Sunday, January 3, 2021

Daughter Relentlessly Trolls Mom To Oblivion


This one's an oldie but a goldie. Whether or not this is an actual series of conversations between a mischievous daughter and her exasperated mother, doesn't matter. The texts are hilarious, and maybe even believable. Using autocorrect to troll a technologically challenged parent would be quite the crafty, and entertaining move. 

1.

Text - 3:21 PM 86% Mom Ш 01/24/2016 Sun Mom stop and grab me a coffee on your way over 7:50 AM No 7:51 AM What? Why?!?! 7:51 AM Because you're an ungrateful brat 7:52 AM I'm grateful you and dad got busy 36 years ago. Bow chicka bow bow 7:53 AM You know you are killing me Elizabeth. You're really killing me. No coffee. Enter message

2.

Text - 8:29 AM 50% Mom Ш 12/06/2015 Sun Elizabeth did you do something to my phone. Every time I type butt it changes it to butt. 8:23 AM What does it change it to? 8:23 AM butt 8:24 AM That's really strange. Try typing the original word again. 8:25 AM butt 8:27 AM This is great 8:28 AM Enter message

3.

Text - 3 94% F 9:17 AM Mom Ш 01/28/2016 Thu Did you take my vacuum 8:18 AM Yes 8:18 AM Why 8:19 AM Your vacuum sucks. Mine doesn't. 8:20 AM My vacuum doesn't suck Elizabeth you suck now bring it back. 8:21 AM And the house key too 8:22 AM Oh mom. You're so cute when you're confused and pissed off. Enter message

4.

Text - 2:10 PM 82% Mom Ш Answer your phone 1:53 PM Gimme a minute. I can't find my phone. 1:54 PM Ok 1:55 PM You are an awful child. You know you're killing me. You're killing your mother Elizabeth. 2:02 PM Only took you 7 minutes to catch on. Well done ma. 2:03 PM I don't even know where you came from 2:09 PM Enter message

5.

Text - 6:08 PM 78% Mom I just got home. Did you steal my Haugen joined? 5:58 PM No, I most definitely did not steal your garden gnomes. 5:59 PM Elizabeth. I know you stole them. 6:00 PM Look in the backyard 6:01 PM I don't where you came from. You're an awful child. 6:07 PM Enter message

6.

Text - 3:54 PM 88% Mom Ma! Mom. Mama! 8:05 PM Oh mama mia mama mia mama mia let me go... 8:08 PM Where are you are you drunk why won't you answer your damn phone 8:17 PM I cannot answer alk those qeestions right meow.,. 9:06 PM Why 9:07 PM Because VODKAAAAA!!!! VO000DKAAAA!!!! Vodka! Vodka! 9:10 PM Enter message

7.

Text - 3:53 PM 89% Mom Where are you 4:52 PM I'm at the bar having birthday drinks with people who are also having drinks. 4:54 PM Don't get drunk 4:56 PM I don't get drunk I get awesome. 5:09 PM I mean it and you forgot your cake 5:12 PM I'll grab it later. Don't touch it. Don't look at it. Don't even think about it. Just move on with your life. 5:14 PM You a weird kid Enter message

8.

Text - 2:24 PM 68% Mom Ш 12/23/2015 Wed Mom I'm here. Answer the door! 7:10 AM Get up. I'm going to steal your wreath. 7:12 AM Where are you I don't see you 1:38 PM Mom that was like 6 hours ago. 1:39 PM 12/24/2015 Thu Where's my wreath Elizabeth 9:47 AM You were warned 9:50 AM Enter message

9.

Text - 4:14 PM 45% Mom Answer your phone 4:37 PM I didn't mean to miss your call. I couldn't get my slim jim open. It was infuriating. 4:38 PM Answer your phone stop ducking around 4:42 PM God I love your auto correct. Seriously the best part of my day is when you tell me how ducking pissed off you are. 4:43 PM Elizabeth I mean it answer your phone or l'm coming over 4:47 PM Ok. Enter message

10.

Text - 2:54 PM 79% Mom ш Where is the question mark on my phone. I don't have one 2:38 PM Some phones don't have them. Try making better use of the period. 2:43 PM Elizabeth just tell me where the quotation mark is 2:46 PM Ooohhh. Well that you just use your fingers and do it in the air. Then wave your arms around like you just don't care. Woot Woot! 2:49 PM What the hell are you talking about. Are you drinking. 2:51 PM Was that a question? Enter message

11.

Text - 6:08 PM 78% Mom Ш I just got home. Did you steal my Haugen joined? 5:58 PM No, I most definitely did not steal your garden gnomes. 5:59 PM Elizabeth. I know you stole them. 6:00 PM Look in the backyard 6:01 PM I don't where you came from. You're an awful child. 6:07 PM Enter message

12.

Text - | 93% 7 4:29 PM Mom Answer the pounce 4:20 PM I think it's, eye of the tiger 4:21 PM What 4:23 PM Meow 4:23 PM Answer your phone Elizabeth now? 4:26 PM You seem unsure 4:26 PM I see you found the question mark on your phone though. Well done. 4:28 PM Enter message

13.

Text - 5:06 PM 80% Mom Ш Bring me my house key 6:10 PM Why?? 6:11 PM Your father's recliner is in the kitchen. I know you did it. 6:14 PM You have the wrong number 6:16 PM Elizabeth get over here and move it back. Your father can't see the tv. 6:24 PM Wait. Did he actually try? God I love you guys for that. 6:25 PM Call me now Enter message

14.

Text - |90% 7 4:18 PM Mom Ш I found this box all taped up I think it's yours from the move 8:06 AM WHAT'S IN THE BOX? MMS 8:10 AM WHAT'S IN THE BOX?! MMS 8:12 AM I'm not sure where I went wrong with you 8:15 AM Enter message

15.

Text - 8:02 AM 80% You're gamey Leedy his penis Aun tyne hoar 5:34 PM Mom. Read it before you send it. 5:34 PM Call make 5:35 PM Call blow 5:35 PM Call now 5:35 PM No. It's waaaay more fun this way 5:36 PM Now 5:37 PM Enter message

16.

Text - 3:20 PM 86% Mom 01/18/2016 Mon Answer your phone 2:49 PM We're sorry, but the number you have reached has been disconnected. 2:50 PM I'm not falling for that again Elizabeth 2:53 PM Damn. But I didn't get a screenshot last time! I was hoping you would apologize again. 2:53 PM I don't what that is I never know what the hell you're talking about. Rotten kid 3:13 PM Enter message

17.

Text - 5:04 PM 82% Mom Ш I heard police sirens after you left. Are you ok? 4:50 PM I'm cool but this cop seems agitated cuz I won't roll my window down. 4:51 PM Ok now he's REALLY agitated. His buddies got here and they all want me to roll the window down too. 4:52 PM Are you being a smartass?!?! 5:01 PM You told me not to talk to strangers. 5:01 PM I could strangle you right now you rotten kid. You're killing your father too you brat. Enter message

18.

Text - 3:21 PM 86% Mom Ш 3:13 PM 01/20/2016 Wed I'm coming over to help take your Christmas tree down 2:43 PM Nobody touches my tree 2:44 PM Damn it Elizabeth take it down now enough is enough 2:47 PM Where are you? I Thought you were coming over to help take down my tree today? 3:44 PM What is wrong with you? Why couldn't I have a normal kid 3:48 PM 01/24/2016 Sun Enter message

19.

Text - Mom ш Why Elizabeth 1:50 PM What? 1:51 PM <Subject: NoSubject> 2:01 PM MMS You didn't make stuffing so it was just a sad gaping hole. 2:09 PM. Enter message

20.

Text - 2:01 PM 18% Mom Ш When you get home will you PLEASE take this picture down! It's creeping me out. MMS 8:39 PM Because you ate the flowers? 8:45 PM Oh my god mom I did NOT eat the flowers!!! Why do you always say I ate the flowers?!?! 8:45 PM You ate those flowers Elizabeth 8:49 PM Enter message

21.

Text - 5:43 PM 84% Mom Ш 07/08/2016 Fri Why do you do this to me l've had it with this glue and pennies shit 7:59 PM What? 8:00 PM All my lighters are ruined 8:03 PM I did not ruin them mom I bedazzled them. 8:06 PM I'm a bedazzler. 8:08 PM You're a pest. no more pennies Elizabeth I mean it 8:12 PM Enter message

22.

Text - 7:35 AM 77% loo Mom 2.091 IVI Mom!!!!! I thought you were bringing me coffee!!!! 7:18 AM I did. You didn't answer your phone so I left it outside in front of your door. 7:27 AM Mom. Really? It's not in front of the door, it's up against it. I can't even open it without spilling the coffee. 7:29 AM I know. Have fun cleaning it up you brat. 7:31 AM Holy shit I've created a monster. 7:33 AM Enter message

23.

Text - |100% F 9:30 AM Mom I'm on my over there right now. 5:59 PM Huh? Why?? 5:59 PM We've only been gone an hour Elizabeth. We come home and I have no forks!!!! 6:00 PM I told you there would be retribution if you did not bring me Easter dinner leftovers. 6:02 PM When I pull up you run out my damn forks Elizabeth. How could you steal every fork you rotten kid. 6:04 PM I stole your spoons too. Apparently you didn't need them tonight. Enter message

24.

Text - 4:44 PM 95% Mom Answer your phone 4:33 PM Ok lol ttyl 4:33 PM What 4:36 PM What? 4:36 PM No you what 4:38 PM Omg shits gettin cray cray bae bae! 4:38 PM Don't talk to me like your face friends Elizabeth 4:42 PM Enter message

25.

Text - 10:12 AM 70% Mom How many are there Elizabeth 7:39 PM What you talkin bout? 7:40 PM The cheeseburgers Elizabeth! They're all over the house!!!!!! 7:42 PM Ok Ma. There's like 30. 7:43 PM I'm losing my hair. I'm losing my hair because of you. You come over tomorrow and get the rest! 7:45 PM 04/12/2016 Tue You put them in the mailbox. How could you put cheeseburgers in the mailbox you brat Enter message

26.

Text - 4:53 PM 52% Mom Open the door and let me in 4:18 PM Insert chinny chin chin joke here. 4:20 PM What? Answer your phone and open the damn door 4:22 PM I'm not home. 4:22 PM I can hear you laughing you brat I'm dropping off Catch's stuff and toilet paper. There was a sale 4:29 PM Discount toilet paper!?!? Hold on I'll unlock the door. 4:30 PM You're awful Enter message

27.

Text - 4:15 PM 73% Mom 04/29/2016 Fri Answer your phone 11:42 AM What's with the chapstick 11:45 AM What? You were saying you needed some so I got you some. 11:46 AM Yes but why do you have to tape them all over the damn door!! 11:53 AM It just felt like the right thing to do. 11:54 AM I'm blocking your number Elizabeth 11:57 AM Enter message

28.

Text - 4:38 PM l 100% Mom ш Happy Mother's Day! 10:55 AM You said that 10:56 AM Today I'm grateful that you always put the burnt side of the grilled cheese face down so I wouldn't know what you had done. 10:58 AM Shut up Elizabeth 11:00 AM That was only a couple times 11:01 AM Enter message

29.

Text - N 18% 2:01 PM Mom When are you coming back 4:03 PM Tomorrow. Why? 4:04 PM Everytime I do anything on my phone it tells me what I'm doing on my phone 4:07 PM I didn't do that. 4:08 PM I know that how do I turn her off 4:15 PM Tell her she's fat. 4:16 PM Always a smartass can't ever just answer the question. I should change the locks you brat Enter message

30.

Text - N 17% 2:03 PM Mom ш Ma!!!! Where are you!?!? 5:11 PM Still at store what do you want 5:15 PM I have an overwhelming craving for a corn dog. Can you pick up some corn dogs? 5:16 PM No 5:17 PM But I'm incapacitated. And bored. And homeless. And I'm your daughter which means I'm your life. How can you deny me corn dogs?? 5:20 PM Fine Elizabeth 5:22 PM Enter message

31.

Text - 2:00 PM 18% Mom ш Tam now the proud owner of my first brown recluse spider bite. I'm going to die. Totally freaking out. 12:14 PM You're not going to die Elizabeth 12:16 PM No not freaking because I will be a rotted flesh zombie bitch of death but because there was at some point.. a spider on my arm and I didn't know it. 12:23 PM Only this type of shit with you Elizabeth 12:29 PM I want bacon pizza at my funeral. 12:33 PM Enouah with the damn bacon Enter message

32.

Text - 5:45 PM 83% Mom Ma!!!!!!! 7:36 PM What 7:37 PM I'm bored and lonely. Entertain me. 7:37 PM Make some friends like you always do 7:53 PM Like a grilled cheese burnt on both sides, I have no where to turn. 7:55 PM Jesus Elizabeth stop being so dramatic 7:57 PM You're the cold hearted antagonist who doesn't hua. For shame Ma. Enter message

33.

Text - |84% 5:44 PM Mom AnSwer your phone 2:07 PM I can't right now. I will later. 2:08 PM Why 2:10 PM I'm hunting Pokémon. 2:10 PM What the hell are you talking about 2:14 PM Pikachu Ma! He's around here somewhere. He will be mine. 2:15 PM Are you drinking Elizabeth 2:17 PM Hell to the mutha Poké no. Enter message

34.

Text - 5:45 PM 83% Mom I don't understand. How could I have someone mess with you at walmart?? 3:42 PM He came up and licked the window and ran away 3:51 PM Holy shit that's hilarious! Was there a tall skinny guy, a kid with a sherrifs hat or a chick with a sword chasing him? 3:57 PM Answer your damn phone 4:02 PM This is the greatest thing that has ever happened. Ever. 4:05 PM You're rotten and you're cleaning this up Enter message

35.

Text - 11:51 AM 80% Mom Happy Birthday Ma!!!! 9:27 AM Thank you 9:29 AM I made a little video for you! What time's pizza and cake? 9:30 AM Your not invited to the party 9:34 AM Ok so like 4p? 9:35 AM Don't mess with me today Elizabeth I mean it! 9:38 AM Chill mom. Not everything's about you. Sometimes it's about cake. Enter message

36.

Text - 3:52 PM 90% Mom Answer your phone 12:06 PM I picked up your cake I know what you did Elizabeth I can't use this cake for the party 12:10 PM What's the problem mom? 12:11 PM It says happy birthday slut now I need a new cake 12:14 PM It's my birthday if I want a slut cake I should have a slut cake. Keep the slut cake please. 12:16 PM You are an awful awful child Enter message

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