not today 😂 http://pic.twitter.com/7USDzgeoBv
— rachh. (@rachhdionn) March 12, 2017
Feeling thankful someone was there to capture the inevitable booze and/or drug-fueled chaos that is bound to erupt in particularly rapid frequency these next couple weeks during the decadent heights of that crazy little thing called Spring Break. Leave it to the beaches of Miami to be the eye of the crazy storm.
Submitted by: (via @rachhdionn)
Snowstorm Stella has paralyzed the North East, and while people are scrambling for milk and eggs, this dog knows what's up.
Be more like the dog, y'all.
Submitted by: (via Storyful News)
Is this seriously what the U.S. government thinks is being passed around and puffed at the nearest, fine and highly enlightened hotbox session? If so, please allow me to bag up the nearest suitable mound of grass clippings, and light that shit up.
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Here's a shoutout to all the soft-spoken hermits that are forced to up and remove themselves from their sweet caves of solitude on a daily basis to make ends meet. And the thought of any social interaction without that first cup of coffee? Stress sweats on steroids, dude.
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Ewan McGregor could've been the first to tell you that his AMA would quickly fall victim to hungry packs of redditing trolls that were completely helpless to not badgering him with a relentless wave of Star Wars Prequel memes. Fortunately for all of us he was a great sport, and these were some of our favorite moments.
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Here's a little something to get your day going.
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Everyone loves a good boy, even when they do a bad.
So when Olly, a little Jack Russell doggo took a nosedive at the Crufts dog show, he became an instant celebrity.
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STELLA! STEEEEEELLA! Do we have enough milk and eggs for the snowstorm?
A familiar refrain in households across the north east this week as people brace themselves for snowstorm Stella.
I think you know where this is going, but supermarkets stores were mobbed with people who desperately needed to make french toast this week. Customers were like a pack of ravenous wolves trying get milk, eggs, and bread — whatever to keep them alive for the next three days.
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I'm just going to surgically graft my hand to my forehead.
Despite the fact that the WHITE HOUSE and the people inside the WHITE HOUSE have the power to strip you of your healthcare, citizenship, and basic human rights, they cannot spell for shit.
Trump's WHITE HOUSE is currently asking citizens for their Obamacare horror stories, in which they're hoping to get a couple of juicy ghost stories to finally get voters onboard with the idea of giving up their cheap insurance. However, in their infinite wisdom, the Trump WHITE HOUSE mispelled WHITE HOUSE, the place where the president lives.
via @amandalitman
Jesus Christ.
This is on top of a month when the America's Department of Education misspelled W.E.B Du Bois' name, Trump spent a solid couple minutes attempting to type "hereby," and the President accusing a former President of wiretapping but not knowing how to spell "tap."
Jesus Christ.
Submitted by: (via Slate)
You can't white wash memes.
The upcoming live-action adaptation of the influential anime and manga Ghost in the Shell has faced a huge backlash for white washing the story's Japanese origins. Basically, people are none too happy with the fact that Scarlett Johansson, a white woman, is playing a Japanese character, another example of the classic Hollywood tradition of giving Japanese roles to white actors. Even John Oliver asked how white washing is still a thing:
So people are still asking how is this still a thing through the magic of Ghost in the Shell's social media meme generator, which allows users to make their own personalized poster. However, people are just using it to call attention to the film's white washing. See:
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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been polishing off a sleeve of Oreos and just wishing that I was eating it in taco form. After all, what doesn’t taste better as a taco.
My wish is their command, apparently.
The team over at Hellthy Junk Food spend the weekend putting together the ultimate Oreo taco, and it looks incredible.
Rather than a small ass, little baby cookie taco, they’re heating up some brownie pancakes, folding them, and stuffing them with ice cream, oreo crumbs, and whipped cream. They look like heart palpitations worth having.
Submitted by: (via Hellthy Junk Food)
Kellyanne Conway, the architect behind the Bowling Green Massacre and the recent boost in Ivanka Trump profits, has done it again.
During an interview, Kellyanne said that in addition to the possibility of being spied on by your television and phone, camera in your microwave might also be watching you.
Q: Do you know if Trump Tower was wiretapped?
— Bradd Jaffy (@BraddJaffy) March 13, 2017
Kellyanne: There was an article this week—you can be spied on via a camera in your microwave http://pic.twitter.com/rObFkIrLGG
Talk about a Pop Secret.
So now everyone on Twitter has been looking at their microwave a little differently because their microwave might be looking at them.
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It's just about that time of the year again, dudes; yes, Spring Break. A time entrenched in sweet booze-soaked madness, and often given over to the questionably spontaneous, hedonistic whims of college students with nothing better to do with their time than let loose battle cries while chugging out the nearest handle in sight, amidst an endless procession of shotgunning beers; and maybe, just maybe even lighting up a few heaters. It would seem these awesomely wild times have a tendency to take place south of the border as well.
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I really hope no one ever teaches politicians how to delete tweets because then I might be out of the job.
International Trade Secretary Liam Fox appeared on Sky News on Sunday to discuss a controversial tweet he made about Europe.
Of course, he denies making the tweet despite the fact that Sky News posted it on a large screen right behind him and that the tweet still lives online. See:
"The United Kingdom, is one of the few countries in the European Union that does not need to bury its 20th century history" #scc16
— Dr Liam Fox MP (@LiamFoxMP) March 4, 2016
The tweet has been live since March 4 of last year and is also home to this list of 20th century embarrassments the British government is responsible for.
@LiamFoxMP Boer concentration camps. Amritsar massacre. Black and Tans. Bengal famine. Dresden firestorm. Suez. Bloody Sunday.
— Citizen Of Nowhere (@ClatchardCraig) July 17, 2016
@LiamFoxMP Partitions of Ireland, India, Palestine and Cyprus. Deportation of Chagos islanders. Mau Mau uprising. Malayan "emergency".
— Citizen Of Nowhere (@ClatchardCraig) July 17, 2016
@LiamFoxMP The Aden "emergency." The Arab Revolt in 1930s Palestine. The sinking of The Belgrano.
— Citizen Of Nowhere (@ClatchardCraig) July 17, 2016
@LiamFoxMP The Iraq War. The British Union of Fascists. Northern Irish internment. UKIP.
— Citizen Of Nowhere (@ClatchardCraig) July 17, 2016
@LiamFoxMP The Iranian coup of 1953. Extraordinary rendition. The BNP. The Russian Civil War. The Greek Civil War.
— Citizen Of Nowhere (@ClatchardCraig) July 17, 2016
But I guess it's just easier to make a bold-faced lie than to just own up to your actual opinion.
Submitted by: (via The Independent)
The shower yet again proves itself as an incubator of solid, wizened sentiments that make for kickass advice; cause let's face it: Figuring out how to navigate the modern day dating realm is an endless struggle. Seriously, we could use an instruction manual. In the meanwhile though, I guess compiling as many of these dating-themed shower thoughts will have to suffice.
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I have no shame. Each and every one of these is ripped off of the most fantastically mediocre subreddit around, meirl. These memes utter depth and mystique will give you a look at yourself and the world like you've never seen it before.
Step into the chamber of wonders as we explore life's greatest mysteries.
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Yes, I would like fries with that — more fries that that, though.
Lots of people on Twitter are complaining about the amount of french fries they get in a large fries from McDonald’s. Apparently, they’re only getting half-filled containers like this:
So I ask for a large fries from @McDonalds and this is what I get.... large box half empty. Happens everytime. http://pic.twitter.com/TJrXnOwrf0
— Marcus Hernandez (@MarcusH_22) January 10, 2017
But also, did this dude check the bottom of the bag? Probably not.
He’s not the only, though. Lots of people are blaming McDonald’s for near-empty containers (as if they didn’t eat them shits on the drive home).
Just got home,got my @McDGreaterSA large fries and this is what I get, looks half empty,what am I paying for? Not cool @McDonalds , not cool http://pic.twitter.com/ukBeURP1En
— LC (@nexuser87) February 23, 2017
@McDonaldsUK This was your so called large fries served at Tonypandy today. Why did I waste my money. #McDonalds http://pic.twitter.com/a2h2hOkBiJ
— Daniel (@daniel3144) November 18, 2015
@McDonalds this was meant to be a large fries but seems like a small to me second time in last two weeks..... http://pic.twitter.com/4LUzpFC3zk
— Daniel Endsor (@dendsor) March 9, 2017
McDonald’s, presumably tired of getting hit up on Twitter finally responded by telling customers to direct their complaints at the point of sale — at least they can then verify that those fries aren’t at the bottom of the bag or in the person’s stomach. They said:
“There is no policy in place which suggests French Fries should be served in a carton that is anything less than full.
“Customer service and experience is one of our top priorities and we are always disappointed to hear when our food falls short of customer’s expectations and our high standards.”
I mean you could also do like a certain reality-TV gameshow host and take your complaints directly to the Grimace:
Submitted by: (via @dannnn1240)
The worst thing you can hear at an Apple Store is "out of warranty." That is unless you're White House Press Secretary and American joke Sean Spicer.
At a Washington, D.C. Apple Store over the weekend, a woman put Spicer through the ringer, hammering with questions about Russia and whether or not knows that he works for a fascist. Then, as is her civic duty, she posted it Twitter.
Asking @PressSec questions in Apple Store since he doesn't like the press. https://t.co/l493z2gG4x
— Shree ✊🏾❤️🇺🇸 (@shreec) March 11, 2017
The woman then went on to share some thoughts about running into Mr. Spicey at the store over on Medium. This was the best press conference since that time Sean Spicer pointed to two stacks of papers to prove why the GOP healthcare plan was better than Obamacare.
I just can't get over this argument.
— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) March 7, 2017
"Look at the size. This is the Democrats. This is us." http://pic.twitter.com/0lPfRxFvMf
Submitted by: (via @shreec)
These particularly crazed individuals need to work on how they handle things not working out in their favor. Because in all honesty, these emotional explosions are seven kinds of alarming.
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Happy Monday FAILers, here are 50 memes and funny things to get your week started off right.
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Like a fine wine, some people just get better with age. Consider the grandma at hand, as a prime example; she's down south of the sun-drenched border aggressively knocking back shots (or just like, half the bottle) with a bunch of sorority girls that are just beginning to set sail on the epic, booze-soaked journey that the Spring Break of 2017 will surely prove to be. You've given the younger, less experienced alcoholics a lot to strive for Grams.
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When the product itself looks like it fell out the bag of a Fallout character, you can rest assured the reviews are about to be ridiculous.
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Joke for sail.
Last year, an online competition to name a ship for the UK Natural Environment Research Council (NERC) resulted in the stupid and embarrassing name "Boaty McBoatface." It was so stupid and embarrassing that they refused to name their $244,520,000 ship that and named it after David Attenborough instead.
But that wasn't the last you've heard of Boaty McBoatface.
NERC has finally smashed a bottle of champaign and christened a submarine "Boaty McBoatface" and is sending it straight to Antarctica. Thankfully, it's an unmanned sub, so no self-respecting captain will have to pilot something so humiliating.
Submitted by: (via Newsy)
Nascar, for the most part, is just driving in circles. Sorry, dudes, but it's true. It's not that fun to watch, unless of course there's a fight, which there was yesterday.
Apparently, Joey Logano bumped into Kyle Busch on turn four, causing Busch to spin out and costing him the race. Obviously, Busch was none to happy about this and decided to thank to Logano personally after the race with a little punch in the face.
Logano described the incident saying:
I don't know. I was racing him right there at the end with our Pennzoil Ford. … Kyle and I usually race really well together and don't have any issues. He tried to pin me down into the corner underneath Brad. We about crashed and I was still trying to gather it up in the center. I was going to spin out, so I'm trying to chase it up (the track) and he was there.
Here's the incident itself:
But people on Twitter described it as the best thing ever.
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Let's put "Don't Get Sick" on the dollar bill because it's about to become the national motto.
Now, no one really thinks Obamacare's perfect, even the people benefitting from it the most. So when Trump and the GOP campaigned on making this thing better, promising better coverage and lower prices, people took them at their word.
Why? Who knows. Anyone could've predicted what would happen: Higher prices for the sick, elderly, and poor; tax cuts for the rich. So you'll never believe it, but that's exactly what happened.
Paul Ryan's wet dream is out, and, surprise, it's great for the rich and awful for everyone else. But don't take my word for it. John Oliver tore this thing a new one on Last Week Tonight, breaking down just how bad this will be for just about everyone except a couple millionaires.
So enjoy a laugh at the health coverage we're all about to lose.
Submitted by: (via LastWeekTonight)
Daylight Savings is a complete waste of time, literally and figuratively.
Everyone hates it, except, presumably, farmers, who kind of take the blame for this thing, despite the fact that that isn't true. But there's nothing we can do about it. We're stuck with Daylight Savings, and now on Monday morning, we're all feeling the same pain.
At least there's a support group for Daylight Savings: Twitter.
Check out some of the best responses to springing forward.
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