Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Twitter Thread: Man Unknowingly Invites Raccoon Into Hammock


Aaron Reynolds shared a hilarious story about a particularly surprising evening he had, while chilling on a hammock listening to the Rolling Stones. You see, Aaron thought he was summoning his cat into the hammock, when in fact it was a sneaky raccoon. From there, hilarious chaos ensues. 

1.

Text - Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds I've started a new evening ritual: I leave all my technology inside except my Walkman, and I get into the hammock in the back yard and listen to an album from start to finish. My cat has been curious about this new habit, and I've been trying to coax him into the hammock – -

2.

Text - Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 9h Replying to @aaronreynolds Tonight was some Rolling Stones – I've never really given them a fair shake, so I'm working through the Stones in Mono box set – and like clockwork, my big grey lump of a cat shows up. I make some space and start patting the hammock and asking him to jump up –

3.

Text - Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 9h And to my delight, he decides to climb into the hammock! Except not in a very cat-like way. Huh. At this point I should let you know that my backyard is very dark and I don't see well. 27 12 522 Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 9h I have just invited a raccoon into the hammock with me and the raccoon has obliged. Q 11 27 84 1,471

4.

Text - Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 9h The raccoon stares at me for a while. Like, "you invited me up here, now what" Now what indeed 9 27 13 924 Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 9h So I very slowly put one foot down and then the other on either side of the hammock and slowly try to stand up. I'm maintaining eye contact with the raccoon as if my life depends on it. 27 4 527

5.

Text - Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 8h Here is my second miscalculation of the evening: as I take my weight off of the hammock, the raccoon starts to slide towards the middle. I am straddling the hammock and the raccoon is sliding straight at my crotch and all I can think of is the laser scene in Goldfinger. 5 27 20 794

6.

Text - Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 8h I chuckle a little. The raccoon doesn't like this noise. Or he doesn't like the sliding, or both. He tries to turn around and climb back to his end of the hammock but instead now I'm straddling the raccoon like I'm playing horsey with it. 4 27 7 544 Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 8h I shout something, maybe "Christ"? I don't know. The raccoon also makes a kind of disgruntled old man noise that probably means the same thing. 27 10 693

7.

Text - Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 8h I do a profoundly inelegant dismount, bringing one leg up way too high to get it over the raccoon and end up falling on the ground. The raccoon looks down at me from the hammock. He grunts. He settles in. 27 5 604 2 Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 8h The raccoon is outside in what I assume is now his hammock. I am inside on the couch with ice on my groin because I definitely pulled something. ♡ 15 27 17 1,038

8.

Text - Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 8h Anyways I'm still not a fan of the Rolling Stones. 18 27 7 859 Aaron Reynolds @aaronreynolds · 8h Yes, I came home from an eye exam and they put in the drops where you can't see for a few hours and I thought I was letting in the cat but I let in a groundhog who ate all the cat food and wouldn't leave. He came back to the door every day for a week and I never told my wife why.

9.

Text - snark maiden @ms_christinak · 8h Replying to @aaronreynolds and @aaronreynolds You'd think you would have learned from the groundhog incident! (That was you, right? Was it a groundhog, or some other urban beast?) 39 27 94 1,485

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