Monday, July 13, 2020

Twitter Thread: Fascinating History On Cleopatra


Now that's how one puts their Master's in Egyptian History to work. 

1.

Text - Anne Thériault O. 05/02/2018 Cleopatra: looks like we had twins Cleopatra: I named them after two great world leaders Mark Antony: I love you too, babe Cleopatra: no I mean after 200 Alexander the Great and also me O 29 271146 4 030 1 Anne Thériault O. 05/02/2018 Cleopatra: one of them has the middle name Sun and the other one has the middle name moon Mark Antony: that's a bit.... Cleopatra: welcome to Ancient Egypt, The Land Of Being Extra 27174 1 507 1

2.

Text - Anne Thériault . 05/02/2018 Mark Antony: was Julius Caesar's dick... Cleopatra: omg yes extremely Cleopatra: way bigger than yours Cleopatra: but, you know, you have a lot of redeeming qualities 271 961 Anne Thériault . 05/02/2018 Cleopatra: I'm pregnant again! We're gonna have another baby!!! Mark Antony: we can name this one after me! Cleopatra: oh lol no this one will be named Ptolemy Philadelphus because he loves his brothers and also the Eagles 03 27 109 1 274 1,

3.

Text - Julius Caesar: I don't know what you're talking about Julius Caesar: I've literally never had sex with Cleopatra let alone fathered her child Julius Caesar: sure I commissioned a sexy statue of her as Isis and put it in the temple of Venus the Mother, but that means nothing 01 2793 O 915 Anne Thériault O. 05/02/2018 Cleopatra: bet I could spend 10 million sestertii on a meal Mark Antony: lol you're on Cleopatra: *serves incredibly basic meal* Mark Antony: this isn't... Cleopatra: *takes o

4.

Text - Anne Thériault . 05/02/2018 Mark Antony: you would ... drink vinegar and ruin your expensive jewellery just to win a bet against me? Cleopatra: the fuck you think I wouldn't do Cleopatra: to win, I mean Q2 2785 O1113 1

5.

Text - Anne Thériault O. 05/02/2018 Mark Antony: Cleopatra has BETRAYED ME Cleopatra: tell Mark Antony l'm dead Mark Antony: MY BELOVED IS DEAD Mark Antony: *stabs self* Cleopatra: *begins wailing & taking off clothes* Ptolemy: omfg could someone around here be the grownup for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES

6.

Text - Anne Thériault O- 06/02/2018 Cleopatra: by the time I was 21 I had not only had myself smuggled into Julius Caesar's room but also slept with him then got him to execute my brother/political rival/ husband Cleopatra: but by all means tell me about how you're "good" at "politics" 94 27249 1 328 1

7.

Text - Anne Thériault . 06/02/2018 Cleopatra: look I'm not saying the rumours about how I died are wrong Cleopatra: i'm just saying "basket of figs" and "cobra" are incredibly overwrought metaphors and whoever came up with that is a fucking hack who doesn't deserve me 97 1758 767

8.

Text - Anne Thériault O. 08/02/2018 Julius Caesar: I'm actually terrible with money Julius Caesar: I once bought a mistress a pearl that cost what 1,200 professional soldiers would earn in a year Julius Caesar: in conclusion, please put me in charge of your empire 04 27 38 450

9.

Text - Anne Thériault O. 08/02/2018 Cleopatra: Julius has slept with literally so many people Cleopatra: including but def not limited to the king of Bithynia Cleopatra: but sure, I'M the slut for having two consecutive Roman dicks in me 04 2781 664

10.

Text - Anne Thériault O. 08/02/2018 Cleopatra: I'm not saying I deserve any world's greatest mom mugs Cleopatra: but at least I didn't make my kids marry their siblings Cleopatra: so 2744 646

11.

Text - Anne Thériault O. 09/02/2018 Cleopatra: I commanded an army against my brother Historians: Cleopatra was sexy Cleopatra: Egypt was stable and prosperous under my rule Historians: SO sexy!!! Cleopatra: I SPOKE NINE LANGUAGES Historians: S-E-X-Y 28 271 490 3 376 1,

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