Saturday, January 30, 2021

Funny Tumblr Moments and Sweet Ripened Tweets


Put a massive group of literate people together and what do you get? A pristine futuristic world of understanding, compassion and justice? Hell naw, you get weird stories, stupid jokes, funny tweets and tumblr gems to quote later. The internet is big enough for anyone digging through funny tumblr gems to find whatever their hearts desire.

1.

Font - Amaxx A @climaxximus me: I heard owen wilson is a master of disguise wife: wow me: [narrows eyes] 1:16 PM 12 Apr 20 · Twitter for Android

2.

Table - My girlfriend walked outside this morning to see this, a bunch of snails in a circle with leader in the middle... yourscientistfriend: ravibun: darecrow: We've found it Snail Church snurch Take me to snurch

3.

Font - Dee @figgled It's kinda fucked that musicians eat sandwiches by placing them inside trombones and honking them into each other's mouths 18/4/17, 12:32 pm skirtsuit-angel this is an example of defamiliarization, where something totally normal, conventional, and ordinary - like honkwiching - is taken and described as something that sounds weird and foreign Source: memewhore

4.

Font - MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0 [After leaving Willy Wonka's factory] ME: WIFE: МE: WIFE: МЕ: WIFE: Lot of deaths for a to- ME: A LOT of deaths for a tour!

5.

Window - 11 ziyal this shot of the joker pulling up his pants leg seems to imply that the white part of his feet is actually just bare skin, not fabric spats over a pair of dress shoes, as i had always assumed?? which means that the animated series joker has actually been wearing, like, kitten heeled pumps this entire time

6.

Liquid - sto pamstime E FIELENS DAIRY GUERNSE GOATS BUTTER BUTTEIC WHO YOU GONNA CALL GOATS BUTTER Helen's farm goats botter Guernsey butter saltad £1.90 25ög E7.60 kg 250g | LURDAK now Innocent pinvopple I ain't afraid of no goats. indirispeaks I am suspicious of the pineapple though. FARM RPAK

7.

Organism - Ha nah fam O @frluckaj Lmaooo0o in my Zoom lecture the prof asked if anyone had any questions and one kid used the 'Raise Hand' feature. Prof calls on him and he has the nerve to say 'No sorry I was just stretching' 12:15 · 09 Apr 20 · Twitter Web App 1,921 Retweets 16.9K Likes <>

8.

Vertebrate - Molly Hodgdon @Manglewood Ohru still using handheld beans? O 977 4:30 AM - Jan 4, 2015

9.

Organism - > protagonists are working class > villain is bourgeoise > villain's plan is to automate the production for profit > the day is saved by a state regulating bureau > the happy ending is the working class seizing the means of production Monsters Inc. is marxist propaganda

10.

Rectangle - Lizzy @thedirtbird Jelly. Baby needs jelly. 8 JELLY BABY NEEDS JELLY 15K 2:57 AM - Oct 12, 2015 i)

11.

Human body - flightcub my three favorite things are the oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities flightcub.tumblr.com

12.

Rectangle - portentsofwoe you know what really gets my goat? aglaja el chupacabra Source: portentsofwoe 690,620 notes

13.

Organism - Dan Sheehan @ltsDanSheehan Is it a "We need to retrieve the orb" superhero movie" or a "we need to close the gate" superhero movie 6:02 PM · 2020-12-28 · Twitter Web App 448 Retweets 23 Quote Tweets 5,318 Likes

14.

Font - itistimetodisappear Anyone else constantly on edge because we are in the final stages of late capitalism and these next couple of decades are gonna be make or break for the western world, and this just happens to coincide with the part of my life where I'm supposed to make something of myself :/ f-ckmedead You didn't have to say it with words Source: itistimetodisappear

15.

Rectangle - supermoclel are you ever in the middle of saying something or showing someone something and you realize that literally no one cares Source: bonitapvta 808,156 notes

16.

Light - Dani Donovan ADHD Comics @danidonovan you HAVE to stop telling yourself you're going to make banana bread. you're not gonna make banana bread. just let them go, man. Banana 4011

17.

Font - Jennifer's addiction began at age five when she ate the seat of the family car. My Strange Aldietion ALL NEW TEC HD candyswords: what the actual fuck Jennifer

18.

Font - The District Demon @IntergalacticQ How my mom made me pump her gas when the DC sniper was active ** Queen J * @HeyMissQueen · 1d What's a story you can't wait to tell your grandkids?

19.

Font - Not Sara @smithsara79 Me: *slapping my older brother in the face with his own hand* haha stop hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself Sister-in-law: *crying* is this why you wanted an open casket 4:31 PM - Dec 11, 2017 169 277,036 32,509

20.

Font - David Hughes @david8hughes [son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's that Son: it's our house Me [walks outside with son]: do you see how it absolutely isn't?

21.

Cat - Living Morganism Y @ok_girlfri. · 1h This cat had a skin infection so her owner tried applying some turmeric to treat it. As a side effect, it turned her into Pikachu.

22.

Product - gabrielisnotamoosed Priest : Do you read to your children from the holy book? Me : yes Priest : What is their favourite part? Me : when frodo destroys the ring. #funny #puns #lol #lord of the rings #fr 13,708 notes

23.

Photograph - S just-finee -Give it to me! -No. A nepetwerk LOTR: a summary bloodelf cannot breathe Source: argaynine 169,126 notes 口 回

24.

Font - photosbygy kinda wanna relationship, kinda wanna stay single my whole life, kinda wanna go on adventures, kinda wanna stay in my bed my whole life obtrta It's the Baggins side of your bloodline fighting the Took in you septembersung There are two wolves hobbits inside you prankprincess123 The Baggins side says to eat and sleep and hide from people. The Took side is yelling "I'M GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!!!!!" Source: photosbygy

25.

Product - FOX Fox News VNEWS @FoxNews .com Philadelphia Dunkin' Donuts robber spotted stretching beforehand fxn.ws/ 20JHTUV #FOXNewsUS 01-22-2017 06:52:55 (S)

26.

Font - average joe @jazz_inmypants one of my clearest memories of my grandfather is when he beat me in chess and i cried because i was a sore loser and he said ok i'll play you left-handed and then i won and it took me until like last week to realize he was a clown bastard

27.

Font - UNIVE your bff alex RUBI SANG @psybermonkey Nurse: you've been in a coma for three months Me: oh boy! I can't wait to see Coldplay in concert Nurse (standing 6 feet away): there's something you should know Me: what? Nurse: Coldplay sucks

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