Sunday, December 27, 2020

Entertaining Nuggets Of Comedy Gold From Tumblr


Ah, good old Tumblr. It's a maze of people getting real meticulous and obsessive when it comes to overanalyzing movies, tv shows, and other facets of life. Never know what kind of wisdom you might come across while you're exploring the ins and outs of Tumblr. 

1.

Text - mbrainspaz OPA I really enjoy just existing in hotels. The long identical hallways. The soulless abstract art. The weird noises the air-conditioner makes. Strange city lights in the window. Six stories off the ground. Strangers chatting in the hall. Nothing in the dresser. No past, but an infinite present. sushinfood Finally, Someone Understands

2.

Text - ndiecity My local rock station You're listening to rock. Fucking rock. We're hard as shit. All the other stations are whimpy little snowflakes for not playing rock like we do. Hard rock. Rock and metal and fucking rock. Up next is Twenty One Pilots followed by Imagine Dragons

3.

Text - graynard talking to my infant son like im a youtuber looking4myson Whats up baby. Father here bringing you another spoonful of Gerber ham and gravy baby food

4.

Text - doctors before an x-ray be like "dont worry this is perfectly safe" and then the dude goes to egypt to press a button twinkcommunist In case anyone's wondering is because getting an x ray once is so barely harmful that it rounds to zero but standing in front of an x ray emitter 40 hours a week for years will definitely kill you iridepigs If I go to the bar and have one drink with the bartender l'll be fine. If the bartender has a drink with every patron then they will die

5.

Text - olofahere Do not punish the behaviour you want to see I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that, right? But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize, snarkily say, "So, you've decided to join us"? Or when someone does something they've had trouble doing, say, "Why can't you do that all the time?" (Happened to me, too often.) Or any sentence containing the word "finally". If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you wan

6.

Text - help-mywife Help, my girlfriend calls Red Dead Redemption "Redededemption" and also insists that that's the name of the main character pecawn her mind is far more advanced than yours will ever be

7.

Text - bloglikeanegyptian a jurassic park game where you “build your own park" and you think the game is about building the best park with the most amount of dinosaurs and everything is running well and it goes from cloning the dinosaur all the way to putting them in the right paddock then when you've finished and the credits roll the screen goes black and it starts blaring an alarm and all the dinosaurs escape and now you're playing a first person POV-game escaping from all the dinosaurs you he

8.

Text - laskulls normal ocean creatures: ah. viva la sea. the blue, it is harsh but it is my love. i am a magnificent creature in a magical place the deep ocean weirdos: i don't need oxygen to survive. i haven't eaten since the fall of byzantium. i have 300 eyes on my eyeballs. its been 14000 years since l've bumped into another life form. I'll kick anything's ass. nothing can kill me not even death

9.

Text - REI tilthat TIL To create the battles for Lord of the Rings, Weta used a program called MASSIVE & was able to create thousands of CG soldiers, give them artificial intelligence, talents, and skills, then just let them fight. The Al worked so well that some of the soldiers assessed the battle and fled. via reddit.com froody artificial cowardice

10.

Text - thunderthightning-deactivated20 i was playing scrabble and i had a B, U, R, G, E, and R and i thought “aha burger, one who burgs, but my mom will never accept that as a word" but then i remembered burger is actually a word lifewasted one time I played the word "am" and I thought, they can totally let that slide because of AM radio and A.M time. then i remembered undefindatawsome Scrabble does things to your mind that you can never come back from.

11.

Joint - helladutchess: shrekyourself: they put a bee in a human hospital bed "Sorry sir we have no more beds left." "What about that one?" "Oh that's a Bee's"

12.

Text - methlabrador Itd be funny as fuck if the world operated like how people with social anxiety think it does. Like what if you got on a bus and everyone was like wow look at that piece of shit loser. Get off the bus you ugly bastard a sapphic-sunny thats just middle school

13.

Text - Heres the thing you gotta understand about statistics. "Increases your chances by 80%" does not mean "there is now an 80% chance". If your chances were previously 10%, your chances are now 18%, not 90%. if your chances were roughly 1%, they're now just slightly less than 2%. thats how that works. hopeful-weirdo Wow I don't understand math at all anchirotleep 'if you have a baby after 35, the chance of deformities goes up by 100%' is a line I hear alot. It goes up from .5% to 1% working-cl

14.

Text - Waiter: How did you find your meal, sir? Me: Yeah, it was nice. Waiter: That's not what I meant and you know it. Me: Another waiter told me where you hid it. towritelesbiansonherarms this cracked me up more than i think it should have

15.

Text - lesbuchanan Summer Olympics: Who can run the fastest? :) Who can swim the fastest? :) Who can do the best somersault? :) Winter Olympics: WHO CAN MAKE IT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS ICE SLIDE OF DEATH AND SURVIVE?? WHO CAN GET AROUND THE RINK WITHOUT GETTING THEIR HANDS SLICED OFF BY EVERYONE ELSE'S FEET BLADES?? CAN THIS GUY DO A 1080 DEGREE FLIP WITHOUT DYING?? legionoftuna Summer Triathlon: Don't run too fast, you have to save your energy for a swim and a bike ride! :) Winter Biathlon: I see

16.

Text - evilrick: evilrick: I love all 5 of my followers tbh evilrick I love all 5 of my followers tbh 5 notes 5 notes the gangs all here

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