Sunday, October 18, 2020

Dumb and Bad Life Pro Tips to Not Do


There's a lot of good advice in the form of life pro tips, and that just means that there's gonna be a whole lot more hilariously dumb and bad advice. Whether it's incorrect, dangerous or straight up dumb, there's a lot of bad life tips with zero shame. So if you like being eaten by wild animals and alienating everyone around you, go for it.

1.

Text - Natalie Larson @Natalie_Larson2 Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach because all the sharks are busy being on TV >

2.

Text - LifeAdviceLamp @life_lamp If you're being chased by an animal, just lay on the ground for 5 seconds. The 5 second rule will prevent the animal from eating you.

3.

Text - Kyle Y @KylePlantEmoji The cool thing about lying is that if someone says "hey, you lied" you can just lie again and say "no I didn't" Problem solved e 13:34 · 09 Sep 20 · Twitter for Android 28 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 610 Likes Kyle Y @KylePlantEmoji · 2h Replying to @KylePlantEmoji What's their comeback? "That's a lie too"? No it isn't. Boom. I stay winning 4 27 5 223 >

4.

Text - Roxi Horror @roxiqt I don't know if anyone else gets anxious about phone calls but a little tip l've learned is: if there is a phone call that I don't want to make, before I start dialing the number, I carefully hold the phone in my hand & toss it gently into a lake. I hope this advice helps others.

5.

Text - Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats Hey men: Do you dry off your face after a shower with the same towel you use to dry your balls, or do you have a separate ball towel? 8:55 PM 09 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone 103 Retweets 1,221 Likes latest internet reference Replying to @Eden_Eats You start with the face then head on down. The towel forgets everything by tomorrow.

6.

Hand - Pro Tip: How to avoid hitting your thumb with a hammer

7.

Product - pamcake @banterpapi69_ I put my gum inside this pill bottle so people think I'm taking medications and don't ask for gum. LINE-UP. TYLENOL Extra Strongth

8.

Text - Max Dylan Ash @mynameisntdave you want your dog to take a pill: 1. Get a piece of cheese 2. Eat the cheese for energy 3. Get ready to wrestle your dog

9.

Text - karanbir singh @karanbirtinna If someone tells you that they're fighting depression, be sure to tel them to "cheer up". Maybe they haven't thought of that yet.

10.

Signage - PREVENT LOCK YOUR CAR P TAKE YOUR KEYS HIDE YOUR BELONGINGS E FILL A DECOY PURSE WITH THOUSANDS OF ANGRY, POISONOUS BEES It takes <30 seconds San Francisco Police for thieves to rob your car Departmont

11.

Text - The downstairs neighbor just installed a stripper pole. 6O 169 69 Comm O Like Comment Jay Tautkus Hook a car battery to it

12.

Text - For extra cash consider robbing sex offenders.. their address is easy to find, and.. they can't own guns.. ESTC Modern problems require modern solutions

13.

Text - Borrow money from a pessimist-- they don't expect it back.

14.

Text - we faked a proposal just to get dessert ngertulitan.

15.

Comfort food - Dr. Badvice @BadHealthAdvice Dip your foods in hot oil to lubricate them before you eat. Makes digestion much smoother. GIF

16.

Facial expression - u can't disappoint ur family if you've never made them proud in the first place OPER Open Man Tue-Th M-Sa Sunda

17.

Photo caption - Joe Hendry 20m ·O If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it. #entrepreneur Lyf Haks

18.

Text - S Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's terrible for the environment. Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.

19.

Text - Sir Michael @Michael1979 Tech tip for people who aren't as tech-savvy as me: When you press the h button on your keyboard, you get a lower-case h. But what if you want an upper-case h? Easy! Just go to the wikipedia page on horses, copy the upper-case h and paste it into your document. Problem solved W Article Talk Horse WIKIPEDIA The Free Encyclopedia Fi Сopy Ctrl+C Search Google for "H" Main page Print... Ctrl+P tion). Contents 3:10 PM Dec 18, 2019 · Twitter Web App 30.9K Retweets 1.4K

20.

Ring - SAVE MONEYONARING BYDATING ONLY MARRIED WOMEN

21.

Text - Jerps @JerpsBerps Life Hack: If you drink nothing but seawater, your body water is now international waters and you can't be charged with a crime. Sure, you'll die of dehydration. But you'll die FREE! 1:19 PM · 07/07/20 · Twitter Web App

22.

Motor vehicle - ... And Local Area Buy Sell Trade Yesterday at 8:00 PM · A 1988 Chevrolet Fire Truck $8,500 When my wife and I matched on Tinder, I knew she was way out of my league. So I took the obvious next step. I bought this 1988 Chevy C7, set her garage on fire, and ran over to play the hero. We're married now so I no longer have a use for it. Is Becky in accounting not noticing your glances? Lady in the coffee shop doesn't flirt back? Let me help with that for only $8500. With only 16,000

23.

Text - Eat a bag of popcorn kernels right before death so your family can eat popcorn after you're creamated.

24.

Text - For anybody with pest issues in their home, I found a solution: Just simply lock your doors. Bugs can't open locked doors because they're dumb as rocks

25.

Food - I was today years old when I found out how broccoli is made.

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Literal Moments and Memes that are Technically Correct


If there's one thing that makes us feel less stupid than we actually are, it's our ability to be technically accurate. Sure, being technically correct about something doesn't make us any smarter, but it helps us further avoid the fact that we know way less than we think. Man is that comforting, just kicking your own stupid-can down the road.

1.

Text - tilthat TIL there is no physical description of Jesus in the Bible. via ift.tt volcel-official False Luke 2:52 He's larger than a baby amateuropinions By the description of him driving the moneylenders from the temple, we can also tell that he fit inside the temple, which gives us an upper bound as well as a lower bound on his size. veraxplus It's been said that Jesus Christ was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple Source: tilthat 3,075 notes

2.

Font - Chemistry books are just a bunch of atoms explaining atoms to a bunch of atoms. Chemistry PRENTICE HALL Wilbraham Staley Matta Waterman Chemistry

3.

Text - 100T Classy @Classify Wtf I can't believe after all that shit, they back together 4:41 PM 8/4/19 Twitter for iPhone 18 Retweets 381 Likes sidney @Viperous 17m Replying to @Classify Who? 02 103 100T Classy @Classify 16m MY ASS CHEEKS LMFAO0000 O 27 t7 24 467

4.

Album cover - Warning: this image contains sax and violins. Viewer discretion is advised.

5.

Text - Abbie @AbbieEvansXO yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you're square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist

6.

Fictional character - You either die a hero, or live long enough to become a Sherlock Holmes FAN COMIC MAM SHERLOCK HOLMES SHERLOCK ENOLA HOLMES

7.

Tank - Mengo It works Spookamel Anybody Remember that stealth tank Poland unveiled back in 2013 What the fuck ever happened to it Show this thread

8.

House - Shoplifters when they see a shop

9.

Computer keyboard - Q W E Tab A S A Shift Ctrl Alt N ATTIDS

10.

Text - I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was. I said, "the muppet from Sesame Street." They told me, “he doesn't count!" | replied, "I assure you, he does."

11.

Library - Yes, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare. Which one? William. u/danceswithshrews

12.

Photography - PHOTO TAKEN WITHOUT FLASH PHOTO TAKEN WITH FLASH

13.

Motor vehicle - A very rare photo of the first ever mobile phone

14.

Text - Her:(whispers) I want you to make me scream with your fingers Me:"pokes her in the eyes super hard*

15.

Design - 36 155.8° Who are you, who are so wise Lin the ways of science?

16.

Text - Hey hon. Can a blond and a redhead have a kid with black hair? Today 10:37 AM Nope Someone cheated Sou Laimen Aboubacker What u mean by someone , obviously it's the mother 18 4 h Like Reply

17.

Sky - Legal, illegal, legal, illegal

18.

Canidae - Purebread dogs vs. inbread dogs

19.

Text - Talk To The Hatter @Talk_To_T... 22h 1) Butt and booty are synonyms. 2) Dial and call are synonyms. 3) YET Butt dialing is really different than a booty call. O 60 27857 3,889 1 Gabor Javorszky this is fine . @javorszky Replying to @Talk_To_The_Hat and @DrJenGunter "Forgive me father for I have sinned" And "I'm sorry daddy, I've been a bad girl" Have the same problem :D

20.

Room - Jacob TM @yourloyalpal Breakfast in bed

21.

Crab - If you hold a crab up to your ear YOU CAN HEAR WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ATTACKED BY A CRAB

22.

Hair - Obi-Wan Kenobi @the negotiator Who is this? Wrong answers only Mace Windu etakeaseat Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Master

23.

Cartoon - In an atom, the number of electrons 1 point is equal to: the number of neutrons. the number of electrons. the number of protons. That sounds sciency enough to be true

24.

Text - PUSH If That Doesn't Work PULL If That Doesn't Work We Must Be Closed.

25.

Face - Bullets only do their jobs after they're fired.

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