Thursday, October 15, 2020

Puns Ranging from Incredible to Untellable


Sometimes, nothing hits the spot like a bundle of puns to fill that wordplay hole. Other times, puns are so unwelcome that they make people feel physically uncomfortable. Wordplay is a bit of a crap shoot, and you can't know what you're getting into with dumb and clever puns to feel stupid about.

1.

Nature - I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something.

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Face - ALAN MUCH ALDA ALAN ALDA

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People - JUNO ROMAN GODDESS OF LOVE FOUR LETTERS ENDS WITHO NO THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU

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Fashion accessory - MY WIFE BOUGHT A WEIRD LOOKING BRA TODAY. APPARENTLY IT'S FOR T-CUPS.

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Player - There's only one thing that scares me on Halloween. Which is? Captain Kirk Man Myth Legend Yeah, How did you know?

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Vehicle - pour Judgment

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Organism - Have you ever noticed Iceland U Kin That Ireland is just one sea away from lceland? Ireland

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FALL ВАСK PRICES LL Sove an seasonal fovorites throughout the store lock for he tog FALL-BACK PRICE

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Column - Pillar Caterpillar

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Font - Coupof the y Lanch Special Seup Lentil DO YOU SELL FISHCAKES? YES Sandwiches aninis EXCELLENT! y& Cheese Chese T'S MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW Salad e Chees Soup of the day adal Gfe Se

11.

Portrait - Amith Mandavilli "I am not Amith. I am a legend.

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Text - When you drop a bar of gold on your foot: OC usprutting gold 79 Au 196.97

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Freshwater aquarium - KEEPING TROPICAL FISH AT HOME CAN HAVE A CALMING EFFECT ON THE BRAIN DUE TO ALL THE INDOOR FINS..

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Cartoon - Are u two girls from England; Wales.. Are u two whales from England?

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Water transportation - HOWARD BOW HOWARD STERN

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Text - I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water. They bless the rains down in Africa. in Jokes by hurdydurdydurdydur ↑ 29.4K Q 452 15h ,74 TheMordorlorian 18.0K O 6 7 S 7 12H I Toto-ly didn't see that coming

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Sign - STOP SBOTTOM

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Material property - Whoever named this a 'urinal cake' clearly missed the opportunity to call it a "piscuit"

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Fish - Hello from the

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Shrub - U.S. NAVAL OBSERVATORY

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Dog - Some fine examples of pure bread dogs.

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Canidae - YOU VE BEEN DRINKING BEER, I SMELL IT ON YOUR BREATH. NO, IVE BEEN EATING FROGS LEGS. WHAT YOU SMELL IS THE HOPS.

23.

Job - AS YOU CAN SEE OUR CORE SALES OF WINNIE THE POOH TOYS ARE SUFFERING CORE POOH GRAPH A CORE TIGGER CORE KANGA GRAPHC CORE PIGLET GRAPH D GRAPH B ALTHOUGH THE FIGURES FOR ONE OF THE TOYS LITERALLY HAS US DANCING CORE EEYORE GRAPHE

24.

Leg - YOU LOOK AMAZING THANKS WATCH THIS HOW DID YOU DO IT? KЕТО

25.

Natural foods - Shmedricko @CoreyLaurin 14m Me: Can I show you a rad pun? You:I dunno... how rad is it? Me: 000

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Amazingly Disrespectful Things Done By Houseguests


It's not that hard to be a decent houseguest. All you have to do is sit there and not punch holes in the wall. And even if you do punch a hole in the wall, there are ways to apologize and repay your host. Apparently that's too hard for some houseguests who do unforgivably disrespectful things. 

1.

Text - gildedblackbird 357 points · 18 hours ago She hid a handgun under a pillow on my couch. Did not tell me. My first time meeting my brother's gf, they stopped by my house for a visit, then headed downtown for a bit to do some sightseeing. After they left I was tidying up - I picked up a pillow on my couch to fluff it and -surprise!- there's a gun sitting there. I had to have a talk with my brother when they got back....

2.

Text - saltedmetalhoney2 33.7k points · 17 hours ago & 10 More My wife tended to a tomato plant... one single tomato plant... for weeks to get one bud. She cultivated it, pruned it, watered it, everything. Just as it was getting to be picked, we had movers there and one ate it. Actually he ate half and threw away the second half. Twenty years later, it still think that my wife will kill that man if she saw him today.

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Text - gen3stang 22.1k points · 18 hours ago & 9 More My cousin punched my wall. Left a hole and started laughing. When he got his first house I went over and punched a hole right in the wall. I waited for 11 years to do that.

4.

Text - JonathenMichaels 19.4k points · 17 hours ago 12 Not exactly IN my house, but close... had a large fig tree in the back yard of my house. Rented the house out to a bunch of college girls one year while I house-sat for my girlfriend's place (her dad was a college offensive coordinator and ended up leaving for a job with a different school, and they couldn't unload the house just yet). They eventually sold their house, we moved back into my house, which, amazingly enough, now did not have a

5.

Text - Rabbisupreme 13.2k points · 21 hours ago S Honestly? I spent like 30 bucks on food for myself, sounds like a lot but it was just a really good local pizza and mozzarella sticks. I went to the bathroom and came out and nearly all my food was eaten by everyone else in the house. I was fucking furious. I kicked everyone who didn't live there out and then took my extra tv I had put in the living room back in my room and told my roommates they better replace the food their moocher friends ate

6.

Text - Union_of_Onion 11.7k points - 20 hours ago - edited 16 hours ago A friend was over with her husband and their two young children. They were here to meet my new baby. Their kids both were running and wrestling in the living room and they knocked my drink off of my end table all over and onto the magazines I had below it. I asked her if I could get her a towel and she says to me, "they already know they're grounded when they get home. They don't clean up there, either." I cleaned her own da

7.

Text - skrubbsvamp 9.4k points · 22 hours ago Stole my upstairs toilet. Pricks. Never having a party again.

8.

Text - Blind_Faith1012 7.2k points · 22 hours ago A friend of mine told me this story: a guy he invited into his house, I guess a friend. Was laughing at him for taking care of his grandma, and because he couldn't afford a nursing home for her.

9.

Text - ccc9092 5.8k points · 19 hours ago Roommates friend brought her dog over for the weekend while she stayed with us, she said it was her emotional support animal. Dog took a dump in my room and the friend refused to clean it up. Needless to say, I informed my roommate she was not welcomed back.

10.

Text - RatTeeth 4.3k points · 20 hours ago S My Mom always loved to tell the story of the time my Dad's brother spilled a pop on the coffee table and wiped it up with a throw pillow.

11.

Text - p90hero 4.0k points · 19 hours ago On his first visit a friend of a friend came to my house. He is around 150kg Sits down in my extra gaming chair and pulls the pin so it tilts backwards, grabs each handle and starts bouncing so it lifts off the carpet a few times. (you could hear the chair nearing its limits) I ask him what he is doing he looks at me and says chill bro i was just testing the springs. I told my friend not to take him over ever again, some of you might think it was harsh b

12.

Text - SirenSkye17 2.5k points · 18 hours ago · edited 12 hours ago Stole my mothers jewelry. It was missing for about two weeks before (who we eventually figured out stole it) ninja returned it without us noticing for a couple days. They put it back where they found it in her dresser.

13.

Text - HarlotIsMyMiddleName 2.2k points · 20 hours ago e I had a white guy with dreads steal my bongos. Go figure, right? The worst part is that I run into the guy a couple times a year at the bar or whatever, and EVERY TIME, he brings up the bongos and that he's going to get them back to me. Dude. It's been 6 years. Shut the fuck up about it already cause I have made peace!!

14.

Text - NeedsMoreTuba 1.3k points · 18 hours ago Ate all of my Girl Scout cookies. But wait! That's not all. He also drank all the milk because the cookies made him thirsty.

15.

Text - DomPepin 904 points · 16 hours ago About 8/9 years ago, back at Uni, I fell asleep before any of my 'mates'. They proceeded to setup a webcam and broadcast me sleeping, inviting people they'd met at Freshers from around the campus to comment/bitch about me. Just fucking weird, if nothing else.

16.

Text - Illegitimos 835 points · 18 hours ago A guy flushed my toilet when I told him not to as the water wouldn't stop unless you did a very specific thing (as long as the seat was down I was fine with doing all the flushing). Went out for a cigarette, guy flushes the toilet, causes a leak which takes out half my front room ceiling, goes into the flat below. While I'm stopping it, clearing up as best I can, and apologising to my neighbour, the guy drinks all my coffee then goes home. No apology,

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Tumblr Thread On Fruits And Colors Spirals Out Of Control


Clearly these people are very confused. It's Tumblr threads like these that remind us there are poor lost souls wandering this world in dire need of an instruction manual for daily life, to avoid sure destruction. If you want some more gold from Tumblr check out this Tumblr thread about the Chilean cat foreman.

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Cheezburger Image 9562921984

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Cheezburger Image 9562922240

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Cheezburger Image 9562922496

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Cheezburger Image 9562922752

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Cheezburger Image 9562923008

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Cheezburger Image 9562923264

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Cheezburger Image 9562923520

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Quick Twitter Thread Breaks Down Grief


This quick and enlightening thread made waves on Twitter for its effectiveness when it came to breaking down what the grieving process is like. If anything this is painfully accurate. Just helps to remember when you're in the middle of muddling through a difficult time that it too shall pass. 

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Text - Lauren Herschel @LaurenHerschel So grief is like this: There's a box with a ball in it. And a pain button. And no, I am not known for my art skills. THE BALL AND THE BOX BALL PAIN BUTTON

2.

Text - In the beginning, the ball is huge. You can't move the box without the ball hitting the pain button. It rattles around on its own in there and hits the button over and over. You can't control it - it just keeps hurting. Sometimes it seems unrelenting.

3.

Text - Over time, the ball gets smaller. It hits the button less and less but when it does, it hurts just as much. It's better because you can function day to day more easily. But the downside is that the ball randomly hits that button when you least expect it.

4.

Text - Lauren Herschel @LaurenH... ·12/29/17 v Replying to @LaurenHerschel For most people, the ball never really goes away. It might hit less and less and you have more time to recover between hits, unlike when the ball was still giant. I thought this was the best description of grief I've heard in a long time. 64 27501 4,499 Lauren Herschel @LaurenH... · 12/29/17 v I told my step dad about the ball in the box (with even worse pictures). He now uses it to talk about how he's feeling. "The Ball

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Kayaker Saves a Deer from Drowning in Italy


Just based off the fact that the deer put up zero resistance, we think it's safe to assume that this deer was holding on and clinging to its last breath. Thank goodness it all worked out. 

Submitted by: (via KayakSessionTV)

Wednesday, October 14, 2020