Thursday, September 10, 2020

Brutal Insults That Don't Require Swear Words


Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about various brutal insults that don't require the use of any swear words. We already regularly feature collections of rare insults from spicy silver tongues that made a point of not leaning on profanity to get their verbal jab across. The fact that we now have a fresh collection of people going the extra mile to not insult someone with some commonly used swear words is just what we needed. 

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Text - Born_Slippee • 20h 2 Awards I hope you know people just tolerate you. Reply 1 2.0k ...

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Text - Kemi444 • 22h 3 Awards Your grades say marry rich but your face says study harder. Reply 9.9k ...

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Text - slightly_off_today • 23h 3 Awards It is clear that you have been educated beyond your intelligence.

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Text - ozn_akc • 1d 1 Award If you were a spice you would be flour Reply 5.3k

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Text - TheNewHobbes • 23h 3 Awards It's my fault, I underestimated your stupidity Reply 4.4k

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Text - Dutch_Midget • 23h 13 Awards You are the human equivalent of a participation award Reply 5.8k ...

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Text - Poorly-Drawn-Beagle • 1d I expected better. No, that's a lie, at this point I take it for granted you'll keep finding ways to disappoint me. Reply 1.6k ...

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Text - EerieArizona • 23h 2 Awards You're bright as a cave. Reply 3.9k ...

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Text - SorosOwsMeMoney • 22h 1 Award You're everything I expected and less. Reply 642 ...

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White - squeeeeenis • 1d "Per my last E-mail." Reply 1.6k i+

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Text - disder • 23h 1 Award job related, coworkers doing knot test; boss comes over to struggling person. "you look like an octopus in a ceiling fan bud, take a knee!" Reply 409 ...

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Text - Dutch_Midget • 23h 3 1 Award You are impossible to underestimate Reply 730 ...

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Text - TheLoneleyPython • 20h 8 Awards You're not the dumbest person alive but you better pray they don't die

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Text - Komi_San • 23h 7 Awards You look like you're going to spend your life hanging on to one epiphany after another, always thinking you've finally figured out what's holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn your life around. But nothing will ever change. The cycle of mediocrity isn't due to some obstacle. It's who you are. The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you. Reply 1.8k ...

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White - ace_inthehOle • 1d "Who's this clown?" Reply 407 ...

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Text - LuckyMdawg • 21h "You've got a great face for radio." Lol my grandpa used to say that one (usually about himself cause he worked in the radio business) Reply 378

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Text - GUNFIGHTERSONLY • 21h You should carry around a potted plant to replace the oxygen you waste. Reply 309 ...

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Text - Brass-Monkey-24 • 18h Mark Twain had some bangers. My personal favorite is: "I didn't attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Reply 46 ...

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Text - AFLTC • 19h Don't know if it's been posted yet, but here's my favorite. Wouldn't trust you to get water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. Reply 201

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Text - AsColdAsTheRest • 23h You're the kind of person who should only ever get burnt bacon Reply 84 ...

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Text - pratprak • 23h 1 Award Oxygen thief! Oxygen thief! Reply 158 ...

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Text - akathewilyfox • 19h I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see that you are unarmed.... Reply 1 17 ...

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Entitled People and Their Demanding Boldness


If you know anyone who you haven't talked to in months, but is so entitled and laughably bold that they'd demand that you renew your subscription service on their behalf, go ahead and cancel that service. Entitled and absurd audacity can come from a family member, boss or stranger, and it never stops being aggravating and perplexing.

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Text - 10:01 9 N M ll 25% Active just now hi took me a while to find you I'm hi who is this I'm you sold me your laptop a few years ago oh I remember now whats up well today I dropped my laptop and was wondering when you can come and fix it for me or take it to the apple store to fix it wtf Write a message ...

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Text - WHATSAPP 3m ago Your Netflix expires tomorrow. I know you aint talking to me and shit but could you please just renew it?

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Text - Hi and yea Welll it broke so0000000000000000o00000000000 0000000o000000000000000 i'm not buying you a new one, i gave it to you as a gift so you should've used it better. I literally saved up money for it I KNOW I KNOW But I need to take care of rosel and it can be so expensive and i really need a hair straightner please just one last favor for me cutie К. I can get you some cheaper one for christmas but thats all you're going to get Actuallllyyyyyy I was going to ask for another brand an

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Text - 15h • Seeking clothes. Donation or for cheap in good nice condition for winter. Want zip up hoodies. Like aroepostale. Ambercrombie. Billibonng and brands like that. Want jeans brands silver and maurices and others. Size 14 length 27 but probably have to try on. Want think long John shirts bigger sizes. Probably have to try on. Stocking hat with a bill. Where some men's clothes. Like all colors. All of the Rochester groups where people harassed me then I was kicked have had pictures taken

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Text - Hey can I get you to do a full body detail of my OC??? Sure, that'll be anywhere from $25- $50 depending on the design and how many colors and if you'd like shadows or a background, can you send a pic of the OC? Uh I can't afford that can you do free? No? I could do a chibi head shot for free but there is no way l'm doing a full body detailed for free.. You sound like a scammer l'll report you and you'll never get anymore work OH NO! ANYWAY Your rude as fuck! Message...

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Blackboard - Miler DRINKING LINGO• GENUINE DRAFT Good call: MAKE IT STRONG you WANT FREE EXTRA BO0ZE. THATS NOT A THING You WANT TWICE THE BOOZE ND WLL BE CHARGED ACCORDIASLY "MAKE IT A DOUBLE "MAKE IT TALL → You THINK =MORE BOOZE ACTUALLY = MORE MIX "EASY ON THE ICE → MEANS YouRE THAT GUY 'ON THE ROCKS→ ICE BooRE.GLASS PERFECT IT'U TAKE CARE OF You" ...La. OK. "I KNOW THE OWNER→ so Do WEI WE WILL TELL HIM You SAY HI. @THE PIT_BAR #XTREMEACTIONPARK

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Text - ... 40m 0 What a racket! I watched my kids so excited to see the ice 00 ele they grabbed a $5 bill from their cream truck come around & braclet s only to be able to buy just 2 things because everything was $2, $3, $4! How do you turn away a 2-yr old who is holding a $1 bill Like ל Comment Share

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Text - Yesterday at 11:01 AM · O This is my first actual post . I'm looking for a collaborative partner to help me co write my first script. It's a comedy . I have the bones but am not a writer. Prefer someone with experience . I'm an artist but not a script writer . But I think it's pretty funny . This is not a paying job but I will split any future profits 50/50 if its made 1 15 Comments O Like Comment Author You have to have a sense of comedy . I'll reveal the details and script ideas if you

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Text - GUTA Jared Dines O 100 ... 3 j.O how dare l.. Please reply to me ... please...just one time.. I really need a guitar. Tue 9:00 PM Please Wed 2:03 PM Please reply to me. Wed 9:15 PM Hallo . please reply to me Please Thu 8:32 PM Ok I get it. You are also like others. Playing with people's emotions... Or you are a famous man so you don't want to talk to them, who made you famous... You don't care about your fans .so please don't make emotional video... just play guitar and time after time sa

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Text - ll Metro by T-Mobile ? 3:18 PM 47% O 20m · A Does anyone know who owns ? I just offered $3,000 for a bird and the young lady there would not even negotiate with me. Their business must be really good to walk away from cash!! Like לו Comment Author I asked if he was for sale and everyone said yes. They are asking $5k and I offered $3k-for my mother. 15m Like Reply View 1 previous reply... #choosingbeggar O3 13m Like Reply so you think asking them to take 40% less is a reasonable offer? Wri

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Product - Wawa Pease share that you work in one of the felds belew with our ansociate at the register to recelve your free collee Wiwe wiwa wawa Wawa With Our Heartfelt Thanks We invite all Teachers, Faculty and School Administration to enjoy Ofer extended to Teachen, facutx School Adminsution and Support Perionget FREE COFFEE (FOR A LIMITED TIME) O Like Comment A Share on us to thank you for everything you do, especially during this challenging time, to support students this new school year (1)

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Product - > Living in ... 2h · O Today's (9/4) LCS Meals from Heritage High School. Pick up at the school entree choice is Cheesy Beef Nachos or Pepperoni Pizza! Bus delivery entree is Cheesy Beef Nachos. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack included!! wHO PEL YOSTHOS CEMA DairyPure RISPY Cinnamn Toasi cřunch. ROLD GOLD hole Gr Cheddar orang heartzels Oniginal 113 83 Comments 6 Shares O Like Comment Share It's just so sad that not all children are included now. Broke my kids' hearts. View 3 previ

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Text - Living in 2h - 0 2h Like Reply It's just so sad that not all children are included now. Broke my kids' hearts. 2h Like Reply I agree! 2h Like Reply thought all kids in the city were included 1h Like Reply * thats bc someone doesn't live in the city... 1h Like Reply rao live in the city, but my kids are not enrolled in an LcS school. In the

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Text - l Superdrug 21:18 @ 1 75% 4 Tutor Message FREE O Bishop's Stortford, England Any tutors willing to do free work for a #singlemum you will gain valuable experience and a once in a lifetime opportunity to educate my little angel. Roll on the PM's XX O Like Comment Share

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Text - Today 1:15 AM hi i'm interested in working with u guys Today 7:26 AM how so? Today 1:37 PM so you guys could send me something & id post on my story and tag u guys & go live promoting you guys No thanks. I don't feel comfortable working with a private account weird ass bitch Imaoooo imagine coming into MY story asking for free stuff then getting upset cause I said no O bitch i didn't text u it was my manager your shit ugly as fuck anyways or deserves to be burnt now stfu before i take a h

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Text - WOULD ALL MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC PLEASE REFRAIN FROM WALKING DOWN THE STREET AS IT IS ĐỊSTUREING MY DOGS AND CAUSING THEM TO SOME MEMBERS OF OUR NEIGHBOURHOOD ARE FINDING THIS INT OLERA BLE! BARK. I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR CO-OPERATION IN. THIS MATTER.

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Tumblr Post: Humans Fail At Accurately Identifying Flirting


If you've ever felt like the struggle is painfully real for you when it comes to identifying flirting, this quick Tumblr thread is here to reassure you that you are not alone. No, it turns out that studies have been conducted showing that humans are generally challenged when it comes to being able to identify actual flirting signals. Yeah, we're not out here reading minds. Facial expressions, underlying social habits of different individuals in different situations make for a disorienting melting pot, where it's pretty much impossible to tell what's going on. 

Check out some more gold from Tumblr with this Tumblr post about humans' willful ignorance. We're terribly forgetful creatures. 

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Text - teaboot The number of times I have been delighted by witty banter only to find out later that I was "Flirting" is both unfortunate and disappointing. teaboot "haha so what about that guy, huh?" Me: what about him "Well you seemed super into him" Me: what why ..dude you were flirting all night"

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Text - Me: Me: Whoms'TTMTM trainerdelaney I found out several of my female coworkers were planning on trying to get our male coworker to ask me out because "You guys kept flirting" but I was like "We were literally just goofing around. Like we literally just told jokes to each other. Literally just stuff that friends do, the same stuff you and I do." I was definitely 100% NOT flirting but everyone thought I was

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Text - trainerdelaney "You were laughing at everything TJ did!" "He paper clipped a banana to the ceiling, Isabelle. That's fucking bonkers" spindletrees This might be a good time for Ms. Psych degree here to step in and let ye all know that People Are Unable To ldentify Flirting. There are double-blind studies to support this, if you instruct participants to flirt or not flirt with another participant, neither the second

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Text - participant nor onlookers are able to accurately tell which instruction the first participant was given. Even if you get the flirting participant to rate their attraction to the person they're flirting with, and only count trials where people are either flirting with people they find attractive, or not flirting with people they don't find attractive NO ONE CAN TELL WHO IS FLIRTING OR WHO ISN'T.

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Text - gallantblade475 I've heard that people actually have a "less than 50% chance" of guess whether someone is flirting or not. saxifraga-x-urbium Thank fuck this isn't just me failing at humanity

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Incompetent Boss Fires Employee At Beginning Of Meeting, Learns Lesson


It doesn't behoove a boss to not know what their employees do, and this boss set himself up for a world of pain in the form pointed and effective malicious compliance. It should be simple enough to understand that it's hard to get someone to do anything when they're effectively not working for you.

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Text - Now, my boss kindly provided me a Pentium 4 dual core computer that he found at the bargain warehouse for about $40. I had the most sophisticated work station in the business, for context. This wasn't quite enough for database management and analytical software to boot up - more or less process a dataset, so I called up our IT guy. Who worked for the boss's friend's sister-in-law's business. 200 miles away. I go, "Hey Tim! I need to add my personal laptop to the company network. Can you m

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Text - Knowing that, I backed up everything to my personal google.drive account - but of course did not delete anything from the company owned one. Like I said, the State has a vested interest in these processes, and I knew in my heart-of-hearts that the company couldn't be trusted to maintain records. I didn't want to be on the hook for that in 6 years, so I kept a copy. I figured it would go smoothly. I'm called to the big office for a meeting. There's too many suits, my supervisor gives me so

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Text - Edit / Update: I got a call. They seem to have decided that the daughter/comptroller would be the best point of contact, which is fine with me. We got along fine, she has a nice kid that used to run around the office. It seems like the bulk of the issue is the information that they can't find. That's roughly zero work. But since they can't find that information at all, auditors are nitpicking very fine details that my replacements have bungled up. From the way she told it, it sounds like

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Text - "You don't understand, we only have until the end of the month. This needs started on today." I work fast, and it sounds like you should hire someone who knows how to write contracts fast, too. "Whatever. If you don't fix this you're.... you know what, nevermind. I'll email you something in the morning." Sounds like a plan, good night. 1 1 2 12 1 10 5 8 11 11 12 1 2 CO

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Text - HeadBonk Score hidden · 20 hours ago Why would you fire someone before getting what you need from them beforehand. You wouldn't tell a restaurant you want to dine and dash before the meal and expect to be fed... exie610, Score hidden · 20 hours ago You don't understand. See, Boss is a millionaire, and nobody tells John Wayne what to do and expects to live. How dare you question Boss. He's been in the business longer than you've been alive, Kiddo.

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