Thursday, August 6, 2020

Wild, Funny, And Unexpected Marriage Stories


Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about people's wild and surprising marriage stories. You just never know what could kickstart a love that'll last a lifetime. Could be something as silly and immature as throwing a paper airplane at the back of someone's head. 

1.

Text - maimou1 • 10h 2 Awards he came to the door to borrow my sister's textbook. no one would answer the door so I dragged myself out of bed, and answered the door in nightgown and curlers (hey, it was the early 80's, ok?). he told me was there to see my sister. without a word I nodded, turned around and screamed "SISSS-TURRR", turned back around, said"family intercom system" completely deadpan, and left him standing on the porch while I went back to bed. married me anyway, 38 years on the 21st

2.

Text - MargotFenring • 12h I had just started dating this guy, and he came over to hang out. My roommate was bitching about her coworker Pam. So I said, "Who names their kid Pam anyway? Fuck bitches named Pam." My date says "My mom's name was Pam." His dead mom. Anyways, we're married now. Reply 2.2k ...

3.

Text - ReadingFrenzy • 13h My dad threw a paper airplane at the back of my mom's head in college. She told him to grow up. Anyways, they've been married now for over 36 years. Reply 14.2k ...

4.

Text - LMucheng • 14h 1 Award When we first met, his first words to me were "I'm gonna wife you", and I scoffed. Anyways, we're married noW. Reply 17.4k ...

5.

Text - arovercai • 13h Co-worker's boyfriend's brother came up to stay with them. "We have to have you out for dinner with him, you have a lot in common, he likes nerdy things too. You're not allowed to date him though." Definitely dated and married him. Co-worker and now brother-in-law broke up around the time we got engaged - he's better without her. Reply 12.4k ...

6.

Text - sensitiveinfomax • 13h I swiped right on someone who was the exact opposite of my type. Short, big teeth, not ambitious, really skinny. He was leaving town the morning after our date. He was a good half hour late to the date, muttered softly, and was bad with eye contact. I only went on the date because l'd had really fucked up stuff happen to me and I just wanted one date with someone that wasn't going to lead to anything just to feel normal. Anyway we just had our first kid. Reply 4.0k

7.

Text - 2beagles • 13h 8 2 Awards I had a cold, and went on a date to an Irish pub. I was eating bangers and mash and had the urge to cough. I tried to keep my mouth shut, but just wound up spraying his face with gravy and mashed potatoes through my pursed lips. I was still coughing, so I took a sip of my drink to sooth my throat. It was beer. The bubbles tickled my throat more. I also spit that all over his face. He stared at me in disgusted horror as gravy, mashed potatoes and beer dripped down

8.

Text - pkunk-is-not-dead • 14h 3 Awards met a girl online about 20 years ago one summer after college, found out we live in nearby towns, so decided to get together. Go out on a few dates, drive by local pre-school: me: "hey, that's where I went to pre school!" her: "that's where I went to pre school!" That day we find a pre school class photo, there we are 2 feet from each other. A few months later, my dad finds some old footage of a Christmas play our preschool class put on. We're standing rig

9.

Text - 1 Award In second grade, I was voted class favorite (why was this ever a thing? Horrible idea for kids self esteem) along with a weird fella who I had trouble believing anyone even voted for because he was quite reserved and bland. In the fifth grade I remember the same guy getting called to the front of the class to write his answer on the board. He was awkward and dressed accordingly. The girl seated behind me very quietly commented "mmmm. His booty look like it be eatin' his pants!" On

10.

Text - kaimcdragonfist • 13h I tripped and rolled down a hill, embarrassing myself in front of my girlfriend and her roommate. Anyways the roommate and I are married now Reply 6.2k ...

11.

Text - Moobell55 • 12h My great grandparents met because my great grandfather was delivering the news paper to my great grandmothers house and her brother though he was trespassing and tried shooting at him,my great grandmother felt bad and bought him lunch. They were together for over 75 years and lived a very happy life Reply 19.5k ...

12.

Text - windywing • 13h My boyfriend cheated on me with a girl his roommate introduced him to. The roommate felt bad when he found out that I had not in fact been broken up with first, and told me what had been going on. ... Anyways, we're married now! :D Eight years married, second child arriving in six weeks. Reply 1.1k ...

13.

Text - hey_sjay • 12h 3 Awards Right after our first kiss he said, "I'm not looking to get married." "Neither am 1,"I replied. So anyway, we're married now. Reply 22.9k ...

14.

Text - urbancowgirl42• 12h Met him in high school while he was hitting on my identical twin sister. Anyways, we're married now. Reply 4.3k ...

15.

Text - shaka_sulu • 14h You know that moment at church the pastor says "now stand up and say hi to someone you never met"? Anyways, we're married now. Reply 5.4k ...

16.

Text - TheGoodJudgeHolden • 15h Our first date was a disaster of epic proportions. Ended with me yelling at her, and her paying the check while I was in the latrine just so she could get out of there quicker. Anyways, we're married now, over 8 years strong. Two kids. I can't see my life without this beautiful, crazy person, and I like to think she feels the same way. Reply 2.9k ...

17.

Text - ConneryFTW • 14h In college, this girl like "fell on me". I was sitting beneath her bed watching a movie in her dorm room by ourselves as a "bro night". I thought she was super cute, but I didn't really think I had much of shot with her. We had also just become friends not too recently before that, and I didn't want to ruin this nice connection we had been developing. In any case, she kinda jumped on top of me. I had been a wrestler in high school, and she had mentioned before how she wan

18.

Text - VitaminThoughts • 14h So we went downtown in college to celebrate a friend's 21st birthday. My date for the evening had a few too many cocktails and ended up getting kicked out of the bar because she used the utility closet as a bathroom, I left to walk her home. But anyways, we're marrying next month Reply 817 •..

19.

Text - fueselwe • 10h Friend of mine in High School who looked suspiciously similar to someone I knew in kindergarten. One day: „you know, I knew a <her name> in kindergarten and she looked a lot like you", „yea, I also knew a <my name>, and he had exactly your hairstyle" We look deep into each other's eyes „Oh" Reply 174 + ...

20.

Text - The-Grand-Pepperoni • 13h I was 11 years old, talking to this girl I just met walking to lunch at school. She was cool, we liked some of the same stuff. This jock walks up and asks "what, are you two dating?" We both kind of looked at him confused and said no. Anyways, we're married now. Reply 641

21.

Text - reneeclaireblog • 13h 1 Award We met in elementary school. I transferred schools before high school and we lost touch. Found out we had enrolled at the same university, in the same program, once university classes started. Anyways, we're married now. Reply 4.0k ...

22.

Text - FallingInTempo • 12h I was working at a video game shop, and he was hired to DJ the midnight release of a game I didn't care for. He comes in, waits in the giant line of people finalizing their preorder before midnight. When he gets to the register, I ask him if he's here for the premier, but he says he wouldn't be caught dead playing that game, and proceeds to purchase a different, older game I later find out he already has. He asks me when I finish my shift, and to swing by the DJ table

23.

Text - FortifiedGun • 13h 1 Award I was in 8th grade and she was a year younger. I had a thing with her best friend. Was walking home with said best friend when she joined us. Absolutely lost it inside when I saw her. Looked so beautiful and cute walking home with her violin in hand. Her parents had a rule about dating til she was 16. They came around eventually. Not for a few tough years. Today was 8 years together. Known and been hooked on each other for 11. Getting married may of 2022. I stil

24.

Text - jhzinger22 • 11h During college i got sexiled by my roomate alot (she was on and off with her hs sweetheart) so i went to the common room area of the dorm to knit to kill some time (had a pretty view of the campus). Started talking to an art student who was drawing there and ended up talking for hours and been married for 4 years together for 10. Reply 161 ...

25.

Text - fungeoneer • 14h A friend of my brother's had a drinking problem in college. One day he crashed his truck in the side of the road and a man walked up and said "You ok?" "Yep." "You drunk?" "Yep" "Get in my car, l'll get in here and tell the cops I lost control." The guy got in the man's car, got in the back seat, and sat next to his future wife.

26.

Text - Tim_Out_Of_Mind • 11h Years ago, in the early days of the 'net, I met this girl on Yahoo Personals. She's trying her best to get out of a bad life, and casually mentions that she used to be a dancer in various clubs around the area. On our second date, she's over at my house. I had this 5-year-old picture of my 21st birthday at a local strip club. She saw it and pointed out that she was front and center in the photo. Happy ending time: She did get out of her bad life (at least, I hope she

27.

Text - thefuzzybunny1 • 13h A friend of mine was secretly playing Pokemon at high school when he found a picnicker with the same name as me. He found that funny so he whispered it to another mutual friend who was sitting next to him. Then the guy on the other side said "what's so funny?" And they said "look it's a character named for thefuzzybunny1." And he said "who?" So later in the week during a lunch period, they introduced him to me. Anyway we're married now. He also insists I include the l

28.

Text - zoink540 • 11h Met a girl online. She refused to go on a date with me but wanted to be Facebook friends. For 3 years she would not go out with me. I really liked her and we spoke every day. Eventually had to even tell her that we can't talk as often because I was developing feelings for her and it prevented me from meeting other women that would actually agree to go on a date with me. I dated other people during those 3 years. Saw one of her friends (mutual friends on fb) on the same webs

29.

Text - sparragus-P • 11h We met gaming online and became friends, we are from different countries, in mine, engagement rings are not a thing, so diamond rings are not related to marriage, but they are in his. I don't know how the conversation went that I said "someday I will buy myself a diamond ring" and he said "I will buy you a diamond ring" and the mood got awkward... Anyways, we are married now!! 3 years later, I still don't have a diamond ring lol Reply 123 ...

30.

Text - Wubbalubbadubbitydo • 11h We had been dating for two months. Driving around one day I was telling him about my little sister and how a boy at her school had a crush on her. I laughed as I said he proposed to her and said "she's only 5 I've never had anyone propose to me" without missing a beat he said, "I'll marry you" Anyways it's been 9 years a house a kid and two dogs and we are married now. Reply 117 ...

31.

Text - Plethorian • 12h When I was 13, I met a girl, Debby, at summer camp. She talked about her horses and attending the big interstate fair every year with her 4H group. On my 13th birthday I went to the fair and looked Debby up. She agreed to go to the carnival with me, but wasn't all that interested (I can't blame her, 13-year old me was a dweeb). She brought along her annoying girlfriend Rene to keep me from getting too fresh, which worked. I was determined to get Debby alone, not that I kn

32.

Text - Mahaloth • 14h I moved to China to teach middle school. Was introduced to another teacher while we were still in the Beijing airport. So anyway, we're married now and have adopted two kids from Korea. :-) Reply 5.3k

33.

Text - Lunchl3ox • 14h I met this girl. She started calling me, then everytime I went out to eat or to a movie she showed up. Sometimes I would come home from work an she would be waiting outside my place with dinner. The last time she came over she never left. Sure she leaves for a bit, but comes right back. Anyways I said why the fuck not and we are married now. Reply 1.7k ...

34.

Text - megamonster88• 11h Met a guy on tinder, texted for 3 weeks, almost cancelled our first date because it was raining and I was tired and someone had hit my car parked on the street, got to the date and he didn't speak a word of English and had been using Google translate to text me that whole time. Anyway we are married now. PS he learned English. Reply 1 516 ...

35.

Text - YaDrunkBitch • 14h On our first date he tried showing off by drifting down a gravel road and tore through a ranch fence. Anyway, we're married now. Reply 6.8k ...

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Totally Random Tumblr Treasures


Oh boy, we're back at it again with some fresh gems from the wonderful, ever entertaining minds of the Tumblr world. Take a tumble through these while you go about muddling through another day in these strange times. 

1.

Cartoon - Development muffintonic: Season 1: Season 4:

2.

Text - watsonshoneybee lads had a dream last night that i was at the elton john concert and halfway through crocodile rock he switched to a prince medley and real live flesh and blood prince walked out on stage, and into the stunned, hushed silence i said quietly, "i thought you were dead" and he looked straight at me through the crowds of a million people, put his mouth against the mic, and said "do i look like the kind of man who dies" absolute legend sammy-the-music-boy This wasn't a dream th

3.

Text - distressedphilosopher Honestly "thanks I hate it" is one of the funniest phrases in the English language transsexuallesbian i one time told my italian professor "grazie lo detesto" and she lost her shit, so it's not just english findingfeather It just packs SO MUCH MEANING into such short concepts.

4.

Text - Everyone is doing the 10 year challenge! Here's one: 2009 minimum wage: $7.25 2019 minimum wage: $7.25 imtotallystoked 2009 average rent: $886 2019 average rent: $1,476

5.

Text - civilizationkills why do people think humans are the peak of evolution. bears get to eat berries and salmon all the time and sleep half the year. how is that not so much more advanced than working every day until i die! whatshouldntbe ay op is right where that witch from brave at i just wanna talk

6.

Text - tilly-and-her-books: My neighbours are hosting some sort of charity event thing and they've got a live band going on and they're pretty good So when they finished a song I yelled out a "woo!" And then I just hear, "is that a neighbour?" Over the microphone. "You're really good" I say because, well, what else do I say when I'm yelling over 4 acres of bushland during the night? Then I just get a really awkward reply of "thank you" and now I'm just sitting outside in the cold listening when

7.

Text - itsensakaljastaja S hamyhamyhakki Follow ... big-mood-energy Follow remember when you could say stuff like "the earth is round" or "nazis are bad" and be absolutely certain everyone who heard you would agree big-mood-energy Follow remember when you could say "we shouldn't attack children with tear gas" and be absolutely certain everyone who heard you would agree big-mood-energy Follow remember when you could say “you shouldn't let your children catch fatal, preventable diseases" and be ab

8.

Text - iworkinretail-myguy criticize the work of stephanie meyer all you like, but she has let twilight die of natural causes rather than viciously reanimate its corpse with every tweet. yes this is about jkr Source: iworkinretail-myguy 91,616 notes

9.

Text - nianeyna apparently l'm playing skyrim again. and by "playing skyrim" I obviously mean "spending hours installing mods before I ever open the game" argumate foreplay with Todd nianeyna do you ever think before you post argumate yes, I think "ha! funny" and hit post

10.

Text - luminarai listen, I'm not the biggest fan of kids but if a child looks at me then you bet l'm gonna smile back at them. kids deserve to experience the world as a kind and safe place to explore okay. scarlet00rose But the world is not kind or safe. citizen-zero then Fucking do your part to make it that way.

11.

Text - teaboot I hate it when your parents are like "I know you better than you know yourself!" Like no you don't teaboot Like oh, you're an expert on the inner machinations of my psyche? Name three of my top ten existential dreads heckacentipede "But I raised you!" Ya and the only version of me that you know is the one I carefully crafted so that you wouldn't ask me questions because it became obvious early on you couldn't handle the honest answers

12.

Text - reactionary-bot sad but true: it doesn't matter if people die as a result, opening a sports-themed bar & grill is too important automastectomy august 11, 2018 scottandhiskind 2020 is the year we find out who the psychics are.which apparently includes bots yourdadsghoulfriend Victoria Guida @vtg2 I'm beginning to think "hindsight is 2020" was some kind of message from a future time traveler that we all misunderstood.

13.

Text - REI tilthat Follow TIL there are 3 types of fun: Type 1 fun is enjoyable while it's happening. Type 2 fun is miserable while it's happening, but fun in retrospect. Type 3 fun is not fun at all, not even in retrospect. via reddit.com scope-dogg Follow How the fuck is activity that's no fun during or after it considered a type of fun lordascapelion Follow You know howa lot of people play a game called League of Legends?

14.

Text - A ace-aro-fandroid So we got an Amazon Echo and we changed the wake word to "Computer" and now I feel like l'm on the Enterprise all the time. Additionally, whenever I watch Star Trek, she only responds to "computer" when Data says it and it's kind of adorable. Not Picard, not La Forge, not Troi, not Dr. Crusher, not Riker. Not anyone but Data. The other night Data asked his Computer what the time was and my Computer told him it was 10:47. Watching Star Trek is even more fun now the-zodia

15.

Text - greenwithenby-deactivated201609 People who prefer hot weather: Snow and ice are a pain, and the cold is just kind of uncomfortable even when you wrap up, you know? People who prefer cold weather: MY SKIN LITERALLY MELTS OFF EVERY SUMMER I AM A FUCKING HUMAN SOUP AS WE SPEAK greenwithenby you wouldn't believe how many people reblogged this to whine about hot weather in the tags.

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Text - hong-meiling-official too cold? put on another layer! too hot? change into thinner clothes! still too cold? put on another layer! still too hot? uh, get naked I guess? still too cold? put on another layer! still too hot? ȚAKEQFE TOUR/SK IN

17.

Text - the-mighty-birdy The cold is easily shut out, the heat is inescapable hell goodguydashura THE TRUTH COMES OUT. Avoidance techniques for the cold: -more coats, fire, hot food and drink, stay inside, fuzzy sweaters, ear muffs, become a burrito Avoidance techniques for heat: -die, I guess. #SEE THATS THE THING LIKE I CANT WALK OUTSIDE NAKED AND EVEN IF I COULD WHAT IF IM STILL HOT WHAT DO I DO THEN

18.

Text - that-jolly-tardis-sound: in geometry class today, a kid's phone started siri while my teacher was explaining a proof, and it said "sorry, i didn't understand that. could you say it again?" and mY TEACHER STARTED EXPLAINING IT AGAIN HE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT THE VOICE WAS OF A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN OMFG

19.

Text - funneeb Yall ever procrastinate sleeping? Like you should be asleep and you want to but you just.. keep doing more things for no reason?

20.

Text - this close to putting hot sauce on my toes turing-tested i. forgot to give context for this vriskerly-actions what context could you possibly give that would make this any better turing-tested my cats biscuit and gravy are aggressive toe biters and they will stop at nothing to attain the experience of feet in their mouth

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