Wednesday, September 2, 2020

People's Most Brutal Breakup Lines


They're like pickup lines but only used for breakups. Nobody was holding back in this particular AskReddit thread. Can't say that we're surprised. People can get pretty dang ruthless when anger and despair are through the roof, and heartbreak's taken the mic to air out its grievances in clever ways. 

1.

Text - _iPood_ • 4h Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we're breaking up. Reply 14.9k ...

2.

Text - giantcabbage_ • 3h 27 Awards They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you Reply 35.9k ...

3.

Text - ExistentialBob• 3h Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down. Reply 758 ...

4.

Text - ThatBritishPleb • 4h We should make like the Soviet Union and split up. Reply 1 3.5k ...

5.

Text - comrade_batman • 3h O1 Award Are we tectonic plates? Because we're drifting apart. Reply 1 2.1k ...

6.

Text - VOMIT_ON_HIS_SWEATER • 4h Damn girl, are you a magician's assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life Reply 3.5k ...

7.

Text - maleorderbride • 4h Babe are you a checkered flag because we're finished Reply 13.8k ...

8.

Text - Bladepuppet • 4h Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet. Reply 5.1k

9.

Text - drain65 • 3h "Hey baby, is your name Delta? Because l've spent the last forty-five minutes waiting for you to take off." Reply 1 7.2k ...

10.

Text - Victim_of_Conscience • 3h You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years Reply 1.0k ...

11.

Text - WilliamMurderfacex3 • 3h 5 Awards Hey babe are you a time share, because l've been trying to get out of this for like 3 years. You're a waste of fucking money and you're only available when l'm not. Reply 10.6k ...

12.

Text - SomeRandomRealtor • 5h Roses are red Violets are blue Girl its been fun But im leaving you Edit: format Reply 1 2.7k ...

13.

Text - inkseep1 • 3h O O 2 Awards you know how you like to call me daddy? well, daddy is just going to go out for cigarettes... Reply 1.6k ...

14.

Text - Split-the-8s • 4h Me: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Reply 1.2k ...

15.

Text - maleorderbride • 4h Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet l'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U Reply 577 ...

16.

Text - maleorderbride • 4h Aside from being single, what do you do for a living? Reply 228 ...

17.

Text - ledge-14 • 3h I knew this girl in middle school who would break up with boys by saying: roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you Reply 65 ...

18.

Text - restore_md • 3h A boyfriend when I was 14 and I agreed if we ever broke up we would text the other "I break up with you." He broke up with me and didn't use the line. Weak. Reply 59 ...

19.

Text - ghostofoutkast • 3h G O 4 Awards Hey girl, are you a newspaper? Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day Reply 8.4k ...

20.

White - maleorderbride • 4h We're donion rings Reply 1.9k ...

21.

Text - wiiuorwii • 3h I know opposites are supposed to attract each other, but im hot af and i still dont see us together Reply 74 ...

22.

Text - Novallyn • 4h Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.

23.

Text - ssluscious • 3h Hey baby I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo. Reply 82 ...

24.

Text - ByzantineBasileus • 3h Hey, lets hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone! Reply 1 46 ...

25.

Text - organic_lettuce • 5h Are you a full Caterpillar Truck? cuz l'm gonna dump you somewhere in a construction zone Reply 91 ...

26.

Text - Grain-Mon • 5h 1 Award Its time to be like a kit-kat and split up.

27.

Text - mildewmoisturizer • 1h Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore. Reply 23 ...

28.

Text - HyperNathan • 3h We need to cover more ground so we should split up. Reply ...

29.

Text - spongej0e • 3h Hey babe, I think its about time to cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore Reply 11 ...

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