Friday, January 15, 2021

The Dumbest Dogs People Met


A smart dog is an amazing thing to behold, like this story of a dog who figured out how to herd a lawn roomba. That said, dog geniuses are hard to come by, and the spectacle of smart dogs are far outweighed by the hilarious, pitiful and shocking antics of incredibly stupid dogs. For all their shenanigans, their dumbness is still endearing.

1.

Text - fork_hands_mcmike 12 hours ago Obligatory story about my own golden retriever: We had a cattail bush in our backyard that he loved to hide behind while we were playing chase. Thing is, he'd hide behind the same side every time, even if you were also on that side, and would be very surprised that you could see him. Eventually, we cut down the bush because it was killing the surrounding plants. He still tried to "hide" behind the empty patch of dirt.

2.

Text - Galacticheartofgold 21 hours ago · edited 10 hours ago I work with dogs professionally but the dumbest one I ever met was one of mine. He was a very large Great Dane who somehow developed a fear of hardwood floors. The worst part is he would walk through a hallway or room without realizing it was hardwood, and then as soon as he realized it he would sit himself down and refuse to move anywhere. I miss the idiot

3.

Text - sariacreed 18 hours ago · edited 17 hours ago 2 e8 3 E 3 I used to work with dogs professionally. Immediately Cookie the maltese comes to mind. His owner came in for private lessons as she was older and had a hard time focusing for more than 15-20 minutes at a time due to some medication she was on. Our first sit down I asked where she got Cookie, what issues she was having, and what her goals were for him. She said she got him off a friend who was a breeder/shower. Apparently she got Coo

4.

Text - Thankfully her goals were VERY low for him. She mostly wanted a dog to cuddle with who would pee on his pee pads, sit when asked, and walk nicely on a leash. In the three months we accomplished 2/3. He blessedly started going on the pee pads. Although I think it was because she started scattering them around her home in desperation for him to hit the mark. It was like if he couldn't see the pad they didn't exist. He also began walking nicely on the leash. Again I think he eventually got b

5.

Text - Bear in mind I absolutely knew what I was doing. I had over a decade of horse training experience, three years of dolphin and seal training, two years of elephant and rhino training, and just under a decade of dog training under my belt at this point. (All positive reinforcement) Cookie just never clicked with any of it. He was such a sweetheart. It was almost like he knew he was struggling and wanted to make up for it with kisses. In the end Mom and I came to terms with his limitations a

6.

Text - Kleene_Dilljurke 18 hours ago A client of mine has a Doberman girl that once got stuck in a doorway because she was carrying a long bone and couldn't figure out on her own how to proceed. Ever since that incident, this dog won't walk through any door no matter how wide as long as she's got anything in her muzzle, be it a bone or a tiny little cracker. She is sweet, but really dulI.

7.

Text - whatever_the_fuck_ 18 hours ago e I volunteered for an organisation training guide dogs for blind people. One of the dogs graduated training and was assigned to a blind young lady. It costs €40,000 to get the dog trained to this point. Dog successfully guides her to work every day safely with no problems. Then it's pissing rain one day so her dad asks her to collect her and the dog and drop them to the office. The next day the dog just fucking refuses to work and literally never worked a

8.

Text - WaYaADisi1 18 hours ago Used to volunteer at a Human Society and I remember this one dog who was terrified of shadows. The kicker? This was an akita/husky mix so every time she saw a shadow she would howl loudly till the shadow went away. Last I knew she got adopted by a farmer and was happily chasing Cows.

9.

Text - J_DayDay 19 hours ago S Do not work with animals, but my mom's pit/lab mix is dumb. He has a crazy long tail and it wags at like 35 mph. The other day he was wagging his tail and it was smacking the edge of the fridge. It hurt, he whined. Instead of moving or holding his tail still he just stood there whacking it against the fridge and whining. I finally moved him away from the fridge and he sat and licked it for a while. He's a good boi, but he ain't bright.

10.

Text - DavidWestSideStory 18 hours ago Bruce. A big old bloodhound who, on multiple occasions, would stick his nose right under other dogs while they peed.

11.

Text - Semele5183 17 hours ago My boyfriend walks a large Dalmatian who is the most uncoordinated dog I've ever seen. He just can't jump. Has no sense of what his back legs are doing. When my boyfriend comes to pick him up he tries to get into the van by jumping normally with his front legs but fails to follow through with the back, so just stands excitedly leaning on the floor of the van, doing frantic tippy-taps with his back feet on the ground outside. And he's a big dog, he could step right

12.

Text - foolhardywaffle 17 hours ago · edited 13 hours ago I used to work at a shelter, so I guess this counts. One of our dogs had excitement-induced narcolepsy (called cataplexy). So, he'd fall asleep whenever he was too happy. Playing with other dog? Fall asleep. It snowed? Fall asleep. Get people food? Fall asleep. We adopted him. In a home, we figured out he was afraid of doorways. This doof would turn around and walk backwards through doorways instead because that was less scary. He was als

13.

Text - ARKITIZE_ME_CAPTAIN 18 hours ago Was walking a golden lab and this poor dog smelled something interesting. Decided to pee on it and lifted his leg. Mid pee decided to smell it again and ended up peeing on his own face. Dog was something else.

14.

Text - moonshineboom 17 hours ago I used to pet sit a German Sheppard who I lovingly called Space Cadet. She was really good at following directions, but if I stopped giving her things to do, or stopped moving myself around, she would just disappear somewhere in her little doggy mind. Once her owner forgot to give me the key before she left for a long weekend so I had to break into the house. She didn't react until I called out for her. She had no sense that something was off about my entering.

15.

Text - airroe 17 hours ago I work with dogs professionally however the dumbest dog I ever met was my friend's roommates dog in college. Harvey. He was the absolute sweetest pup, but he was so dumb he only had room for one emotion at a time and only had 2 emotions total: happy and sad. The cat hissed at him; sad. People came inside; happy. Someone yelled; sad. Someone said his name; happy. People not giving attention; sad. Remembered he had a toy; happy. But the dumbest thing this dog ever did wa

16.

Text - suddenly_satire 13 hours ago My sister's dog was dumb. One day I decided to teach it to sit on command, the way I had taught a couple of other dogs. So, every time I brought him in from the backyard I'd get a treat from on top of the refrigerator and go through training. It took much longer than I thought it would, but eventually the dog would sit on command. Then I discovered it only knew what 'sit' meant when he was facing the refrigerator. So, more training, Every time I brought him in

17.

Text - wiskybizniss 15 hours ago I work in a vet clinic and a dog ate a soft cloth foreign object. We were able to induce vomiting and keep the dog from getting an obstruction. Immediately after hurling up the object without a moment's hesitation tried to eat it again so I had to pry it out of his teeth. Dumb.

18.

Text - ChanklasMom 13 hours ago · edited 13 hours ago Oh, that would be Monkey, a 6 month old pitbull mix. One day, Monkey started peeing out of the blue while standing. He looked down, realized there was liquid COMING OUT OF HIM (sorcery!!!???) and decided to stick his head down for a closer look. Monkey wound up peeing all over his own face. He was MYSTIFIED. Wait! I almost forgot about Mr. Jingles!! He was another young pittie I fostered for a few weeks. Mr. Jingles landed himself in my foste

19.

Text - But Mr. Jingles got it into his head that he must rescue me from the scourge that is pants! See, Mr. J thought that when a person climbed under the covers, their body disappeared. If a blanket covered my legs, I was trapped and IN TROUBLE. Cue Jingles digging frantically at the blanket to free my legs. He made the amazing intuitive leap that pants also cover my legs, so those must also be destroyed. Whenever I laid down in a pair of loose-fitting pants, Jingles would POUNCE and try to dra

20.

Text - zerbey 16 hours ago I had a dog named Dougal who was afraid of paper money. Not any other form of paper, just paper money. If you brought out he would immediately run and hide and if you got too close he would pee himself out of sheer terror. Otherwise, he was a pretty normal Labrador. I've no idea where this fear came from.

21.

Text - SagiTsukiko 14 hours ago We had a welsh terrier named Lily who came to our kennel and was always booked for group playtime. She was a show dog, apparently, which might explain why she was violently stupid. One of the playrooms had a big window instead of a wall to let people watch the dogs play. Lily was so fucking dumb she didn't realize this was a window and she full-on sprinted headfirst into it. Every. Single. Day.

22.

Text - Rubricae98 16 hours ago My girlfriend had a great German sherperd. She knew how to do tricks, loved snuggling and never barked. Dream dog. That dog passes. her sister gets a new dog but due to living realizes she can't care for it. My girlfriend volunteers to take the new guy in. Let's call this guy Derpy. Derpy jumped into the oven. While it was on. Repeatedly. He somehow got into the fridge and closed it on himself. Repeatedly. Both now have childproof locks. He barks whenever a branch

23.

Text - mylifeisathrowaway10 17 hours ago I once petsat a French bulldog who would run headfirst into walls and table legs constantly. His eyesight was fine.

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