 PM Is it really your biz at all bud? Got lots of recurring bills on my boa account and since my next unemployment check is my last one I need to make sure I don't let it go to shit I don't need Anyway man, l'd help if I could but my shit ain't in yet Okay Thanks bro

10.

Text - My money just hit if you still need a hand. 1:35 AM Yeah i still do 1:40 AM Missed Audio Call Tap to call back 10:54 AM Wassup bro I still need a hand

11.

Text - Missed Audio Call Tap to call back Audio Call Tap to call again Just wanted to know if you were there I feel like l'm dying dude Dying? I got covid dude. You forget Ohhhh really sorry How you taking care of yourself? You still going to help?

12.

Text - You there?? 1:41 PM Bro 2:23 PM て > Audio Call Tap to call again Audio Call Tap to call again Bro I'm at work bro

13.

Blue - 9/9 Seriously man you're fucking pissing me off at this point I'm sick My whole family is sick My dad is in the fucking hospital and just got put on oxygen and you're harassing me to borrow $50 Seriously you can fuck right off. You've Blocked Facebook Account You can't message or call them in this chat, and you won't receive their messages or calls. Unblock Something's Wrong

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Man Makes Ridiculous Sunscreen Complaint, Gets Burnt


Man, there's something about the mind blowing audacity of people that just let their worst thoughts go in the comments sections of otherwise reasonable posts, that'll never cease to amaze us. For instance, this particular human being and what they had to say about sunscreen. Suffice to say, they got burnt. Should've brought the 100 SPF. 

1.

Summer - this is my smug "I'm definitely not going to get sunburned today" look. flash forward to 3 hours later and I had the chills from being so burned. wear SPF, kids.

2.

Blue - SPF causes cancer! Try a beach umbrella 00 Like Reply 6 1 · Yesterday at 1:21pm Well that's just empirically not true. Like · Reply · 61 · Yesterday at 1:44pm unrelated Like · Reply · 61- Yesterday at 2:29pm Do some research of your own before you accuse people of not speaking the truth please. Just trying to inform. Thanks. Like · Reply · 21 hrs HIRAFirst of all, SPF is a unit of measure. This is like saying that millimeters cause drowning. But you want research? Fine.

3.

Text - The claim that more people who use sunscreen develop melanoma is based on a study that tracked sun exposure and sunscreen use in nearly 1500 people over a span of two years. The results did show that those who used sunscreen were more likely to develop melanoma, but there was a massive caveat left out: The median sun protection factor (SPF) was 6 (the CDC recommends SPF 15 or higher) and those who used sunscreen the most spent considerably more time in the sun than those who rarely use su

4.

Text - The American Society for Dermatological Surgery recommends sunscreen. The National Cancer Institute recommends sunscreen. The World Health Association recommends sunscreen. The National Institute of Health recommends sunscreen. The Skin Cancer Foundation, in a meta-analysis of every study between 1966 and 2003, "found no evidence that sunscreen increases melanoma risk." The link is here: http://www.skincancer.org/.../sunscreens-safe-and-effective Now if you have research of your own that

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People's Best And Absolute Worst Roommates


You wouldn't want to find yourself stuck with some of these walks of life. On the other hand, we've got some other roommate stories in this thread that sound like an absolute pleasure to live with. The whole roommate thing can be a wild gamble. Sometimes, you end up learning that you're living with a total waking nightmare far too late in the game. From there, the best course of action can be to just uproot and move on out. Some folks are truly unbearable to live with. Check out some more juicy roommate content with this guy who outwitted his roommate using the pavlovian method. Talk about a brilliant method. 

1.

Text - MilesDavis_mynigga • 8y My roommate eats all my Nutella. 83 ...

2.

Text - FrankinComesAlive • 8y First year in university I got assigned a random roommate. By all accounts he would be what most consider to be horrible. He was extremely messy had the weirdest sleep schedule (usually went to bed around 5am and would wake up at 3pm) smoked all the time (not in the room) would shower at like 3am had his girlfriend over all the time. But he and I got a long fine, the reason being that he knew that he had all these shitty habits so he'd be constantly asking me if it

3.

Text - rgnysp0333 · 8y That's easy. Friday night, l'm high and playing X360. He's chilling, watching. Leaves the place to go to a CVS to get something to drink (next door to the building). Comes back with fudge Oreo's for me (didn't even ask for it) 39 ...

4.

Text - IThinklmDumb•8y I roomed with my best friend, who wanted to instal an air conditioning into in her room. "just wait until I get back from class!!!" I said, because my best friend broke her ankle drunk three times in one semester. I come back from class, she's laying on her bed, the AC blowing on her face. "I felt bad to make you help me so I figured it out myself." I didn't have a problem. Whatever. Until, next week my friend bangs on my door. "look at my room!! Help me!"

5.

Text - I go to her room, and the floor is wavy, each crest about a foot high. I stumble over to the AC unit, which was not properly tilted backwards. So the water from the unit dripped inside the room, instead of outside. I was too mad to say anything and told her to put her furniture over it. I ended up staying at a boyfriend place that whole year, and forgot about the floor until I had to check out with the landlord. I was the last roommate to move out and I had 20 minutes until the landlord c

6.

Text - crimsonazuresun • 8y Best housemate story: My husband and I moved in with our good friend and housemate a couple months before we got married last year. My bridesmaids didn't put together a bachelorette party for me and husband's groomsmen didn't put together a bachelor party for him. What does housemate do? In 2 days, he threw together a huge party at the house the night before the wedding for both of us with friends, family, Rock Band, and other fun things to do! Why? Because he wanted

7.

Text - _my_troll_account • 8y Roommate used to talk on Skype with his long-distance girlfriend for 6+ hours per day. Imagine sitting in your room, trying to relax, and hearing one side of a conversation, mostly self-narration of mundane shit. "Oh, I was just going to get some food. What kind of sandwhich? Oh it's roast beef. Swiss. Haha, yeah I did used to eat it a lot more." Everyday. All. Day.

8.

Text - rmw6190 • 8y best: entire floor flooded when I was away, he picked up all my stuff and throw it on the shelves before the flood hit our room.

9.

Text - Miss_rampage • 8y I had a few separate instances where roommate brought their significant other to live with us, rent free. Usually these others came with animals, and at one point we had one dog and eight cats in the house. 7 ...

10.

Text - [deleted] • 8y Worst: When I was in college, I had an apartment with 3 other guys. One had a girlfriend who hang out at our place/sleep over EVERY SINGLE DAY, and she lived in the same damn building! She would always cook and leave all the pans out until the both sides of the sink and the counter were overflowing with dishes. Apparently she did not like her roommates (when we asked them to spend some time between the two apartments). My roommate never cleaned up after anything, had huge p

11.

Text - Best: Same apartment, different roommate. I got married a few months before my lease was up and was going to be moving into a new place with about 3 months overlap. My roommate (best friend since 3rd grade) was super awesome about it and covered my share of rent for those months because he didn't want to have a random sub-lease to share space with. He had a girlfriend at the time, so l'm sure he enjoyed the extra privacy as well. I had planned on paying rent for both places, but it really

12.

Text - opm881 • 8y About 6 months after I moved home my mum got a new job about an hour away, so they left and I got two mates to move in with me and we rented from my folks. I had known both guys for years, and one of them still lives with me and we get on great, the other one I kicked out. It wasnt one thing as such, but a bunch of things. For example, we have a decent sized yard that has palm trees, so one of the jobs that would need doing was collecting them all and putting them in the green

13.

Text - him sweating like a mother fucker while sleeping on it with no sheets on). Another thing was we would take turns cleaning certain parts of the bathroom. He would never EVER do his part of the bathroom, it was nuts. Its not like we would even have the same part each time, he just wouldnt clean, would shower only when he had to go to work(which towards the end was twice a week, and we live in tropical FNQ australia). He is still a nice guy and stuff, just a shit house room mate. He also ate

14.

Text - Sneegro-damus • 8y Worst: So my sophomore year of college, I roomed with a friend. I found out that he had lost his job, and couldn't pay all of his rent. I covered for it (big mistake). While we lived together, there was so much trash that you couldn't see the floor. Eventually i realize that he has been spending all of his money on synthetic pot. I stop covering his rent, and we are eventually told that if we didnt pay, we would be evicted. He refuses to pay anything, moves out, trashes

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Ryan Reynolds' Dating App Parody Is Comedy Gold


Leave it to Ryan Reynolds to make the most out of his quarantine time by putting together a hilarious dating app parody that perfectly mocks the dumpster fire of a year that has been 2020. He manages to creatively point out that 2020 basically walked right out of hell itself. Check out some more comedy gold from Twitter king, Ryan Reynolds, over here.

Submitted by: (via Ryan Reynolds)