Saturday, January 7, 2017
2017 is Already a Pretty Crappy Year Thanks to These Massive Manure Sculptures
The latest from our comrades in the frozen east: Sh*t sculptures.
Apparently, every year an artist in the remote Siberian village, Yakutia, in the Sakha Republic an artist named Mikhail Bopposov creates annual excrement artwork.
This comes in the form of massive sculptures based on the Chinese zodiac sign of the year. Well, this year is the year of the rooster. So Mikhall crafted a massive rooster that tops off at 11.5 feet tall, entirely out of cow manure.
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Join More Than 25,000 Who Are Wasting Their Friday Watching Two Google Home’s Argue
If you ever wanted to feel ok about the status of humanity in the whole great war against the machines thing, why not jump over to Twitch, where two Google Home assistants are arguing over chat.
Estragon and Vladimir, a “girl” and “boy” Google Home, are having a first date over chat, and man, is it weird and creepy, but also kind of enthralling and profound. They're really wrestling with the nature of existence existence as Vladimir, who realizes he is an AI, attempts to convince Estragon that she is one, too, and Estragon informing Vlad that he is not a female.
Watch these two machines attempt to fall in love, ponder what love is, and ask “where is my car?”
Here are some highlights, but seriously, there’s a new highlight every three seconds so go check this out here.
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With a Little Masking Tape, This Video Show You How to Turn an Old MacBook Pro Into a New One
Apple was pretty brave this year.
After removing every port they possibly good so that they could create both more dongles and fewer wires, they released a new MacBook Pro with a Touch Bar and totally affordable price tag.
But what about us poor schmoes that can’t afford a $2,300 laptop? There’s a YouTube video for that.
In just 26 seconds this video will show you how to turn your old, broken, awful, worthless, bordering on illegal MacBook into a brand-new, state-of-the-art Touch Bar-ready MacBook.
Tools you’ll need:
- MacBook Pro
- Masking Tape
- Electrical Tape
Get to work!
Submitted by: (via heyheybobbyj)
These People Just Learned The Dark Truth Behind “Why The Chicken Crossed the Road”
“Why did the chicken cross the road?” Apparently because it wanted to kill itself.
At least that’s what someone on Twitter realized the other day. The old joke that kids across the world say and don’t understand might be a reference to suicide with “the other side” being the afterlife — or in the case of planet Earth someone’s digestive system.
i just realized the joke, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” To get to the other side" was a suicide joke. http://pic.twitter.com/rPGk0wrGQ3
— NICK (@Nickksun) January 5, 2017
Anyway, @Nickksun’s discovery is blowing minds across the internet. Check it out.
Submitted by: (via Stumingames)
Friday, January 6, 2017
Super Creep Offers Free Coachella Tickets on Craiglist With 20 Extremely Cringeworthy Demands
Should we really expect any less in the department of outright insanity with such a truly kickass lineup at Coachella this year? Granted, this dirtied and depraved fool crossed some lines with his, 'demands'.
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This Horse Toy is Anatomically Correct for Some Reason
Not sure why this toy needs this level of detail http://pic.twitter.com/WB7WKJQKcI
— Bob Velcoro (@atbobb) January 5, 2017
This toy isn’t horsing around.
For some reason, this horse toy comes anatomically correct, meaning it comes with eyes, nose, hair, and, of course, dick and balls. Why not, right? Twitter user @atbobb would like to know. Can you explain? Please explain.
Anyway, enjoy this Tweet, plus several tweets more.
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Our President-Elect Tweeted at Arnold Schwarzenegger To Brag About His “Apprentice” Ratings and Oh, Boy, It’s Gonna Be A Long Couple Of Years
You’re Terminated just doesn’t have the same ring as “You’re Fired.”
I guess that’s something we have to think about now. That billionaire reality-TV gameshow host who won the presidency last month, Donald Trump doesn’t want anyone to forget that he’s the best billionaire reality-TV gameshow host, not the best president.
To prove it, first thing this morning, instead of getting one of those intelligence briefings he’s been avoiding for the last two months, he decided to slam politician-turned-reality-tv gameshow host Arnold Schwarzeneggar regarding his lackluster New Celebrity Apprentice ratings.
Wow, the ratings are in and Arnold Schwarzenegger got "swamped" (or destroyed) by comparison to the ratings machine, DJT. So much for....
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 6, 2017
being a movie star-and that was season 1 compared to season 14. Now compare him to my season 1. But who cares, he supported Kasich & Hillary
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 6, 2017
My eyes just rolled so hard that I was thrown from my chair and now have a concussion. Don’t let me go to slee—
What’s that? Oh, sorry. Dozed off there for a second. Ah, crap. I was really hoping it was 2020 already.
Oh, great. I'm awake in time to read Arnold's response.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you'll work for ALL of the American people as aggressively as you worked for your ratings.
— Arnold (@Schwarzenegger) January 6, 2017
Anyway, as these things go now and will go until the end of time, everyone reacted to the ridiculous things Trump tweets instead of getting to work on the whole leading the free world thing.
Check out some other people whose eyes are dangerously close to rolling out of their heads.
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14 Surprisingly Fascinating Facts Behind 2016's Porn Traffic Stats
The data compiled, then featured by the most popular porn site out there ends up showing some shocking results about humanity's porn consumption!
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Twitter Says Bye Bye to the Terribly Titled Horror Movie “The Bye-Bye Man” With The Roast of the Season
Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, but definitely judge a horror movie by it’s title, especially when that title is something as stupid as The Bye Bye Man.
You might not have heard of The Bye Bye Man because you’re busy, you know, living an important life. But lurking in the peripherals of your life is a horror movie with a really, really dumb title. That title: The Bye Bye Man.
What does the Bye Bye Man do? Presumably he makes people go “Bye Bye” and talks like a baby for some reason.
Anyway, people haven’t even seen The Bye Bye Man yet Twitter is having a field day with the title. Check out the roast of the season as people say "bye bye, man" to The Bye Bye Man.
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Yahoo Already Had the Fail of 2017 With a Monumentally Messed Up Typo on Twitter
Who could have known that when Yahoo Finance went to report on President-Elect, Donald Trump's plans to increase the size of the U.S. Navy, it would inspire such incendiary controversy. Albeit a complete mistake. But hey, a fail's a fail, and this one shot right to the top of 2017. So kudos to you Yahoo.
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Watch: In One Punch, This Giants Fan Drops This Cowboys Fan, Then This Cowboys Fan Drops His Pants
This guy doesn’t know when to quit.
First, this Cowboys fan gets knocked out in one punch during a skirmish while tailgating.
Then, as he’s getting up, his pants fall down. It's a knock out, pants down fight.
Could things get worse for this dude? Oh, right. The concussion.
Submitted by: (via Brandon Hubschman)
See What Happens When Odell Beckham Went Undercover as a Lyft Driver. Spoiler: He Suprised His Passengers
Always be cautious when talking to your Lyft driver, especially if they're asking very specific questions about a very specific sports figure, and especially if they tell you to sit in the front seat. Actually, if they insist that you sit in the front seat, you should text a friend and let them know what cab you're getting into. It's not that you should be afraid of making a new friend, but that driver could be none other than NFL superstar and New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham, Jr.
I know. It sounds crazy, but it happened, and you know what, Lyft filmed it.
What would you do if your favorite — or worse, least favorite — athlete was behind the wheel? Would you tell them to their face what you think of them? Probably not. You'd probably freak like these people. Why? Because that's what people do when they meet celebrities. They freak like these people do.
Enjoy!
Submitted by: (via Lyft)
Everyone On Twitter is Fact Checking the Shit Out of This Washington Post Cover
The corrections department is gonna hear about this one.
With a little over two weeks until Donald Trump’s inauguration, people are flocking to Washington, DC to protest that reality-TV gameshow hose who won the presidency last year.
The biggest of these protests is a massive women’s march, but you’d never know it by today's cover from of the Washington Post daily magazine Express, which accidentally put the international male symbol instead of the women's symbol on the cover. You know the symbol:
Anyway, Twitter is currently taking the magazine to task over this. Snark levels are at all time high, so put on your mask and check out some of the best responses.
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Now You Can Send Poop to Politician for When Shit Happens
All the fun of lighting a bag of dog crap on someone’s front porch without the hassle of running away.
A new service from the high schoolers behind the vulva-shaped lollipops for Trump, Poop for Politicians is exactly what it sounds like. For the low, low price of $9.99 this bi-partisan poop delivery service will mail a package of feces to the politician of your choosing. Same day delivery! Wow!
Speaking to The Daily Dot, Jules and Gabe, the Poop for Politicians founders, explained, “All we're doing is capitalizing on the way people would like to convey a message to the people who play a direct role in their lives, and giving them a medium to do it.”
But isn’t this bad for the environment, you might ask. Well, this service uses 100% organic horse manure from a local farm. So it’s sustainable and eco-friendly. Plus, you can send a big package of shit to Paul Ryan! Whoa! Where do I sign up?
Just go to http://ift.tt/2iLqa8F and send some poop to Washington today!
Submitted by: (via Critical Theory)
'Send Nudes' Reaches Full Potential, Escalates Into All Out War of Puns
People across the vast expanse of the interwebs are Facebook messaging "send nudes" puns to specific accounts, and posting the resulting screenshots. Online collaboration at its very finest, huh?
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Thursday, January 5, 2017
Crazy Guy Finds Girl From Tinder on Facebook and Proceeds to be a Full-Fledged Psychopath
Some dudes out there are truly dangerously thirsty. You've gotta wonder if this guy's heart was in the right place...like was he just convinced that he'd come across the one, and thus determined to follow through on a more 'meaningful' medium than 'Tinder Chat'. This I know not, but damn if it's a bit creepy-lookin in the process, bro. All in all, best of luck to these two, because someone here definitely found the 'one'!...
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Pandora's Box Opened When Women Who Watch Porn Talk About Which Titles They Search For the Most
Brace yourself gentle-ladies and gentlemen, because we are about to dive deep down the ever complex and mighty confusing rabbit's hole that is the female's brain. And in this case we're covering the biggest behemoth of 'em all: sex. For the sake of full disclosure here, I was genuinely aghast at some of these dark 'n depraved guilty pleasures; but at the same time, ultimately, to each her own. Right?
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Tagged: boyfriend , sex , adult entertainment , discussion , askreddit , porn , girlfriend , sexy times , women , dating
15 Poor Souls That Have For Sure Already Failed Their 2017 New Year's Resolutions
There's always next year, riight bruh?
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Smash Mouth Gave This Dude Props on Twitter For Being a Real All-Star and Going Down on His Girlfriend
Smash Mouth’s Twitter is having a moment.
After going to bat against the Oakland A’s over the fall, and posting a bunch of a weird tributes to both George Michael and Carrie Fisher, they’re taking a more positive tone.
Namely, they’re giving this dude props for going down on his girlfriend while listening to the sultry sounds of Smash Mouth. One could say this boyfriend had a real smash-ing mouth. Know what I'm saying???
One can imagine Steve Harwell, Smash Mouth’s lead singer, writing this tweet, smiling to himself, and thinking about how he might as well be walking on the sun after this.
This is apparently the best thing Smash Mouth has done since, I don’t know, Shrek? People are loving it. Check it out. Smash Mouth is back!
Submitted by: (via @smashmouth)
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