The Last Thoughts People Had When They Believed They Were About To Die

Being alive, we spend a much of our time and energy concerned with staying that way. Every one of us has had a close call, or a time when we thought "man, if things had gone just a bit differently, I might not be around to melodramatically wax philosophical on this." Death is scary, in fact it's pretty much the root of all fear. Which makes it interesting to hear about what was going through people's minds when they were very realistically facing their own mortality up close.

It seems like, based on the nature of the event of your seemingly impending breakup with life, there's something of an equal chance that you'll have a kind of resigned "so this is how it happens" response, or a very sentimental "I wish I could see my loved ones one last time" sort of thing. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, when turning around to see a speeding train bearing down on you, your last conscious thought could just as easily be "Yowie Zowie! That's a Spicy Meat-a-Ball!"

For some stories of terror and intrigue, here are freaky close calls people somehow avoided.

Husband On Anesthesia Calls For His Mother, Wife Takes It Personally And Leaves

This fine individual was shocked that her husband, just out of surgery and with his brain clouded with anesthesia, would have the sheer audacity to call for his mom. "How dare he do this to me. Why does this always happen to me." she thought, from the waiting room.

Instead of thinking about the situation for like a second, she decided the best course of action would be to take the ramblings of her barely-conscious husband to heart, and leave him at the hospital.

Upon going to the internet to get some support for her behavior, the internet reminded her, fairly unkindly, that she might actually be part of the problem. What a revelation. Hope that this woman can get over the jealousy she has for her mother-in-law. 

Imagine waking up from surgery to find that your significant other is pissed about what you did. It's like a reversal variation of the "I had a dream where you cheated and now it's your fault."

For another bout of hospital drama, here's the jerk husband who allowed his mother-in-law to secretly visit their newborn against his wife's wishes.

Guys Share Their Biggest Turnoffs and Worst Date Experiences

Ladies, take notes. These are the things that you absolutely do not want to do on a date. 

_{Thumbnail Image: Wiktor Karkocha}

The 10 Worst Marvel Cinematic Universe Movies

Entitled Dude Won't Remove Hand From Bus Seat, Pregnant Lady Just Sits On It

There's a type of person who, given even the smallest amount of power, will grab and hold onto that with all their might, even if their claim to it rests only in their mind. There's no reasoning with this kind of person, because they're pathologically incapable of understanding that another person could benefit from say, having a seat on the bus. They would rather keep their fallacious claim to that seat, feeling none of the shame that they ought to over being a pain to everyone around them. And for the most part, we let them do it because it's easier to let someone live in their world of illusion than it is to get in a fight on the bus.

Everyone knows that you don't get dibs on the seat next to you on a packed bus. Well, everyone except this guy. Maybe he thought he could impose his will with only his hand? His disrespect for the law of the bus was not going to go unchallenged

Challenges over territory are as old as time. Here's the riveting adventure of an entitled mom who took a stranger's seat and didn't understand why he was upset.

Women Share Serious Red Flags For Dating Women

Being involved with the wrong person can completely ruin your life. If you don't believe that, walk around an Ikea on a Sunday at 4 pm. You only need to hear enough arguments about "if the Malm will suit our needs" to realize that after this, someone is gonna end up sleeping on the Ektorp for a week.

But it's not like there aren't warnings that every person throws off for months and years before you choose to staple your life to theirs. In that time, everyone will let their red flags fly. All it takes is an astute capacity for observation to fully realize if this person is just the absolute worst. To help look for the joy-robbing features of a potential ex-wife or girlfriend, here are signs from women about other women that just about anyone will find helpful.

And if you start to notice that you're the kind of person who does the things featured here, know that these people are right, and that you are going to have to take responsibility for your actions, despite your pathological incapability to see that, Cheryl.

For some more turmoil, here are ways people found out their ex was cheating.

Father Enacts Brutal Revenge On Creepy Neighbors When They Are Caught Spying On Children

These bizarrely paranoid and creepy neighbors were caught doing their usual rounds of spying on anyone close to the edge of their property. They were spying on the kids while the kids were playing and had been for what seemed to be some time. So the kids ran to tell the father, and he hit the roof. Enough was enough.

This thread was posted to r/pettyrevenge by one of the children in the story, u/FireRump, because of the "eye for an eye" style of revenge that the father exacted on the deserving neighbors. The post tells the tale of how he got even with the neighbors by fencing off a perimeter of their property and propagating it with blackberry bushes so that they would provide a barrier from the neighbor's tomfoolery. 

There's nothing better than seeing these creeps get their just desserts. Chalk this one up as a win for dad.

Deranged Mother-In-Law Announces Couple's Pregnancy On Facebook Before They've Told Anyone, Refuses to Delete It

An expecting mother found herself having to plead with her mother-in-law to take down a social media post when the mother-in-law posted about their pregnancy before they were ready to announce it to their family and friends. Despite rational and polite arguments initially, the mother-in-law "Kristi' still refused to take the post down.

The mother, Reddit user u/Nalas_ofthe_balas, posted screenshots of the text conversation between her and her mother-in-law. They were posted to the aptly named r/insaneparents Reddit sub, where they went BIG for the relatively small sub, earning sixteen thousand upvotes and making it onto the "best of" r/all page. 

Kristi needs an attitude adjustment and needs to learn to step in line if she wants to continue being a part of this family and ever seeing that grandkid once it is born. 

Commenters are predictably outraged and have put the mother-in-law to the torch. Users are suggesting cutting the mother-in-law off entirely suggesting things like, "Make sure she finds out about the birth on Facebook, for sure."

The mother responded that "Literally feel like doing this but feel bad for my partner 😔."

She was told by one user, EyeDocBassPlayet, "Don't do shit like this via text. Ever. Pick up the phone and talk to them." To which she replied, "Tried. Partner called multiple times. Got her sister involved to try to reason with her. Hung up on several times and told to f#*k off. Sister was told it was none of her business. Which was ironic considering.. well.. the obvious."

 

Internet Outraged At Insane Sign With the Audacity to Demand That Workers Pay For Water

Hello, to my fellow drinkers of water and breathers of air! May your inhales be gaseously adequate and your glasses of water be slightly cooler than room temperature. 

Today's post is brought to you by yet more water drinkers who gathered together online to express collective outrage at this sign that had the audacity to demand that workers pay for water. The thread was posted to the r/antiwork subreddit, a worker's collective of sorts, where the post went viral. 

Reddit users were outraged at the sign and took liberties with the bizarre wording featured on it. Thanks, Sandra, very cool. 

"Hello Air Breather," one user, ocooper08, remarked in reference to the sign's greeting.

Others were more supportive of the sign and offered reasonable explanations for why the sign, and water tank, might be there. One user, SloppyMeathole, offered the following explanation:

"In all fairness, this is probably a government office where they are literally not allowed to purchase you water. It's considered a waste of public money as there is tap water. If the tap water is gross the employees all kick in and split the cost of a water club. $5 a month is a lot cheaper than buying your own water and a lot more convenient than lugging it in yourself."
 

 

Farmer Goes Viral for Video of His Amish Coworker's Wholesome Reaction to 'Weird Al' Yankovic's "Amish Paradise"

"An actual Amish person listening to Amish Paradise, where do we even go from here?"

Employee Exacts Revenge, Becomes Ultra-Efficient to Raise KPI Averages After Boss Changes His Schedule, No One Gets a Raise

This employee had his private life turned on its head when his new supervisor decided to change his schedule so that he had to come in an hour later (and therefore leave an hour later.) This impeded the arrangement that he had with their wife for childcare. When approached about this issue, the supervisor remarked, "That's what babysitters are for."

This thread was posted to r/MaliciousCompliance by Reddit user u/PickleLips64151. He posted the thread titled, "Supervisor wouldn't let me come in one hour early, so I worked hard enough that she and the entire sector didn't get raises that year. Which meant they were 5% behind peers for salary for the rest of their careers." which tells the story of dastardly malicious compliance that they pulled on a "slug" supervisor that left the supervisor earning "between $5k-$8k less than her peers for the rest of her career."

This savage tale definitely strays into the realm of "petty" or "pro" revenge since the result has devastating real-world consequences for the targets—Bravo to u/PickleLips64151 for this brutal story. 

Thumbnail Image: Simon Abrams

Guy Fieri Memes To Get But A Taste Of Flavortown

Guy Fieri has graced pop culture with his uncompromising, no frills, hard-hitting food journalism for years now, and it doesn't seem like he's ever gonna stop. The Guy has multiple TV shows, a bunch of restaurants, dozens of catchphrases, and untold numbers of wristbands and flame shirts. For being such a mockable dude, he's also an iron wall, completely immune to any criticism, At this point he's been so consistent with his sense of style that making fun of him for it makes YOU the rube. He's like a modern day PT Barnum, the Guy just can't lose. He has outlived his haters and has settled himself into the groundwater of pop culture, like Teflon or PCBs. It's in all of our blood, and none of us will live to see a day when it gets out. He's also apparently a really nice dude in person and does tons of charity work, but that's beside the point. 

Anyway, here are some sweet, dripping Guy Fieri memes about our brother from another mother.

And here are some food memes to satiate our deep hunger for laughter.

Street Smart Tips To Help Stay Safe Out There

At the end of the day, almost all of us are just trying to get where we're going and mind our own business. Anyone's daily goals should include minimal intervention from furious weirdos on the street. Live in a larger city long enough and it becomes second nature to not draw attention to yourself, because for the most part, not too many people look back fondly on fights they've had with strangers.

You can never be too sure what's going through another person's mind, and it can be really easy to make yourself look like a target, so living by the mantra of "I didn't see anything, I'll be on my way now" is a great way to not find yourself being punched in the face on the bus because you didn't want to let a screaming man borrow your phone. But hey, you never know, so it still might happen anyway. Here are people's tips to help decrease the likelihood of that happening.

Brother-In-Law's Ego Destroyed After He Makes Insensitive Comment About Woman's Leg Hair

If you're going to make comments about other people's physical appearance, anything is fair game.

 

Technically Correct Memes That Are Definitely Not Inaccurate

So you're in line at the store, buying your usual groceries; a 100 pack of frozen corndogs and back hair removal cream. And the guy in front of you asks the cashier: "do you mind if I pay in dollars?" The cashier is like "sure, that's a pretty normal thing to do." This man, this absolute sack of living garbage reaches into his pockets and pulls out thirty to forty sand dollars. The salty sea brine slams your senses and you're left asking "why, why does this happen to me, I just want to go home and eat my usual meal of ten corn dogs dipped in Nair" and the cashier goes "well sir, you got me." He tries fitting the sea creatures into the till and the old man leaves with his groceries.

"What a total jerk," says the guy behind you, his hands on the reigns of several deer. Bucks, you might say.

Hey man, no one asked them to specify. Here are a few highly literal moments that are absolutely not wrong.

New Hire Explodes On Coworker, Personally Finds Their Nickname "Vulgar And Scary"

Every workplace has its own work culture. It might show itself as Casual Fridays or Taco Tuesdays, or "we make fun of Joe behind his back every day." To have a functioning team, it's important that everyone fold themselves into daily life in a reasonable way, and when someone resists that, it can be cause for bad vibes. A new coworker might have a reasonable complaint, like "why do we have to stand here while our manager makes fun of our shirts all day" but they're bound to ruffle some feathers, especially if their disagreement is accompanied by an outburst. Most notably, who thinks they have better judgement than the people who have been working there for years?

OP here might have a bit of a grim nickname, but it would be absurd to make a huge deal out of it. At least the internet seemed to agree that chill pills are required for this situation.

For some more naming shenanigans, here's the joker of a coworker who named their kid after their fandom, then criticized someone else for doing the same.

History Memes To Bathe In The Wealth Of Knowledge

It always boggles our minds how long people have been putting up with this whole "existing" thing. It's exhausting, and we should all be grateful that there's always more people to tag us out and take our place in the long and arduous game of history. Also, luckily for us, people have written a good lot of it down, or at least the interesting parts. And with a great knowledge of human achievement comes sweet sweet history memes. Because we don't really have a lot going on. And if we want to expand our sphere of general progress, we're gonna have to compare ourselves to literal cavemen in order to feel good about ourselves for having refrigerators and running water. 

Anyway, if you're the kind of person who alienates strangers at parties because you can't stop talking about the Korean War, here are some more history memes for the ages. They won't make you more handsome or likeable, but they will at least give you a grander context to exist in.

Egg-Headed Boss Tells Worker They Should Have Been Better Prepared When They Were Egged Heading to Work

This boss decided that today was the perfect day to teach their employee a lesson on preparedness when they were egged by a gang of children while heading into the office. Instead of turning around and going home, they decided to get on with the day and head to work. Their manager wouldn't have liked it if they were late, but they also didn't like them smelling like an unbaked omelet left out in the sun. So, this became the perfect chance to teach them a lesson.

This thread was posted to Reddit's r/antiwork by the disgruntled worker, u/Master_Contendr. "Got egged heading to work, told I should've been prepared." they titled the thread. 

"Just like why bother, shit happens," they stated at the end of their post. "I'm not going to totally change up my routine because of one random incident."

Commenters were quick to put the manager on blast, "Ask him if he brought a change of clothes to work. If he says yes, ask if you can borrow them." one user commented. 

As a quick last note… I'm incredibly concerned at the number of people claiming to have s#1t themselves at work in this thread. Is that something that is really that common? Does anyone actually bring a spare change of clothes to work? Let us know in the comments.

Pious Sister Tries to Shame "Slutty" Sister at Party, "Slutty" Sister Claps Back, Reveals Infidelity

This woman became the target of her pious sister's cruel remarks at the pious sister's birthday party. The woman and her sister had long been at odds due to differences in values and the sister's resulting righteousness. See, the pious sister was a virgin and very proud of that fact. She and her boyfriend were waiting until marriage to have sex… Or so she thought. 

This story was posted to the r/AmItheA**hole subreddit by the woman, u/Swimming-Bird5149, or "Slutty Sister" in the story. She has posted the topic to appeal to readers and to see if she was the a-hole in the situation for her savage verbal destruction of her sister's existence. 

It seems pretty clear that her sister was asking for it. Her comment was entirely cruel and unprovoked. Maybe next time, she will know better and will keep her judgments of other people to herself. 

New Owners Lay Off All Employees and Tells Them to Re-Apply For Their Jobs, Nobody Does

This company and its new owners experienced an important lesson when they laid off all of their employees in a cruel and misguided power-play. The issue was… When the time came to decide which employees they wanted to keep, no one had reapplied.  

Reddit user u/alldogzzarebeautiful posted this topic to the r/antiwork subreddit. The thread is full of vigor and fury at the injustice that they suffered at the hands of the company's new owners. This is a tactic that companies loved to use when they had more leverage over employees during the long period following the 2008 financial crisis. Now, however, with unemployment low, there is no need for these employees to even reapply. This manipulative tactic has now turned into a gross miscalculation for the company. 

Commenters are irate and letting their disdain for the company, and their terrible practices, be well known. 

Have you ever experienced something like this during your working life?

 

Student Gets Confused For Another Person By VP, Almost Gets Suspended

A student was called into the principal's office this week after being mistaken for another student who is, apparently, their evil twin. Once the mistake was revealed, the vice principal was embarrassed and backed down. As commenters have pointed out, this is a better end than we usually see, where people are determined to double down on their stupid mistakes. 

The thread was posted to the r/AmItheA**hole subreddit this week by the student, Redditor u/Super_Relationship22. They tell the story of their experience 15 years ago when they were still in school and were young and "naive."

Commenters were taken in by the story and loved their sign-off of "Toodleloo." They applauded the vice principal's ability to have humility at their own mistake and not refuse to acknowledge that they were in the wrong, as most unreasonable people tend to do. Redditor TFlarz commented that "He seemed contrite so that's better than most instigators in these stories."
 

Read on for the full story below.

Business Student Saddled With Doing Group's Entire Project, Decides to Let the Ship Sink and Go Down With It

Group projects are the absolute worst. They are nothing but an excuse for a teacher to suspend learning for an extended period while students keep themselves occupied with the internal social dynamics resembling gladiatorial combat that group projects bring about. Weeks upon weeks are wasted while the teacher gets to browse Facebook, and that's before the disaster that is "Presentation Week." The entire week of presentations is a sadistic purgatory. You hope that you don't have to present first but simultaneously would like to pass through the fire and get it over with. Plus, if you're like me, you took a gamble that you wouldn't have to present the first day and left the polishing touches until the last minute, hoping to refine the final draft over the course of the week. If you're also like me, this has bit you in the bum more times than you can count. 

Pilot Puts Inexplicable Plane Karen in Her Place

A Karen and a plane, name a more iconic duo. 

The frequency that the two can often be found together is regrettable. Having some entitled and insane individual with you when you're locked in a pressurized cylinder hurtling through the sky at nearly 600mph (for several uncomfortable hours) is not an ideal situation to be in. But it must be something about that uncomfortable situation of flying that causes these emotionally infantile people to lose their slightest semblance of sanity. You know Samuel L. Jackson is out there somewhere muttering to himself… "I am tired of these mutha fudgin' Karens on this mutha fudgin' plane."

This thread was posted to Reddit's r/pettyrevenge subreddit in honor of the pilot's laughably petty (but righteous) actions. It was posted by Redditor u/No-Cell9903, a passenger on the plane. 

They tell the tale of this entitled Karen, who thought that she was better and more clever than everyone else when she cut straight to the front of the plane before people were supposed to stand up. 

It sounds like all is well that ends well here. Karen was owned, the pilot was praised, and everyone clapped.

"Roadside Assistance" Changes Guy's Tire, Turns Out It's Just Some Guy

It's pretty remarkable how easy it is to completely save somebody's skin. Simply lending someone a hand when they're in a jam doesn't even take that much time out of your day. Heck, it might even be on your way to something you were doing anyway.

Getting a flat tire on the freeway is no fun, but it's typically not a huge deal. That's if you have the proper tools to actually do the job. This guy found out that his lug wrench was too small at the the worst possible time, and ended up having to call roadside assistance. And right on time, roadside assistance arrived. Or, well, they were technically a kind of roadside assistance, but OP just assumed the regular looking guy in an unmarked van was the person he called.

As it turns out, things went slightly more wholesomely than anyone had planned that day. Here are some wholesome things people did for the love of the game.

Humorous and Heinous Food Memes To Pack That Gullet

The culinary world is so varied and exciting. It's a beautiful thing. But as diverse as food can be, it's startlingly easy to find yourself disgusted but food-adjacent things. Even the wrong foods together can have a nauseating effect that, while abhorrent, is undeniably powerful. It's sort of amazing that you can show someone something like "Birthday cake mayonnaise" and have them display the kind of visceral reaction you might get looking at a bad car wreck. One thought of what a "Snickle" might actually taste like and we slide into a depression that takes the rest of the day to recover.

So beware this terrifying mix of food memes and jokes. Some are fine and dandy like these food memes that satiate our hunger for laughter. Others are crimes against cuisine like these unfortunate cursed food abominations.

Whichever direction it goes, it's a whole lot, man. So put on that lobster bib and take your place at the trough.

'Fallout' Memes to Leave Your Sides Bursting at the Seams (March 30th, 2022)

Feast your eyes on this treasured collection of marvelous Fallout memes. Each one should take you right back to your days trudging through the wastelands of post-apocalyptic wonder with your trusted companion, Dogmeat, at your side. They might even help you brush off the disappointment of Fallout 76. 

The only thing to ensure is that you end up in the correct Vault. Hopefully, one that's sole purpose wasn't the conduction of some cruel experiment on its unwitting subjects. Was there ever a meme vault? That would be the place to be, but Vault-Tec would probably find a way to screw that up. It would likely be some setup like 'A Clockwork Orange' where your eyes are peeled open, and you're forced to watch memes endlessly, receiving electroshock therapy every time you fail to laugh at a meme you should have laughed at. 

Vault or not, we may quickly find ourselves in that reality anyway. 

 

Internet Roasts Husband Who Demanded His Wife Pack Lunches For His Coworkers

The internet is astounded that this husband could be so immature as to ask his wife to pack lunches for his coworkers. Even though his wife loves cooking and packing her husband's lunches, her affection does not extend to these complete strangers.

The wife, Reddit user u/ThrowAITApackedlunch, posted the topic to Reddit's r/AmIthea**hole subreddit this week following the confrontation with her husband. She has appealed to commenters to see whether or not she is in the wrong for refusing to pack lunches for the husband's coworkers. 

The thing is, she even did it once, just to try it out. She had to get up incredibly early to prepare everything for the lunches and found the entire experience too exhausting to repeat. The problem was that the meal was such a smashing success that her husband wanted to make it a weekly thing, with little regard or thanks for how much effort that one time had taken her. 

You can sort of see what the husband must be thinking here. In his tiny brain, all that is going on is "Wife cook gooood. Coworker like? Raise, get." It's a little sweet in a way… if he wasn't being so childish and demanding about the whole thing. 

 

Stalker Ex-Girlfriend Determined to Be the Mother of Ex-Boyfriend's Son, Shows Up to Birthday Uninvited, Gets Kicked Out

A couple experienced a tragic end to their relationship over ongoing fertility issues that appeared to be originating from the boyfriend. When the couple went their separate ways he had a one-night stand with another woman and accidentally got her pregnant. This "miracle" pregnancy gave him his son, but now the ex-girlfriend is determined to be a part of their lives, in a twisted sort of way.

This thread was posted to Reddit's r/AmItheA**hole subreddit by the boyfriend, Reddit user u/r_marksss728, this week. 

He shared the story following an extremely awkward affair that occurred during his son's birthday party. Unannounced and uninvited, his Ex decided that it would be a good idea for her to show up. She is determined to be a part of their lives, especially since the son's mother has tragically passed away.

In terms of the topic at hand, it is easy to see that the boyfriend is in no way in the wrong here. He has made his stance clear with his Ex that he has no desire to have her involved in his life in any way. 

That being said, I can also see where it would be hard for the ex-girlfriend to go through all of these unreconcilable issues with fertility, only for the man you had loved to go off and immediately start a family with someone else (albeit accidentally.) She definitely isn't dealing with things the right way but the entire story is an utter tragedy.

 

 

Sweet 90s Nostalgia To Make Things Right Again

We don't have time machines. And it doesn't seem like we'll have time machines in this lifetime, since we already did that thing where you say to yourself "alright if I have a time machine in the future, I will travel back in time to right NOW!" and all we got was stares from the other funeral guests.

But honestly, the greatest time machine is the mind. Whenever we so choose, we can use the magical power of imagination to think back to when times when things were simpler, more beautiful, and littered with Blockbusters. And the uranium that powers our mind time machines is images of all the TV shows, snacks and doodads from that most wonderous time of our lives.

The overwhelming nostalgia is enough to make one want to hop on a bike, make a ramp out of dirt, and head straight for that bad boy with minimal concern for your own well being.

Warning, this is recreational nostalgia. Don't get hooked on this powerful stuff. Don't become us.

But for another hit of the good stuff, here's some sweet seductive nostalgia to help run away from the present.

Karen Regularly Harasses Dog Groomers at Salon, One Employee Finally has Enough and Triumphantly Bans Her

"You can't demand free services from people you constantly disrespect, that's not how life works."