FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Kudzu Is A Scary Monster Plant

Ah yes, leave it to the brilliant minds of Tumblr to take us down a rabbit hole about how plants can genuinely wage war against the rest of the world. In this case, we're talking about the kudzu. The kudzu plants would fit right into a horror novel. Check out some more gold from Tumblr with this thread about the still-on submarines.

1.

Text - inconsequential S linesofreturninggeese Follow just-shower-thoughts Follow Building a treehouse is the biggest insult to a tree. "I killed your friend, here hold him." mojave-wasteland-official "Friend" Its more of I killed a potential enemy. Hold his dismembered corpse in victory. theun--sj Follow Plants don't wage war

2.

Text - mojave-wasteland-official Ever heard of blackberries? Yes, plants do wage war kasaron Follow Mint and strawberries, too. They need to be quarantined or they will kill basically everything else. systlin Follow I planted mint in the ground 2 years ago. It's currently fighting a bitter battle to the death against the raspberries attempting to invade from the east while trying to annex the patio.

3.

Text - Could go either way at this point TBH. Unless, of course, I take a shovel and the blowtorch out there and battle both back to within their original boundaries. And anyone wondering if a blowtorch is overkill for weeding back mint has never actually planted mint. moirakatson Follow This post did not go where I expected it to. S deathbeforednf Follow Our garden plot at my childhood home slowly got overrun by wild blackberries after we stopped managing it while my sister and I were in nursin

4.

Text - 4 years. I started the ultimately futile task of trying to clear this plot with a machete and discovered to my amazement a patch of mint several feet across underneath the canopy of blackberry, still fighting the good fight all those years later. Ultimately it took two jars of homemade napalm and some creative fire placement to clear that patch but I damn sure saved that patch of mint. It earned the right to be there. norseminuteman Follow Yall mother don't even talk unless you've had to

5.

Text - Blood for the Blood God, Chlorophyll for the Chlorophyll Throne demon weed. E breadgunner Can second the comments of Kudzu. I forget where I read it but there's this one tree that creates an extremely flammable substance that's in both the bark and leaves. Dead trees become torches and crushed up leaves become dust-incendiary, all while the plant's seeds are Giant Redwood levels of resilient to open flame. IE it has a scorched earth policy. It's even more badass than plants that use toxin

6.

Nature - See those weird pillars? Those were trees. See that strange lump in the middle? That was a house. Everything green you see in this photo is kudzu. e zachsanomaiy Follow Kudzu is an apocalyptic nightmare They smother every other living plant to death

7.

Natural landscape - Those trees under there are dead, they can't get sunlight. Kudzu takes over and steals everything from these trees, and becomes them. It's creepy as hell. These plants are basically straight out of a horror novelist's wet dream tbh.

8.

Vegetation - The bodies of everything the kudzu has slain.

9.

10.

Vegetation - WINEY Someone attempting to drive a four wheeler through it, to give you scale It's an ornamental plant kept in check in china, but was introduced to north america where it immediately went rampant and began to

11.

Text - spread incredibly fast like a disease, destroying everything in its wake The ONLY thing that has stopped this curse from engulfing the united states is goats. Apparently goats love this stuff like no tomorrow. Everywhere we find it now, we just bring a horde of goats to cut it down. Everything is fine.. for now. e zachsanomaiy Follow Kudzu is on time magazine's top 10 invasive species to look out for.

12.

13.

14.

15.

Goat - This little buddy doing his part UNCOTV zachsanomaiy Follow Not to keep spamming this post but

16.

Leaf - Iadestatian of Kutru in dhe linited States "the growth of kudzu as it became a "structural parasite" of the South, [7] enveloping entire structures when untreated[11] and often referred to as "the vine that ate the South".[13]" "It has been spreading rapidly in the southern U.S., "easily outpacing the use of herbicide spraying and mowing, as well increasing the costs of these controls by $6 million annually". [21" yall it's been estimated this plant consumes

17.

Text - 600 kilometers of the united states every year it's been suggested that we just start eating it to make it go away nixieseal Adding to the spam: yes, kudzu IS edible. In fact, all parts of it but the vine are edible. The leaves are supposedly great in salads or baked into quiche. The flowers supposedly are great in jam. The roots.. Well, if you know how to cook other root vegetables, you know what to do with kudzu root. Feed this stuff to your livestock and cook it. Eat it before it eats

18.

Text - 3-ducks-in-a-trenchcoat Follow In this world it's eat or be eaten gamebird Follow Thread starts with the existential angst of building a treehouse. Ends with recipes on how to eat kudzu. Posts that make you go 'hm? Source: just-shower-thoughts 221,327 notes

Submitted by:

Tagged: nature , tumblr , creepy , ridiculous , funny tumblr

Share on Facebook

Random Things People Were Paranoid About As Kids

The rampant imaginations we have as children can make for some wild, irrational fears. That grandma who rapped off a horror story about dragon flies being able to sew people's mouths shut was really on one. Zero chill with that. Just picturing that as an adult is enough to give someone the chills.

1.

Text - HermesPart4• 18h 1 Award I used to believe that girls had tiny drones to spy on the boys they liked and I was so paranoid about it. This is the first time Il'm telling anyone

2.

Text - africanasshat • 18h S 1 Award When I was young I was never sure if other people were real and I was paranoid over other people's ability to read my thoughts. Took many years until I was satisfied that they couldn't hear what was going on inside my head. Reply 597 ...

3.

Text - abeast0333 • 18h My parents dying on the way back home. Idk why, just was my number one fear Reply 82 ...

4.

Text - TheChaosExecutioner • 17h That if I didn't a. Spit in the toilet before flushing or b. Run out of the bathroom right after flushing, that a monster would come out of the toilet and kill me. Can't make this shit up Reply 82 ...

5.

Text - FBI-MACHINE • 17h That goddamned vent thing at the bottom of the swimming pool. Reply 429

6.

Text - Kung-fu-kenny69 • 18h someone breaking into my house... I live on the 3rd floor of an apartment Reply 45 ...

7.

Text - idkwhatmenameshouldb • 18h Cars following our car. Genuinely used to memorise number plates then turn around 5 mins later and check if any of those number plates were still behind us. I'm talking like 3/4 cars back because "they may not want to make it obvious and be directly behind us" we're literally no one special so idk why anyone would even want to follow us Reply 1 194

8.

Text - 5119medmusic• 16h I loved my cats so much as a little kid that I honestly believed that if someone broke into our house that they would try to hurt our kitties on top of trying to steal things. I had no concept that a burglar really isn't interested in pets but rather are only focused on valuables. I just thought people who broke into places they shouldn't were generally evil and would do as many evil things as they could once inside, such as hurt my animals. I am SUPER sensitive to pet o

9.

Text - ta_2_usd • 18h My grandma told me dragonflies would sew my mouth shut so...yeah, dragonflies Reply 129 ...

10.

Text - Heroshade • 17h I was worried if I ate too much l'd get pregnant. Reply 66 ...

11.

Text - dustyspectacles • 16h 1 Award Rust on cars. I thought it meant they were dying and I felt really bad for them, like I shouldn't be looking. So I would hold tight to my mom or dad's hand and stare at the ground in parking lots, hoping I wouldn't see any rusty cars. Reply 129 ...

12.

Text - zemorah • 16h Uncovered feet in bed. Everyone knows that's how monsters get your toes. Reply 33 ...

13.

Text - Pillsbury_No_Boi • 17h Mascot costumes, I remember hiding under a table at the hometown buffet because they had giant bee mascot for some reason Reply 25 ...

14.

Text - NudlePockets • 16h I was worried for a very long time as a child about the end of the world. For whatever reason, disaster always seemed on the horizon growing up so I was always anxious about everyone and everything I knew disintegrating before me. Should've been my parents first clue that I had an anxiety disorder, but oh well. Reply 27 ...

15.

Text - -EDGAR- • 16h Balloons. Specifically, balloons popping. When I was young my dad popped one near my face as a joke, but it really traumatized me. I hated going to birthday parties as a kid because there were always games where you had to pop a balloon in some form. So, whenever I was around them I was always paranoid about them popping because it triggered this panic within me. Reply 15 ...

16.

Text - ohmy285here • 17h Someone standing outside my bedroom door at night. I swear it was the shadow man. Really! It still gives me creeps today. Reply 13 ...

17.

Text - mammakatt13• 17h Vampires. I read Stephen King's Salem's Lot when I was WAY too young, and I worried about vampires for years. Reply 8

18.

Text - Bodkie • 17h Touching crinkle cut chips that were folded over on themselves (wish chips) with my thumb. The gaps between steps. Getting near any sort of railing that looked down 1+ levels in a building or outside. My parents dying cos they didn't pass on chain mail. Sliding doors coming off their track and trapping me forever. More, no doubt. You might say I was a bit of a neurotic kid. Reply 8 ...

19.

White - actual_zoombini • 18h Mirrors. Reply 62

20.

Text - thematrixs • 17h My parents finding my journal. Or my stash of money I saved. Reply 25 ...

21.

Text - townie0114 • 16h I was about six when I choked on a piece of gum while running around and my life flashed before my eyes. It took quite a few years before I could even be in a room with a packet of gum, fearing l'd somehow choke on it without even chewing it. Reply ...

22.

Text - booksoverppl • 17h I used to think everyone was able to read my thoughts, so even if I disliked someone l'd force myself to think good things about them. Reply 8 ...

23.

Text - getrichortrydieing • 16h Elevator would fall at the top. Felt this way until I did security. Then a elevator became my dam sacred place to get the fuck away from everyone Reply 5 + ...

24.

Text - loufitz3 • 16h That my life was The Truman Show (before it was ever released) Reply ...

Submitted by:

Tagged: kids , childhood , relatable , askreddit , ridiculous , Reddit

Share on Facebook

Customer's Translation Fail Results In Begging Bartender For Nothing

Translation fails inspire all kinds of hilarious confusion between two perfectly rational human beings. In this case, we have a customer unknowingly repeatedly pleading for nothing at all. If you're the bartender on the other side of that mishap, do you let the oblivious stupidity persist, or do you correct the translation fail as soon as possible? Could be a tough call if you end up wanting to have some fun with it.

1.

Text - r/tifu + Join u/pzych_ • 2d TIFU by begging a bar tender for nothing M So this story happened about a year ago, and requires some cultural context. In Ireland, there's been a recent resurgence in the Irish language, and a lot of movement to promote Irish speaking throughout the countries. This resulted in an Irish speaking bar being opened in Dublin. I didn't grow up in Ireland, so I don't speak a word of Irish- but my best friend was begging me to go with her to this bar. I relented, but

2.

Text - So we get to the bar, and she tells me when it's our turn to speak to the bouncer, just say "dia dhuit", which means hello, and she'll chat away to distract him. Our plan goes off without a hitch, and we're in! I turn, ready to ask my friend to order me a drink, to find her lost in the eyes of a boy she'd met a few nights previously. Not wanting to get in her way, I just gently shook her shoulder, and we have a conversation as follows. Me: "Hey, how do I ask for an Orchard Thieves in Iris

3.

Text - I nod and leave her to it, and make my way determinedly to the bar. The bar man comes over and says something in Irish I can't understand, so I panic, and just shout out my order. "Le do thoil!" The barman returns a blank look. I take this as him not having understood me, and decide I need to be more clear. "LE. DO. THOIL." The bar man cocks his head, and says something that I again, don't understand. Now fully panicking, I decide to just keep repeating myself in different inflections unt

4.

Text - "Jesus Christ girl just speak English. What do you want?!" "Just an Orchard Thieves!" The bar man walks away, muttering, "Why didn't you just say so?" Embarrassed my friend had put me in this position, I marched up to her and yanked her off the boy who she'd been chatting up. "What did you tell me to say?" I demand. "Huh? I told you how to say Orchard Thieves please?" "Yeah well, clearly the way you say it is wrong, because the barman had no idea what I was saying."

5.

Text - My friend looks at me suspiciously. "Pzych, what did you say, exactly?" "I said le do thoil. And I said it a bunch of ways as wellI, so there's no way I got the pronunciation wrong." "Wait," my friend responds. "You said JUST le do thoil?" "Yeah!" I replied, indignant. "That's what you told me to say!" "No, I told you to say Orchard Thieves le do thoil! Le do thoil means please you eejit!"

6.

Submitted by:

Tagged: drinking , FAIL , translation , customers , language , ridiculous , bartender , tifu , funny

Share on Facebook