Saturday, December 26, 2020

Funnies From The World Of Scottish Twitter


Oh, Scottish Twitter. You strange and fiery, and ridiculous land filled to the brim with bits of comedy gold. We can't necessarily say that we always understand what those ol Scots are talking about on the Twitter, but it sure is entertaining nonetheless!

1.

Text - JõhnöBryce @JohnoBryce On yer bike darling O © 80% l 02-UK 3G 10:56 10 Lia > It's the football or me that's it Kept inside for long enough More interested in football then me So pick now Pack your bags when your home Told you last night Will never love anyone as much as the Rangers Delivered Tweet your reply

2.

Text - Botty Bolingoli @BottyBolingoli To English TV presenters sayin Scotland's too wee/too poor to be independent. A reminder that you live in a country that makes fuck all & can't feed, water or power itself.Your own Government is so much in debt it taxes spare fucking bedrooms to raise money. Sit the fuck down.

3.

Text - Liam King @LK95_ My da just told me he's voting Tory tomorrow so l've stolen and hid his prosthetic leg. Good luck getting to the polling station mate

4.

Text - Paul Black @paulblack Walking down the street in Boston and see a Primark am lit wtf, a go inn overhear the manager speaking in a Glaswegian accent turns oot there's 6 of them from Glasgow wan eh them giving me advice about dodgy areas to avoid in Boston then says "I'm fay springburn but so am fine"

5.

Text - Wan Kerr @Andykerr_ Dae u ever git that smell that u can only describe as 'ootside' like someone comes in the house from outside n ur like 'u smell of ootside' 9/7/15, 1:15 PM from Carluke, Scotland 2,007 Retweets 2,673 Likes 27 @dzello · 10/7/15 Josh Dzielak Replying to @Andykerr_ @Andykerr_@sherah

6.

Text - Replying to @lewgmiller When I joined MI5 the interview was all about skiing, martinis, shagging, all that James Bond stuff. My first day on the job? They handed me a rubber and told me to start changing votes. Shite. #usepens

7.

Text - annie @annie_earleyx Can't stand when my mum shouts me for dinner then 7 seconds later shouts me again?? AV not got fuckin dementia gees a minute @SCOTTISH PATTERR

8.

Hair - My sister said Melania Trump always looks like she's trying to read the chippie menu and I haven't stopped thinking about it since IM AI MAG

9.

Product - Swifty @swiftybhoy Told ma gran a was loaded with a cold and she gave me this.. A tub of Vicks Vaporub that expired in September 1994. Should have a bit of a kick to it. RUE ON THiO0 PRCVONS Cre Aduhi VICKS de ntu Fot A VapoRub A 2784 SEP 94 CECONGESTANT FOR COLD aes breathing effective

10.

Text - Liam Turnbull @liamturnbull15 Some junkie on the 21 has just shouted "get off the WiFi you're slowing the bus doon" and l'll be thinking about that the rest of the week

11.

Text - Mike Adams @_MikeAdams Best feeling when your maw tells you "you'll no eat all that" n you spank it like the true champion that u are. Rise above hate

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