Thursday, July 30, 2020

Hilarious Tweets From The Last Blockbuster


These tweets take us back to the days of VHS rentals, horrid late fees, and stocking up on all the candy at the cashier before leaving Blockbuster with enough movies to last at least a night. The Last Blockbuster might be right up there with our other recent favorite Twitter account that's all about providing updates from Jurassic Park.  

1.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster We're having our staff potluck tonight. 3 people brought popcorn from our popcorn machine, 2 brought Mike and Ike's from the candy shelf, and Devin brought leftover Wendy's.

2.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. We didn't celebrate because we didn't have anything to be thankful for this year.

3.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster The Girl Scouts are blocking our entrance and when we asked them to move they called us "boomers" and told us to "start shopping for coffins."

4.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster The door is stuck again, so all business will be conducted through the return slot until Colleen gets back with the crowbar.

5.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Laugh all you want. We were here before you were born and we'll be here after you die.

6.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster We will slowly be opening our store up, section by section. Starting with Bollywood.

7.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster We're not price gouging. We've always charged $25 a night for Contagion (2011).

8.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Can someone walk by the store and let us know if it's still there?

9.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Of course a worldwide pandemic hits right when we're going through a two decade financial free fall.

10.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster People always ask us if Die Hard is a Christmas movie and our answer is always the same: Please just rent something.

11.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Some sweaty guy just stormed in and asked for "any Jennifer Lopez movie" before it "wears off".

12.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster It's so nice out we cracked open the Quickdrop return slot to let in some fresh air. It feels like were in a convertible.

13.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster We may not be financially rich, but we're rich in available parking spaces.

14.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster We're proud to confirm the rumors are true. The new DVD Maintenance pamphlets are in color.

15.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Customer Spotlight: Kurt Pilsen! Late Fees: $128.31 Address: 4505 N Elmbrook Ave. Children: Tanner, Ashlan and Shad

16.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Fuck it you dont have to rewind anymore

17.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster In order to help combat the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic, we are temporarily changing our name to "Blockbuster COVIDEO." Hope that helps.

18.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster There's nothing you can say or do to stop us from having our DVD maintenance class tomorrow. Some things are just more important than public safety.

19.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster A FOOTBALL HELMET DOES NOT COUNT AS A FACE MASK.

20.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster We're now offering rooftop pickup. Just shout which movie you want into the Quickdrop return slot and Danny will huck it off the roof.

21.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster If 2019 is any indication, 2020 should be chock full of laughs, tears and one dead mailman.

22.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster We're now offering rooftop pickup. Just shout which movie you want into the Quickdrop return slot and Danny will huck it off the roof.

23.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Holy shit 12 cars just pulled into the lot!

24.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Nevermind it was a funeral procession.

25.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Well it's official. The register pen is now on a chain. You made us do this.

26.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Please stop dropping bibles down the Quickdrop return slot. God abandoned us long ago.

27.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Due to the financial crisis, crying will no longer guarantee you a refund. We will reassess when things approve.

28.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Guess who's hiring jk Colleen just sold our welcome mat on facebook marketplace.

29.

Text - The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster Sales may be low but at least they aren't as low as last summer when they found those human fingers in our bushes and it made the papers.

Submitted by:

Posted by at
Labels:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)