Monday, August 3, 2020

Twitter Thread: Woman Discovers Boyfriend Has A Kid


Well, this conversation definitely took an unexpected turn. Can't imagine being in the room and in this couple's vicinity as they were talking through this. 

1.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA Omg. The couple date beside me just took a turn. Her: You never told me you had a child! Him: He's little. Her: How little? Him: 12.

2.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA This is an established couple. They've been going out a while. He explains that he never told her about his kid because it's "complicated."

3.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA Now he's explaining about how the mother of his child is crazy. Oh, the look on his girlfriend's face is stony right now.

4.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Dude thinks he can casually eat his mussels now, but his girlfriend is not happy. Now he's explaining that his kid doesn't need a dad.

5.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley K.f. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He says his kid will "work it out." And his girlfriend is like: "how. How did you decide not to mention that you have a child?"

6.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow H.F @MARIADAHVANA Girlfriend is just shaking her head back and forth and saying nope. "Do you send money" she asks. I know the answer.

7.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow H.F. @MARIADAHVANA "That would just make it more complicated," he says. "It would confuse him. I mean, I was | 17 when he was born. I'm barely his dad."

8.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Yo Follow @MARIADAHVANA Nope, nope, nope. Now it is the song of nope in this bar. He still thinks he can slowly eat his mussels and say they're tasty.

9.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow H.F. @MARIADAHVANA "Trust me," he says. "I'm a good guy." Girlfriend says "Why, then, do you live here and not in California where your son is?"

10.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA They've been going out for a year and he just tried to back channel pretend that she just forgot he had a kid.

11.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Because that's the kind of thing you forget. "Excuses," she says. "Weak, weak excuses."

12.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA Him: Should we get another glass of wine?? This isn't that big a thing. It's complicated. Love is complicated. Her: WEAK.

13.

Text - To AL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA And suddenly the soundsystem goes full blast playing a Senegalese happy birthday for someone else. Whole restaurant has a dance break.

14.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA The whole restaurant had to have a dance break because the soundsystem went on blast for a birthday. Except them. They didn't dance.

15.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He just told her that she is "unexpectedly judgmental." "NOPE," she said. "Expectedly judgmental.

16.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "Well," she says. "Before you said that, I was going to tell you that my gay friend offered to marry me for citizenship, but I said no."

17.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA "But now I think I can do whatever I want. Maybe l'm married right now and forgot to tell you.

18.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He ordered dessert.

19.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA I'm gonna send this woman a drink.

20.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "I mean, I was a junior in highschool. It's like it didn't happen," he is telling her. I am ordering her a drink.

21.

Text - To FALL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA Side bar: this guy's logic is why I regularly run in circles shouting about why the patriarchy is evil.

22.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA "It never felt like the right time to have his conversation," he says. She is just turning him to stone with a straight Medusa gaze.

23.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "I don't know why you brought this up," he tells her. "You did," she says. "You accidentally mentioned your child you'd never mentioned."

24.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He is now listing the reasons he felt uncomfortable disclosing "intimate" things to her, such as the fact that he has a child he forgot.

25.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "Oh, now you're listing the reasons it's not your fault you have a 12 year old you abandoned? Are you? ARE YOU NOW?"

26.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL H.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA This dude is 29 years old and he is trying to talk his way out of this using 5 year old tactics.

27.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.E. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Her: "I don't judge you for having a child. I judge you for being a liar. As should be obvious. That's basic."

28.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA "I am thinking about a little kid in bed wondering where his dad is, and it turns out I'm looking at his dad. NO."

29.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA He just suggested she has PMS. Now maybe I'm going to come for him.

30.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Him: The way you're reacting? I'm just working so hard on myself and I feel like you don't respect that.

31.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA I mean, folks. I have the whole bar in front of me. Alcohol is antiseptic. If I break it over him, it's cool, right?

32.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Because this badass woman who is a billion times better than this tool just hugged him.

33.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL H.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA He said some shit that convinced her she is the wrong one. He just explained how hard it is for men to have emotions.

34.

Text - To FALL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow H.F. @MARIADAHVANA The last time I got involved in a scenario like this - the guy asked my opinion while his date was in the bathroom -I almost punched a bro.

35.

Text - Yo FaL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA I still want to kill him. OMG. Now he is showing her pictures of his son snagged from Facebook.

36.

Text - Tou ALL Maria DahvanaHeadley K.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA She's decided to do this thing. I can only hope that it ends with her dumping him into a little pile of twigs and thorns.

37.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FAL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Sometimes you choose to be with a ninnypawed toddler. It's her choice. We've all been there. But ohhhh I want her to fling him over the bar.

38.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley FALL H.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA Oh...she has remembered that he mentioned a "nephew or something" and her rage is back.

39.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA The bartender, who is a woman, and I have been discussing this disaster. Both of us threw fists of wrath in the air.

40.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. Follow @MARIADAHVANA "He's not all that," says bartender. "He's none of that," says me. But the heroine of this story has left with him. II

41.

Text - Maria DahvanaHeadley H.F. FALL Follow @MARIADAHVANA Before she went, she said "I'm gonna need more drinks." Tomorrow, she will tell this to a friend who will say Hell No.

42.

Text - You FALL Maria DahvanaHeadley Follow @MARIADAHVANA I wrote her a note. I didn't give it to her. We all have to make mistakes. Maybe she will drop him tomorrow. Hi Casunt observee here Merthin his Kid?! Thuo thin Your dule "s A HK. You Ane way bette then Ire bean you Pot Will Net Rock, Kver. Mad be you how PASE Yani and be this sucks.

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