Sunday, August 2, 2020

Twitter Thread: The Power Of Setting Personal Boundaries


This powerful Twitter thread focuses on the importance of setting personal boundaries with others around you, and adapting accordingly when those boundaries aren't respected. This woman's mom sounds like an awesome human being. You can see the positive impact that this mom's parenting approach had as the young woman grew up and faced other situations in life where her personal boundaries weren't being respected. 

1.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook I want to tell you a story about how my mum taught me that I'm allowed to leave an uncomfortable situation.

2.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 10h I was maybe 7, I think it was my first sleepover at someone else's house. I don't remember the girl's name. But before I left Mum told me that if I was uncomfortable at any point, for any reason, even if it was in the middle of the night, I could call her. 2735 899

3.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 10h She was very clear. She said even if her parents have gone to bed I want you to knock on their bedroom door and ask to use the phone. I could call her even if it was late. And if her parents didn't answer the door to just go find the phone and call her anyway. 03 27 18 830

4.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 10h She said it doesn't matter what time it is, you won't be in trouble and l'll come get you. I think I was being teased about something. It definitely wasn't just I can't sleep, there was something social going on. But that's what I did. 2717 863

5.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 10h The girl's mom tried to discourage me. She said it was late, I said my mum didn't care. She said I could sleep on the couch. I said I wanted to go home. She said I was upsetting her daughter, I said she was mean to me. 2 27 19 890

6.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 10h I remember holding the phone and my mum answered. I said "hi Mum." She said "you want me to come get you?" I said "yes please." She said "ask her Mum to help you pack up your things and get your coat on. I'll be right there." 02 2719 862

7.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 10h And my mum showed up on her doorstep in pajama pants and a coat. The girl's mum kept apologizing for me calling, my mum put up a hand and said "don't apologize for my daughter. I want her to know she's allowed to leave and l'll be there for her at any time." 05 2762 O 2,369

8.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 10h I remember the little crowd of sleepover girls huddled in the far doorway that led to the bedrooms, watching all of this confused and silent. And I remember that mom apologizing. She didn't seem to know what to say after my mum asked her to stop. 2 27 16 904

9.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 10h I had more incidents like that as I grew up. My mum did a lot around boundaries with me. I remember her marching me down the street to another girl's house to ask for an apology in front of her parents. 1 27 20 ♡ 1,231

10.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook - 10h I remember her telling 3 friends to sit in the front room with their bags packed while they waited for their parents to come get them, after I had told them al| to "get out of my house" for teasing me and bullying me. 3 27 23 ♡ 1,192

11.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 10h I remember her coaching me through a speech on how to resign and leave from a hostile work environment when I was in the middle of nowhere at a camp for the summer, and she offered money to get a cab to pick me and my friends up. 27 17 O 1,268

12.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 9h I can't say l've always followed my gut on boundaries and discomfort. I can't say I've never swallowed it in order to make others comfortable. But I can say what she taught me was important. It was and still is radical. 0 1 2739 1,543

13.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook - 9h It's radical to have boundaries. And to exercise them. Three things I think were really really important in what she did: 1. She always explicitly said "you can leave if you want to." 2. She never questioned why, or whether I was overreacting. 3. She showed up. O 10 17445 O 3,778

14.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 9h But I think a lot about the girl's mum apologizing and how... that's the norm, actually. What my mum taught me was radical, what that girl's mum was teaching was the norm. "Just deal with it, don't trouble anyone, go back to sleep, it'll be over soon, don't ruin it." 27 112 ♡ 1,922

15.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook · 9h And I still get that message from a lot of places. But my mum taught me that l'm allowed to leave. I see what a privilege that is as an adult. For some people, for some situations, there is no way out. But sometimes, also, we don't leave because we think we're not allowed. 27 103 ♡ 1,745

16.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook - 9h So, just in case no one ever told you (or you need a reminder): YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LEAVE. You can leave a date, a party, a job, a meeting, a commitment. You are allowed. If you're worried about keeping your word remember that your boundaries are also your word, your integrity. O 23 271,233 O 5,192

17.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 9h I wanted to tell this story because the message to stay to make others comfortable is so pervasive, that without actively teaching me that l'm allowed to leave, that's what I would've absorbed.

18.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook - 9h Hell, I absorbed a lot of it anyway. As an adult, at that camp job, I remember her on the phone saying "what do you want to do?" And not knowing, until she said "do you want to leave?" And I said "can 1?" She said "You can always leave. What do you need so you can leave?" 05 1746 1,374

19.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook 9h So, if you're a person like me, who was taught that you're allowed to leave, keep an eye out for those who weren't. They may need the reminder. They may need to hear that it's okay. They may need help. And keep telling yourself that you are allowed. You're allowed to leave. Q 26 27211 O 2,169

20.

Text - Erynn Brook @ErynnBrook · 8h Wow this is really taking off! Before it goes too far I wanted to say: I'm seeing this being gendered and while I am a woman and my mother is a woman there's no gender on this message. I understand the impulse to teach your daughters this but please teach all children. 15 2756 1,550

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