Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Funny Tumblr Gems Unleashed From The Depths


Tumblr is a place of mixed opinion, but like everywhere else on the internet it's full of people's half-formed thoughts that plop out of their heads and out into the world. So naturally, Tumblr has its random, funny and stupendous gems. It could be a dissertation on The Incredibles or just a terrible observation about turtles. Anything goes.

1.

Vertebrate - guy: one time my parents had an argument because my dad bought a bald cap for $2.70 but he was already bald Source: guy 328,465 notes ...

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Font - prokopetz Media sometimes uses a snarky butler as a sign of a weak or ineffectual employer, but man, if I had that kind of money, I'd pay extra for a butler who was quick-witted enough to just burn me to the ground at a moment's notice. zarekthelordofthefries This is the principle behind medieval jesters Source: prokopetz 140,259 notes

3.

Font - geekandmisandry My boyfriend just woke up, mostly still asleep and told me "don't worry, it's getting better" in a heavy, American accent, which is unusual for an Australian man. "Why are you American?" I asked, to which I got: "Sorry, it's getting better" in a stereotypical posh English accent. "Why are you English?" I asked, amused. "What is he normally?" He managed to ask. "He? You're not anyone else, you're you." "Ugh, me" was the last thing he said, in a right proper Aussie accent be

4.

Font - crash-mcbarason: tea-doodles: crash-mcbarason: tabularojo: crash-mcbarason: whenever i use scissors i always have this brief thought of "ohoho man imagine if i accidentally snipped off my nipple" It would hurt a lot but it would grow back, nipples are one of the few parts of the body that entirely regenerate UNLIMITEDNIPPLES NO DO NOT TRY THIS AT ANY COST DO NOT CUT OFF YOUR NIPPLES THEY ARE IN FACT LIMITED LIMITEDNIPPLES #ASTONISHING 2,059 notes

5.

Product - A notthekgb E xzumarill seagodofmagic someone just started blasting the indiana jones theme music on this train and i can't tell who it is but bless them minutia-r Apparently if you play the Indiana Jones theme music at an archaeological dig like half the people reach for their phones hencegoodfortune #the other half reach for their phones if you play the jurassic park theme Source: seagodofmagic 47,224 notes A

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Product - erarg sitcom where people gradually get killed off and their spot in the opening title theme is replaced with dead silence peel-a-potato-with-a-potato l'd like to question your definition of sitcom

7.

Property - snootosphere @slackerdook · the best thing about my school is the danny devito shrine hidden behind the paper towel dispenser in one of the bathrooms

8.

Sleeve - Professor Snape Pay attention, Baby. I don't want to see you lose focus for even one FOCUS second. I let my kids name my Harry Potter character "Curse Baby", and now I feel like I'm in a very uncomfortable relationship with Snape...

9.

Font - gentlemanbones I had a rude-ass dream last night. Some disembodied voice said "Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?" I'm a fan of jokes and do what voices tell me in my dreams, so I say "Yeah, sure." Then my 8 AM alarm goes off. Prick. - hokuto-ju-no-ken Holy s. Source: gentlemanbones 30,542 notes

10.

Rectangle - billy you step on a person's foot they open their mouths, just like trash cans. demho3zhating LMAO WHY AM I STILL LAUGHING AT THIS

11.

Fawn - justnoodlefishthings I love crested geckos because they have the expression of an animal who has exactly one brain cell that dings around their skull like a Windows screen saver butchteddybear

12.

Font - captainphasmaz Darth Vader but every time he breaths you hear a harmonica justlookatthosesausages This is one of those text posts you can instantly hear gallusrostromegalus *Mechanical Inhale* *Fweeeeeee* "Luke-" fwee "I am your- Stop laughing!"

13.

Clothing - swthememewars Why did the movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? In charge of sceduling, I was. who-talks-first THAT'S IT! THAT'S THE BEST STAR WARS JOKE EVER! Source: swthememewars

14.

Plant - Guns N Roses have toned it down a bit... WELCOME TO THE GARDEN PLEASE RESPECT THE RULES

15.

Cheezburger Image 9594716928

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Font - mrdestructo I'm opening '50 Shades of Grey' to a random page and posting what I find. Part nine. Christian Grey put his thumb in my mouth. And then the other one. And then two more. "Wider," he said as he put in one more. "I bet you've never had this many thumbs in your mouth." I hadn't. aphprussia where is he getting all of those thumbs

17.

Font - REI A tilthat TIL that B.F. Skinner, a famous psychologist, instilled superstitions in pigeons by giving them food in a cage at set time intervals. The pigeons responded by forming rituals, which they believed brought them the food, such as bobbing their heads or turning counter-clockwise. via reddit.com lamassusoup PIGEON RELIGION

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Cheezburger Image 9594717952

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Font - egberts Follow winsomelosemore ly haccthaplanet • ly Sometimes I blow on my ice cream before I take a bite. Have no idea why. 22.5k junkhacker • ly 1 Award brain: food, is very temperature! also brain: no worry, learned from soup, know what do qvbit Follow This is the tone in which my brain talks about everything 76,127 notes A

20.

Font - surprisedentistry Follow anyone else remember being a child and seeing the very neat handwriting of other little girls and somehow knowing that you were a different genre of person than they were cosmicbirth Follow literally no...i remember seeing bad handwriting & thinking "oh these other kids must be orphans or something" surprisedentistry Follow fascinating to hear from the other genre, thanks for your contribution

21.

Rectangle - a conversation i had with a 96-year-old woman 96 yr old: You know how your parents probably say things like, "you were BORN with the internet, you don't know what it's like to live without!" Me: yeah 96 yr old: Well, my parents said that to me about electricity. Source: ohmysmokeythebear 563,569 notes T1

22.

Outerwear - wadey-wilson Follow when ppl ask why i'm nice to the low-wage workers HUMAN Youknow, I'm something of a BEING myself

23.

Font - 5779 one of my friends is a very pregnant dog and like 3 times a day i say to her "hello! you are full of several other smaller dogs!" and she wags her entire body at me like "it's true!!! i contain multitudes" brehaaorgana i love that ur friend is the pregnant dog. what a nice friend to have. gaymilesedgeworth ya she's my buddy i love her! gaymilesedgeworth update: there were five (5) smaller dogs inside my dog friend, but now they are all outside of her instead (!!) brehaaorgana GREAT U

24.

Font - showerthoughtsofficial The reason I stay up late is because I don't want my free time to end and tomorrow to start sophialurvesnetflixandchill I feel so called out and yet so understood.

25.

Font - mozzarella-sticks YA novel idea: in a world where everyone is born with a countdown with how many french fries they are allowed to eat before death, one young man (me) is born with an infinity symbol cleromanticon He grows up thinking it's an 8 so he never eats any fries. He's teased and taunted by the High Fry kids. Then he eats his first fry on his 18th birthday. His number doesn't change, but the rest of his world does... Source: mozzarella-sticks

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