Monday, January 11, 2021

A Puddle of Puns to Roll Around In


It's no question that puns are a sometimes food. When the human mind isn't ready for a sackful of puns to spill all over, they just become grating and horrible. But a well timed joke or an expertly dropped dad joke can turn frowns all sorts of directions. Puns are like a pizza or a baby. It's all about the delivery.

1.

Text - Beans After Dark @goodbeanalt british people be like im bri ish javeigh young-white (mango propaga... @javeighyw is it cause they drank thet

2.

Blue - 69 Dad> Fr, Jun 9, 420 PM As soon as I hit 198 pounds l'm gonna eat 2 pounds of nacho slim jims so I can be 1% nacho. The i you are. You're still 100% my son and I forbid it. 99% your son What? 1% nacho son

3.

Branch - Kathleen Hefferon, PhD @KHefferon ... Chemistree

4.

Brown - me: *smiles* teacher: why are you smiling me: nothing me in my head: lemonade

5.

Blue - when your friend slavia finally gets her life back togather AUSTRIA HUNGARY SR SLOVENIA SR CROATIA ROMANIA SAP Vojvodina YUGOSLAVIA SR SERBIA SR BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA Adriatic Sea SR MONT. BULGARI SAP Kosovo SR MACEDONIA ECE ALBANIA ITALY

6.

Ear - What you're looking for is already inside you

7.

Concrete - PRAD

8.

Handwriting - HELP IM Un PER A TACKO

9.

Grass - FOR LEASE NAVIDAD

10.

Text - Anonymous said Hey how many swords do u have bisexualdemondean Follow Sword of a lot antisocial-butterflies Follow Blocked bisexualdemondean Follow Parried

11.

Motor vehicle - PLAN A PLAN B PLAN C PLAN D PLANE

12.

Body piercing - German engine earring

13.

Yellow - wn ns& ronx BDSM orLogeted to impu crdy Sorry I'm late, got tied up in the subway

14.

Human - The Spaniards harvested these crystals and sent them by ship back to Europe. It was then that it was first determined how many quartz were in a galleon.

15.

Syngnathiformes - I tried to buy a Mortal Kombat soundtrack. All I could find were Finnish Hymns.

16.

Brown - My New Year's resolution sucks NEW YEARS

17.

Text - So my dads telling my relatives the story of how my mom was in labor for 12 hours so they named me Laura, which if you say it in a Vietnamese accent it's lau-ra, which means "long time to come out"...IMAGINE FINDING OUT AFTER 21 YEARS YOUR NAME IS A FUCKING PUN

18.

Organism - [forest] ME: omg there's a wolf WIFE: where? ME: no the regular kind

19.

Ancient history - COOKING INSTRUCTIONS: Bake 2 Pies in the sun for 90 minutes

20.

Computer accessory - Hello, is Danny Boy there? Could I ask who's calling?

21.

Standing - 4 6 1 8 CE 5 1. ICEE 2. A windowsill 3. A wet toe of a man 4. Cher 5. A moose 6. Cher 7. A moose 8. Willem 9. Lieutenant Dangle (not pictured: thunderbolts and lightning; may be too frightening for some viewers)

22.

Organism - Me: Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Dad: We arson

23.

People - When a LinkedIn recruiter asks me if I'm interested in a job in Oklahoma. Nah, man: Am pretty fuckin' far from OK.

24.

People - You spent our entire life savings on dogs! They're golden retrievers, Karen. They retrieve gold. I did it for us.

25.

Motor vehicle - The Steaks has never been so high NYANGA M22 Borcherds Quarry Rd

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