Thursday, December 31, 2020

Pleasant Reminders That Keanu Reeves Is The World's Greatest Human


Keanu Reeves just blows us away. He's seemingly too good to be true. The dude just absolutely crushes it at life. 

1.

Face - Randolph Gregory 1 hr · 6 I have been working as a janitor for the past 7 years wiping the floor every day and breaking my back to feed my family until i met Keanu Reeves 5 days ago at the restaurant where i work in St. Louis and now i'm a shop owner thanks to him

2.

Dog - the characters keanu reeves plays keanu reeves

3.

Product - Keanu Reeves running away with a camera he stole from a Paparazzi

4.

Facial expression - Kemoy Lindsay @KemziLinzi Lol Keanu ain't taking no chances. Sup John Wia hrsoman

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Photo caption - Keanu Reeves Admits He's A Lonely Guy Keanu Reeves Admits He's A Lonely Guy By: Emily Brow. The internet at Keanu

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Text - Keanu Reeves O @KeanuReeves be kind to animals, or i'll kill you

7.

Text - keanu doing things @keanuthings keanu reeves drinking a corona & having an existential crisis

8.

Text - Rahul Kohli O @RahulKohli13 Iwill never love my future wife, future children, pets or grandchildren more than I love Keanu Reeves..and they will have to live with that knowledge.

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Jeans - SON EPA INIVES TEREE-S Keanu Comes Back Keanu Reeves stevethesilent: I must be tired I can't stop laughing

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Facial expression - Keanu Reeves is the chosen one to be immortal IND HE LING OTOR AV 2008 2014 3052

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News - Phillips Rodriguez 3 hrs Today Keanu Reeves pulled up at my place of work so we started talking then I mentioned that my son needed a Kidney Transplant surgery and I couldn't afford it at that moment he stood silent for a few minutes then went to his car and came back and gave me this envelope full of money My favorite super hero OOr

12.

Text - Keanu Reeves looking through reddit I do believe they think I am some kind of god

13.

Photo caption - That guy in the background looks just like Keanu Reeves.. This is what happens when there's a glitch in the Matrix

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Entitled Goof Tries to Get Designer to Work for Free


For some stupid reason, people think they can bully artists into drawing stuff for them. Seriously, this happens a lot, like this artist who trolled entitled fans who asked for free drawings. That said, every entitled individual with unreasonable demands is an opportunity to make a jerk look dumb.

1.

Text - I said Hello. Včera 11:41 odp. Iam sorry for the late response What can I help you with? Včera, 11:42 odp. / Webdesign w/ logo Show me your latest work in mobile design category. I want someone good. Včera. 11:44 odp. Okay, give me few moments Včera, 11:45 odp. / why ime Nutrition Activity START Overview Mobile Fitness App dribbble.com I an show you full design with prototype if needed Včera, 11:47 odp. /

2.

Text - No need, it looks really good. What do you need for start? Včera. 11:48 odp. Basic explanation of your projects + some examples how would you like your design to look like And your budget for the project I will calculate the price Včera, 11:50 odp. / It will be mobile app. CS.GO skins gambling platform My budget is 2 000 Dollars, but everything will go to developers Včera. 11:53 odp. Do you know that I am not designing for free, right? Vřara 11:55 odn / Being developer is a lot harder tha

3.

Text - Developers need to learn computer langugae. I can design it by myself, and all l need it microsoft paint and 20 minutes of my time 12:00 dop. If you think that it's that easy you are free to design it by yourself 12:02 dop. YOU are the designer.not me. Besides.i have better things to do 12:06 dop. Okay, I am done with you Have a nice evening 12:07 dop. Okay. dude l am sorry I just meant that i have a lot work now 12:09 dop. You here? You know what?i will find someone better,who will be ho

4.

Text - Man we both wrong-ups grown-ups cant you just make a logo? You dont charge for logo, right? dude it will take you 3 minutes 3 minutes of your free time you will spend on doing bullshit anyways I an do it in 2 Thats the spirit! Name is CSFelix i will let you use your own creativity as long as it looks good No worries, it will certainly look very epic

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Text - CS felix It took me a while, but here you go! Enjoy your free logo within 2 minutes! You are more than welcome to use my services in the future :) Is this some kind of bad joke??? Who is it in background? Why it isnt cropped Alsowhy it looks so cheap?? I trusted you and this is it??? I cannot believe that you have positive reviews this is bullshit go eat fucking ass you piece of shit and burn in hell with your extra moeny you will make You dont even deserve our fucking oxygen you degenera

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Parents With Identical Twins That Accidentally Switched The Kids


Someone on AskReddit asked for parents that accidentally switched their kids to share their experiences. Can't imagine the kind of embarrassing panic that must've ensued after these discoveries. 

1.

Text - Ambly_Andberg • 48m A bit late to the party - I'm not a parent but two of my brothers are twins. Unfortunately, twin 1 passed away about a year ago. During the wake we had TONS of pictures of him, like way more than even I expected. And one thing my mom would do with them whenever we were somewhere or doing something photo- worthy is take three pictures - one of each twin and then both together. About halfway through the wake my family realized my mom had accidentally chosen one picture o

2.

Text - AverageGirl_8 • 2h I had a classmate that has a twin sister. One day we - me, her twin, her and her boyfriend - went from school by train. Classmate sat with her boyfriend and I sat with her sister. Boyfriend had to use the toilet and when he was gone, they got an idea - apparently they never tried to switch to see if he would notice. So, they quickly switched some clothes (they were dressed similarly), changed their hair styles and switched the seats. When he came back, he looked at one,

3.

Text - frumpy_teapot • 3h My dad has an identical twin. Until I was about four years old they'd sometimes pretend to be the other to mess with me. After that age I could pretty easily tell them apart, but I couldn't (and still can't) really articulate how to do it to other people. It was just like "it's easy, my uncle has a softer face." They have identical-looking noses, cheekbones, jawlines, facial hair, etc. Neither is really noticeably fatter than the other or anything. Looking at them side

4.

Text - I'm an identical twin (the older and better one, which I will rub in his face forever). Its a bit embarrassing but my parents were kinda lucky as Thad a a small birthmark on my penis. Nothing gross or any, just a small pretty circular dark spot slightly left of center on top of the shaft. When we were babies my dad used to lovingly call us Spot and Not. So in the first few days he would say "I changed Spot, Not was clean but he's due." The embarrassing part is the nickname stuck, but only

5.

Text - biscuit729 • 2h At my school we have this weekend trip where we go to a camp for the weekend. I had met this one girl (I'll call her J). When we went back to school,I saw her in the hallway and said “Hi J!" Since I go to a huge school (1,000 kids per grade) I didn't know she had a twin sister until the girl said "Sorry not J, I'm G, J is my twin sister."

6.

Text - unnaturalorder • 5h Since this is a fun question that hasn't gotten | many responses, I will say I knew a set of identical triplets in highschool who'd sometimes go into one another's classes and mess with people. Made for a fun April Fool's day joke.

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Text - masterhitptl • 5h Obligatory not a parent but my sisters are identical twins and our parents kept them apart by the freckle one of them had ( has? ) on a toe.

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Text - Juvat • 4h Mine are only 16 months old, but to us they look different. They have different head shapes. Normally a baby will "settle" in the pelvic bone leading up to birth. Well, they both can't do that so one has a more round head while the other's is more oval. So while they have the same features, their head shapes gives them each their own appearance. One has a faint birth mark on his left arm, so I will know if they ever try any tom-foolery or bamboozlement. I will say I verbally ge

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Text - themagicalmrking • 4h Took all three to the park. I have boy/girl twins. Twin 1 had a big purple star on the back of her coat. Hood up, She was sliding down the twisty slide. I got distracted by the other two. I had had enough so scooped the kids up to go home. To my horror I had picked up the wrong kid! This other little girl had the same big purple star on her coat. She was the exact same size and everything. Hood up too. I only noticed when her dad yelled at me "oi! That my kid!" No ha

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Text - stephcasa • 2h Wow im hearing about a lot of male identical twins. I wonder if there is a less probability of female identical twins. My twin sister was quite the rascal when we were young so she convinced me that we should switch classes. We were i think in second or third grade. Turned out she had a quiz. I still remember the pale green paper and just staring at it lol.

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Text - sionnach • 5h Honestly, pretty much every parent of identical twins will tell you that they don't really look all that alike to them. Obviosuly on the surface they do, but I don't think we've ever mistook one for the other. It's not one big thing that makes them different, it's lots of small things that you'd only really notice if you spent every day with them.

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Text - Wtf_another_throw • 3h Am father of identical twin toddler boys and a 9 month old so think I feel qualified to answer this one. Since my wife feels its soo0000 cute to dress them the same ("until they will tell us they dont want to") this happens a lot more than one may think acceptable. There are some very small tells that I can find on each, like one has a slightly different head shape and another has a vein on his forehead in a more distinct pattern from the other. Still hard to tell i

13.

Text - xabrol • 2h Not a parent of twins, but when I was in school I was in classes with someone who had an identical twin. Their parents had divorced though and each twin lived with a different parent, one with Mom and one with Dad, but in the same zip code and they swapped out on the regular, weekend with mom and weekend with dad etc. Sometimes they would swap out which school they went to that week and since they were in different elem/middle/high school districts (but in the same zip code) n

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Text - mantistoboggan69md • 5h So with very few answers, I'll answer this with a summer camp story. We were playing capture the flag, but the teams got to hide their flag. Well each team in my game had a twin on each team, and the one on my team walked over to the other teams side and asked to be reminded where their flag was. He grabbed it and ran back before anyone noticed it was the wrong one

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Text - squidnaay • 3h My mom is an identical twin (mirror twins), her twin lives across the country but when they get together they find it hilarious to get the same haircut, dress the same and even record voicemails for each other (her twin has a slightly stronger accent). There was nothing more frustrating as a teenager than coming home and lamenting to my mom and suddenly she goes "I'm not your mom HAHAHAHA". When they were kids, they often swapped dates with each other and my mom even tricke

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Text - aylgar • 4h I'm a fraternal twin (despite this we looked exactly the same when we were little). As an infant my grandmother fed my sister twice thinking she had fed the two of us. Edit: Wow I didn't think I would get this many upvotes. I'm glad y'all found it hilarious, we still laugh about it to this day. My twin sister and I till look alike but not as much as we used to.

17.

Text - zoe_in_the_wild • 3h My cousin has 2 sets of twins. They are 21 months apart. She can tell them all apart. They are all teen boys now and damned if anybody else can. Not even their dad.The younger ones look like the older ones too, so that complicates things even more. (It's like she and her spouse are running an illegal cloning operation out of their home.) Good kids all of them ,they take advantage of their situations to hilarious levels. They love cosplaying storm troopers at conventio

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Text - svenson_26 • 3h Identical twin here. When I was 4, we were at Disney World with all my cousins who are around the same age. I wandered off for just a minute, and my family took that time to move on to go somewhere else. When my mom was doing a head count, my brother moved and she counted him twice, so it took them a few minutes to realize I was lost. Some nice strangers saw I was crying and noticed I was lost, and helped look for my family. My dad eventually spotted me, and hopped over a

19.

Text - Swaggy J59 • 4h Coached high school football for a few years, and there was identical twins on the team. During two a days, one of the boys was hearing a crop shirt under his shoulder pads, and I was able to notice he had a giant scar on his stomach from appendix surgery Anyway, I was very excited because I thought this be the way I could start to distinguish between the kids! Turned out both of the boys had their appendix taken out, so I had to go back to the drawing board on that one. B

20.

Text - pazureaus • 3h Not a parent of twins but... I was in algebra with a boy who's a twin. As a newer kid I didn't realize he had a twin and I never saw them together. One day I borrowed a pencil from him during class. The next day, in class, I give it back. He was confused as fuck. I was confused as fuck as to why he was so damn confused, but he took the pencil anyways, then promptly walked over to his brother who was in the same goddamn class to return the stupid pencil. They sat next to one

21.

Text - purplechicken17 • 2h On my highschool swim team we had a pair of identical twins. For anyone that doesn't know how swimming works, there are four different strokes: backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly, and freestyle. An IM (individual medley) is when all stroke are put into one race One of the twins (A) was better at backstroke than twin (B). Meanwhile, B was better at breaststroke. At this particular meet, our coach decided to put them together in an IM relay where A would swim breaststr

22.

Text - DoOoOo0 • 3h NachoOoOc Mom of identicals here. Not really one moment -- yet-- but I had them by c-section and for some reason it's always bothered me that I may have gotten them mixed up when we finally took the hospital bracelets off. They had no real differences as infants so I think about that at least 5 times a day. They're 4 now.

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Dad Memes for the Dads Out There


If you're a dad, know a dad, or have even seen a dad these will resonate with extra fatherly dad-ishness. Here are some dad memes to keep those dads going through these dark times. There's just a lot of rad dad memes to achieve dad dreams.

1.

Transport - Dad: “Keep that dog away from me." Also Dad: bdwalkyogut SENC

2.

Text - Nathan Usher @thenatewolf HUMAN BODY: I can grow a fully formed human baby in like 9 months. I'm talking brain, functioning respiratory system, eyeballs, everything. ME: Cool, cool. How long will it take for my twisted ankle to feel better? HUMAN BODY: 7 years and it will never be the same.

3.

Text - 13:48 1 Tweet Ms. Mouthpiece @Victoryoftheppl Apple Maps: Our artisanal cartographers hope you enjoy this pleasant journey. 28 min Google Maps: Our algorithm has determined an optimal path for the most efficient route given current traffic conditions. 25 min Waze: Drive through this dude's living room. 17 min 25/01/2018, 00:11

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Dog - She want to leave his ass but he a good father

5.

Cartoon - I'M SAD THAT MY KIDS WON'T LEARN ABOUT CLASSICAL MUSIC THE WAY THATI DID FROM ACROSS DRESSING RABBIT

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Text - joegarbe @gojarbe [gun goes off] [every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race] ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway

7.

Text - When she comes home horny but you've just knocked one out

8.

Photograph - -Mom, am I ugly? -I told you not to call me mom in front of people IG: Lei.Ying.Lo

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Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland A dad's favorite part of vacation is acting like he's better than everyone else because he woke up the earliest. <>

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Cat - This the look your girl gives you everytime a guy does something romantic on TV

11.

Text - how i sleep knowing my ex is out there fucking up someone else's life & not mine anymore

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Text - Ithought my 6 year old was smuggling a pipe into school, it's just a kazoo, either way he's grounded

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Canidae - Two actual pictures of me showing my everyday life

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Text - lee @_leebron My girlfriend told me she would suck John Mayer's dick in front of her own dad because she loves him so much. I said the girl on a netflix show we were watching was cute and she got mad and told me to watch it by myself. 4/1/18, 11:05 PM

15.

Text - The Dad THE DAD @thedad [House has collapsed] Fireman: Your dad is stuck underneath, I'm not sure we'll find him in time Me: *steps nearer* GUESS II'LL BE DOING ALL THE GRILLING FROM NOW ON *rubble starts to move*

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Text - E$ @erinlyman36 Do you ever think about how hard you're working to do well in life and then realize an 8 year old boy yodelled in Walmart for two minutes and is already more successful than you

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Fashion - GRAMMY AWARDS GR GRAMMY AWA GRA A YOU COULD BE IN SLAYER and your teenage daughter will still think your lame.

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Product - Therapist: what's wrong? Me: she thinks I insult her in my memes My stupid wife Karen: he does. G. TheFunylatrovert

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Leg - Soysauce Shawty @SoysauceShawty Follow When he stops cuddling u & sleeps facing the other way RETWEETS LIKES 20,955 40,769

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Text - Tea Only! @Demigodace Name one thing you wanna try in the bedroom Justin Grome @JustinGrome getting a full 8 hours of sleep

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Forehead - To prove he was home alone, Iwould like to present my client's internet search history from that evening. I'd rather just confess to the murder.

22.

Text - Do my parentsS realize I could be out doing drugs & being a hoe but nope l'm terrible bc I leave cups in my room

23.

Text - when your parents ruin your day then act like they didn't ruin your day and ask why you're in a bad mood

24.

Facial expression - Every new mom's facebook: "How adorable is my baby girl!?"

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Text - Andrew Fowler @fowlerism ME: I'm sorry for writing fake dialogue of us on twitter WIFE: *spoon-feeding me caviar* Well at least you have a huge penis 7/12/18, 10:47 AM 414 Retweets 1,982 Likes

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Tagged: dads , jokes , kids , parenting , Memes , lol , dad , family , funny