Thursday, November 19, 2020

Tumblr Post: Man Builds Devilish Twitter Alarm Clock


What started as nothing more than an innocent musing, a passing thought let loose into the vast void of the online web, eventually evolved into an alarm clock that many folks would benefit from having in their lives. You can't chase that clout if you're alarm clock is publicly calling you out for sleeping in, and hitting that snooze button numerous times. Or, maybe an ongoing conflict with the alarm clock is good press. 

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Text - E spritepepsi Follow had a dream last night that my alarm was connected to twitter and everytime i hit snooze it publicly tweeted it with a disparaging little message along the lines of "filthy horrible boy has slapped the screen again, and slumbers on" so that your followers could shame you and i was deeply, DEEPLY humiliated but that did not stop me from hitting snooze upwards of 14 times

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Text - slytherverse Follow hey op! i couldnt sleep until i built this! you motherfucker! just gotta “borrow" my sister's alarm clock

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Purple

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Text - get that twitter api, write the bot in some python bc god is dead n slap together some fuckin Ul with legos your idiot self wants to sleep in???? hit that snooze button a couple times???? (maybe 4 times in a row)?? disgusting.

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Technology - BAND MAGNASONIC 16 YR PM PM C D ZONE AMC SLP MODE/BET 50

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Font - twitter knows! bc it posts how many times youve hit it. fuck you

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Text - Week 15 OneNote twitter.com/bitchbo43609556 :Apps snooze bot 8 Tweets about fuckin time. snooze bot @bitchbo43609556 - 10s this idiot hit snooze 4 time(s). pathetic. snooze bot @bitchbo43609556 12s this idiot hit snooze 3 time(s). pathetic. tin snooze bot @bitchbo43609556 15s this idiot hit snooze 2 time(s). pathetic. snooze bot @bitchbo43609556 16s this idiot hit snooze 1 time(s). pathetic.

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Text - Wok Onet y C gDeatpyGIA id fost Wndee Mp tboo DODODS a 0 twython Sand teitter com/bitchbo43609556 App snooze bot 6 Teests about fuckin tone. snooze bot bitchbo43609556 10s this idiot hit snooze 4 timeis). pathetic. ataessege snooze bot @bitchbo43609556-12s this idiot hit snooze 3 timets) pathetic 口 snooze bot @bitchbo43609556 15s this idiot hit snooze 2 time(s) pathetic. snooze bot Gbachbo43609556 16s this idiot hit snooze 1 times pathetic. the next step is NOT profit. noone profits. ever

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Font - A spritepepsi Follow OH MY GOD?????????

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Man Catches Girlfriend Cheating, Locks Her Out


Cheaters are the absolute worst. It honestly sounds like this particular cheater deserved nothing less than what she ultimately got. Good for the guy for not succumbing to some mindless blind rage act of short-sighted violence. Instead, he waited a bit longer to perfectly execute that glorious petty revenge. 

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Text - r/pettyrevenge + Join u/huntthewind1971 • 1d 7 2 1 e 2 3 11 3 Pick a fight so you can cheat, enjoy look for a new place to live. Not sure if this is petty or pro but here goes. I saw a post on another sub that reminded me of something that happened years ago and how I dealt with it. Back in the time before cellphones, I dated this girl. We'll call her Heather.

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Text - After about 6 months of dating she asked if she could move in with me. She was having issues with her parents and they were kicking her out and her brother's wife didn't want her living with them for some unknown reason. Things seemed to be going well for us so I said sure why not. For a while things were great. After about a year of living together, I was having thoughts of marriage. I hadn't proposed yet, but it was on my mind. Then things started to change. We started arguing. She woul

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Text - I belly up to the bar and guess who I bumped into? Steve. He acted a little stand-offish but that was his usual treatment towards me so I thought nothing of it. He leaves the bar and I turn around to ask him about Heather, but I didn't get past "Hey, Ste..." before I saw her across the way. She was sitting cowboy on some guy's lap with her tongue half way down his throat. I have to admit, I saw red. Dave the bartender saw the look on my face and was like "Man I figured you'd be over her b

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Text - There were several things I wanted to do. But, I thought better of it. I waved a Bye to Dave, left my drink on the counter and headed home. On my way home I swung by Scotty's (a local hardware store akin to Home Depot or Lowe's). They were closing shop but I told them l'd only be a minute. The kind lady told me to make it quick and I was back on the road in less than 10 minutes. Pulling up to the house I half expected Heather to be there and prepared myself for the drama, but nope. So I p

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Text - The next morning I wake up and the bags are still there and the note is still taped to the door. I figured ole Steve hadn't said anything to his sister about seeing me at the bar and that she'd be home anytime now thinking nothing was amiss. Around noon my assumptions are proven correct when I hear her at the door. "What the f*** is this?" and she starts screaming at me to open the door. I opened the door, said "Read the note." and shut the door as she was asking "What note?"

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Text - There was some crying and pleading, but I was done. I had nothing more to say to her and I surely didn't want to hear anything she had to say. When it got quiet I pulled the curtain aside to see her stuffing the garbage bags into her car. The note? Bumped into Steve at the bar. Hope you had fun with that guy last night. We're done. Good luck finding a new place to live. ETA: Wow this blew up. Thanks to all who commented and thanks for the awards. 5.4k Q 137 ↑, Share

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Funniest Things People Have Seen At Weddings


Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the funniest things that people have ever witnessed at weddings. Weddings are a magnet for people acting out in all kinds of hysterical, inappropriate, and entirely unexpected ways. It could be all the nervous energy that pours into the big day, or the fact that you end up bringing together various family members that should otherwise never find themselves in the same room with each other. 

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Text - Back2Bach • 1d The bride's long train went out the front doors and part-way down the steps as she awaited the processional to begin. Unknown to her, a little dog from the neighborhood went to sleep on her train and "came along for the ride" as she approached the altar for the ceremony to begin. Q Reply 1 181

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Text - markuslinnmanuel • 1d I went to a friend's wedding about 15 years ago. He and his now-wife had been sweethearts since like the 3rd grade or something ridiculous like that, so both families knew each other really well and got along great with each other. The reception was at this nice country club, with a big open courtyard in the back with a pool. The highlight of the evening was near the end of the party, when the mother-of-the-groom was making her rounds to say goodbye. She very explici

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Text - cryptic_slays • 1d so I was at this one wedding, and it was my birthday on the same day (the groom was my mom's brother) and they brought a cake for me on stage... a lot of people thought that the couple had a child before they were married (which was a very big taboo at the time) and people (especially ones on the bride's side who didn't know who I was) lashed out, and the groom had to explain that I was his sisters son... Reply 1 89 <

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Text - ExtraMediumGonzo • 1d My former boss's wedding was probably one of the best wedding experiences. Ever. I still rank her as one of the best bosses l've ever head, even seven years later. Her second in command--a kind-hearted, if quiet individual--and I were having a drunken heart to heart. Just an all-around lovely conversation. I'll never forget the almost sleeper-cell-activated-type switch of expressions when her favorite song (Girl Crush by Little Big Town) started over the speakers. Sh

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Text - retrobread_ • 1d My uncles wedding had a funny inconvenience in it. I was 8 years old at the time and it's the part where the party begins and a random 45 year old looking man walks in all suited up so the DJ stops the music while my uncle gets the microphone and asks "excuse me to the man that just walked in, who are you? Do I know you?" Whilst everyone's silent the man just goes "do you need to?" Turns out he just heard the wedding, went home, got suited up and walked right in. My uncle

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Text - Uhhlaneuh • 1d My cousin farted and it was so bad everyone evacuated the dance floor. Reply 52

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Text - Phranquelyhnne • 20h The wedding I DJ'd last week had like four flower girls. I think they were all nieces or something, but the last was the youngest. She was maybe three. She was picking up all the petals the others had thrown down and putting them in her basket. She wouldn't walk down the aisle, she was doing that little kid "I'm Cleaning!" slow one at a time pick up stuff. I was dying. Someone eventually picked her up and carried her to the altar. Reply 1 10 3 ...

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Text - Hoorayforkate128 • 1d I was at a co worker's wedding and was literally the only single person there. She still tried to do a bouquet toss. I asked her to just hand me the stupid thing. Reply ...

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Text - GrimbleNimp • 22h The wedding planner. He was present for the entire day of the wedding and every time I saw him he was getting himself into some sort of mess. Bumping into people, spilling drinks, knocking things over, repeatedly getting names wrong. At one point, while using his phone to take a picture of the reception room from the patio outside, he walked backwards straight off of a low ledge and fell butt-first into a flowerbed. His English wasn't perfect and his accent was hard to p

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Text - This_old_username • 20h Not me but after I gave a best man's speech at a wedding one of the bridesmaids congratulated me on the speech. I gave some, "Oh, I'm sure it was ok" humble bullshit and she was like, "No, you have no idea. When his brother gave he speech at our wedding he started with "when hisName told me he was banging herName, I was like, Whaaaaaaaat?"" Reply 4 3

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Text - 2ndbreakfastfan • 23h I saw my elderly Aunt hip check the wedding photographer out of the way to get the photo he'd set up. Reply 4 3 ...

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Text - Jexus117 • 18h A child dressed in a giant dinosaur costume Reply ...

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Text - Then_Quiet4066 • 1d my brother got a fart gun for his birthday in february. fast forward to december, my moms cousin was getting married. she made it clear that if my brother tooted his fart gun, she would never talk to us agin. so, the day before, my mom hid it in the trash. my brother found it. at the reception, the bride was taking so long to take her pics, so my brother entertained us with his fart gun. luckily the groom was good natured, so we still talk to them and their beautiful l

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Text - ValuableMine9• 22h 1. My little cousin decided the speeches were too long and boring, so he stole the microphone and started telling knock knock jokes. He has never lived it down. 2. The groom lived in England since he was really young, none of his friends believed he was Scottish until they were at the wedding in a Scottish castle wearing kilts. Best man said that true scotsman shouldn't wear anything under their kilts. The whole wedding got to watch him chase the groom around the garden

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Text - LadyLovesRoses • 20h The bride and groom dressed in full Renaissance Faire garments - the groom even had a sword. The wedding was at the Venetian hotel in Las Vegas. They held their "reception" in their hotel room. They sent someone out for beer - and that's when my husband and I bailed out. The groom was someone my husband worked with. Reply 2 3 ...

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Text - XXDEATHGR1PXX • 21h I've only been to one wedding, my aunt and cousins bf dressed up like Carole Baskin, and the tiger king, thats about all I have to say. Reply 1 Vote ...

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Text - SacksonvilleShaguar • 16h Went to my uncles wedding when i was a kid. My cousin had so much gel in his hair, it was like a ken doll. And the best man, other uncle, bepper went off during the vows. Every one cracked up laughing. Reply 1 Vote ...

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Co-Worker Scams Free Lunches Out Of People, Gets Called Out


Mooches are the worst. They plead and they whine and they often try to take advantage of other people's kindness. Then when they get caught up in their cheap little scams they cry out from their pity trains, and try to make the people that originally helped them out, to be the ones that are in the wrong. It's ridiculous, and a poor reflection of humanity. This particular choosing beggar co-worker got called out, and honestly it seems like it was a long time coming. 

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Text - 12 5 e 6 S 15 5 AITA for refusing to buy a coworker lunch Not the A-hole | (23M) have a coworker (25M) who is a mooch. If you get something for lunch, he wants you to get him something too, but expects you to buy it for him because since you mentioned it, he says you offered. At first I thought maybe he had money problem, but then overheard him laughing and bragging to someone in another department about how he was able to scam lunches out of his coworkers, and he's attempted to bully a f

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Text - So yesterday my girlfriend and I had lunch together. He overheard me confirming before I left and asked what I was bringing him and I said nothing. He said I brought it up, and I corrected him. No, I was confirming we were still good and he was eavesdropping on my conversation. He started complaining so I had if he gave me money for his food l'd bring him something but I wasn't going to buy him food. He started complaining about it again and I got irritated and said no money no food, and

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Text - When I got back my boss said my coworker complained I was being hostile. I told him what happened and how he's constantly trying to weasel free food out of people, even some of the people he knows are struggling. So my boss asked around and several others collaborated what I said. My coworker got dragged into the office and now he's pissed that I "narc'd" and how he was just kidding. Most of the office thinks he got what he deserved but a few think it wasn't worth getting him in trouble o

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Text - TimeandEntropy • 23h • Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] NTA People that are "just kidding" don't complain about hostility to the boss. He's just pissed his con stopped working so no, I wouldn't worry what he thinks. It's absolutely worth getting him in trouble over when he's trying to get you in trouble. Protecting yourself from the scammer isn't an AH thing to do at all. Q Reply 1 2.7k 3 ...

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Text - LizardManelli • 23h • Asshole Enthusiast [5] a 3 4 Awards Definitely NTA. He got what was long overdue. It's not like you went out of your way to narc on him - HE is the one who narced on himself by whining to your boss about you. Had he not brought up the issue and forced you defend your actions (what did he think was going to happen? That you were just going to roll over and let your boss bollock you for no reason?!), none of this would have happened. Good on you for standing up for you

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Text - _Julanna • 23h NTA. You didn't narc...he did. So if I understand correctly, some of your office thinks that it's fine for him to try to get you in trouble, but not fine for you to defend yourself with the truth. Guess you know who to avoid going forward. # Q Reply 3.9k ...

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Text - besupergood • 23h • Partassipant [3] NTA- He literally complained to the boss because you wouldn't buy him food, trying to get you in trouble. So you explained the truth to the boss. Not sure what he thought was gonna happen there. Reply 610 3 ...

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Text - emmany63 • 23h • Partassipant [1] 1 Award NTA. Moving forward, you'll want to take a step back and continue being the professional here rather than engaging with him. As Mark Twain said, "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." So the next time he tries to engage with you and your coworkers on this topic, simply remark, "I'm sorry you feel that way." He's a manipulative mooch, so don't give him room to maneuver, and don't give him r

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Text - [deleted] • 23h 100% NTA. He lost the ability to play the "I was just kidding" card after he A.) openly bragged about scamming his coworkers and B.) forced your hand by getting your boss involved. Q Reply 341 ...

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Text - Dauntless-One • 23h • Partassipant [3] NTA. But YWBTA if you ever buy him a free lunch again. Honestly, you and everyone else he's taken advantage of should start asking HIM to bring them food whenever he's having lunch if he persists with this and doesn't stop. Then, when he says no/gets defensive, just tell him "well I bought you food and you never paid me, so protocol is that you have to buy me lunch - so where's my food?" Reply 1 257 3 ...

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Text - Aggravating_Offer129 · 23h • Partassipant [3] NTA. It doesn't sound like he's actually friends with anyone in your workplace and is just extorting food from everyone. He likely expected you to back off because he chose to complain. But good for you for choosing to stand up for yourself and others! O Q Reply 4 63 ...

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Text - kekejaja • 23h NTA, it was he who involved the boss not you. This guy should be embarrassed. Reply 141 3 ...

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Text - dricysarcasm • 23h • Asshole Enthusiast [9] NTA. He's the one who started it by trying to get you in trouble for being "hostile" because you told him no. He got what he deserved. OQ Reply 48 3 ...

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Text - Sabaroo • 23h NTA. He went and complained first, got it turned on him cos he didn't really think that far ahead. Got what he deserved and well done for not caving. O Reply 15 + ...

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Text - aSeaPersonByNight • 23h • Partassipant [2] NTA. He's not entitled to your money, and omg how was he raised?! My mother would straight up squash me like a bug if I had dared to presume to invite myself - for free! - to someone else's lunch! He's learning that actions have consequences. Act like a weasel, be treated like a weasel. Reply 4 31 3 ...

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Text - FesteringNoseOlives • 23h • Partassipant [1] NTA "You won't do what I want I'm going to get you in trouble!" "What, you told the truth and now l'm in trouble?! But I was just kidding!" Reply 1 32 ...

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Text - Maestro_Primus • 23h • Certified Proctologist [26] NTA The guy was an asshole, then he went to the boss when you refused to be bullied. When the boss did due diligence, the asshole was found. Reply 15 3 ...

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Text - Allisonb93 · 23h NTA and what a pathetic individual. Reply ...

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Text - BrokeTomcat• 23h NTA - if he keeps this up and making these false accusations of alienation/exclusion then l'd suggest going to the HR department. Reply ...

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Text - singer96 • 22h NTA, he is at fault here not u, he was scamming ppl and got caught for it, that's on him not u. You were just clever enough to put your foot down Reply 3 ...

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