Thursday, September 3, 2020

Twitter Thread: Dad's Crickets Delivery Erupts Into Disaster


At least the cats got to have a magical day playing with all of those crickets. That being said, this dad learned a valuable lesson in not making assumptions about cricket deliveries. As one can imagine, when those little critters break free, it is very hard to round them back up again. 

1.

Text - Christopher Ingraham O @_cingraham So, a shipment of crickets for the lizard arrived via FedEx today. It was my first time ordering bulk crickets off the internet, and I naively assumed that they would be in like, a bag or some other contraption to facilitate easy transfer to another container. They were not.

2.

Text - Christopher Ingraham O @_cingraham They were in a cardboard box. And I cut the tape and opened the box and SURPRISE! Crickets everywhere. It was the middle of the workday and I didn't have time to deal with cricket logistics, sol put the tape back on the box. <>

3.

Text - Christopher Ingraham @_cingraham And then I put the box in the upstairs bathroom, the only semi-contained place in the house where I knew the kids and the cats and the dogs wouldn't be able to get at the box and tear it open and unleash 250 hungry crickets into our warm, semi-humid environment.

4.

Text - Text - About 20 minutes later l'm back at work on my computer, and I hear my wife in the kitchen: "where are these goddamn crickets coming from." I freely admit I had not kept her fully up-to-date on my cricket purchasing plans.

5.

Text - Christopher Ingraham O @_cingraham And at first I was like "okay, maybe one or two got out when I initially opened the box. No biggie."| kept working.

6.

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8.

Text - Christopher Ingraham O @_cingraham I say "That's a good question. Let me check something." I walk over to the bathroom. I open the door. There are crickets. Everywhere. >

9.

Text - Text - Christopher Ingraham O @_cingraham Crickets on the floor. Crickets on the walls. Crickets in the sink. Crickets in the toilet. >

10.

Text - Text - Christopher Ingraham O @_cingraham For some reason my first instinct is to flush the toilet, as if that will do anything to solve the problem of crickets in all the other places that were not the toilet. I shut the door. "Uh, don't come in here!" I try to sound cheerful.

11.

Text - Text - Christopher Ingraham O @_cingraham Apparently I had not sealed the box shut as well as I should have. Iended up rushing out to the shed, in the 18" of snow and below zero temperatures, to pick up a spare aquarium we had. I spent about 45 minutes collecting crickets from the bathroom.

12.

Text - Text - Christopher Ingraham O @_cingraham Of course by this point many had migrated elsewhere. They were in the closet. In the shoes. Making their way downstairs to the playroom. The cats were having what I can only imagine was the greatest day of their lives.

13.

Text - Christopher Ingraham @_cingraham I tried to collect all of them. It was like the world's shittiest game of Pokemon. But here we are, roughly 10 hours after the initial catastrophe, and stray crickets are still turning up in odd places.

14.

Text - Christopher Ingraham O @_cingraham I make this information public because if I do not send any tweets tomorrow, it is because my wife murdered me after finding a cricket in our bed in the middle of the night. And that's the news from Red Lake Falls.

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