Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Wild Things People Said While Waking from Anesthesia


Anesthesia lets us do amazing life-saving surgeries on people all the time, but another one of its effects is that it creates some good stories. People say some funny stuff when they'e under anesthesia, and almost none of it makes any sense.

1.

Text - _KaseyRae_ 6.6k points · 10 hours ago · edited 6 hours ago 25 & 8 More Patient here with a great story nonetheless. When I got my wisdom teeth removed, I apparently had a religious experience (I'm agnostic) e. I told my mom (who was with me) that I saw people walking on water. Next, I kept telling her that I saw Jesus. Apparently, when the female nurse came back into the room I did the Catholic sign of the cross and whispered to my mom, "That's him. That's Jesus." The nurse lost her shit.

2.

Text - iletthe12dogsout 6.5k points · 10 hours ago 2 3 When I got my wisdom teeth out, the nurse was trying to wake me up and said, "okay, it's time to open your eyes. Can you open your eyes for me?" I said, "Say pleee-eease!" She said please very nicely, and I opened my mouth as wide as I could

3.

Text - serenasaystoday 5.4k points · 11 hours ago A man asked me if his body parts still belong to him and I still think about it Imao

4.

Text - godricspaw 3.4k points · 12 hours ago I had a male patient who as he woke up mumbled "I'm not pregnant?!"

5.

Text - GurgleQueen636 522 points · 12 hours ago Not a nurse but after I got my wisdom teeth out I was convinced I was Clark Kent and kept taking my glasses off and mumbling "I'm Superman." And then I cried when they told me they were going to put my teeth in the incinerator because for some reason drugged me thought they meant all my teeth.

6.

Text - female_aardvark 3.2k points · 12 hours ago Did a short stint in recovery as part of my graduate program. I got proposed to a couple of times. Same guy would walk past me in the corridor a day later and not recognise me!

7.

Text - Lasersandshit 2.9k points · 10 hours ago Not a nurse.. My wife woke up from a surgery and started pointing into the middle of the room and in a soft voice said " fuck you, fuck you and you. Whats that smell?" she then looked over at me and says "when did you get here yah asshat" LOL She doesn't cuss much, so I got a good laugh out of it.

8.

Text - Eekanumber3 359 points · 9 hours ago Obligatory “not a nurse," but a friend of mine said that one of her patients was convinced he was a burrito and needed her to sprinkle cilantro on him.

9.

Text - creepiest-greek-myth 2.8k points · 12 hours ago Not a nurse, but my twin sister started speaking fluent Spanish to my mom after she woke up from getting her wisdom teeth removed. We're half Puerto Rican (on our mom's side), so we've grown up hearing Spanish, but neither of us had ever carried a fluent conversation with her in it. But apparently my doped up sister could!

10.

Text - Flight_19_Navigator 2.8k points · 11 hours ago I was coming out of anaesthesia and the nurses in the recovery room were all poking fun at each other about which Hogwarts House they would be in. Me: "According to my ex-wife, I'm a house elf."

11.

Text - Cryptid-Fluff 2.7k points · 10 hours ago Me, coming out of it at the dentist's office: Me: "You have to save them." Dentist: "Save who?" Me: "THE OWLS." Dentist: "What owls?" Me: "The owls trapped inside the gas machine, they were HOOTING, I could hear them! You have to save them!"

12.

Text - Im2lazytobeoriginal 2.1k points · 12 hours ago I once told the nurses to stop I wasn't asleep yet. I wasn't ready. They laughed and said they were done. Another time I came out saying sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Almond joy has nuts mounds don't. No clue why I was singing this but the nurses thought I was hilarious and let family know this happened.

13.

Text - goshawkgirl 2.0k points · 10 hours ago Not a nurse, but was in charge of my sister after she got her wisdom teeth out. Got her in the car and she was bawling. Wouldn't stop crying and trying to put her fingers in her mouth. Mind you, she was 20 at the time. I got her back to my apartment, and she's having a hard time staying upright, so I'm helping support her as we walk up to the door. She's still crying, but is now trying to do a heel click. We almost fall over. My neighbor sees us and

14.

Text - SJ2390 1.9k points · 12 hours ago Also not a nurse, but I had ankle surgery last year. They gave me animal crackers after and I remember being really upset that I didn't realize until the last cracker that I forgot to look at the animals and appreciate each one.

15.

Text - Hexellent3r 1.6k points · 10 hours ago My brother got his wisdom teeth out not too long ago. When He woke up, he started laughing a lot, like He wasn't laughing super hard, but he was laughing for supper long and it almost sounded monotone. After a couple minutes of just flatline laughter, he stopped and mumbled "chicken" like it's what he was laughing at, don't know why but it stopped him from laughing for a bit

16.

Text - paprikaparty 1.5k points · 10 hours ago We had to slide board a patient from the stretcher to his bed after an endoscopy. (You put a board between bed and stretcher and. Then grab patient and slide them over to bed with sheet underneath them). My patient screamed "WEEEE!" And then proceeded to tell us that these are the best drugs ever and that it felt like the 60's again.

17.

Text - questionable_post 1.4k points · 10 hours ago I came out of it in the middle of a conversation with Gandalf. I was trying to sell him Tupperware.

18.

Text - Shrubbery_Bribery 1.3k points · 10 hours ago At the dentist I woke up like a shot from anesthesia, got up, and ran through the office..dental assistants chasing me. I ran to the washroom - still drugged up - looked into the mirror and while pawing my numb face said "I need to make sure I don't look like Joan Rivers".

19.

Text - BitchIDontWorkHere 1.1k points · 9 hours ago When I was in high school I was just getting put under and feeling loopy for a wisdom teeth operation and the nurse was making small talk with me and told me she graduated from the same high school I went to and was on the dance team and I told her "No you weren't, you have to be pretty to be on the dance team" right before blacking out. I think about this sometimes before I go to sleep at night nurse I am so sorry to do you like that when you

20.

Text - Lunch_Gun 963 points · 11 hours ago A friend of mine woke up after surgery and stated "I want to eat a Christmas tree".

21.

Text - Dobermanpure 821 points · 10 hours ago Not anesthesia but post op in ICU. Pt had brain surgery for a neuroma. He had a brain drain in but otherwise was fine. Me: hi sir, I have your dinner, do you need help? PT: Naw, I can do it. What is it? Me: white fish. PT: ugh... Me: it's brain food! PT: If that's the case I need a whale. I laughed for 2 hours after that.

22.

Text - witchserena 817 points · 13 hours ago Not a nurse but when I got all 4 of my wisdom teeth out at once, I woke up and immediately asked "can I eat KFC now?" And they all got a laugh outta that. To at was the only thing I cared about. Probably not as entertaining as I hoped but I got a laugh outta them so yay!

23.

Text - Wileykid 795 points · 10 hours ago Woke up thinking I'd had sex with my doctor. And apologised to him for how bad it was...

24.

Text - dustr 576 points · 10 hours ago It wasn't something he said, but I had a patient in his 50's attempt to motorboat his wife when she came to pick him up. She was mortified, and I managed to keep a straight face while giving her all his post-op instructions.

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Artist Trolls Patrons Who Demand Free Art


If there was a better way to troll entitled folks and their frustrating demands, well we'd have to see it. As for artists who deliberately make bad art to mess with people who want free stuff, we're all for it.

1.

Text - Do you draw arts for Free You mean as a hobbie? Do you do it for Free Will do art for free Sometimes Are you asking for a free drawing? Amm Yes What of? 07 August, 10:05 am

2.

Face - This one in pencil drawing What size? A4 size 07 August, 4:02 pm So you want an a4 drawing in graphite pencil of that photo?

3.

Face - Have you finished drawing 09 August, 12:42 pm deserver this

4.

Text - Why you do like this It's you You like it? I taught if you have drawn real picture I will pay for it I would have pay for it You ask for free This is free If it was good 1 would have pay for it It's awesome

5.

Text - It looks just like you Iam not there in a picture It's not me It is It has your eyes Iam a boy I'm the best They call me Instagram art Jesus Then why you want to do like that In India they don't how you are You want to see best one

6.

Product - Nah my art is better I can prove it No you can't Yes I can How much you want to bet 田

7.

Text - No you can't Yes I can How much you want to bet No Ha cuz you know I am the real art master He is a art teacher in best school of India Do you want to see his students Pfft everyone learns from my teachings. That's why they call me the Instagram art Jesus

8.

Text - 101 Are you saying this art is better than mine? Yes Thats not very nice Better than yours Ok but I could do better No Pl prove it

9.

Text - You no to Chet other person I will draw your picture properly this time But you have to be honest Ok And if you like it you pay me yes? If you draw better

10.

Face - Ok send me a photo of you to draw It will probably take me a few days It's me

11.

Text - It will take me a few days to draw Your wish You can take how much days you wqnt Thank you You have to be honest I've spent around 25 hours on this

12.

Face - What do you think? Fuck yourself

13.

Cartoon - Fuck y ourselr Fuck yourself Fuck youralt

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Tagged: art , trolling , artist , lol , entitled , funny , free

Toxic Coworker Won't Do Job Correctly, Everyone Quits


Sometimes the best way to get through to a company that stubbornly insists on not listening, is to orchestrate an en masse walkout. This particular coworker sounds like a real nightmare to share a professional working space with. 

1.

Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/ftwipftfiy • 3y Have fun finding six new receptionists! This is VERY long, I'm sorry in advance. This story if kind a continuation to the one I posted previously on prettyrevenge. TL;DR for that post, one of my coworkers never did her job correctly and I had to end up picking up her slack. Other employees noticed, we decided once our boss was back from vacation we'd speak to her about the slacking coworker. Our office had a rotation of eight receptionists, two of whi

2.

Text - Now, my slacking coworker (let's call her Marilyn) all but refused to scan anything in, and waited for whoever was relieving her to pass off her paperwork to them. This was dangerous, honestly. There were certain patients that could have been diagnosed with brain tumors and her not doing her job would delay their diagnosis. Five of my coworkers and I spoke to her privately about the matter, stating that we would go to our boss if Marilyn didn't change. She said she'd start scanning everyt

3.

Text - Another thing to note about the office - it was basically like being in high school again. It was mostly women working, most of whom were 30-40's, but acted like teenagers. There was a lot of gossiping and a LOT of passive aggressive behavior. Like, if someone wanted to order lunch they would purposefully NOT tell one person or a group of people because s/he was mad at them that day. It was just weird and childish, and I was lucky not to get caught in the crossfire. Until the day I told m

4.

Text - She then made it her personal mission to try and make our work lives miserable, which included: • encouraging the rest of the staff to not speak with us. This didn't work for the most part, but there was definitely a lot of coldness from a few people on the administrative staff. taking 30 min bathroom breaks when she worked with one of us, and just disappearing altogether if a rush of people walked in. she refused to physically speak to us. Instead, she would send an email for a request (

5.

Text - • constantly printing out and doing things for her personal life, but if she caught one of us doing the same she would immediately tell the administrative staff. If anything, this brought all of us closer together. We wouldn't have gone to the work happy hour anyway, since we were all hanging out together elsewhere. We all had our frustrating Marilyn stories, but we all also worked part time and in varying degrees of finishing schooling, so it didn't really matter what she pulled. We were

6.

Text - However, she somehow convinced the administrative staff to shorten all of our hours. I went from about 20 hours a week to 10. The two other people who had gone to the boss were in similar boats, while the ones who had been frustrated with Marilyn but unable to make the meeting suddenly had their workloads doubled. We were ALL angry at this point, because no one wanted the hours they were receiving. When we asked the staff why the hours had changed so drastically, they said it had been app

7.

Text - Once again, we went to our boss - this time all five of us. Instead of listening to us, looking at all our evidence we had against Marilyn, letting us explain how toxic of a work environment it had become - she completely blew us off and told us that either we do our work or we find somewhere else to be employed. Later on that week, I overheard her talking to a girl in the billing department about how Marilyn was going to come over to boss' house that weekend and cut her hair free of char

8.

Text - Only two receptionists had the ability to work past 5pm - they both quit. No more late night appointments. I was the receptionist that worked on Sundays. Can't be open seven days a week now. Our boss practically begged three of us to change our mind, or at least change the date of resignation so she could have more time to find replacements. No dice. By my estimate, by the time they manage to find and train all the people they need, they will have lost at least $50,000 between not working

9.

Text - This all happened about six months ago. Last I heard, the administration quickly realized just how lazy Marilyn was and decreased her pay and hours as a result. The newer receptionists can barely last a month before quitting due to how bad the work environment is, and they still haven't found anyone to work weekends or late nights. And remember how I mentioned that Marilyn would frequently do her personal work at her desk? Well, turns out she was filling out forms to get her children free

10.

Text - to ensure they were under the amount of money needed to be eligible for the program. It just so happens that the vice principal of the school received a call from someone to let them know that Marilyn was lying about being unemployed and had no qualms giving out Marilyn's work address and hours. I know for a fact that her kids were kicked off this list, given that the VP called me back to confirm it. :) TL;DR: my coworker refused to do her job, created a toxic work environment, and convin

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Worst Birthday Gifts People Received


Getting a terrible gift for your birthday might be arguably worse than getting nothing at all. Yep, that's right. We're talking about folks that were filled with excited anticipation only to realize that they were being gifted something they literally owned. Or try a lint remover. Or, maybe a used pen that grandma found in her purse. When in doubt, cash is always a good and appreciated move. 

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Text - JTSmolAlien439 • 14h 3 Awards My Asian mom's gift was "no extra Kumon homework after school homework" so my birthday gift was that I didn't get extra homework from her. Reply 6.9k ...

2.

Text - PM_ME_UR_CLEAVE • 14h 1 Award My grandma got me a hairbrush with a plastic horse head handle. The horse head was all chipped up and there was hair in the brush. Reply 7.0k ...

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Text - WonderWeeble • 14h O 2 Awards A lint remover. I was 12. Reply 13.3k ...

4.

Text - mikeardigan • 13h 9 Awards My grandparents have been gifting me (and my brother) the same set of three vice grips for almost 10 years. Collectively we have 60 vice grips. I don't know if they bought a pallet of them, or where they are coming from. GET A GRIP GRANDMA! Reply 15.4k ...

5.

Text - katzenmiauen • 13h 6 Awards An ex-boyfriend hyped up my birthday gift for days, so I was pumped. On my birthday, he presented me with a small, flat box. Inside was a passport. His passport. That's it. Just his passport. No tickets for a trip, no promises of a trip once we saved up together. He literally just gifted me his passport. I'm still baffled.

6.

Text - devlOUs32 • 14h 2 Awards A used pen that my grandma found in her purse at my 16th birthday.. Reply 9.3k ...

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Text - Revenge_of_the_Khaki • 14h 9 Awards A pair of homemade custom pajamas. Only problem was that they weren't made yet. It was just the fabric and a promise to make them for me. I had to give the fabric back and I never got the pajamas. Reply 23.8k ...

8.

Text - one-for-all-plus-ultra If they say they're peachy it means they're tired of existence drneverland If they say "Living the dream," it means "please me, I hate my job so, so much." accordingtomyresearch also “that's a great question" means "I have no freaking idea"

9.

Text - stayrootedsucculents • 13h 1 Award My mom would get me a carrot cake every year for my birthday. I hate carrot cake. Always have. But it was my dad's favorite so... Reply 10.0k ...

10.

Text - powerbrows • 14h 9 Awards My ex celebrated my first birthday that we were together by completely ignoring it altogether the day after going all out for her friend's birthday the day before. She offered me a leftover piece of the birthday cake she got for her friend, but still never said "happy birthday". That should have been my signal to run because it never got any better. Reply 9.8k ...

11.

Text - Vyper28 • 14h 3 O 6 Awards My grandparents were super low-effort low-budget at every birthday. One year they got me a 2nd hand colouring book from a swap meet. It was almost completely coloured in by what appeared to be a 3 year old with a single green felt pen. Also i was 18 and they thought it was a good gift because it was disney related and i was going to college for animation and design... Reply 14.7k ...

12.

Text - BBoySlim • 15h 1 Award HR complaint from two subordinates fighting over how to throw me a surprise birthday party. Reply 3.4k ...

13.

Text - tacospizzaunicorn • 15h 5 Awards A very obviously used candle. Reply 21.6k ...

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Text - little_milkee • 15h 1 Award It was not bad at all but to my 12 year old self I was pretty pouty at the time... My mom alluded for months that she was getting me a phone for my 12th birthday but I got a banana. Reply 4.5k

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Text - MR-WADS • 15h 1 Award Years ago I got this chess game for the PS1 from my godmother, thing is, it didn't work on my PS1, but it did work on her son's PS1, so he got a new game and I got nothing :) Reply 10.1k ...

16.

Text - HandsomeLakitu • 15h 5 Awards I have been stung by a bee 3 times in my life, and all of them were on my birthday. I was 3, 14, and 25. Reply 26.9k ...

17.

Text - ShinyQuest1 • 14h 3 Awards I just wanted a plain vanilla cake I didn't ask for anything else, I didn't ask for gifts I didn't ask to go anywhere just a plain vanilla cake. My mother got me a chocolate and mint ice cream cake. I don't even like mint ice cream and I definitely never liked or asked for ice cream cake in my life for her to get that idea. It sat in the freezer forever. She acted like it was a big inconvenience for her. Reply 8.3k ...

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Text - GoKickRox • 13h 35 Awards Forgotten. It was either a blessing or a curse, considering my mom forgot until 9pm, left me a voicemail telling me Happy Birthday, and forgot to hang up. Hearing her tell my sister "There, I did it." Was... interesting.

19.

Text - suo-my-nona • 15h G 18 Awards Grounded because I said that I didn't need to celebrate my birthday and that was too ungrateful of me. Reply 27.0k ...

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Text - DisneyMusicSlaps • 14h 1 Award A glitch in the matrix. I remember one time my aunt came over and at one point in front of me and my mom she told me she had a gift in her bag that she would give me later... I was super excited about it and later she was getting ready to leave and I said "what about my gift?" and she said "what gift?" My mom even said "The one you have in your bag for her birthday." and she said "I don't know what you're talking about!" I remember it soo0o clearly because o

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Heckler Mom Gets Offended, Comedian Handles Her


Comedian, Steve Hofstetter, got a whole lot of material out of this interaction with quite the persistent heckler. She should've stayed quiet from the start, but just kept going. The rest is history. 

Submitted by: (via Steve Hofstetter)