Saturday, July 11, 2020

Terribly Cursed Tumblr Posts


The wild world of Tumblr isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes things take a turn and end up being cursed beyond belief. If these cursed Tumblr posts got you going, check out more of Tumblr's most cursed posts over here.

1.

Muscle - princekheldar he goes from "Nicea to meets you sir!" to "yousa daughter call meesa daddy too" braunstrowman this fucking ruined my day princekheldar if it's any consolation, it's ruined the past month for me

2.

Text - small-chekov if ur hands are cold it's just ur ghost boyfriend holding ur hand mhevet my f mhevet my feet are cold

3.

Text - The MommyMaker Lifelike Baby Costume For Dogs by ImPawsters ***** Price: $39.99 • Fools up to 30% of pediatricians • Pregnancy belly to "give birth" to dog-baby sold separately • 75% real baby hair • Bark-to-baby-wail voice modulator built in • Comes in five sizes, from chihuahua to mastiff oneeyedhaise mother i must feed hattedmistress Mother, why do you cry? ew-spoopyum 75% REAL BABY HAIR?? yankeed00dledoctor comes in five sizes, from chihuahua to mastiff imagine a mastiff-sized version

4.

Face - the-ice-castle 2 sluttykrab tumblr. Follow scheflera -tumble saltsplash redrawreigen? heard of it jeweljessica Hey friend do you accept constructive criticism saltsplash yes darling what is it :)

5.

Text - monicam my first attempt at a creepypasta (beginner here; go easy on me) monicam carpeted kitchen argumate what the fuck

6.

Text - F just-shower-thoughts If Mike Wazowski's chin is also his crotch, then if he grew out a beard it would count as his pubes. bluecraft5000 Do you think society should limit what is acceptable to think

7.

Text - MOTHERBOARD.VICE.COM Clippy's Designer Wants to Know Who Got Clippy Pregnant 6 sharkopolis Just a reminder that the entire human race is forever doomed to an eternity in hell.

8.

Text - SKELETONS AREN'T SCARY WE'RE FILLED WITH THIS PULSING, OOZING, MEAT AND Y'ALL THINK THE SKELETONS ARE SCARY THE MEAT'S SCARY THE MEAT fihli it's midnight and this tweet is giving me a heart attack the-sarcasm-isstrongwiththisone FEAR THE MEAT

9.

Text - snoopingasusualisee Combine 2007 taco pancakes rawr speak with 2016 smol bean pupper speak to achieve true nirvana soaprock henl0 sweet sawft sm0l bean babby!!1!! RawR xD oh noes did i scare you?!!!! im vewy sowwy targuzzler My heart just stopped and when it started again i cursed directly at god for allowing me to survive this

10.

Text - showerthoughtsofficial Your belly button is just your old mouth. virgoassbitch acquaintedwithrask I was having a good day. We were all having a good day.

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Hair - Skit Skitties Yesterday at 11:30 am The worst part of a bellybutton face is you can't eat Skittles. Skittles News Feed Requests Messenger Notifications More lumpyspacelion what the actual fuck

12.

Text - realanimeboy what if people wrote author notes in essays like people do in fanfics A/N: omg here comes the thesis statement! >_< A/N: almost at the minimum word requirement this was soo00 hard professor: shut up and write idiot -_- me: eep o_o!! astronomifier Op im proud to annouce that im legally allowed to kill you now 86,979 notes A

13.

Text - 00 otherwindow Tooth fairies are a smaller and friendlier subspecies of the larger and much more hostile bone fairies. iwilltrytobereasonable Thank you for this bespoke nightmare

14.

Text - m4ge i hate the term "spinal fluid" it conjures up horrible imagery in my mind m4ge (lightly taps a spigot i have attached to my spinal column) come get y'all juice gemineyyes We've never met and I hope it stays that way m4ge this is the most powerful reply ive ever received

15.

Tattoo - cleverest-url: miilkweeds: Holy fuck. STOP this is the biggest mistake l've ever witnessed Source: dynablade

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Text - teen-heat: why do advertisers sexualize female m&ms why do advertisers assign gender to m&ms why do advertisers humanize food products why is there a bear family who considers the highlight of their day to be wiping their asses

17.

Text - thankyu a clownboy (half clown, half cowboy) says yeehonk foxy-mulder this is it. the worst post i've ever seen. my own two eyes are cursed

18.

Text - hungwy Bone massage... I want soft bones liviajanedazed no you don't, bitch. hungwy *jiggles and flops towards you* what? Huh?

19.

Text - truantdisposition *pronounces "champagne" like "lasagne"* exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear do Not the-golden-ghost *Pronounces "lasagne" like "champagne"* exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear do NOT

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Tumblr Thread: Contortionist Leaves 7-11 Cashier Traumatized


This golden Tumblr thread centers on a tale of a young woman's quest for a burrito that resulted in one unlucky cashier thinking he probably had a run-in with an actual demon. At least his encounter with the "demon" was a completely amicable one. 

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Text - gallusrostromegalus Let's Have Another Bullet Point Story, Courtesy of a Friend So I have a friend that used to be in the tumblers troupe at the renfaire as a contortionist We were chatting online and she told me to tell you all this story. I love Kat dearly but she forgets that she's stupid strong and hypermobile

2.

Text - so one day she throws her back out bad enough that she needed painkillers and couldn't stand upright "But also I needed Tampons and like. A Burrito, real bad." she's flat on her back in her apartment when she decides this and, in an impeccable leap of reasoning, decides

3.

Text - "I can't roll my back forward to sit/stand up like normal. But I can ARCH my back just fine. SO I'm going to do that and get on my hands and feet in a stomach-in-the-air this-shit-belongs-in-a-horror-movie- type pose, And amble on down to the 7-11"

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Text - "And get me that Burrito" It is, for context, after midnight in July during a wildfire so it's hot as satan's own asshole and the moon is red and shit's already generally cursed.

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Text - Imagineyou are some poor sap working nights at the world's deadest 7-11, and you hear the door jangle but you don't see anyone's head over the counters. Whatever. Except you keep hearing noises like there's someone in the next aisle over. Fucking around in the burrito section

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Text - It's also worth mentioning that Kat 1. sings whatever earworm is currently running through her head when she's not paying attention 2. sounds EXACTLY like some kind of creepy child from a horror movie when doing so tonight's song is something from veggietales.

7.

Text - DUDE ACTUALLY STANDS HIS GROUND and/or is really fucking high and isn't sure if he's tripping balls or notanyway Kat goes up to pay for her burrito and tampons

8.

Text - Kat goes up to pay for her burrito and tampons She realizes the counter presents some- thing of a challenge, and then demon- strates for me on her kitchen table at 4AM during a different july wildfire, exactly how she used the shelves to climb up the counter like one of the boston robotics beasties

9.

Text - dude stares at her for like, five minutes and says. "Register's broke."

10.

Text - "Register's broke." "Oh No!" Says Kat. "Just Take 'em." "Really? I can leave cash-you don't have to give me change I don't want you to get in trouble with your manager." "...Nah." "Oh! OK! Thank you!" “Yeah ok bye."

11.

Text - Shortly after she arrived back at the apartment, she got a text on her phone from the campus security about "A Suspicious Individual" at tle 7-11. It took her FOUR FUCKING YEARS to realize she was the suspicious individual

12.

Text - tienriu Live your best life. Be the cryptid in somebody else's story. Be the reason why there's a guy out there who absolutely believes in the supernatural (and insists they're actually really quite polite). Source: gallusrostromegalus #story time with tumblr 66,597 notes

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People's Favorite Paradoxes


Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about people's favorite paradoxes. Nothing like exploring some paradoxes to take one's brain down strange and disorienting rabbit holes. 

1.

Text - Xaxos92 • 12h No one goes there because it's crowded. Reply 3.8k ...

2.

Text - BabyParmesanHead • 13h Entry level position requiring 5+ years of experience. Reply 1 3.5k ...

3.

Text - wearekinetic • 14h I hate myself, but I think I'm better than everyone. Reply 1.5k ...

4.

Text - flyingsaucerinvasion • 13h If you send an object into a time loop, (go back in time and give it to yourself). What is the age of the object? Infinite? Zero? Reply 387 ...

5.

Text - leomonster • 13h The human brain paradox. You see, our brains are so complex that we can't fully understand how they work. If they were simpler, we totally could. Except that if our brains were simpler, we'd be more stupid, and still unable to fully understand our own brains. Reply 902 ...

6.

Text - kw87 • 10h The paradox of omnipotent God. God can't make a rock too heavy he can't lift... Or he can make a rock too heavy he can't lift. Either way there's some he can't do. Reply 1 246 ...

7.

Text - Zeta42 • 13h Theseus' ship. You take a ship and replace every single part in it with a new one. Is it still the same ship? If not, at what point does it stop being the ship you knew? Also, if you take all the parts you replaced and build another ship with them, is it the original ship? Reply 2.5k ...

8.

Text - L_Flavour • 4h Gabriel's horn / Torricelli's trumpet It's a (infinitely long) 3 dimensional object, of which the shape can be created by rotating the graph of f(x) = 1/x for x > 1, and should look something like this. The paradox is that this object has an infinitely large surface area, but a finite volume. So no amount of paint would be enough to paint the whole thing, but you can still fill the whole trumpet by pouring a finite amount of paint into it. Reply 17 ...

9.

Text - izackthegreat • 10h Time travel. If time travel was possible, then presumably someone from the future would have already gone back in time to change the past. Therefore, when someone says they, for example, would have stopped Hitler, they actually wouldn't because someone already would have made that correction in time. Instead, that must have been, unfortunately, the best possible outcome out of all possible outcomes. Either that or time travel just isn't possible which seems significant

10.

Text - Jim3001 • 4h There is a time travel paradox that involves a door. So you have a field and there is a free standing door. You are the guard you watch from side on. The door only lets people move 24 hours. Go in one way and it's 24 hours into the future. Go in the other and it 24 hours into the past. One day you see a guy come out into the past. But unlike most people he doesn't leave. He stays in the field near the door. Then, precisely 24 hours after he arrives, he goes into the door. The

11.

Text - bomber665_ko • 13h S E 5 Awards If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie Up, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up. However, in doing so he lets you down. Thus creating the Astley Paradox Reply 4.7k ...

12.

Text - TheTrueBleu01 • 2h Zeno's Paradox. If you want to reach a wall and you're 10 meters away, then travel half the distance. Then, travel half of THAT distance, and do it again, and again, and again. Mathematically, you will never reach 0, thus you will never reach the walI, but physically, you will. Reply 6 ...

13.

Text - The Fermi paradox, named after Italian-American physicist Enrico Fermi, is the apparent contradiction between the lack of evidence for extraterrestrial civilizations and various high estimates for their probability (such as some optimistic estimates for the Drake equation). The following are some of the facts that together serve to highlight the apparent contradiction: There are billions of stars in the Milky Way similar to the Sun. With high probability, some of these stars have Earth-li

14.

Text - kutuup1989 • 10h The heap of sand one. If you have what you agree to be a "heap" of sand, and remove one grain, then it's still a heap, right? So if a heap -1 is still a heap, you should logically be able to keep going until you have a "heap" of 1 grain of sand. Reply 54 ...

15.

Text - Oudeis16 • 4h If you enjoy being taken out of your comfort zone, you can't be. Reply ...

16.

Text - soulreaverdan• 9h There's a version of the Boostrap Paradox I like from a novel called The Anubis Gates. One of the main characters is studying the poetry written by an ancient Pharaoh. Time travel shenanigans ensue, and he comes to realize that he, in the past, is said ancient Pharaoh, and writes down the poetry from memory so it can be written when history says it is. Now, he studied it in the future, where he memorized it. And he wrote it in the past from that memorization. But his fut

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