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Sunday, November 22, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Girls Discover Unequaled Joy At Pumpkin Patch

The moral of this story is clearly for us all to hold onto that one thing in life that provides us unparalleled joy. It could be something as silly as pumpkin spice everything from the local pumpkin farm, or those red cup holiday beverages from Starbucks. Point is, life's just a little bit more joyful when we're able to retain a bit of our childlike wonder.

For some more gold from Tumblr, check out this thread about the crude king of satire, Skweezy Jibbs.

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Text - libraford While out on my adventures the other day, I stopped at the farmers market to get some of their exceptional peach cider and a group of four college age girls all got out of an SUV, dressed somewhat identically (white face mask, gray or white top, dark bottoms, uggs) and headed up to the barn. One of them shouted 'PUMPKIN' and pointed to one of the 90lb pumpkins they had out front and all of them ran to see it up close, taking turns with their phones to get a selfie each. They wer

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Text - It is entirely possible that this was their first time visiting a farm. So I got my gallon of cider, some honey, and some fudge and those girls were in the line, each with a pumpkin held about bely height like they were six months pregnant with it. Wel. sort of. Three of them were in line like that and the fourth of them ran up with a package of fudge. "Ladies look! Pumpkin Spice Fudge!" "Oh my god where??" So two of them went back to the fudge and got more fudge, got back in line. Then a

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Text - "I didnt think you could DO that!" "Where??? "Girls, we need a cart!" This happened ad hominem until I think they had every single pumpkin spice item in the barn: soap, candies, taffy, cakes, breads, mixes. it filled a cart and was easily $300 worth of pumpkin spice stuff plus their pumpkins and they were so excited to have it all. It was treasure. It was a bounty. They had hunted well and their stores would be stocked for the winter.

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Text - And on the one hand I'm rolling my eyes because pumpkin spice is just. cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove. But on the other hand. they were so excited. Like they were so excited to see pumpkins in a place that grows pumpkins and not at a grocery store and I suppose the takeaway is: May you find unequaled joy in something as simple as a pumpkin in a place where pumpkins grow. 4,707 notes A

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Tagged: excited , wholesome , adorable , pumpkins , tumblr , ridiculous , funny , funny tumblr posts , funny tumblr

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Twitter Thread: The Cold-Blooded Office Shrimp Thief

We like to think our lives are boring and pointless, but sometimes there's office shrimp drama. This underhanded coworker struck a defenseless order of shrimp fried rice and lied through her teeth about it in a way that only a born psychopath could. For more office drama, here's a Karen who threw away an expensive cake before the office fought back.

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Co-worker got his lunch stolen and they've agreed to let him watch the security camera tape. This is the most excited l've ever been at any job ever. Ever. 8:00 PM - Mar 29, 2018 O 551K Q180K people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani The lunch in question was shrimp fried rice which means this escalates from a misdemeanor to felony no doubt 8:14 PM - Mar 29, 2018 O 73.7K O 5,284 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Case facts: Lunch was in fridge for less than an hour before it vanished. No shrimp smell remnants in the microwave or kitchen area. This was a professional hit no doubt 8:24 PM - Mar 29, 2018 50.1K Q 3,471 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani HOLY SHIT. He's back. He watched the tape. He knows who did it. 8:44 PM - Mar 29, 2018 O 41.5K Q 2,657 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani So the man who's lunch was stolen sits across from me. The person who stole his lunch sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME! She left for the day before the investigation started 8:48 PM - Mar 29, 2018 43.5K 9 3,029 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani According to the video, this psychopath DIDNT EVEN EAT THE FOOD. She took it out of the fridge and threw and buried it in the trash 8:50 PM - Mar 29, 2018 O 47.7K Q3,853 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Her motives remain completely unknown. In lieu of what he saw on the tape he has decided to not to press the matter anymore. I can't say I blame him. We don't know what this women's fully capable of 9:01 PM - Mar 29, 2018 45.8K Q 2,820 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Points to clarify: he bought the shrimp fried rice around 11:30am (carry out) and put it in the fridge to chill until he takes lunch at noon. So she had exactly a 30min window of time to do what she did. There was no intention of microwaving the food 4:05 PM - Mar 30, 2018 36.3K Q 2,308 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Update: Ok so when dude watched the video with HR they asked "what do you want to do about it?" he told them he was solely interested in who did it and that he didn't want to be responsible for someone getting fired 4:11 PM - Mar 30, 2018 33.1K Q 2,158 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani After charges were dropped, HR sent a company wide email about not stealing people's lunches. She is scheduled to arrive at work in 20min. My blood is on cocaine 4:13 PM - Mar 30, 2018 69.6K 9 4,102 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani She has walked into the room. And the room is dead silent. Dead fucking silent yet there is a palpable explosive energy pulsing through everyone but her 4:39 PM - Mar 30, 2018 ♡ 49K Q 2,769 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani From the moment she walked in, I've just been staring at her. Watched her open her email and now she clicked on the goddamn HR email! Holy fuck strap in - here we go! 4:43 PM - Mar 30, 2018 40.3K Q2,324 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani I can't move. I simply cannot move, anything could happen right now 4:45 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 39.2K Q1,969 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani !!!! After seeing the HR email she says out loud "woah. Someone stole a lunch? Who would do something like that?" !!! I may have to run out of this room 4:47 PM - Mar 30, 2018 71K Q 4,514 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani After she said that, shrimp guy responds "well yea it's not ok to throw someone's food away" we're all about to start screaming 4:51 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 54.2K Q3,110 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani This shits about to get crazier. After he says that she goes "oh it was your lunch?" BEAT she continues "well why would you go to HR about that?!" 4:54 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 38.4K Q 2,391 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani She has simultaneously denied her involvement AND called the guy who saved her job a snitch!!!!!!!!! 4:56 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 52.6K Q3,115 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Dude just sighed and went back to work after she said what she said. She looks frightwningly calm 5:03 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 33.3K Q 2,018 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani I'll keep updating if anything else occurs but all I can say is that EVERYONE in the office from the janitor to the founder knows what she did. She now carries an invisible scarlet letter 5:05 PM - Mar 30, 2018 61K Q3,465 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani This is real. This is happening. We know who did it but we don't know why. It's a post production company so we're in fact open today. She's been sitting 3ft from me this whole time 5:42 PM - Mar 30, 2018 36K Q 2,246 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Unbeknownst to the guy and the woman, I just ordered 3 shrimp fried rice plates for lunch and will be hand delivering them 6:11 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 50.3K Q 2,746 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani She took the fried rice from me with a big smile on her face. She's eating it and loving it. This is utter ruthlessness 6:43 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 38.7K Q 2,280 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani "I LOVE shrimp fried rice" - the thief 6:57 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 62.4K O 5,702 people are talking about this

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Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani I wish I could close this up with a neat little bow, but, it appears that we may never know why she did it. Maybe she doesn't know she did it. Either way l'm now forced to work 40hrs a week next to a cold blooded individual 7:57 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 95K Q7,599 people are talking about this

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Tagged: shrimp , twitter , wtf , thread , drama , stealing , Twitter Thread , Office , lol , thief

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Road Rager Picks On Motorcycle, Rider Gets Revenge

Some people refuse to keep their tempers in check when they get on the road. This only ever breeds more chaos and stress for everyone else that's just trying to get around. In this case, we have a crazy, angry driver who seemed like he was poised to have a meltdown over something, from the moment he got behind the wheel. Well, he certainly met his match in this motorcycle driver. The motorcyclist cut the road rager zero slack, and proceeded to stall him right into a hopeless puddle of rage.

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Text - r/pettyrevenge + Join u/Fluffy-Designer • 1d 21 @1 3 2 2 Small motorbike vs small... *waves pinky finger* I should preface this by saying I was raised by a narcissist and I'm extremely passive-aggressive as a result. Years ago, I bought my first motorbike. A tiny 125CC bike, that with my 82kg body weight, could barely do 90km/h on a flat road and would lose speed going up hills despite me revving as hard as I could. That was my first motorbike and I loved her with my whole heart. At the t

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Text - So l'm cruising along on my bike to visit my family and I'm heading up this one notorious hill that is deceptively steep on the incline. It curves around so it's hard to see but gets quite steep over the distance, so l'd hit the bottom of the hill at 90 and be doing 70 at the top. I'd always take the left lane (slow lane in Australia) so that people could overtake safely on my right (the fast lane) if they needed to.

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Text - I was the only vehicle on that stretch of road when a man in a very expensive looking car decides to come flying around the curve and almost hit the back of the motorbike. He would've easily been doing 110+ in the 90 speed limit, and instead of moving over and overtaking safely, he decided to slam on his brakes, sit inches from my bike, and beep his horn while screaming at me to get off the road. I move as far over in the left lane as I can without riding into the shoulder but he won't ov

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Text - Wait for the lights. The light goes green, I move forward about a meter and... stall the bike. I've seen some shades of red and purple in my life, but never anything like the colour of douchebag's face. He completely LOSES IT. Screaming and swearing and threatening to have me arrested and/or shot. The lady in the car behind him gets out her phone and starts recording him. I ignore him, re-start the bike in a belch of black smoke, and just as the light turns yellow I speed off around the c

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Tagged: satisfying , awesome , road rage , petty , ridiculous , Reddit , win , revene , wtf , funny

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Roommate Mistakes Guy For His Ex, Hilarity Ensues

The costume was just that good. No, seriously all kidding aside this is absolutely hilarious. Poor guy was just trying to cheer up his buddy that was going through a tough break up, and ended up in the middle of a very uncomfortable moment of pure delirious confusion.

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Text - r/tifu Join u/HalloweenHooligan • 8h TIFU pretending to be my roommate's ex M FYI: my roommate was planning to share this story from his perspective but thought it was more entertaining coming from me. This happened just over 2 weeks ago on Halloween night. Even though my roommate and I didn't go anywhere on Halloween, we still dressed up anyway. My roommate's costume was basically just an apron, boxers and socks. Not very imaginative, I know. In my roommate's defense though, he was going

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Text - For some reason my roommate still had some of his ex- girlfriend's clothes in his closet, which I, the constant clown, ended up trying on. For the record, the items of clothing were: short, heart-shaped pajama pants and an extremely tight camisole top. I was skinny enough to squeeze into them without too much effort, and the fact that I still had Tarzan-long hair (partly due to lockdown, mostly due to style), made my hideous transformation even more hilarious. So, there I was, dressed as

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Text - Cut to me waking up to my roommate struggling to pick me up off the couch. He already had one arm under my neck and another arm under my legs like a human forklift. All the lights in the living room were off at the time, but the TV was still on. My roommate's back was towards the TV when I opened my eyes, and from my POV, he looked less human and more like an ominous shadow figure. Not gonna lie, I was still far from sober at that moment. My roommate, on the other hand, was practically on

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Text - My roommate stood up and stared at me in silence. For the sake of full disclosure I said out loud "it's me dude". My roommate's reaction was eerie as fuck. His eyes grew really big but the rest of his face stayed completely calm. Without saying anything, he awkwardly zombie-walked to his room. I was to0 hammered to register what had happened but I damn sure knew I had to get out of my "costume" and lock my room before going to bed that night. TL:DR Dressed up as my roommate's ex-girlfrien

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Tagged: costume , halloween , ridiculous , tifu , Reddit , funny

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Girlfriend Changes Diet, Gets Sleep Recording App, Learns Hard Truth

Man, the expression on this woman's face as she listened to her handy sleep recording app, only to learn the real, potent truth behind why her boyfriend was being "distant." Homie was trying to break free of a rather dank room that'd been infused with the smells of a high fiber diet. Hey, nothing wrong with mixing up the diet, and certainly nothing wrong with passing the gas, when you've got to let it out. This is really just a hilarious snapshot of a situation that must impact plenty of couples out there. This particular couple just decided to get the app that uncovered the ultimate truth.

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Text - TIFU by downloading a sleeping app that records noise , changing my diet, forgetting to check said app and blowing hot balls of fire at my boyfriend for months M Edit: spelling Sorry for formatting I am on an iPhone edit: and throwaway I've ( 27F) had trouble sleeping at night since I was a child , finding out my boyfriend (32M) of two years also has trouble sleeping at night we decided to both download an app that basically records movement , snoring , extra noise and your level of consc

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Text - Now , I am known for eating right before bed and recently my doctor had recommended that I add more fibre to my diet along with some sleeping pills . This was my first fuck up. Unknowingly to me fibre causes MAD GAS. the kind noise that is only found by a heard of elephants running though a concrete desert. Months have gone by and I started to sleep better than I ever had before due to the pills and diet change, forgetting all about the app. But one concerning thing was that my boyfriend

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Text - About an hour ago , I remembered the app records noise and decided if I checked the app I should be able to tell what time he is getting up and leaving the bedroom and maybe see if his phone rings or anything of that sort to try to piece together why my lovely caveman was leaving me to go sleep downstairs. WELL LET ME TELL YOU. I Found out why. And I am about to reveal my sad embarrassing truth to you. I have been indiscriminately but vigorously farting the most thunderous claps from the

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Text - So my friends , do not take too much fibre and sleeping pills if you don't want your significant other to mildly dislike you and be distant TL;DR changed my diet to more fibre , took sleeping pills to knock me out , recorded myself blowing gas as strong as a whale coming up to breathe. Edit: since you guys are wondering I did bring it up to him when he first started to go to the couch and he just shrugged it off saying he's having a hard time sleeping in the bed and I was not buying it lo

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Text - Edit ok it took me forever to figure out how to post photos to Reddit but I think I got it : confrontational text confrontational text Edit :I sent him this post and we are now having a great laugh about it. Thank you for all the stories I enjoyed every single one lol Edit Ok I'm sorry for all the edits but the app is - sleep booster : auto tracker

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Text - S I'm going to order skip the dishes instead of cooking l'm not in the mood tonight lol chicken breast is still leftover from yesterday though Have fun play some good hands ! Xo love you Love you too chicken Did you order yet ?

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Text - I did But I wanted to ask you something You've been a little weird lately and I was honestly thinking it was because you were talking to someone else P!!! You know I would never ! Come on now

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Text - I just listened to the recordings of that sleep app we downloaded and heard myself fart like "big foots" long lost uncle " big fart " and I heard you walk out after a while. Why on earth didn't you just tell me Oh my god lol

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Tagged: boyfriend , relationships , girlfriend , ridiculous , tifu , Reddit , funny , dating

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Tumblr Thread: Modeling For Art Is A Cold Business

This Tumblr thread shines light on the business of modeling for art classes. While it sounds like the pay can be decent, it can also end up being a true test of willpower when it comes to putting up with the cold. Turns out that sitting in studios or garages without any clothes on can be a tad bit chilly.

Check out some more gold from Tumblr with these totally random Tumblr tidbits of pure golden proportions.