Monday, June 15, 2020

Twitter Thread: The Ominous Origins Of Doritos


Chuck Wendig crafted a gem of a Twitter thread when he decided to "research" the origins of Doritos. Things certainly escalated quickly. Knew that crunch was too good to be true. 

1.

Junk food - Chuck Wendig @ChuckWendig Buckle up, butterdicks. It's time to talk about Doritos. Dorites ПАСНО CHEESE Party Size! 7:55 AM 3/27/20 Twitter Web Client 2,561 Retweets 11.3K Likes

2.

Text - Chuck Wendig O @ChuckWendig · 9h v Replying to @ChuckWendig I, like you and any other human, has definitely enjoyed the ZESTY NACHO TANG of Doritos corn chips from time to time, as well as their alternate flavors like Cool Ranch, Sweet Chili, Spicy Meatball, Hot Tire, and Fresh-Cut Grass. But then I thought, where did that name come from? O 18 2731 1,446 Chuck Wendig O @ChuckWendig - 9h I asked my dogs and my son and we're all in quarantine but we all came to the consensus that it's proba

3.

Text - Chuck Wendig O @ChuckWendig · 9h So we went straight to the source, right to the President of Corn Chips *checks notes* the CEO of Frito-Lay, and I got this email back and it was like, whoa -- the dogs and the 8-year-old agreed we were really onto something, like some Scooby Doo shit Thank you for your interest in Do No business records survive rega They were lost in a mysterious fir Do not contact us again or our ha Q 12 2751 ♡ 2,392

4.

Text - Chuck Wendig O @ChuckWendig 9h A mysterious fire? Our hand will be forced? We knew this was just the trailhead of a much larger mystery, so diligently we continued to pursue the information, combing the deepest records of the Dark Webnet to find the truth 7 2715 1,369 Chuck Wendig After a little sluething -- sluething? @ChuckWendig 9h v sloothing? fuck, whatever -- after a little INVESTIGATION online I found an early prototype bag for Doritos from the late 1930s and at first it was like,

5.

Doritos IS Doritos are with it! WITH OTHER FOODS Tortilla Chips 79 WITH DIPS Toasted Care Taste WITH RECIPES NET WT.4 OZ Doritos Tortilla Chips Serve DORITOS Tonilla Chips wih lunch, supper, buffet or cookrut. Thay're delicious with sandwicnes solods, soups ond dips OS69-756 1964 FRITO-LAY, INC

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Food - Chuck Wendig @ChuckWendig then I looked closer and was like, whoa, what the fuck is THIS Toasted Care Taste NET WT. 8:06 AM · 3/27/20 · Twitter Web Client 16 Retweets 1,261 Likes

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Text - @ChuckWendig 9h I reverse Google image-searched that like an internet ninja and found that it is an ancient Sumerian sigil indicating a passageway between worlds, a doorway to an interstitial purgatorial plane where Chuck Wendig souls are trafficked like coins and sometimes baked into breads to feed demons. O 18 2741 2,007 1 Chuck Wendig @ChuckWendig 9h DORITOS "DOOR-INTOS" "DOOR INTO THE VOIDS" THEIR NACHO CORN CHIPS ARE BAKED WITH HUMAN SOULS, THEY ARE A PRODUCT OF THE ETERNAL VOID, THE

8.

Text - Chuck Wendig O @ChuckWendig · 9h oh SHIT Doritos Dortos Follow @Doritos @chuckwendig we told you to leave this alone but you did not listen we will see you soon, voidwalker 7:47 AM-27 Mar 2020 32 Retweets 666 Likes t7 32 666 Q 172 27254 ♡ 8,391

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