Tuesday, November 3, 2020

Alton Brown Unleashes Weird Food-Themed Twitter Storm


It's a stressful time, and respected food celebrity Alton Brown took to Twitter to vent his frustrations in the form of all caps food nonsense and references to binge drinking. It's unclear if he's trying to parody contemporary food network shows or if he just got boozed up and started typing, but it's at least fun.

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Text - Alton Brown 00 @altonbrown No matter what happens tomorrow, we'll still have tiny chocolate doughnuts. 4:49 PM · Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 862 Retweets 188 Quote Tweets 8.5K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown @altonbrown 000 I'm seriously thinking about @LittleDebbie #NuttyBars and cigarettes. Honestly, like at the same time. 5:59 PM · Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 360 Retweets 143 Quote Tweets 4.3K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown @altonbrown 000 So many Food Network people are like "oh, I'm going to braise short ribs in elderberry jam." Screw that, I'm going to mainline moon pies and snort cheese powder! 6:04 PM · Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 2K Retweets 683 Quote Tweets 15.1K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown I'M TALKING ABOUT PIPING SPAGHETTIOS INTO STALE TWINKIES AND EATING THEM NAKED IN THE SHOWER WITH A BOTTLE OF JAEGER 6:08 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 3.6K Retweets 2.1K Quote Tweets 20K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown @altonbrown 000 I HAVE 17 CANS OF DUNCAN HINES FROSTING AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM. BACK THE HELL OFF! 6:12 PM · Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 1K Retweets 241 Quote Tweets 7.5K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT CRAZY LOOKS LIKE? I'VE GOT MARSHMALLOW FLUFF AND THREE FEET OF GARDEN HOSE! YOU WANNA DANCE? 6:13 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 1.7K Retweets 587 Quote Tweets 9.5K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown @altonbrown 000 I'LL DEAL WITH YOU AS SOON AS I'M DONE WITH THIS CAPT CRUNCH SITZ BATH. 6:15 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 401 Retweets 117 Quote Tweets 4.6K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown TWO WORDS: RANCH...STINGS. 6:20 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 160 Retweets 24 Quote Tweets 3.1K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown @altonbrown 000 MURDER HORNET FONDUE 6:22 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 892 Retweets 208 Quote Tweets 5.3K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown HAS ANYONE ACTUALLY EVER MET A "JOLLY RANCHER"? 6:23 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 759 Retweets 122 Quote Tweets 5.2K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown YOU WANNA EAT WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT? FINE...EAR WAX. 6:24 PM · Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 333 Retweets 69 Quote Tweets 3.8K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown PRINCE SAID IT BEST "LET'S GET CRAZY." 6:26 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 414 Retweets 50 Quote Tweets 4.1K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown @altonbrown 000 SWISS FREAKIN' MEATBALLS FOR EVERYONE 6:29 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 379 Retweets 67 Quote Tweets 4.2K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown GRAPENUTS ROCK...ESPECIALLY WITH HALF N HALF AND SCOTCH. 6:30 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 482 Retweets 277 Quote Tweets 5.4K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 00 @altonbrown I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE. 6:32 PM · Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 1.4K Retweets 210 Quote Tweets 8.5K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown CANNED FRUIT SALAD AND CHEEZE WIZ WITH HERSHEY'S SYRUP AND GIN 6:33 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 670 Retweets 428 Quote Tweets 5.8K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown @altonbrown 000 I want you to go out right now and buy Fritos and cat food. 6:37 PM · Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 649 Retweets 187 Quote Tweets 6.3K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown Turn off the lights and run 23 Slim Jims through the juicer. 6:40 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 3.8K Retweets 874 Quote Tweets 15.6K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown @altonbrown 000 who's with me? 6:43 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 181 Retweets 30 Quote Tweets 5.2K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown @altonbrown 000 I SAID "WHO'S WITH ME"? 6:44 PM - Nov 2, 2020 · Twitter Web App 536 Retweets 320 Quote Tweets 11.6K Likes

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Text - Alton Brown 000 @altonbrown I think I blacked out. What'd I miss? 6:14 AM - Nov 3, 2020 · Twitter Web App 303 Retweets 107 Quote Tweets 6.6K Likes

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Patient Doesn't Realize MRI Technician Can Hear Them


All kinds of cringeworthy and unfortunate events seem to happen in the air-conditioned confines of the local doctor's office. Sometimes, that means a patient not realizing that they're actually mic'd up, and the MRI technician on duty can hear every last fart that they're letting loose. An unfortunate, yet humbling (?) experience for any human being to go through. 

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Text - r/tifu + Join u/markedforpie • 6d 2 S 1 1 Tifu by not realizing that the MRI technician could hear me. M Tifu by not realizing that the technician could hear me. Back in February my arm started hurting so I went to the doctor and he told me to rest it. It still hasn't healed so he scheduled me for an MRI today. I arrived and got all set up and the tech told me she was training a new girl. They asked me to lay down Superman style and then strapped down my arm. It really hurt but I figured

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Text - That's when I realized that the headphones were just a little too tight and the music just a little too quiet. You know how when you can make out what the song is but not quite make out the words. I also realized that I was becoming claustrophobic. So l'm living through my own small slice of hell when the song ends and then the same song starts playing again. And again and again. Blondie heart of glass on infinite repeat for 45 minutes.

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Text - Now I didn't realize that they could hear me in the other room and when I get nervous and uncomfortable I tend to fart. Not silent, but loud ripping sounds like I need to change my pants earth shakers. I'm nervous, I'm in pain and l'm being tortured by not quite loud enough music and the loud thrumming of the machine. After a while I started making up words to the music about how gassy and uncomfortable I was. Occasionally, the technician would speak to me through the headphones and tell

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Text - the machine and that they can't hear the music but next time let someone know. That's when I realize l've been ripping ass for the last 30 minutes and they could hear EVERYTHING! I've never been so mortified in my life. TI:dr: I suffered through auto and physical torture while ripping ass for 45 minutes and singing about it because I was too stupid to realize there is a microphone in the MRI machine. 720 73 1 Share

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Fun and Frustration with The English Language


The English language has some confusing peculiarities to it that result in English struggles, but heck, most languages have some phonetic and semantic weirdness winding through them. And English isn't the only strange language. Here's a post defending the English language and how it's not the only weird language out there.

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Cheezburger Image 9568605696

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Cheezburger Image 9568605952

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Text - French: ..Sixty-seven, sixty-eight, sixty-nine, sixty-ten... Other languages: **stares* French: **stares back** French: ...sixty-eleven, sixty-twelve sixty-thirteen... French: ..sixty-sixteen, sixty-ten- seven... Other languages: "shutting eyes* French: ...sixty-ten-eight, sixty-ten- nine... Other languages: *hands over face* French: ..four twenties! :) Four twenties one...

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Cheezburger Image 9568606208

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Text - Why is baked pronounced baked but naked isnt pronounced naked? Gugulethu Mhlungu @GugsM Because, as someone said, English is not a language, it's three languages wearing a trench coat pretending to be one. O Like Comment Share O=0 3.4K Jordyn Wintyrz and 18.4K others shared this Most Relevant v Charlie Short pretty bold of you to say that since you got named after the sound a plunger makes 4h Like Reply 0 183

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Text - beesmygod: "chuffed doesnt mean what you think it means" chuffed 4) [chuhft] 2 Show IPA adjective British Informal. delighted; pleased; satisfied. Origin: 1855-60; see chuff, -ed? chuffed? 4) [chuhft] ? Show IPA adjective British Informal. annoyed; displeased; disgruntled. it means exactly what i think it means its just some stupid word that literally has two definitions that mean the opposite thing what the hell This makes me really chuffed This post is quite egregious e gre gious i'grēj

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Text - ace-nyctophyle any noun can become a verb if you don't care enough * yupokaysuremhm This point is invalid unless you use an example in your sentence ace-nyctophyle I CAN SENTENCE HOW I WANT THANK A yupokaysuremhm BEAUTIFUL mysterytinyfox you see thats why i love english ailithnight I like to velociraptor around my house at 2 in the morning. ace-nyctophyle GOOD not-to-be-a-tea-but-brit My headache makes me want to clothesline into a wall enquires-state-building why do these make some sembl

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Text - itsagifnotagif S pheelluminati Follow hxasinthus i wish it was 1600 so i cood spelle words howe everr my harte desyred holisticfansstuff Source: hxasinthus #thou canst spelle wyrds howevere thou liekest alraedye if thou isntst a couweurde Tags via @aziraphalesbian fluorescentjellyfish Please no this is how French happened Source: hxasinthus 110,640 notes

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Cheezburger Image 9568607232

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Text - Matthew Anderson @MattAndersonBBC Things native English speakers know, but don't know we know: Traducir del inglés adjectives in English absolutely have to be in this order: opinion- size-age-shape-colour-origin-material-purpose Noun. So you can have a lovely little old rectangular green French silver whittling knife. But if you mess with that word order in the slightest you'll sound like a maniac. It's an odd thing that English speaker uses that list, but almost none of us could write it

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Text - kidouyuuto: how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple French Person: Non c'est une fucking pomme *800 years of war*

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Text - languagebender why divide people by unrational things when you COULD divide them by whether their word for cotton candy is valid or not ? languagebender examples: american english: cotton candy good british english: fairy floss X not valid spanish, german: sugar cotton good french: daddy's beard X NOT VALID berenswick I'm sorry the French call it what

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Text - historical-nonfiction Bugs Bunny accidentally transformed the word nimrod into a synonym for idiot because nobody got a joke where he sarcastically compared Elmer Fudd to the Biblical figure Nimrod, a mighty hunter. omegajako Etymology is ridiculous and terrifying sometimes garbage-empress Bugs Bunny is more powerful than God libertarirynn He also solidified the idea of rabbits loving carrots when carrots actually carry very little nutritional value for rabbits. The funniest part of that

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Tumblr Thread: NASA's Care for Opportunity Rover is a Feels Expedition


There was something extremely poetic about Opportunity shutting down that struck a chord with a lot of people. Workers at NASA really liked to anthropomorphize rovers, like the time they got Curiosity to sing "Happy Birthday." If we know one thing about people and their relationship with adorable robots, it's that humans can pack bond with anything, including a Roomba.

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Text - newromaantics this morning NASA abandoned their mars rover Opportunity (aka Oppy) because it (she) got hit by a storm on Mars and it knocked her camera and wheels out and her last words to the team were "my battery is low and it is getting cold". I know she's a machine but l'm devastated. Oppy is the one who discovered water on Mars. RIP oppy ily space baby

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Text - myhomework-is-onfire they didn't abandon her! they tried eight months to reach her!!!! as their last farewell to her yesterday they played her "I'll be seeing you" by Billie Holiday: "I'l find you in the morning sun And when the night is new 'll be looking at the moon But l'll be seeing you" They love her so much and they tried so hard!!

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Text - stickmanbrandon Oh man, It doesn't end there. This isn't the first song NASA sent Opportunity. They had a playlist: https://www.space.com/41434-mars-rover- opportunity-wakeup-music-playlist.html? fbclid=lwAR3uL6q4tOmLQTIEhiwYegGc99nv4 NO1HQKItpCLQiQYlptBOevNN6ulyT8 It's on Spotify, it's called "Opportunity, wake up!"

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Text - This is what's great about NASA and it's what's great about people. These are world-class engineers. When they sent a rover to another planet they could have easily looked at it as just another scientific tool. But people don't do that. We can and will get emotionally attached to the most inanimate of objects. We can and will anthropomorphize anything. And frankly Opportunity's camera mast looks like a little face with eyes and everything, so why not? So they started calling it her. They

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Text - After 15 years of Oppy flipping the double bird to her original 90 day life expectancy, when a planet-spanning dust storm finally knocked her out and she stopped responding to the engineer's wake-up messages, they started playing music for her. And after 8 months and almost 1000 unanswered wake-up messages, when it was finally clear that Oppy was never going to wake up, the last thing these world-class NASA engineers did for their little rover on another planet Was play her a love song

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Tagged: Sad , aww , wholesome , mars rover , nasa , feels , song , rover

Impatient Driver Gets Instant Karma


Guy should've just kept his cool and not yeeted past that other driver, over a double yellow line. But alas, sometimes the road ragers of this world need to learn their lessons the hard way. Honestly, this particular scenario is hilarious. The fact that the dude in the Challenger yelled some profanity out his window right before the cop pulled him over, was really the icing on the cake. 

Check out another juicy tale of revenge with this manager who fired a third of their team, expected the rest of the squad to work harder, and had it all backfire.

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Text - r/pettyrevenge + Join u/is_it_corona_time • 3h 5 2 1 e 2 1 Want to YEET past me over a double yellow line? Enjoy your ticket! Please excuse formatting, l'm on mobile. The community I live in has a speed limit of 25mph. It also has a connecting street to another dev which leads to a main road, so people tend to cut through my neighborhood to get there. Many drivers enjoy speeding through the streets rather than following the speed limit. The local police department therefore decided to sta

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Text - There's a gentleman who regularly cuts through my neighborhood who owns a Dodge Challenger. For those who don't know, Challengers can get LOUD. Consequently, this fellow enjoys revving the engine every 100 yards or so to inform everyone nearby that this is a Dodge Challenger and its driver likely has a less-than-average-size endowment. This morning, I found myself pulling out of my driveway right as the Challenger turned the corner and approached. And you bet your ass I booped that cruise

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Text - the entire ride through my neighborhood. And the driver behind me was pissed. Revving that engine, riding my bumper, the works. I was loving it. The piece de resistance was when we turned onto the street right before the main entrance. Sure enough, a police car was there. Now, normally, the police puts a car there without an officer inside just to spook drivers into slowing down, but today the universe was on my side. In his haste to pass me and continue on his merry way, the driver of th

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Dad Takes Nerf War Very Seriously


You can tell that dad put a lot of time into making sure this video was a drama-packed, emotionally riveting snapshot of a ruthless Nerf War. 

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