FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

Tumblr User Explains Their Annual "Moving of the Jesus"

It's a passive aggressive holiday ritual. Some families have elf on the shelf and others have "please take that horrible excuse for a Jesus away." For some more religious-themed tumblr shenanigans, here's a Tumblr thread on holy water loopholes and for more unique family dynamics here are people's weirdest family tics.

1.

Text - grumpsaesthetics every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)". now, it's important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don't want to decorate

2.

Text - now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he's so ugly it's an embarrassment to the family eventually i grew tired of her

3.

Joint - grumpsaesthetics and so it begins..

4.

Text - voxiferous i was not fucking ready for this photograph iopele this photo makes the whole thing so much better ... and I cannot stop laughing help I need oxygen

Submitted by:

Tagged: jesus , christmas , wtf , religion , tumblr , traditional , lol , family , funny , weird

Share on Facebook

Entitled Karen Tries To Scam Restaurant Owner, Fails Miserably

Man, oh man, this Karen came in trying to stir up some unnecessary drama from the start. Fortunately, the restaurant owner had his wits about him and ultimately ended up playing Karen like a true boss. Just picturing her face when she realized the very "waiter" she was complaining about was the restaurant owner is enough to make one's heart swell with joy. Check out some more Karen content with the time that a demanding Karen insisted that she worked at the store...

1.

Text - r/TalesFromYourServer u/hicctl • 1y + Join Let me speak to the manager young man, I will have you fired. The owner and me are good friends !!! Long First let me explain a few things here. This is not my story as such, but I got to witness it first hand. A good friend of mine is from a family that owns 3 very successful Italian restaurants (with a pizza oven that uses actual wood, really top of the line). So he learned the business basically from the day he could walk ;) When he was 25 he

2.

Text - So he created a solid business plan, and had his eyes on a prime location. It is 50 meters away from the biggest parking area in the city, with 400 parking spots, where several times a year we have big city fairs, and anybody who wants to go in the park strolls right by it. So his dad said he would finance him but as a credit to be paid back in a timely manner. They agreed on everything, and a year later he opened up. The story takes place about 2 years after they have opened and the plac

3.

Text - rues this relationship with an iron fist. They sat down on the table next to us, and after not even a minute she rudely asked us why she has no menu yet, and to get off our lazy asses. I already wanted to tell her I do not work here, but he winked at me and walked over to their table giving them our menus. I call her EL and my friend just friend. DISCLAIMER this was nearly 15 years ago, so the spoken words are not word for word, but represent what was said. EL: it is about time you get of

4.

Text - EL: About time, did you have to brew it first or what is taking so long. My friends patience is starting to wear thin, but he still stays friendly. Friend : You saw me walk to the bar and make your drinks right away, then return right away. Those beers take a bit to pour correctly,I am sorry, but there is no way I could have brought those to you any faster. EL: We are customers and this is how you talk to us ? Ever heard of the customer is always right ? How can you be so rude to paying c

5.

Text - EL(Interrupting him): SHUT UP ! How dare you !!! I will have you know me and the owner are old friends. I will have your job over this, now get me your manager. Friend : PLEASE I need this job. EL: TOO LATE, you should have thought about this before you treated guests this rude. NOW. GET. ME .THE . MANAGER 1. Friend : right away miss to bring out beer to bring our beer So he went behind the bar and had a short talk to one of the older guys working there. Let us call him OG. Both return to

6.

Text - EL (suddenly playing the sweet old lady, that is so00000 nice): when we came in here, your server sat there with someone and played chess. WE waited and waited, and finally asked nicely if we could have a menu. He rolled his eyes at us and gave us the menu from his table. Then we ordered drinks, and he walked over, made our drinks and then just stood there for a good 10 minutes before he brought out beer. And when I politely asked him to bring out beer he was really rude to me. Since I kn

7.

Text - Friend : of course not, she came..... EL (suddenly all the mask of friendlyness gone, starts screeching): What are you asking him for, i just told you what happened. Are you calling me a liar ? Wait till the owner hears of this. At this point my friend and OG could no longer hold it back and they started laughing. EL : YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, NEVER EVER HAVE I BEEN SO INSULTED.

8.

Text - Friend : Yea I know, what til the owner hears of this, oh wait the owner already did hear of this. I AM THE OWNER, and I have never seen you in my life, nor have you ever eaten here. You 2 are just trying to scam a free meal out of me, by being impossibly difficult till the server finally snaps or does something wrong, so you can aks for a manager and lie to him about what happened. Now you pay for your beer, and then you go, and do not even think of coming back, you are banned. Wow, I ha

Submitted by:

Tagged: customer service , entitlement , satisfying , awesome , restaurant , karen , win

Share on Facebook

Life Pro Tips That Are Real Life Cheat Codes

Life is a confusing emotional rollercoaster of just trying to avoid fails and mishaps as often as possible. With that being said, why not take some pro tips that might actually help you hit your stride without having to exert too much effort. For instance, the tip about training pets to respond to fire alarms could literally be life saving one day.

1.

Text - u/_TuxedoCat_ • 2y A 1 Award LPT : If you are asked to create an account in order to continue browsing a website, hit F12 and click on the dim area, this would select it and you can delete it with DEL key, hit F12 again and resume your browsing. Computers ...

2.

Text - u/rishabhbector • 1y LPT: If you want to learn a new language, figure out the 100 most frequently used words and start with them. Those words make up about 50% of everyday speech, and should be a very solid basis. Miscellaneous

3.

Text - u/z3roTO60 • 13d O O 6 Awards 2019 LPT: if you need somewhere to work/relax with friendly staff, nice AC, plenty of seating, free WiFi, and available all across the US, you're in luck! There are more public libraries in the US than there are Starbucks or McDonalds! And you're under no obligation to buy anything to sit there IFLA Productivity

4.

5.

Text - u/AweHellYo • 4mo LPT: If there is anyone at your job you don't like, always take special care not to take vacation at the same time as them. Having toxic/stressful people gone from the office is like a mini vacation by itself that you would miss out on if you are gone. Careers & Work

6.

Text - u/swankyjerboa • 1y LPT If you have to make a presentation in front of a group of people volunteer to be the first one up as everyone else will be so nervous about their own presentation that they won't pay attention to yours and will more than likely forget any mistake or stupid thing that you might do. HOW TO "HIDE BAD NEWS IN YOUR PRESENTATION School & College

7.

Text - u/rlc327 • 1y 1 Award LPT: Keep a separate master resume with ALL previous work experience. When sending out a resume for application, duplicate the file and remove anything that may be irrelevant to the position. You never know when some past experience might become relevant again, and you don't want to forget about it. Careers & Work

8.

Text - u/levelonesc • 1mo O 9 11 Awards LPT: Adopt an adult dog from a shelter if you want a companion but don't have time/ patience to train a puppy. They are already potty trained in most cases and love you all the same. Animals & Pets

9.

Text - u/wreckinitralph • 4mo LPT: When you're sitting at a drive-thru speaker, we can always hear everything - even if you think your interaction is over. Be careful what personal details you reveal to strangers. Social

10.

Text - u/jade_monkey07 • ly LPT: If you like one song by an artist, but don't dig the rest of their stuff. find out who the producer is and see what other work they've done. The producer can play a big role in how the final song turns out. Arts & Culture

11.

Text - u/Jajaninetynine • 1y 1 Award LPT: If your fire alarm goes off, call your pets and give them a treat. Eventually they will come when the alarm goes off, saving you from wasting time looking for pets during an evacuation. Animals & Pets

12.

Text - u/tristan10000 • 1y 1 Award LPT: X percent of Y is equal to Y percent of X. So, if you want to find out what 7% of 50 is, you could instead find out what 50% of 7 is, which is 3.5. This means that 7% of 50 is also equal to 3.5. Miscellaneous

13.

Text - u/uploadking • 1y 1 Award LPT: If you have the unfortunate experience of having to put a pet down, find a vet that will make a house call. Don't let your pet's last moments be somewhere they are afraid of. Animals & Pets

14.

Text - u/Martin_the_Hammer • 1y 1 Award LPT: Whenever you travel abroad bring a new soundtrack for each place you visit, preferably one you have never heard before. In the future, every time you listen to each soundtrack again they will bring you vivid memories of the places you have visited. Traveling

15.

Text - u/MissusMcFeely • 4mo 3 4 Awards LPT: If clothes or towels have a mildew smell, add some plain white vinegar to the washing machine, along with detergent, for the freshest smelling laundry ever. Note: Clothes will NOT smell like vinegar. It is highly diluted as well as going through the rinse cycle. Tried and true. Thanks Grandma! Home & Garden

16.

Text - u/flux_capacitor3 • 1y LPT: when your ISP raises your bill, call in and say “cancel service" to the automated operator. You’ll be sent to their retention team with no waiting on hold. They will usually take $10-20 off your monthly bill for a year. I do this once a year. Money & Finance

17.

Text - u/mellowkey • 11mo 1 Award LPT: When flying, put a tag with your info inside your bag, not just outside. Any tag on the outside can come off. Also, when a bag gets lost, the airline will open it to try to determine who it belongs to. Source: Used to work at Lost Baggage for an airline. Traveling

18.

Text - u/CryptoBasicBrent • 8d § 6 Awards LPT - If you need to wait until your boss is in a good mood to ask for something as simple as time off, you're in a toxic work environment and you need to take steps to exit sooner than later. Careers & Work

19.

Text - u/Professoi Ty 1 Award LPT: Pay Attention to the smell of your home when you come back from a trip - that's what it smells like to guests all the time, you just get used to it. Home & Garden

20.

Text - u/Swoley_Moley • 2y LPT: If you have a guest bedroom in your home, spend a night in it yourself to be sure there are no annoyances and that it is comfortable Home & Garden

21.

Text - u/Kadybaby • 10mo LPT: always assume when you're put on hold that the other person can still hear you. Social

22.

Text - u/[deleted] • 6mo S 1 Award LPT: S is the "skip intro" hotkey on Netflix. A christmas gift from our home to yours. Computers

23.

Text - u/freenarative • 2y 1 Award LPT: if an app asks you to rate it click "yes", wait for your app store to start the load then click back. App stores don't state if you share, so apps can't check BUT it stores the cookie and never asks again. Computers

24.

Text - u/gangbangkang • 11mo 1 Award LPT: When things go bad at a job, good people leave, eventually followed by people who thought they could change things but got buried because too many good people left. Those left are bad people or hostages. The good people are your canary. Careers & Work

Submitted by:

Tagged: awesome , helpful , life hacks , information , knowledge , Reddit , win

Share on Facebook

Bored Hero Compiles Chronological List of Marvel Scenes

For anyone who had a burning desire to watch every recent Marvel movie in complete chronological order, you now have that liberty. One wonders what amazing things could be done with this kind of patience and dedication, but apparently that's too much to ask for. We have this now. People have a lot of time, patience and energy for the MCU, like this tumblr thread about Captain America seeing through Nick Fury's genius, this thread that welcomes the Death Star or this list of Marvel movies ranked by if there are trains in them.

1.

Text - beautiful internet weirdo @tonygoldmark Well nerds, I fuckin' did it. Took me a global pandemic and a damn quarantine, but I did it. I figured out the precise chronological order of all the MCU movies (so far) BY SCENE. I'm out of my Goddamn mind. You're welcome.

2.

Text - 1. Prologue of THOR: THE DARK WORLD (stop at 3:45) 2. Flashback sequence of THOR: RAGNAROK (start at 1:19:13, stop at 1:19:54) 3. Second prologue of THOR (start at 3:20, stop at 7:34) 4. First prologue of BLACK PANTHER (stop at 1:43) 5. Flashback scene in CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (start at 1:32:28, stop at 1:33:17) 6. Most of CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (start at 3:38, stop at 1:50:30) 7. Prologue of GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 (end at 2:47) 8. Most of the prologue of

3.

Text - 21. Some of the first act of IRON MAN (start at 4:14, stop at 16:25) 22. Prologue of IRON MAN (stop at 3:50) 23. A bit more of IRON MAN (start at 16:25, stop at 22:05) 24. A bit more of the prologue of IRON MAN (start at 3:50, stop at 4:14) 25. Most of IRON MAN (start at 22:05, stop before post-credits scene) 26. First prologue of IRON MAN 2 (stop at 2:39) 27. Post-credits scene of IRON MAN 28. Second prologue of IRON MAN 2 (start at 2:39, stop at 5:00) 29. Opening credits of THE INCREDIB

4.

Text - 41. Last couple scenes of THOR (start at 1:42:15, end at credits) 42. Most of THE INCREDIBLE HULK (start at 3:03, stop at 1:43:27) 43. Last scene of THE INCREDIBLE HULK (start at 1:44:20, stop at credits) 44. Second-to-last scene of THE INCREDIBLE HULK (start at 1:43:27, stop at 1:44:20) 45. Prologue of CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (stop at 3:20) 46. Epilogue of CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (start at 1:50:30, stop before post-credits scene) 47. Post-credits scene of THOR 48. M

5.

Text - 61. Most of GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (start at 3:40) 62. Most of GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 (start at 2:51, stop at 2:14:00) 63. Final post-credits tag of GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 (start at 2:14:30) 64. Most of CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (stop at 1:32:28) 65. Most of the last act of CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (start at 1:33:17) 66. AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON (stop before post-credits scene) 67. Most of ANT-MAN (start at 2:06, end before second post-credits scene) 6

6.

Text - 81. First post-credits scene of CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR (start at 2:18:32) 82. Some more of SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (start at 7:48, stop at 9:56) 83. Second post-credits scene of CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR (start at 2:26:26) 84. The end of CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR (start at 2:12:56, stop at 2:18:32) 85. Most of BLACK PANTHER (start at 6:22, stop at 2:00:33) 86. Some of the beginning of DOCTOR STRANGE (start at 4:32, stop at 13:40) 87. Some more of SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (start at 4:05

7.

Text - 101. First act of AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR (end at 42:20) 102. Most of AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR (start at 44:23, stop at 2:16:01) 103. Prologue of AVENGERS: ENDGAME (stop at 1:53) 104. First post-credits scene of ANT-MAN AND THE WASP (start at 1:49:00) 105. Post-credits scene of AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR 106. Last couple minutes of AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR (start at 2:16:01, end before post-credits scene) 107. Second post-credit scene of ANT-MAN AND THE WASP 108. First post-credits scene of CAPTAI

Submitted by:

Tagged: marvel , wtf , movies , lol , order , stupid , win , avengers

Share on Facebook

Tumblr Thread: Wholesome Mother's Parenting Strategy For ADHD

This quick and informative Tumblr thread shares some strategies adopted by a wholesome mother for raising her kids with ADHD. Stepping outside to chop some wood does sound like a great way to blow off some steam, and recenter oneself if that brain starts racing around. If you're looking for more fun stuff from Tumblr, check out this gallery of Brits and Americans repeatedly clashing on Tumblr.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Text - good-ho-mens Uh.... wait guys is my mom a witch raising a bunch of fae kids hold on- Source: good-ho-mens #MY GRABDPA THINKS IM A CHANGELING??? #MY BROTHER HAS A CHARM HES BEEN WEARING SINCE HE WAS BORN #MY... See all 40,316 notes

Submitted by:

Tagged: wholesome , tumblr , adhd , awesome , parenting , mental health , funny tumblr

Share on Facebook