Sunday, July 5, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Addams Family Rents Rooms Out To College Students


Man, college kids these days are missing out. This fun Tumblr thread imagines a world where the Addams Family rents out rooms to broke college students. It certainly is a spooky thought imagining Wednesday and Thing critiquing that thesis in every way imaginable.

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Text - guilty-as-battery-charged The Addams Family renting out rooms in their huge mansion cheaply to broke college students. The students digging it because the craziness and the bugs are pretty much the same as any other dorm house. Also, Morticia and Gomez treat them all like visiting cousins, not like tenants to abuse and exploit.

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Text - guiltyhipster One of the tenants is a creative writing major and Gomez and Morticia house them up in the tower because of the quiet and the inspiring view They're supposed to be working on a typical coming-of-age story but after living with the Addams for just a week the project is becoming a horror-Gothic-romance

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Text - They go to their room after classes one day and find Thing correcting the grammar errors in the manuscript with a red pen specialstarfish and yeah, the students pay roughly market value for their rooms, but that doesn't stop gomez from shouting "capital idea!" and handing them wads of cash when they telll him about their weekend plans or what they're researching, so they basically end up living there for free

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Text - gholateg In the same vein, half the them have to turn into exceptional fencers, because Gomez just doesn't give a shit, and if he sees you in the library, its fucking Sword Fighting Time. Fester and Pugsley find out one of the college students is trying to get into chemistry and woo boy, there has never been a faster study of

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Text - how to counter various acidic chemical reactions due to "water" balloons in campus history. Morticia and Grammy are keeping the horticulturalists on their toes with their Black Tulip/Rose hybrids, which can flick their barbs a foot away from their stem system. But it's fine, one of the kids has managed to breed Aloe with the anti venom.

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Text - Lurch makes sandwiches for everyone who's too much of a coward for Grammy's cooking. Any music major will find him looming over them, utterly stone faced as they practise until they finish, when he'll smile, and slowly applaud. And the spookiest thing of all Wednesday and Thing will find your thesis. They will critique it in every way imaginable. There is no escape.

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Text - aardvarkingmad I especially love the idea of Gomez spotting a student in the library, throwing a sword at a startled student, shouting, "En garde!" and lunging at him/her with a sword of his own. Student (later in life), when asked how she jumps from quietly doing research to handling a sudden influx of ER cases so quickly and easily, says, "When you have to snap out of deep concentration on biochem to fight for your life then get back to biochem without losing your train of thought...you

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Uber Driver Gets Back At Rich And Snobby Passenger


Oh Rhonda had this one coming! The Uber driver masterfully executed a satisfying revenge on one insufferably snobby and impatient customer. We really wonder if it wouldn't be better to just have called her Karen. 

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Text - 2 2 Sweet and Satisfying Traffic Jam S I drive Uber in a major metropolitan area. I pick up a rather unpleasant, rich and snooty, holier than thou, let me speak to your manager type of lady for a 30 minute airport trip. (We'll call her Rhonda). Me: Hey Rhonda! How ya doing this morning?

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Text - Rhonda: rolls eyes l'm going to need you to hurry up or else l'll be late for my flight. As if it's my fault that she didn't plan ahead better. Whatever. Cranky Uber passengers are nothing new. So the GPS I use keeps up with live traffic and adjusts the routes accordingly. So usually you take AA road to get to the airport. However, it appeared there was an astronomical traffic jam of epic proportions and taking BB road was actually much faster at that moment.

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Text - There's millions of dollars invested in this GPS technology..it knows what it's doing. I start to take BB road. Rhonda: Ummm excuse me? Where exactly are you going? You're an Uber driver, do you not know how to get to the airport? Me: Well I actually think this road will be a lot quicker, the GPS takes into account th... Interrupted

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Text - Rhonda: I've lived here for 17 years! I think I would know how to get to the airport by now. Take AA road. It's not that difficult. Ugh! Me: smiling internally As you wish ma'am. Fast forward about 45 minutes later and we've traveled a grand total of just over 3 miles. She's definitely going to miss her flight. She's livid about the situation. Meanwhile you can see BB road in the distance and the cars are just smoothly traveling at full speed. First time in my life I actually enjoyed sitt

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Wholesome and Chaotic "Don't Tell Your Mother" Moments


Whether it's getting to see a movie with swears, doing some super risky crap and almost getting hurt, or general moments of sworn secrecy, there are moments when a father is inclined to say " don't tell your mother." Almost everyone has a moment they can remember their dad letting them do something their mom wouldn't approve of and being like "alright be cool." To keep it going with the dad theme, here are some tweets and memes to keep dads going.

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Text - b778av 20.9k points · 18 hours ago Not a father but a son: We forgot my passport during vacation and were already at the border station when we noticed. My dad then said that we won't turn back but that he will "figure something out". Turns out he smuggled me successfully across 3 Border crossings without my passport. Before we arrived at home, he told me not to tell my mom about this.

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Text - MastadonBob 44.9k points · 16 hours ago @ 2 & 20 More Female coworker of mine was miserable at work one day. I asked her what was wrong...she told me it was her anniversary, and she knew her husband had forgotten. She had pre-teen girls at home during summer vacation..I knew her home phone number (pre-cell phone era). I called her home phone and one kid picked up. Explained to the kid who I was and that she needed to call Dad at work and remind him it was Mom and Dad's anniversary..and do

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Text - optimaloutcome 43.8k points · 19 hours ago O 2 One night I was enjoying a small bit of ice cream after my four year old daughter went to bed. She came downstairs and 'caught' me. So I offered her a small bite, but since she was supposed to be in bed, I said "don't tell mom." She assured me she wouldn't. My wife wouldn't have cared anyway but it was a fun little game to play. After she went up to bed and I was down on the couch, she snuck in to the master bedroom where mom was resting. She

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Text - Strongdar 24.4k points · 16 hours ago · edited 3 hours ago * O & 7 More One night when I was about 8, after I had gone to bed, my Dad was playing a Nintendo game, Legend of Zelda I think. We had both been playing it but we were stuck. He finally found a secret passage, paused the game, and came upstairs to wake me up. He told me he figured out where we were stuck, "snuck" me downstairs in a blanket (I'm sure my mom knew), and I got to stay up after midnight on a school night, hiding under

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Text - checkoutmyaasb 19.9k points 17 hours ago Dad and I used to rent a movie each week for when mum had dinner with friends. Usually things like star trek or action films. One day (I was about 11) he came home with Blade. We got about 10 minutes in and he turns to me and said "don't tell your mother about this, let's just say I forgot to get it this week". Of course I agree. Fast forward 7ish years, dad blithely drops at the dinner table the fact that we watched blade when I was about 11. Sill

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Text - theNameless97 16.8k points · 16 hours ago -· O 2 2 3 I was in middle school, my father gradually edited 12 hours ago bought computers and monitors for us 4 kids and himself and the 5 of us would play World of Warcraft together for many days and always log off one hour before mom got home. We'd rush all the chores in that one hour. That's when we had teamwork at its finest. She never knew we all played cause she thought it was the devil

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Text - Astrochef12 16.2k points · 17 hours ago I have always worked in restaurants and get home late nights. On Fridays I treat myself to takeout. Not just any takeout, the bad stuff.. Cheese fries topped with Gyro meat, steak nachos with guac. Always a large, always with a big bottle of beer they sell singly. When my girls were little they would sneak down late at night and we would munch bad food and watch really bad funny movies with all the swear words in.

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Text - polarbearsaregay 13.0k points · 15 hours ago 3 E When my son was 6 I was playing Grand theft Auto late at night. He wakes up and comes to the living room, tells me he can't sleep, and asks can he watch me play. I say he can but not to tell his mom he agrees with a big smile. Maybe after about an hour he is playing and I'm watching and helping him. He can't stop laughing driving into people and running from the cops. I was telling him to watch out for the 5-0 and he asks me what that means

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Text - Cadence_828 509 points · 15 hours ago I'm a mother, but sometimes when I come home, my kids smell suspiciously like grape soda. Neither the kids, nor my husband ever have any idea why that is.

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Text - GucciDuc 11.2k points · 18 hours ago · edited 12 hours ago In the winter, he would put the toboggan behind the four wheeler and take us out into the fields and ride around. My mom found out after it tipped and my face got beat up and was bleeding everywhere. Fun.

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Text - LordWisePhoenix 9.6k points · 18 hours ago · edited 18 hours ago Dad was putting new roof shingles on. I was probably 3 maybe 4. I asked if I could help. He said if I could climb the ladder sure. I was always climbing so that was no issue. Climbed right on up and started handing him shingles. It would have been a "don't tell your mother" moment had she not come home from grocery shopping. After several back and forth of "Where are you" and "Up here mom" she figured it out and flipped out.

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Text - who_is_this- 9.3k points · 16 hours ago G Not a father but I was with my dad and we thought it was a good idea to start a small fire, on the porch, the wooden porch. It was made of mostly paper and we made sure to scatter the embers and everything but after we went inside and to bed, the wind must've kicked up because we came outside the next day and there was a giant hole burned into the porch. My dad just told me,"hey don't tell your mom, I'll get it fixed", he the proceeded to cover it

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Text - Treeflower77 8.7k points · 18 hours ago Daughter speaking for her father. In high school, everybody was always busy at work or clubs, so I was the first one in my household to get home nearly every single day. Dad was having money troubles that he didn't want to disclose to anyone, so he paid me $5 a month to take the bank statement letter from the mailbox and hide it from my stepmom until he got home. It was the closest thing I got to an allowance. P.S. I had no idea what the "money trou

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Text - bluej1375 7.1k points · 17 hours ago Not a father but a story about mine.one day I decided to pull a sick day at school and came down stairs and saw that my dad was making a coffee, I asked him what he was doing and why he wasn't at work and he said I could ask you the same question. We stood in silence for a moment and he said I won't tell your mum if you won't. We had a good laugh about it and he let me have the day off

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Text - dbuck79 6.1k points · 17 hours ago When I was younger my dad and I would always go to the movies together, it was our thing. I always looked forward to it. Also, when I was about 11, we would often watch family guy or South Park together; certainly not age appropriate, but nothing to terrible I don't think. However one day he took me to see Team America: World Police when it came out (made by the guys who did South Park). I think he realized his mistake during the puppet sex scene, and im

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Text - closethedoor21 2.3k points · 18 hours ago My dad used to hoist my siblings and I to the ceiling in a garbage can with a come along and swing us back and fourth. Fun as hell, but "don't tell your mother"

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Text - AV8ORboi 1.1k points · 17 hours ago · edited 15 hours ago my mom: "i have never been with any man other than your father, nor has he been with any woman other than me" my dad: "oh yeah when i was first seeing your mom i had like 4 other girls i was talking to on the side, don't tell her tho"

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Text - Maxtubular 610 points · 15 hours ago While building the outdoor play set for my five year old, I drilled a screw completely through a board and into my shoe, barely stopping just as the screw broke skin. I swore right in front of him, something along the lines of "Mother-fucking fuck mother fucker." We are sworn to secrecy to this day.

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Tagged: wholesome , chaos , moments , lol , dad , family , stories , mom , funny

Comedian Applies For Job At NASA, Hilarious Rejection Letter Ensues


Well, at least he went for it. And on top of that, NASA handled the clear, glaring case of him being unqualified for the job with a hilarious rejection letter. 

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Text - NASA Rejection Letter in Alex Falcone Jun 17 · 3 min read You may recall that back in March, NASA accepted applications to their 2021 class of astronauts. I've been dreaming about this since I was a small child, so I couldn't wait to apply. Sadly, I received bad news this week that my application was not accepted. I've posted the entire rejection letter here in hopes of saving others from the heartbreak of trying to live your dreams. Don't shoot for the stars because if you miss, you floa

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Text - Dear Alexander, We regret to inform you that your application to our Astronaut candidate program does not meet our stated qualifications. We normally do not write a detailed response to applications of this but there were a few matters you type, raised in your application that we believe need to be addressed. First and most importantly, you do not meet the minimum requirement of "a Master's degree or higher in a relevant field." According to your application, you "have seen Masters of the

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Text - personal note, I'd like to suggest that it's not healthy for a person of your age to still take the time to settle scores with high school teachers, but that's beyond the scope of this letter. In the section for other relevant skills, you only said that you enjoyed the scene in Apollo 13 where they "made a fucked up air filter out of socks" – which is not what happened – and that you "liked space Legos almost as much as the pirate Legos" as a kid. Why would you specifically mention LEGO i

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Text - we should hire you and also the very people who are reading this are "those nerds." Even still, your reasons were particularly unpersuasive. In future applications to any employer, we advise you to refrain from mentioning that you "have always wanted to poop into a vacuum cleaner." As for your physical qualifications. While we no longer require pilot experience, your request that you "always sit in the front seat because I get a little motion sick" does not instill confidence. You used a

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Text - page of questions for us, and while this is also not standard procedure, out of an abundance of generosity have decided to answer some of them. 1. No, astronauts do not currently get a "plus one" to the moon. 2. Yes, you would be required to notify your wife if you were going to the moon. I'm sorry she “is a worrier." 3. No, we would never agree to your request for "no meetings before noon." 4. We have no idea what you mean by "does riding a rocket feel similar to riding a washing machine

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Text - 6. No, we do not need your suggestions for new names for our administration. And anyway, "We're Space Ninjas So Suck On That, Russia" doesn't fit current government naming guidelines. 7. No, we would not be personally hurt if you apply to the Russian space program at the same time. Good luck with that. 8. We cannot and will not respond to the question "can I still jerk it up there?" Although we do not have a position to offer you and would appreciate it if you don't apply again, we apprec

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Transport - Regards, LT Benjamin Paradise Senior HR Manager National Aeronautics and Space Administration NASA

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Tagged: nasa , job , work , ridiculous , funny , comedian

Lazy Stranger Keeps Using Wrong Email, Gets Petty Revenge'd


The lazy-ass excuse this person gives for confusing their email accounts is all the more reason to mess with his shipping details. For more petty drama, here's an entitled coworker who demanded a party and took all the leftovers as well as exchanges between neighbors who hate each other.

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Text - Text - r/AmItheAsshole · Posted by u/treeonreddit 19 hours ago AITA for changing the package pickup each time someone uses my email for orders? Not the A-hole So pretty much, there's this guy who keeps ordering things with my email. He isn't using any other personal information of mine so i don't think it's a privacy concern. So back to the point, I will occasionally get emails from random websites about an order confirmation. I've never heard of most of those websites and I know for a fa

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Text - With most emails, there's a number, name and an address (I'm assuming it's the persons address) attached. I've tried texting the number and even calling but I've never gotten an answer. I'd always get emails from ups to confirm the pickup/drop off area. Ever since I've gotten the emails, I always change the location for delivery. So instead of it being delivered at his doorstep, it gets shipped to a post office 20 miles away. He can't change that since like I said, it's all attached to my

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Text - In his email, he calls me an asshole for making the pickup so far. When I asked him why can't he just use his own email he said: It's always a typo I do and I don't feel like fixing it because it takes too much time. I'm not even joking, that's exactly what he said. So AITA for sabotaging this guys packages?

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Text - RoseTyler38 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 30.4k points · 19 hours ago Tell him it takes less time to change the typo than it does to go to a post office 20 miles away. Nta

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Text - Elfich47 Asshole Aficionado [16] 7.2k points · 19 hours ago NTA - Just start cancelling the orders instead. While you technically aren't break the law, you are skirting right up to the edge. Just start cancelling the orders. He'll get the point.

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Text - ambercoveacnh 4.1k points · 19 hours ago NTA- he's obviously made this typo enough times to memorize your email, this is just laziness on his part.

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Text - umizoomi101 2.1k points · 19 hours ago NTA if he cared so much about his purchases he would take the time to spell his email correctly.

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Text - yankeegirl152 Partassipant [3] 1.4k points · 19 hours ago NTA. He's admitted to doing this as more than a typo. Instead of messing with his packages I'd start using his email for every spam that you sign up for. If you happened to randomly choose the numbers in his phone number when you need to put in a phone number for the places you know telemarketers will be calling from, that would be a shame too.

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Text - DreadGrrl Asshole Aficionado [15] 740 points · 19 hours ago NTA I have similar problems with at least one person who uses my email address regularly, and for all sorts of things. I don't know why this person does it, but I've changed so many things on said person that one would think it would be obvious that using my email address is more trouble than it is worth. I changed her (His? Their?) cable TV billing date again today, and I set her cable box to record a couple of new shows.

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