Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Twitter Thread: A Tale Of Jellyfish And Manliness


This fun Twitter thread captures the painful experience of being stung by a jellyfish while diving out at sea, and what has to happen for one to recover from that sting. One with a bloated ego can certainly be humbled very quickly. Sounds like that particular dude was. Maybe the cups are the move the next time. 

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Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones I want to say I was 16, maybe. My family went to Florida. I was-and still am-a passionate SCUBA diver. The water is the only place I feel graceful. I went by myself on a dive boat. There was me and maybe six other divers- all big, brawny men. I felt very small and hairless. 1:01 PM · 17 Jul 20 · Twitter Web App 5,448 Retweets and comments 13.3K Likes Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d Replying to @EnswellJones You have to understand dive culture. Some people like the f

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Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones · 1d This boat was filled with those meatheads. On our way out to the dive site, I was like, Are we invading Bermuda? They were all strapped and wearing four-foot fins, telling tales about how they routinely dived to 300 feet and fought sharks. Several confessed underwater murders. 2 27 27 1,475 Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d Today l'd be like, Sorry about your shitty childhoods. But being a teenage boy is hard in some ways. I was sort of intimidated and wanted bad

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Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d Anyway, we dived, and the biggest Chet of the bunch got a wicked jellyfish sting on his face, like he'd been slashed with broken glass. Whether any of his other stories were true, I had no idea. But now he had a true story about the time a jellyfish turned his lips into sausages. 3 27 19 1,457 Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d We scrambled back onto the boat. The guy was screaming through his gritted teeth, so pretty quickly, he was laid out flat on the deck. Back

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Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones · 1d I shouldered into the circle and peed on him, too. I didn't just take a tinkle on this dude, either. If you've ever gone diving, you know that you absorb or swallow half the ocean. You have to piss like a racehorse. It was like l was a bilge pump. I emptied a bucket on this guy. 27 37 1,804 Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d I was reminded, years earlier, of going to Cleveland Municipal Stadium, maybe? Some ballpark that had circular urinals. I had to stand there

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Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d We doused that guy like he was on fire-there was more urine on that boat deck than in the ball pit at IKEA. And then we all acted like the biggest fucking heroes in the world, giving each other high fives and shit. It was the weirdest thing. These guys were JACKED. 27 26 1,595 Chris Jones @EnswellJones · 1d We headed back to shore. Pissboy sat alone, staring out to sea. I remember thinking, He doesn't look okay. It wasn't just the jellyfish sting. That trip ch

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Text - Chris Jones L @EnswellJones We got back and said goodbye: six strangers brought together by fate to urinate all over another stranger's face. My parents asked me how my dive had gone. "Great," I said. I didn't tell them I had peed on a man for the first time. I just ate my ice cream. It was reward enough. 1:10 PM · 17 Jul 20 · Twitter Web App

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