Saturday, February 27, 2021

Ridiculous, Random and Stupendous Tumblr Gems


Get a bunch of people spewing words at each other and you're bound to catch some verbal lighting in a bottle. Whether it's people trying to remember the weirdest parts of their childhoods or complete strangers attempting to bond over extremely specific references, tumblr hits hard with the shiny tumblr gems.

1.

Font - BAD JOKES badjokesbyjeff BY JEFF TIL Albert Einstein was a real person. I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist. buttergin Follow Jeff please we're begging you to change your url

2.

Font - bardstard u lie down and its like (•) () and thats just how it is ryanthedemiboy You lie on your side and it's just (•)(•) freudiandip what kind of eyes do y'all have

3.

Font - beachdeath speaking of it's been a minute since i spelunked in the baby names discussion facebook group skypevevo the admins of that group banned me because someone asked "good middle names for a kid named saint?" and i answered "bernard" 30,182 notes

4.

Font - panicmoon15 the 7 y/o boy who lives next door doesn't want to go in the house to bed and i just heard his dad use the old "you live under my roof, you live by my rules" and the kid just shouted back "im not under your roof im under the sky and thats god's roof and he wants me to play out for longer!" i can't stop laughing. panicmoon15 update: now he's scootering down the street singing 'we didn't start the fire' while his dad chases him kernelatorsblog chaotic neutral Source: panicmoon15

5.

Font - powerburial would u rather fight a buff nerd or a jock who listens to jazz things to remember: nerd has a lot of pent-up anger, might pretend you are his dad because of the jock's exposure to jazz music, his attack patterns and movements are a lot less predictable sourdoughnibblers Posts That Changed The World

6.

Font - adhd-or-nah Does anyone else do that thing while reading where your eyes are like 3 lines ahead of where your brain is? pommerelates Do you mean skipping to the next paragraph and not being able to stop yourself from reading a few lines but then you have to go back to where you were before and try really hard to read in a linear fashion but it's boring now that you know what happens next? Yes adhd-or-nah oh you are me.

7.

World - adambuffett Follow when the sun hits your laptop screen just right

8.

Product - bamsara Follow you know when you're overwhelmed and you just stand in the middle of your room like this 3. yeah

9.

Product - akiralazuli So I am sitting here playing solitaire on the Linkin Park website, and the computer LOST THE FOUR OF CLUBS! It literally is missing a card! Games - Soutaire CLOse Undo Hint Force Win Restart score 5a5 II TERMS & CONDITIONS // PRIVACV POLICY // AD CHOICES // COOKIE POLICY 9:35 PM S start 10/24/2000 There is nowhere it could be hiding! The four of clubs is just not there! hombredeflorida "WHY ARE YOU PLAYING SOLITAIRE ON THE LINKIN PARK WEBSITE?"

10.

Product - peniswakt Follow apparently a Tetris battle royale came out, and in addition to that just being funny on its own, we've also got twitch streamers getting pwned by like, retirees who have been playing tetris for the last three and a half decades thetyrannosaur Follow they're getting blown up live by people with handles like 'eileen' and 'lovemykids72' roughkiss Follow That is so incredible. Thank you for this news. 104,634 notes

11.

Font - "If he writes her a few sonnets, he loves her. If he writes her 300 sonnets, he loves sonnets" - my english professor pervocracy I think about this quote all the time and I feel like it explains a lot of things about human behavior

12.

Furniture - wildbeardedbrownmanontheinternet: thegr8stever: S-u-b-u-r-b-a-n-W-a-r: thegrastever: that bench turned into a snow sofa THIS WAS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SAY SNOWFA AND YOU MISSED IT I regret everything.

13.

Organism - Frequently bought together do not separate them..... overlyactivepingpongball Follow Starter Pokémon in Ohio

14.

Font - robotsatthedisco you can never lose an argument if you say "shut up nerd" at the end puppytierjade yes you can robotsatthedisco shut up nerd

15.

Rectangle - villneuve open rp Hey can I get seven large cokes and a bbq sauce taahko is pepsi ok villneuve i guess' i said sulking, my amber hued orbs peering down because of gravity taahko "ok.'i hand you seven large cokes and a pepsi

16.

Font - reallyreallyreallytrying "average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats O spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted Pdominateeye World Heritage Post 250,698 notes A

17.

Font - grimeclown 3 grimeclown I dont think the joker chemicals really did all that when he fell in. I think he just wanted an excuse to be like that grimeclown Batman pushed him into the joker chemicals by mistake and the chemicals washed off a cool temporary tattoo he'd managed to preserve for a couple weeks by not showering and now hes on a warpath to revenge and chaos 4,037 notes

18.

Font - beyoncescock Follow Jah @Jah2Solid Police got behind me and my next left was the cemetery i turned in that cemetery and he turned in too i went to somebody named Jerry grave & broke down crying l'm sorry Jerry i was in a jam putaqrofthisonmygrave Follow I give anyone reading this permission to use my grave to lie to cops

19.

Water - dailytechnologynews Follow OCEANBIRD This wind powered cargo ship is set to change the way we ship the goods across oceans. The model is very practical and is looking at a possible launch in 2024. https://ift.tt/2MKA9Pb guabirudropout2 Follow Wind powered ships!? What a time to be alive! daco-bromanian Follow we really are in the future

20.

Font - ruinedchildhood s hand Follow Special Instructions: send your cutest delivery boyl twinque ordering pizza so-super-fucking-skinny this is what i do everytime and then last time i did it i got a call from an old chinese man saying "i'm the only one working is it ok if i come" he got a $20 tip

21.

Font - ocbr yesterday this girl in my academic writing class sits down next to me and puts 3 bananas on the desk (which was jarring by itself) and i had two bananas in my backpack so i wanted to see if she would notice if i added those to her banana pile when she wasn't looking and when she finally looked back at the bananas she sighed and said really quietly to herself "oh my god..i have so many..." and put all five of them in her backpack ocbr ok its not that funny classicmeevs It is that f ki

22.

Font - thecheesyllama So in my 3D class there's another kid named Roy, which is my name. Also in 3D class, we aren't allowed to listen to music. So I was talking to our professor and Roy walked by with earbuds in and the professor said "Roy, take those things out of your ears" and I took my hearing aids out of my ears and said "sorry". That is the greatest joke I have ever told and no one laughed and I honestly feel so under appreciated rn. Honestly that joke made being deaf completely worth it

23.

Font - your scribbles. Wow!" yelled Jimmy. "I get to use a calculator on the SAT! I'm going to ace this test!" Jimmy assumed he could get by on the math section of the SAT with only a calculator, blew off all his math classes, and didn't bother to study at all. When test time came, Jimmy realized that there was a lot more to the test than calculators. Jimmy now walks the streets wearing only a garbage bag and bowling shoes. theunofficialunitedstates My SAT prep book is gold tymorrowland i'm jimm

24.

Font - brainwolves my sister has apparently had to stop playing Skyrim because she stole every book in the game to stock her house so now her house is full of books to the point where it almost breaks the game and every time she tries to read one guards teleport into her home and arrest her aminoasinine Ray Bradbury - Fahrenheit 451 (1953) Source: felwinter 135,491 notes A

25.

Font - napoleonchingon The second best pun l've ever encountered in the wild was when I was walking down the street in a "hip" part of Seattle and saw a couple of Budweiser cans thrown into a bush. And I said to a random stranger walking nearby "damn, the local beer harvest is really poor this year". And the random stranger responded "give it time, they're only buds". theawkwardpincushion why is this the second what the fk could top that

Submitted by:

People's Most Disastrous Wedding Stories


Weddings have an uncanny knack for attracting all kinds of emotional blowups, seem to effortlessly bring out the very worst in people. It's probably directly correlated to the fact that you have various family members being asked to come together, when some of them should be kept as far away as possible from one another. Also, people can become possessed by gnarly cases of aggressive perfectionism. These stories from folks that attended weddings that ended up being cancelled make for quite the emotional rollercoaster. For some more juicy wedding dramas check out the most entitled bridezillas of 2020 over here. 

1.

Font - Outlander56 · 11h Very small town, way back in the day. The groom, whole party of groomsmen, and most of the male wedding guests were volunteer firemen. About an hour before the ceremony, major house fire. By the time everyone was back, the whole party looked and smelled like they'd been fighting a fire for a few hours. Wedding was rescheduled for a couple of weeks later. G Reply 1 217 ...

2.

Font - sensitiveinfomax • 11h My friend was getting married. But two months before the wedding, she decides to take a trip abroad by herself. She came to stay with me. She was the first to get married in our group, so I thought it's just a thing people do before they get married. I was excited to spend time with her, but she spent most of the time hanging out with this other friend of hers who she used to have an unrequited crush on in freshman year. I was suspicious, but her fiance was fine wit

3.

Font - I say l'm sorry to hear that and hope things are okay. She then says "guess why I called it off". I knew why, but I couldn't say it obviously in case I was wrong, so I said "was there a death in the family". She said no, I realized I loved unrequited crush, and only the day before my wedding he told me he loved me back. Now they are both married with children. The groom who was left at the altar is still single. Can't say I blame him. G Reply 1 185 ...

4.

Font - RetrogradeUranus · 15h She went into labor G Reply 105 ... +

5.

Font - slightly_savage23 • 9h I used to work at a very expensive beach-front hotel where weddings were held. Rumor was the site fee for the beach view lawn was like $30,000 or something ridiculous, plus food and beverage cost. So as a wedding is ramping up, guests are arriving (many from overseas apparently)we're seeing the bridal pictures being taken and then all of the sudden it stops. The bride decided that she didn't want to marry him after all and just casually left. Apparently this was the

6.

Font - Runner5Blue • 11h I used to to play in a fancy society band, and we played for a lot of wedding receptions. Sol get to the gig, and as l'm walking around in my tux, looking for the rest of the band, I noticed the guests looking at us like, "What are you guys doing here?" Nobody explained anything to us. And eventually the "bride" shows up...in a regular dress. WTF?? We eventually sat down with the priest who told us what had happened: the bride-to-be had recently won a large sum of money

7.

Font - Milla060 · 6h the wedding was canceled because a snake bit the priest and he found out at the hospital that he had covid. The wedding belonged to my parents so00 we stayed at home G Reply 30 ... 2FingersWhiskey · 3h That is a story you tell your grandkids. ...

Submitted by:

Strange and Unique Stuff People Tried Selling Online


Online marketplaces connect everyone in a fascinating world of supply and demand, where sometimes the supply is old benches from fast food places, uniquely shaped Cheetos, and extremely realistic horror-themed baby dolls. There's not a whole lot of demand for all the weird and bad stuff people try to sell online, but at least it's a spectacle.

1.

Head - Buy and Sell Fast 3 hrs · O For all you who need Jesus in there life. This Jesus eyes will follow you around the room. Jesus head bust $35 For all you who need Jesus in there life. This Jesus eyes will follow you around the room. COVID-19 Info for Buyers and Sellers Learn More D 100 81 Comments 19 Shares

2.

Text - ebay Snacks > Cheese Balls & Puffed Snacks 18 viewed per hour Flaming Hot Cheeto Shaped Like Marge From Simpsons!!! Rare!!! $200.00 Free Shipping

3.

Gadget - XeOx Xbox but games are Xbox 360 not for that the remote don't go to it either it's just odd $40

4.

Product - her 707 Sell Your Stuff Amcyn & Vallejo ... 1d · 40 year old summer sausage for sale. One of a kind and extremely rare. JUSIGE TRAIL'S BEST AUSAGE EEF S POR. CORN SRO ER SPICESCROSE IU PHOL E SMOKE R dRINGS TIO ACID COURE SOD ERYTHOR. $40 RICHMOND, CA Summer Sausage MESSAGE

5.

Text - 6 viewed per hour 1/2 HOT d MAP OLY POL MD ONCR SR ATC G N OLINE, O SANETAE P A LIVE St MAS DOUSMEYRA TACO LCO RLD BELL Ultra Rare Taco Bell Hot Sauce Packet #1 Blank Misprint yes #1 $3,500.00 FAST 'N FREE

6.

Vegetable - Pealed Cucumbers Filled With Hotdogs $175

7.

Text - 00000 Verizon ? 1:10 PM 100% ( Back I want to chase someone craigslist > gigs menu *I want to chase someone i am seeking somebody who will let me chase them. age and gender doesn't matter. you can be real old or a lady or black as long as you can go real fast. it doesn't matter where it happens (inside or outside) but you have to be fun to chase. you can't be on a bike because it's cheating. i want the chasing to last a long time and i want to be sweaty but i have to catch you in the end.

8.

Cartoon - 11:21 MITH Drawing of Bart Simpson $5

9.

Product - Text - ebay Air guitar $9.00 Buy It Now

10.

Product - Food - RARE Frozen Donut Chicken Tender $350 Listed 2 days ago in Urbana, IL W Send seller a message 三

11.

Product - Water - Country jacuzzi hot tub $9,500 Description Jacuzzi hot tubs powered off of fire. Take 2 hours to heat up. Water stay warm till morning takes 30 min to reheat. I can build 2 more left they are built from steel 3/4inch tanks. I cant sell just the tank for 4500$ or whole thing built for 9500

12.

Product - Furniture - 1999 Vintage Blues Clues Thinking Chair. Chair is in good condition. Local pickup. $350. Blues clues Thinking chair MESSAGE

13.

Helmet - Yerd Sate 6m · Childrens bike helmet (split in 2) from previous, high impact accident. Looking to unload to someone who is looking for a deal on headgear. Can be taped or glued together. RIDE MORE TW

14.

Product - 1 of 1 DE 2462439 10,000 Chuck E Cheese Tickets US $450.00 +Free Shipping Starting bid | 2d 9h Est. Delivery Thu, Nov 5 Ships from United States 30-day returns CHUCKECHEESES CHUCKE CHEESE'S

15.

Green - NewPort A Newport light switch cover $8

16.

Blue - 17 m·0 Just in time for old year's night family bbq it will make any lime a fun time $400 - MESSAGE ВBO pit

17.

Architecture - l T-Mobile Wi-Fi 1:13 PM Home Favorites Recent ... Rogue Valley esale 12h · O Large bird cage. Big enough to fit a person inside. Never been used. $125 MERLIN, OR MESSAGE Large bird cage .ll

18.

Yellow - HAT PM ll Sasktel margarine Rargarine w ydrogenée yo warybe margarine margarine Matching Feast Bowl set $40 Send seller a message Send Is this still available? margarine margarine

19.

Toddler - 1:46 Reborn Baby Deer "Fawna" $225 Lieted Send seller a message Is this still available? Send

20.

Clothing - ... 2d 6 Walmart vest for sale e 80 dollars ..Walk right in ;Get what u want and walk right out I'm willing to negotiate eO #FirstComeFirstServe #NoHolds

21.

Food - Rollin Stone tongue shaped pickle(kosher dill)..misspelled as to not infringe on any copyright $10,000 Listed over a week ago in St Petersburg, FL

22.

Toilet - ll Verizon LTE 00:13 1 31% O Area Buy, Sell, ... Trade 34m · A Just remodeled a bathroom at an up scale Cabernet, they absolutely wanted this commode trashed. I just couldn't throw it away. It was just too unique. Unfortunately the wife wont let me keep it. 1 of a kind. Open to trades of equal value. $2,300 Shoe commode MESSAGE (이(

23.

Food - Crazy fruits $1.111 Details Condition New > Description We have Fruit Roll up covered pickles with the chamoy and tajin, Mangonadas, fruit trays etc etc. ALL WEEKEND. Pick up or Delivery available for $5.

24.

Property - Free, come and get them Barry ORourke MESSAGE FREE · GLADSTONE, QLD Crap netts

25.

Product - Ranch. 1954- Hidden Valley Ranch. THE ORIGINAL- TOPPING& DRESSING 30 36 FL OZ it. 12 0T) 1.06L ***** (15) Bottle of Ranch Dressing decorated with Swarovski® Crystals $199.00 Quick delivery

Submitted by:

Friday, February 26, 2021

4 Dumb Ways Hollywood Misunderstands Teenagers


Presumably, every single writer in Hollywood was at some point in time a teenager. At the very least, they probably inject themselves with teenage blood in order to keep their organs strong and their skin moist. So how in the world do they know nothing about them? Thankfully, "Doctor" Jordan Breeding is oft accused of having a teenage sense of humor, so join him as he tears apart teenage movie tropes that have no grounding in reality.

Submitted by: (via Cracked)

Sir Ian McKellen Does An Amazing Maggie Smith Impression


Oh man, why'd Sir Ian McKellen have to go and do Professor McGonagall like that? With that being said, there's no denying that he pretty much nailed it. A true talent. 

Submitted by: (via The Graham Norton Show)

Man Crashes Multimillion Dollar Yacht Into Pier


This isn't the first time we've seen someone make a complete fool of himself with a pricey new toy that he doesn't understand how to work in the first place, and we're sure it won't be the last. Clearly this guy missed memo on it being necessary to slow the boat down as you approach the pier. 

Submitted by: (via stefan veraguas)