Thursday, January 26, 2017

Employers Reveal the 13 Craziest Excuses Employees Give For Being Late


fail career builder 13 worst excuses

If you’re running late to work, “my dog ate my homework” ain’t gonna cut it. Especially considering you don’t have homework at work.

Because there’s no equivalent in the workplace, people end up giving insane-o reasons for being late — even though they could just say that they had car and/or train problems. Thankfully, the team at Career Builder surveyed employers about the stupidest reasons employees give for being late, and some of them are pretty amazing (I’m looking at you “I was cornered by a moose.

So without further adieu, here are 13 things not to say next time your late:

  • I forgot it wasn't the weekend.
  • I put petroleum jelly in my eyes.
  • I had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe.
  • I thought Flag Day was a legal holiday.
  • My pet turtle needed to visit the exotic animal clinic.
  • The wind blew the deck off my house.
  • I overslept because my kids changed all the clocks in the house.
  • I was cornered by a moose.
  • My mother locked me in the closet.
  • The pizza I ordered was late being delivered, and I had to be home to accept/pay for it.
  • The sunrise was so beautiful that I had to stop and take it in.
  • My mother-in-law wouldn't stop talking.
  • My dad offered to make me a grilled cheese sandwich, and I couldn't say no.


via Vh1

Submitted by: (via Olu Eletu)

Tagged: employee , work

Tough Day to be a Cowboys Fan


donald-trump-calls-dallas-cowboys-non-american-team

Submitted by: (via @NFLMemes)

49 Hilarious Moments, Bios, and Conversations That Perfectly Capture the Ups and Downs of That Crazy Little Thing Called Tinder


FAIL,tinder,funny,dating

Tinder is a melting pot of shamelessly thirsty sex fiends and respectable put together denizens looking to find love, and self-proclaimed extroverts that act more like introverts, and people 'not looking to hook up'....and honestly, so much more. To go on with the endless series of strange and entertaining and wildly unexpected encounters you're bound to experience while fucking around on Tinder would be pointless. Let's just say it's invited a whole new source, venue as it were for relatable, humorous struggles. Cause that's gotta be the core component of dating, right? It's a damn struggle. 

So sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the many ridiculous and surprisingly frequently relatable Tinder moments shared for our pleasure.

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Tagged: FAIL , tinder , funny , dating

T. Rex Engagement Photos Just Rewrote the Book and Set a New Game for Wedding Goals Proving Love Isn't Extinct


funny wedding photos,engagement,dinosaurs,t rex

Can you really call it true love if your life partner to be won't don the T. Rex costume to parade through the ritualistic process of engagement photos with you? Probs not, dude. This wintery dino-themed display of brilliance just reminded me that love is still very much so alive. Sure. It took a couple people dressed up in T. Rex costumes to bring that fact home, but hey, whatever works. 

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This Photoshop Battle of Trump Trying to Close a Pen Is A Christmas Gift 332 Days Early


Nothing better than a good Photoshop battle, especially when it's a picture of a reality-TV gameshow host who is now our president. 

There's a great one happening over on Reddit featuring Trump trying to put his pen back in its cap.

For some reason, his intense concentration toward putting that pen back in its cap makes for the perfect photoshop subject. 

Enjoy! 

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Tequila Fueled Thirsty Thursdays Have Claimed Many a Poor Soul


picture-raise-your-hand-if-youve-been-victimized-by-tequila

Submitted by: (via _)

Tagged: drinking , drunk , tequila

10 Male/Female Double Standards That People Absolutely Can't Stand


discussion,feminism,stereotypes

Ah, double standards. I could almost hear the groans and sighs of irritation from some of you out there, no doubt off put by the very fact we invite these kinds of discussions in online forums. If there's one thing that became glaringly evident, scrolling through the rants and tangents of this AskReddit to pull some decent pointers (at least I hope so), it's that a relationship is a game of give and take. The playing field between romantic partners is continually shifting, and sure, norms, gender stereotypes suck; but we're not going to break down standards that have stood the test of time up to this point in a day. So we can all just point 'em out, shine a spotlight on 'em, and maybe figure out why they're there and ultimately, why they shouldn't be. I'm trying to remain neutral here for the sake of spurring discussion between you guys, the audience; but I'll be sure to jump in on dat comments section if the discussion really gets going. 

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Devastating Translation


kid-leaves-note-for-dad-about-going-to-bathroom-in-bed

Submitted by: (via Lonely-Cloud)

Tagged: poop , FAIL , kids , parenting

Comedian Tweets Hypothetical Torture Scenario, Twitter Roasts Comedian and Hypothetical Torture Scenario


Stop me if you've heard this one before? A baby is strapped to a timebomb...

Wait, what?

That's the joke or "hypothetical scenario" comedian Lee Hurst posed to Twitter about torture. You know, the age old questions "Does torture work?" (It doesn't). 

Well, no one on Twitter liked his hypothetical scenario, and he was tortured with a real roasting because of it. 

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When You Tweet With One Hand and Drink With the Other


trump diet coke fail

Submitted by: (via billyshears9)

21 Thirsty Thursday Fails to Wet Your Whistle


It's almost Friday, but it's five o'clock somewhere. So crack a cold one a day early and drink up because we've got 21 Drunk Fails to carry you into the weekend. Cheers!

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Man Blames Speeding on Elements Outside His Control When Pulled Over By the Cops


If this is in fact some real documentation the big ups to the police department for sharing, and bigger ups to the guy who had a little fun with an inherently shitty situation.

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Guy Finds Himself In Breast Case Scenario With Girl on Tinder, Proceeds in Perfectly Punny Fashion


tinder,puns,win,dating

These Tinder-themed conversations making the rounds across the internet right now are vastly improved by the dudes that take it upon themselves to inject some solid puns into their dialogue for good measure. In this case we have a smalltime Pun Lord who clearly has a lot of potential with that last twist. He saw an unmistakably upset woman who was outright against objectification, and well, he pounced with the puns.

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Tagged: tinder , puns , win , dating

Smells Like Mmm... Bop


nirvana hanson shirt

Submitted by: (via evanoak)

Tagged: FAILS , Music , tshirts , nirvana

Whoopsie-Doodles, It Looks Like Sean Spicer Tweeted His Password Because The Cyber Is Hard


After a week of arguing with futuristic ice cream, the media, and the very definition of the word "facts," Sean Spicer decided that now would be a good time to Tweet out a series of random characters that very much seem like his password.

Spicer tweeted and quickly deleted this cryptic message: 

Now, we're not toally sure what this means, but Twitter has been running with the idea that it's his password, and considering how hard and important the cyber is, it makes sense. The cyber is the future, and this guy is not so good at the cyber. 

Anyway, here are a bunch of people making fun of Spicer and hsi use of "the cyber."

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These Gifs of Kaneda from Akira Unveiling Things That Aren't His Bike Are Everything I Ever Wanted From This World


There are few things in this world more gratifying than a good unveiling. Whether you're dropping the cover on a new car or pulling a blanket off you're new sick laser that's pointed directly at the moon. You know, in case you want hold the world ransom or something.

Anyway, these few gifs from Twitter users @ScottGelber and @stephcd the movie Akira in which the character Kaneda unveils things that aren't his bike are so gratifying. You'll let out a sigh of relief and say, "Yeah, that's good." 

Love them.

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Girl Falls in Frozen Lake, Her Good Friend, Nay, Best Friend Watches, Records, and Laughs


With friends like these, am I right?

I am, aren't I?

This video entitled "Girl Plays On Thin Ice and Pays The Price" is the story of all of us. We regularly tap our feet on ice, hoping that it's frozen enough to support us. Unfortunately, we are disappointed by ice and left screaming and grasping for safety. 

Our friends, our dear, dear friends, they do not help. But rather watch and laugh. Later, after everyone's had a nice mug of warm cocoa, they'll upload the video of that time you nearly died of hypothermia to YouTube.

via Blingee

Submitted by: (via Gp Funny)

Tagged: ice , lake

Lego Champion Constructs Gigantic Lego Rooster, So You Can Bask In Its Glory


lego chinese new year giant rooster

How did you celebrate the New Year? Get drunk? Thought so.

Well, not to make you feel bad, but this dude put together a 200,000-piece Lego Rooster for a Lego float to celebrate the Chinese New Year and the Year of the Rooster.

via Pop Key

Commissioned by the Hong Kong Tourism Board, the rooster stands at six-and-a-half feet tall (that’s taller than my dad!) and took five people a month and a half to complete.

Andy Hung, Hong Kong’s only certified Lego Professional builder says, "I wanted to use Lego pieces that resonate with people from the East and impress my audience.

Congratulations, Andy, you’ve succeeded. Now get on that float and take a bow.

Submitted by: (via China Daily)

Tagged: cool , lego , China , parade

Internet Reacts to McDonald's Announcing They're Giving Away Truckloads of Free Special Sauce


twitter,McDonald's,reactions,food,special sauce

McDonald's announced they'll be giving away 10,000 free bottles of their Special Sauce on Thursday, January 26th; and the internet is a melting pot of excitement meets sassy indifference. Sassy indifference here being the whispers of, 'haven't we already had this available?' It's called Thousand Island Dressing.

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This Dash Cam Footage of a Train Hitting a FedEx Truck Is Crazy, Scary, and Crazy Scary


We put a lot of faith in traffic lights, and when they fail, Jesus, it's not good. 

This is one of those situation where a malfunctioning warning light caused this terrible accident in Utah. Luckily no one was hurt in this real-life Michael Bay movie, but damn, this is one crazy close call.  

via Cheezburger

Utah Transit Authority has said that they've "never had an accident like this before." Let's hope it's the last one because, whoa, it's a miracle no one was killed. Stay safe out there, kids.

Submitted by: (via The Salt Lake Tribune)

Tagged: whoa , truck , crash , train

A Hero Rises to the Challenge When The World Needs It Most and Climbs 19 Milk Crates


Guts. It’s what this world is made of.

From storming the beaches at Normandy to putting a man on the moon, humanity has met adversity and responded with ingenuity. We aim for greater heights, and dammit, we reach them. Few moments can reach such achievement, but this one comes close.

YouTuber SB knew his nephew had the right stuff, so he filmed his climb to the top of 19 milk crates. And at the end, a glorious, mid-air victory dance.

Take a load off, kid. You earned it.


via GIPHY

Submitted by: (via SB)

Who Needs a Holster Anyway?


gif of man with gun in gut

Not this dude. 

At the shooting range

Submitted by: (via ShadowBun)

Tagged: stomach , guns

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Guy Breaks Out the Next-Level Cringe When He Gets Way Too Clingy to Pizza Delivery Girl


pizza,cringe,weird

This is what a complete, blackmailing wet fart of a shitwit looks like. This dude comes across as the kind of spineless, perverse piece of pussy-repellent lard that'd send off dick pics to the nearest stranger on Imgur. Here's to hoping this poor girl reported this extreme case of cringe-inducing ugliness.

Submitted by:

Tagged: pizza , cringe , weird

Oh, Hell Yeah: Check Out The World's First Double Backflip on a Snowmobile


There are few things cooler than a backflip and even fewer cool things than a double backflip. But have you considered doing a double backflip on a snowmobile? 

That's impossible, right?

WRONG!

via GIPHY

Daniel Bodin has become the first person on earth to do a double backflip on a snowmobile. 

"I did it! I can’t believe I did it!" said Bodin. "The rush! It just can’t be described – nobody in this world can understand the feeling. I’ve nurtured the dream of nailing this trick for more than two years."

Hell yeah, Daniel. The world needs more backflips. 

via Gif Finder



Submitted by: (via Red Bull)

Well Said, Mike Myers


Trump's Kids Look Like a TGIF Sitcom on the Cover of Us Weekly and Twitter Isn’t Into It


donald trump

Coming this Fall to the ABC Friday night lineup, it's "First Family."

The Trump kids, Eric, Barron, Ivanka, Jr., and, everyone's favorite, Tiffany, are up to their usual brand of hi-jinx. Whether it's pulling big bros tie or sitting in on a meeting with the Japanese prime minister, the only conflicts of interest with this crew is "Who was in my room?" At least that's kind of what the cover of the latest Us Weekly looks like.

Only problem is, people aren't really into this show, and Twitter is exploding with people expressing with the cover. 




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Tagged: donald trump