FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: Tumblr Thread: Man Unleashes Fiery Rant About Burrito

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Man Unleashes Fiery Rant About Burrito

This post is the epitome of frustration. Clearly, don't get in the way of this dude trying to enjoy himself a nice burrito.

1.

Food group - BEANS CHEESE GALAMOLE I MEAT RKE SOUR CREAM LETTUCE CILAUTRO SALSA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Cormer Intruding Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe

2.

Text - a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you andI agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You're

3.

Text - with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito's end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi- ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pr

4.

Text - When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their jaws, and lI'm not a fucking pelican. But you must think that's how it's done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can't guess anything, because l'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a

5.

Text - Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT'S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BEN

6.

Text - CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT T HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don't even fucking think I'm about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT'S HO I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK- ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE G

7.

Text - What's that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON'T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID "JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK":

8.

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Text - Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven't cried since I was six, but I'm fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us.

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Tagged: humor , hilarious , tumblr , burrito , rant , ridiculous , funny tumblr

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