Friday, May 1, 2020

Funny, Strange, And Cheesy Gems From The Tinder World


Tinder is blossoming right now. With many experiencing more "free time" alone, and without the external stimulation of social obligations, events, etc, people are flooding the app like never before. This makes for a welcomed wealth of ridiculous moments from the world of Tinder. It would seem to be the home of people trying out the very best and worst of their pickup lines. 

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Text - tati YOU MATCHED WITH TATI ON 4/30/20 You look so familiar... didn't we take a class together? Today 9:41 PM i don't think so lol Today 10:42 PM I could've sworn we had chemistry Sent i haven't taken chem yet so that's fosho a no lol

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Text - My bio says "I'm statistically taller than you" ll TELUS ? 9:24 AM © 86% So how are you statistically smarter than me Today 9:23 AM I mean I never claimed to be statistically smarter than you But if you misread "smarter" for "taller" than maybe you're onto something

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Text - l vodafone UK ? 20:34 @ 1 60% YOU MATCHED WITH 14/04/2020. ВЗ Today 20:20 No l'm not a snack machine Actually was referring to a chess board I was moving a piece so that I could make a move for the queen Sent

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Text - 21 I only date girls my own race, the human race, not barbie dolls SHARE S PROFILE SEE WHAT A FRIEND THINKS

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Text - Oh how the turntables Chat Profile Liked your answer Today, 10:05 AM You invited Stephanie to start the chat Today, 10:40 AM Honestly I never have to start the chats so l've been staring at my phone for the past 5 minutes trying to figure out something entertaining to say.. this is all I got Not so easy is it? Sent

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Text - 04:08 1 ll LTE YOU MATCHED WITH ON 4/21/20 yoga hawaiian blonde Yesterday 20:18 abs Yesterday 20:56 cute smile nice hair date Yesterday 23:46 ok

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Text - McKayla Send your worst pick up line Today 2:00 AM Do you have a Band-Aid? 'Cause I scraped my knee falling for you Are you a parking ticket? Cuz you've got fine written all over you It's handy that I have my library card because l'm totally checking you out. Today 2:34 AM Was your dad a boxer? Cuz you're a knockout Are you a loan? 'Cause you've got my interest! They have four legs but aren't alive We all need chairs to live and thrive If it has three legs it's called a stool And I think

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Text - I didn't respond for 3 months. Worth it. YOU MATCHED WITH ON 2/4/20 Hey :) how's the new year treating ya so far! Awesome so far! Hbu? :) I've got nothing to complain about! Today 9:12 PM How about now? Sent Well maybe a little more to complain about now ...

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Product - Today 10:26 PM Are you lightning? Cuz I wanna make you McQueen hi – obvisouly i'm no linger interested in communicating with you after that message, but i'm writing to let you know, entirely for your own sake, that you need to do better or no girl will ever seriously reply to you GIF Type a message... V.

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Text - ll GCI 10:08 AM 177% Jen YOU MATCHED WITH JEN ON 4/10/20 hi jen i'm ben Friday 11:12 AM hi ben i'm jen Yesterday 12:14 PM nice to meet you jen. do you wanna be my fren? Sent Yesterday 6:00 PM i'd love to be your fren ben. you seem like a solid ten

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Text - Vo) 15:27 LTE ll 47% Grace So did you set your location to Edinburgh or? cuz im bored Why Edinburgh? You know much about Scotland? nope Today 15:24 You know what this is? nope Me carrying this conversation Sent

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Text - Emilio YOU MATCHED WITH EMILIO ON 7/2/17 Looks like I turned to the right Paige Oh you absolutely have Although unfortunately I've heard that pun Emilion times Sent There's no fucking way you just did that.

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Text - ll AT&T ? 10:01 AM 1 0 * 97% YOU MATCHED WITE ON 4/22/20 hey my kid loves trains, what's some cool facts to tell my 5yo Today 9:56 AM Oh! I got this! Ok so Thomas the Tank Engine was a real train He is based on the LBSC E2 from 1910's Edwardian Britain. Edward is a Furness K2, Henry is an LMS Black Five, Gordon is an LNER A1, James is an L&Y Class 28, Percy is a GWR Trojan Saddle Tank, and Toby is an LNER J70 Tram Every character is based on a real train, but I decided just to cover the m

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Text - 10:55 1 Tara YOU MATCHED WITH TARA ON 2020-04-10 Hey Cameron are you super bored like me or are you working full time? Yesterday 8:28 AM I'm working Yesterday 10:07 PM Oh okay well BYE Today 6:55 AM Good luck! Today 8:21 PM You're not even cute dude Tried to unmatch you but it's too much effort Today 10:55 PM You've got a weird standard in terms of what you put effort into. Sent

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Text - kristin @kmaaac14 I matched with my ex's dad on a dating app and I can't tell you how bad I wanna date him just so I can show up to a family event. Who's your mommy bitch

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Text - Micah, I have a really good airplane joke I want to share... But I think it might go over your head. Today 9:35 AM Oh trust me It won't, because I won't even read it. So no worries about it going over my head. Itll be discarded like all the other comments I get on here. I sure hope you aren't that guy who does the whole “jokes" when you interact with strangers who are doing their jobs. I'd pity the bank teller, cashier, waiter, or anyone else who comes in your path. Not really sure why a

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Evil Stepmother's Wedding Dress Ruined with Chocolate Skid Mark


This person's step mom sounds like a pretty cruel customer, so it's no surprise that cruelty came back to bite her in the form of a big chocolate skid mark on her wedding dress. For some more family drama that ended with justice, here's Auntie Karen whose scam fell apart after offering exposure as payment. And for wedding drama, here are moments that proved that the wedding was a bad idea.

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Text - r/pettyrevenge · Posted by u/katep2000 8 hours ago Ruining a wedding reception for fun and profit! When I was 13, so eight years ago, my dad remarried, after divorcing my mom 4 years before. Before the divorce, his fiancée had been his mistress. My mom is completely better off without him, and ignoring the fact that I wouldn't exist, I don't think she should have married him in the first place. Even if I think my parents weren't a good match, that's no excuse to cheat on your wife.

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Text - This woman was fucking vile in all sorts of ways. She constantly belittled me, made fun of the fact I needed to take pills for my mental illness (despite being a fucking pharmacist? I don't get it either) and was generally awful to me and my siblings. But she was a decade younger than my dad and reasonably hot, so he didn't give a shit how she treated us. The one time he actually listened to us about her is when they were thinking of having a baby and my brother said he'd ask our mom to s

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Text - So anyway, they got married. I was a bridesmaid, cause that bitch had no real friends. (The other two bridesmaids were her sister and my sister.) My brother was the best man, cause she didn't like my daď's best friend. He and my dad still don't talk to this day, even though the guy was like an uncle to me as a little kid. It was a wedding, everything went normally. But at the beginning of the reception, before the first dance, we were taking pictures in front of a chocolate fountain, look

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Text - Anyway, I kinda snapped, and decided she was gonna pay for this. No one noticed (or at least no one called me out) when I started slowly moving the chocolate fountain towards the edge of the table. When it got to the edge, it makes contact with the back of that pure white wedding dress and slowly drips down. By the time she notices, it looks like she's shit herself. But for all anyone else knows this was an accident. She has no spare dress, and that stain is not coming out. So first dance

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Bizarre Movie Tropes And Their Super Weird Implications


Our friends at Cracked are back, with a fresh addition to their new video series called, "Your Brain On Cracked." It's a fun watch. 

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Tagged: cracked , movies , film , cinema , Video

Stupid Ways People Started Fires


From a really early age, most of us are taught the extreme basics of fire safety. You'd be amazed at how many people think that flooding a room with oxygen or covering a fire with paper towels will put it out. Whether it's due to panic, carelessness or people just not knowing any better, firefighters have to save people from some really stupid situations.

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Text - stupidlyugly 7.8k points · 18 hours ago The ole turkey fryer on the wood deck is always a favorite. Harley_Atom 4.4k points · 14 hours ago My dad is a firefighter and he once told me that if I ever want to start a fire and make it look like an accident that the turkey cooker is the way to do it. He taught me how to commit arson and insurance fraud.

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Text - De_Rossi 140 points · 17 hours ago Was in my local paper, turned out to be my friends older brother. He tried to smoke out bees in the loft and set fire to the insulation in the loft and burnt the whole house down.

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Text - AlaWyrm 274 points · 16 hours ago When my father in law was a kid, he really wanted to have a camp fire. His parents told him no. He was determined to have a camp fire so he went up to his room and started one under his bed so they wouldn't know. I keep that knowledge in my back pocket for whenever he wants to imply I'm an idiot.

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Twitter Thread: Pressing Questions From A Six-Year-Old At Bedtime


Kate Bowler shared a thread on many of the ridiculous, burning questions that her six-year-old asks at bedtime. The mind of a kid is a curious thing, filled with wonder, and apt to ask the rest of the world the kinds of questions that we often don't have an answer for. Cause they're complete nonsense, as we know it. 

If you're looking for more hilariously strange moments from kids, check out these funny moments of kids being weird and stupid.

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Every night, in the sweetest voice, my six year old asks me a question in order to try and stall me from leaving. I commit to documenting these questions every night for the next 30 days because THAT KID HAS GAME.

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Tonight: Mom...mom...mom? Mom. Ok, mom. Have you ever eaten a pumpkin? COME BACK. Mom. Have you ever eaten pumpkin seeds? MOM WHAT DO THEY TASTE LIKE!!!!!!!

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Me: Goodnight sweetie. Him: Mom? Me: no. I love you but no. Him: Are raccoons awake right now? Mom. They can't kill you. MOM. They don't have sharp enough teeth. MOM COME BACK HAVE YOU SEEN THEM IT IS SAFE I AM NOT AFRAID

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler He just yelled "DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH ONE EYE?" into the darkness.

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Night 3 Boy: Okay mom. Goodnight. Mom, why do you have so much hair? Okay, night. Why is hair made of cylinders? MOM. I want to learn the a-cord-on. A-cordial? ACCORDION. IT GOES LIKE THIS [frantically mimes accordion playing] MOM COME BACK ACCORDIONS ARE MADE OF BEES

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler He might of said "bees" or "beets" or "beads." | couldn't make it out. He had already been tucked in three times.

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Night 2 (sorry!) Me: Goodnight sweetie. Him: Do you know any myths...any legends? Me: The legend of the boy who wouldn't go to bed. Goodnight. Him: Oh, oh, oh, do you know this legend? Mom. Come back. MOM. It's about a giant squid. MOM THE SQUID DESTROYED MANY MANY BOATS!

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Him: goodnight mom. Love you. Me: love you (leaves) Him: (next room) Mom? Is cheese funny? I think it is. I only like STRING cheese....Mom? Mom. MOM. IS GOOGLE A PERSON? AND WAS GOD EVER BORN?!???

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Me: Goodnight my love. Him: Goodnight mom. This is a good. Me: Yeah? Him: Yes. I'm going to sleep now. Me: Perfect. (leaves) .... Him: DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE LAST MEGALODON? .... Him: (quietly) I think he lives in the ocean. .... Him: THE BACIFIC OCEAN! MOMM. IN A COLD SPOT!

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Text - Kate Bowler ФKatecBowler Me: I love you so much. Goodnight sweetie. Him: does Dad have a job? Me: yes. Him: as a ghost pirate? Me: not exactly Him: right right right. That was a long time ago. When you were a kid. In the Civil Wars. Me: goodnight lovie Him: a long, long, long, long.. Me: GOODNIGHT

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Okay I can hear him in the next room. He is talking about Canada being separate from America as "The Civil Wars." .as a historian...I'm not sure what to say about my job performance.

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Him: Night! oh mom, I think this is a new tooth **shows molar. WHAT. Is that a wisdom tooth? hiding alarm** Me: oh dear. you are getting older. Him: OH! can I get my driver's license? Me: you are 6 Him: FINE! so can I stop the tooth from growing so I don't grow up?!

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Him: Mom, what can I trade you? (shows me my own coin collection) Me: No lovie. Not right now. Night. Him: I'm trading you for this. (hands me my own childhood bear) Me: You're giving me my own stuff back Him: A trade! Choose coin or bear Me: THIS IS A HOSTAGE NEGOTIATION

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Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Me: Night love. Him: Can I listen to your heart? Me: Ok **quiet** Him: it's beating fast **quiet** Him: did you love someone so much that your heart stops beating? did you fall over? did you die? or did you just go to sleep? Me: no? Him: SO YOU DIDN'T LOVE SOMEONE?!

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